Santa couldn't make his mind up, Naughty or Nice? The bearded cockster was in the midst of the kind of dilemma he always had in the run-up to the big day. The first Christmas Day knobbing was something Santa always looked forward to. He always celebrated the midnight tea break fuck with a loud shout of "Christmas is cumming!" after he had fired his shot of Santa sauce onto or into the lucky recipient. Slippery Sally and T...

Willie had left it until the last minute. It was Christmas Eve. He'd be spending it alone unless you counted his dog, 'Boner,' which he did, of course. The supermarket was chaos, and Willie felt harassed as he fought his way through the meat section, looking at the labelling when the contents of each fridge were unclear. The panic buyers had turned everything on its head. Items weren't where they were supposed to be, and...

'Christmas, snowman, Santa, presents, baubles, sleigh, reindeer, crackers, stocking, pudding.' Dr. Wichser held up each picture one by one, taking notes after Penny had looked at them. This confirmed his suspicion: it was the reading of the words or hearing them spoken that triggered a reaction in her, not the visual interpretation of the images. "That's quite unusual and, I imagine, socially challenging," the doctor said...

Another lonely Christmas loomed. Imprisoned by circumstances, Stella rarely spoke to people, and when she did, it was only a matter of time before she slipped up. Stella couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him walking past with a message on his sweatshirt. 'I want to tuck your sits, but that's my issue,' it said. Joey had worn the sweatshirt as his act of defiance. The world laughed at him, but he wasn't giving up just...

"Innuendoitis," the specialist told Kyrie with a sympathetic look she could not see behind his mask and protective hood. "Christmas is going to come soon. You're telling me I must sit alone and hope for a stroke of luck?" Kyrie said with a frown underneath her own protective face covering. The specialist informed Kyrie her condition was rare, and a cure was a long way off. He told her he knew of only one other confirmed c...

Makennah took a sharp breath and sized up Jane’s appearance before replying. Jane herself looked like she’d just gotten done with a shower after sex, especially as she too, appeared to be a guest of The Sleepy Inn. “Who am I doing?” Makennah finally said, looking Jane up and down. “Who are you doing?” Jane looked to the side and cleared her throat. “Alright, looks like we have a standoff, then,” Jane said. “That’s right,”...

Finally, the long day Makennah and Allen had spent at the Nine Cedars Country Club pool had drawn to an end. Makennah hurriedly straightened up the lifeguard office and logged some paperwork while Allen helpfully swam out and set up the lane markers for the adult swim period beginning after Makennah’s shift. He gathered up his things from the locker in the men’s room and met Makennah in front of the pool house, looking im...

Maria pulled her hair away from her shoulder blades as Allen soaped up her back with the shower kooshie. He scrubbed all along Maria’s back and her ticklish sides, to the top of her ass, as she sighed and giggled at his light touches. “Gonna get you squeaky clean, baby girl,” Allen murmured. As he bent over to scrub Maria down, his left thigh hit something. He turned around and saw an enormous suction cup dildo protruding...

Allen put down the phone and got a fluttery feeling through his stomach. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Maria had just called him to mysteriously say she had something for him. But she said it belonged to him. Maria was also the one who went to town on Lilly’s dome the day before, presumably in a fight that Allen caused by beating off on his roof, which everyone could see. Allen’s instinct was to accept yesterday’s stunni...

Jane was back in the police station, drawing attention, and not just because she was a stunning, leggy blonde whose outfit showcased her figure. She approached the desk sergeant, who looked like Norm from Cheers, except in uniform, and asked to see the blotter. Norm handed over a large black three-ring binder and resumed eating from a king-sized Almond Joy. The first page always listed actual arrests made for that month,...

“Springfield Sentinel,” Holly, the receptionist, said professionally into her headset. “Holly, may I speak to Jane,” Allen said, rather agitatedly. Jane was a twenty-four-year-old, recent journalism school graduate working the cops beat at the Sentinel, her hometown paper. More importantly, she had been Allen's babysitter back when she was in high school. Allen desperately needed her to not write anything about the incide...

BANG BANG BANGBANGBANGBANG. Maria pounded the plexiglass window on the storm door at Lillian’s house. Rosa, the housekeeper, appeared at the door with a concerned look on her face expecting there was a fire emergency or something. It was just Maria, wearing a navy track suit, huge smoky sunglasses, and her hair pulled up in a fierce ponytail. “Where’s Lilly?” Maria demanded when Rosa answered the door. As Rosa was about t...

The year was 1989. Clank-clank. At the sound of an aluminum ladder being positioned against the side of the next-door house, Maria practically leaped from her seat in the breakfast nook of her sun-splashed kitchen and sprinted for her bedroom window. Her heart was racing. Oh, yes, he’s going on the roof again! Skittering through the back hall, Maria kicked off her stupid marabou bedroom slippers, then stopped, turned, and...