Everheart Examiner Letters to the Editor Department 5487 N. South Street Everheart, ND Dear Editors: My name is Anna Hammergood. I am a regular reader of the Everheart Examiner and enjoy the paper very much. I am particularly fond of the humor section, but after reading for several years I have a bone to pick with your choice of jokes in the Joke of the Day column. Very often you print jokes about farmers' daughters or fa...

Agnes Moorehead Box 26 Flavor Road Everheart, ND Dear Agnes: You said if I wanted to see you anymore I had to send you flowers and write you a love letter. I sent Clyde Wormin over with some flowers I picked and I ain't much of a writer but this is my best try at a love letter. Agnes, I been smitten with you since the first time I seen you. I remember it like yesterday. Your daddy hired me to come to the farm and do day l...

NeEdna Smuthe 13 Rural Route 8 Cando, ND Dear Mom: I got moved into my student housing here in Everheart just fine and I am now fully enrolled in secretarial studies at Everheart Junior College. I got my place decorated real nice and my teachers are all good. My new roommate is named Felicia. She knows a lot because she grew up in Bismark. She is teaching me how to become popular with the boys at school by having sex with...

MEMO Donna Getenny - Chairman Women’s Council for the Preservation of Everheart City Park 1145 E. West Street Everheart, ND Re: The Summer Fundraiser Problem Dear Chairman Getenny, You asked me to investigate and report to you about the unfortunate occurrences at this year’s summer fundraiser for the preservation of Everheart City Park. This is my report and conclusions. As you well know now, in the spring, Mona Lott made...

Reverend Amos Handenpantz First Purgatorian Church 5521 Cowherd Street Everheart, ND Dear Reverend Handenpantz: I would like to thank you very much for your recent pastoral visit to my home after the unexpected death of my husband, Walter Ferguson. I had a wonderful life with Walter, and his tragic death left me empty inside. Without the support of my church and my community, I do not know how I would survive. When we wer...

So there I was, in a fourteenth-floor apartment that belonged to what's-his-name, surrounded by the winking lights of sprawling New York City. I’d been having nonstop encounters with famous characters from Wonder Woman to Elton John and, my god, that was a convincing Edward Scissorhands. I pitied his trips to the bathroom. It was Halloween and I had just finished off my sixth beer, my buzz hitting me like a leather strap...

John Abernathy Apartment Manager Excelsior Apartments 5896 North Madison Street Everheart, ND Dear Mr. Abernathy: I am writing to you as our apartment manager to complain about my next door neighbor, Fred Wilkins. Mr. Wilkins lives in Apartment 202, the one right next to mine, and his behavior of late has become irresponsible and reprehensible. It is time for management to take some action. The patios of my apartment and...

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Samuel yawned wide and stretched each of his eight legs. His eyes began to adjust to the dark of the hovel he’d wandered into the night previous before promptly falling into a slumber. Or at least, he believed it a hovel. In the dim light of night, a warm hole is a warm hole. And a warm hole had never lead him wrong before. Besides, his sense of touch was a far greater asset than his eyes. Of which, each was worse than th...

One of my favorite old-time TV shows is Gilligan’s Island. Every Saturday morning, I sit back in my Lay-Z- Boy recliner, sip on my Bailey’s and coffee, and watch the Bouncing Beauties Sitcom Power Hour on my favorite YouTube channel, Classic Television Titties. The channel is dedicated to classic TV shows with hot babes in skimpy outfits, including two of the best-looking broads on the small screen, Mary Ann and Ginger. N...