Over the next six weeks, I barely get to see Louise outside of sixth-form, with her being busy on an art project. Unfortunately, that meant I also didn't get to see her during my four-week exclusion resulting from Elaine retaliating by making complaints about me fucking others in the lab room during the summer. Subsequently, with the gossip going around the school, at Louise's request, we've been discrete about our relationship, although it isn't entirely clear what we are to each other.

I spend the entire November at home studying, deciding I need to stop fooling around so I can be someone she isn't ashamed of being with. In honesty, I'd been struggling at sixth-form, finding I'm unable to cruise along, turn up to exams and still get okay grades like I did with my GCSE's. Four weeks of knuckling down aren't enough to turn my results around yet, but it's a good start, with this being my final year with no more chances.

They'd never been a great deal of incentive before to try hard, and I wasn't interested in anything career-wise, so I had no ambition. I found maths reasonably easy, though, with little effort, so it had always been assumed that I'll help my dad's business, just like my brother, by doing the bookkeeping. However, with Louise being in my life and planning to go to university next September to become a teacher, I don't want to feel like an embarrassment to her.

-----

On the last day of term, sitting by herself in her usual spot, I see Louise absorbed in her textbook in the furthest corner of the library. With us not wanting to draw the attention of others, the nook here, partially hidden by a tall bookcase and away from the windows, is perfect. The library rarely attracts anyone older than the year seven and eights anyway, but on the slim chance of being recognised, it makes sense to be cautious until my reputation improves.

Hesitantly, I approach and I can see that she's wearing a lilac sweater with a silvery snowflake on for Christmas jumper day with her lustrous dark hair tied back in a bun. It's been briskly cold, with the leaves lying thickly on the pavements for weeks, and I long for the summer when I'll be able to see more of her curvaceous, womanly body which has remained concealed to me since we last fucked. I'm not entirely sure why we haven't done it again since that first time, and Louise hasn't mentioned anything about it at all. Still, she isn't exactly pushing me away either, accepting my flirtations and teasingly keeping me at arm's length.

Her gorgeous eyes flicker up to me the moment I reach the table, and I beam at her, glad to finally have her near me after a day apart. A thin smile stretches across her face, but it doesn't reach her eyes and quickly drops away as she turns back to her work. Sadly, it seems that we still have a way to go before she feels comfortable meeting me like this.

"How long are you going to stand there?" she teases, giving me a second, brief glimpse.

In nervousness, I fumble as I remove my books from my rucksack, then sit opposite her, keeping a respectful distance if we are spotted. Wishing we could do something other than study, I flip open my copy of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, which I'm studying for English Literature. Based upon the Victorian moral code and the views towards sexuality, religion and social class, I can't help feel guilty when I read it with the treatment of others towards the heroine resulting in her tragic downfall. I'm reminded of my own failings and how I wronged my first girlfriend leading her to be shamed.

"You look beautiful today," I say sheepishly, barely able to concentrate from my desire to touch her. "I've missed you, Louise."

She giggles in shyness at my compliment, so wondering if she's not too busy for a chat, I take a glance at what she's working on and see a maths book opened up on the desk. Her brows are furrowed, and lines have appeared on her forehead whilst she chews her pencil. It would seem that mathematics isn't her strong point, but with this being my one academic strength, it should be a relatively simple question for me.

Finally, my opportunity to shine!

"Would you like some help, Louise?"

"No, I've got it, I think?" she mumbles with uncertainty, frowning harder. "I don't remember covering this in class. Why did I have to take maths..."

After another minute passes, she shoves the book away, appearing annoyed with it. So, to find out what she's finding difficult, I turn it towards me and see that she needs to solve a radical equation.

"You need to isolate the radical expression first, then square both sides to eliminate the radical symbol. You can then solve this as a linear equation and then check it makes sense. So, this here is nine," I say, pointing to the text before noticing she's glazed over. "Louise, you're not even listening to me. Would you like me to change my timetable so I can join your class and help you if you're struggling?"

"I'm surprised you can even count," she quips, giving me a glimpse of her short-tempered side, which has been sneaking out more often during our secret rendezvous.

"Actually, I'm more than a pretty face, I'll have you know. I can count to over a thousand and back again," I say, grinning at having her riled up before raising my voice. "One, two, three-"

"Can you keep your voice down, you idiot!"

"I'll love to see you make me." Still smirking, I lean across the table, hoping she'll get the hint to give me a sneaky kiss, but instead, I receive a kick to the shin beneath the table. It's not the reaction I was hoping for, but it's contact nonetheless. "Ah! Do it again."

As she does indeed go to tap my leg again, I seize her foot which I place in my lap, then remove her shoe by pulling on the laces. "That's not fair, Matthew!"

