After getting caught spying on Ms. Pussy and her cheerleading squad in the showers after practice, Mr. Dick was suspended from Fantasy Memorial High for one week, which meant he could not quarterback the Ragin’ Erections in their big Homecoming rivalry game against East Cumshot. Ms. Pussy was still crowned Homecoming Queen.
Her father, Daddy Cop, looking angry and embarrassed, chaperoned her at halftime. Ms. Pussy did not go to the Homecoming Dance. Instead, she and Mr. Dick rendezvoused up at the scenic overlook in Mr. Dick’s Mom’s Station Wagon, put the back seat down, and banged away in the hatchback compartment. Then they went and got burgers at The Horny Chef.
The next Monday, Mr. Dick and Mr. Pussy sat next to each other in the first period for Mrs. Rubber’s home economics class. Mrs. Rubber had a carton of twelve eggs at her teacher’s desk. “Class,” she said, “our project today is parenting.”
The class of twenty-four would pair up into twelve couples and each take and decorate an egg, which would represent their baby. The couple would be responsible for carrying the baby egg and keeping it safe during a full week. Mr. Dick and Ms. Pussy immediately held hands to pair up. The baby egg was delivered to Ms. Pussy’s desk.
“Should we have a boy or a girl?” Mr. Dick said.
“I think we should have a boy,” Ms. Pussy said. “His name is Dick, Jr.”
“Aww, thank you!” Mr. Dick said, kissing Ms. Pussy and of course reaching between her legs to grab Ms. Pussy’s pussy. She playfully swatted him on the arm to get his hand away from her. She took a Sharpie and drew a cute face on Dick, Jr. with high cheekbones and a butt chin. “I think he looks like you!” Ms. Pussy said. Mr. Dick stole a kiss on her cheek and reached for her huge tits.
Just then, Mrs. Rubber’s ruler cracked down on Mr. Dick’s desktop. She pointed it in his face. “There will be NO groping in this classroom!” she said forbiddingly. “You two are now parents, act like it! Who will care for this egg today?”
“Uh, I’ll take Dick, Jr. through fifth period,” Ms. Pussy said, shrugging.
“And I’ll take him from lunch to sixth,” Mr. Dick said brightly. Pretty good bargain.
“But this is your egg, you have to care for it the entire day.” Mrs. Rubber reminded. “So you will take him for the rest of the day, young man.”
But Mr. Dick had football practice that afternoon. How the hell was he supposed to carry an egg through full-contact football practice? Ms. Pussy had a cute little basket for Dick, Jr. but there was no way Mr. Dick could tote that around while he was practicing.
Mr. Dick’s teammates made fun of him when he got Dick, Jr. at lunch. After eating a sloppy joe and tater tots he got an idea. He went into the bathroom and got an entire roll of toilet paper. Then he wrapped Dick, Jr. in toilet paper and put him in a fanny pack, which he would wear like a handwarmer during football practice.