Successfully distracting her from her work and feeling playful, I tug on her toes before massaging the arch of her foot. I can't help but notice as her head ever so slowly tips back slightly, and then with her face flushing, she unexpectedly releases a moan. The damage is done instantly, and immediately I get an erection from the lewd sound she made.

Withdrawing away in embarrassment, she snatches her shoe off the table, but I can sense an increase in the tension between us as I watch her slip it on. For some unknown reason, she seems to be holding back from me. I've been allowing her to guide the pace of this relationship, waiting patiently for her to initiate our next encounter, but perhaps I need to give her a nudge?

As she clears her things into her bag, then passes behind my chair to disappear to her next class early, I grab her hand, in desperate need of her.

"Can we continue this later?" I ask, my voice in a low whisper. "Or at least let me take you out on that date? I want to spend time with you."

"I don't know. I'll speak to you later about it."

She shrugs me away, and I'm left behind feeling rejected but unable to pursue her, needing to conceal my shame. When it eventually subsides, just in time for the bell, I'm still incredibly frustrated, and my mind is a mess, unable to drive out the image of the expression on her face. So instead of turning right to go to my English class, I turn left and continue along the corridor.

I slam through the door of the cubicle, sling my bag on the floor and lock the door behind me. There's no one else here, thankfully, with me missing class, so I undo my belt, unzip my trousers, then brace myself against the door. My other hand slides down, and with a firm grip, I start to pleasure myself, hoping I won't be caught with how humiliating this is.

Goddammit, Louise... What have you done to me?

She's bewitched me somehow. Coming to my party, disarming me with those ridiculously cute kitty ears, and getting me drunk, twice! I never saw it coming, and now here I am, still thinking of her while I skip class to whack one out.

I think I love her.

Trying to remain quiet, I clench my teeth, gently panting as I continue to pump rapidly over my cock. Usually, I'll take my time, maybe even an hour, to edge myself if I've not had sex, but out of necessity, I'm rushing, knowing the risk of being caught is high.

Grabbing at the remnants of tissue in the holder, I silently spill my load, then flush it away and pull my clothes back up, feeling slightly better. Finally, I wash my hands as I check myself out in the mirror, then fix my disheveled hair and white shirt. If I'm lucky, no one should be able to tell the effect she had on me or what I've just done. I'll just settle into class and pretend I had been feeling sick.

I arrive twenty minutes late, with Mr Wilson first looking at me, then up towards the clock above the door. "What time do you call this?"

"I'm really sorry, Sir, but I wasn't feeling too great."

"There's no point in you being here if you're going to be this late. Go sit down."

With everyone staring at me for interrupting the class, I make my way to the back, where Justin is sitting and settle beside him. We've barely spoken since our argument because he hasn't apologised yet, and I've been spending whatever time I have studying with Louise.

"Where have you been?" Justin hisses, elbowing me in the ribs. "Don't tell me you were fucking that nerd in the lab rooms?"

"I was feeling hot and needed to cool down," I reply, maintaining the pretence. There's absolutely no way I'm going to tell him I've been masturbating in the toilets. "Also, don't speak about Louise like that."

"I can tell when you're lying."

"Well, you're imagining it because I was feeling sick."

He gives me a quizzical look and then opens his mouth to say something else before dropping it with Mr Wilson standing next to us.

"You're late, and now you're talking. What's so important that you need to share it with the class, Matthew and Justin?"

"It's nothing, Sir!" Justin quickly replies.

"I want you both to see me in detention after class. Now get out."

Reclining against the wall out in the corridor, an uneasiness comes over me as I watch Justin pace up and down, seemingly with something on his mind. I haven't seen him this stressed, ever. Not even when his parents separated, and he was forced to decide between staying here or moving away with his dad. 

"What's your problem, Matt?" he demands as he finally comes to a stop and slumps in a chair. "We've noticed that you've stopped hanging out with us. Are we not good enough for you, now you're with that prissy perfect, or is she stopping you from seeing us? I thought we were close!"

"We are, but I need help to pass my exams to go to uni, so Louise is helping me at lunch."

"But you don't hang out after school, either. She's got you wrapped around her finger, and you're too fucking blind to see it. The sex surely isn't even that good."

His attitude seems disproportionate to the situation. It's alright for him to ditch me last minute to bang some girl every weekend, but when I finally decide to try for a relationship, there's an issue.

"Actually, I haven't slept with her again."

"Why the fuck are you bothering if she isn't putting out, then?" he says before bursting into laughter at my admission. "We're your friends, not her, and it's really pissing me off that you're blowing me out for some cock tease. There's something seriously wrong with you if you don't just dump her."

"There's something wrong with me? You're the one who has a problem with my girlfriend because she's smarter than you. It also may surprise you, but there's more to a relationship than getting your end away, but clearly, you're too fucking shallow to consider anything other than that. Now keep out of my business when it has nothing to do with you."

Immediately I regret my response, not wishing to fight with him, but Justin leaps out of his chair, hurling it backwards. Knowing he wants to hit me, I straighten up, and despite him being taller by an inch, I'm not intimidated by him, even as he eyeballs me as his opponent.

Shoving me against the wall, he clenches his fist in a threat, so I grab him by the collar back. "None of my business? Fuck you!"

"So what are you gonna do? Punch me? I'd love to see you try it."

He pushes away from me and out of my grasp, then strikes me in the jaw. I hit back in retaliation, then wrestle him to the ground sending chairs flying. We both came off fairly well in fights, although we've never fought each other before. Evenly matched, it could go either way, but he manages to land another blow to my face, but I'm on top of him, and I knee him in the gut as we continue to lash out in front of the other students who are now aware of our fight, and come rushing up to the door.

"Fuck you!" he yells out before spitting in my face. "I fucking hate you!"

As I look down at him and see his face contorted in a rage, I know our friendship has ended. The thing I've been afraid of the most, the reason why I remained silent about my feelings all this time, has happened. I should feel sad, but instead, I'm angry, knowing I've wasted years on this friendship for it all to become meaningless, and I punch him again despite the teachers now yelling for help to break us up.

We continue to brawl, neither of us prepared to give in to the other, as we release our pent-up resentment with the tinder finally being lit, until eventually, we're dragged apart, with two people grabbing me under my arms.

Hauling us before the headmaster, who is furious at being kept from going home, I shrink back in my chair as he labels me the instigator, then informs me I'll be swapping classes after the Christmas break. The rage now rapidly fades as the injuries we'd ignored and fought through become achingly apparent. I didn't intend to hurt him when we started our argument, but as I look at him with his two black eyes, clutching his side, I feel guilty with him coming off worse than me.

I walk to my car in a daze, feeling and looking like shit with the front of my shirt ripped and my chest wound tight with grief. My best friend now hates me, but my pride hadn't let me back down, and neither had his. Seventeen years of friendship destroyed because we're too alike and swiftly turn to violence in our anger. I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner.

Reaching into my glove compartment, I remove a pack of cigarettes, then light up for the first time in five days. I've cut back for Louise, which hasn't helped my stress levels, but from the first taste of smoke running along my tongue as my mouth fills with viscid heat, the gnawing in the back of my mind eases.

Taking another drag, the warmth permeates my throat as I indulge in the nicotine I've been craving, finally becoming rational in my thoughts, which were bordering on more self-destructive outlets. Glancing at my phone, I can see that Louise has messaged me, so I open it, hoping she hasn't found out about the fight before I've spoken to her first.

~Sorry about earlier, Matt. Did you want me to come over and spend some time with you tonight?

I've massively screwed up. Looking a complete state, I know she'll be horrified by what I've done when I'm supposed to be lying low already. Quickly I reply back, seeing that she sent it hours ago.

~I've just seen your message. Honestly, today has not been a good day, so it's best you don't see me. Can I call you later?

I pull up onto the driveway when I arrive home, then check out my face in the rearview mirror to assess the damage, to know what I'm dealing with. Even without the black eye, and swollen lip, my father is likely to know about this from Justin's mum, so he's probably come home to give me a bollocking.

Unlocking the front door, I make a dash for the stairs, hoping to make it up to my room without being seen, needing a moment to process what's happened.

"Is that you, Matthew? Come to the dining room for some dinner," my dad calls out, stopping me in my tracks.

I don't think he knows yet?

"I'm not hungry!" I yell back, continuing up the stairs without waiting for his answer.

I peel off my dirty clothes in the bathroom, planning to shower and chuck my shirt into the waste bin, with it being beyond saving. Stepping into the shower, I lift my tender face to the lukewarm spray, allowing the water to cleanse my wounds, unflinching despite the sting. Instead, consumed by the pain of losing Justin, my despair releases thickly in tears, with the numbness finally subsiding.

Suddenly there's a tap at the door, so I shut off the water, then wrap my towel around my waist before unlocking it. Opening it slightly, I look away, letting my wet fringe fall across my face in an attempt to hide the bruising.

"Hi, Matt!" Louise says, surprising me with her unexpected visit.

Startled, I grab her by the hand and lead her inside my bedroom, forced to explain myself before I'm ready for it.

"I didn't think you would be here?"

Raising my hand, which is bruised along the knuckles, she lets out a frightened gasp before brushing my hair away from my face. "What on earth happened? You look terrible!"

"I got in a fight with Justin. No real reason other than we just pissed each other off. It's no big deal."

Pulling off my towel, I begin to roughly dry my hair, unashamed by my nakedness around her. Judging from the way Louise's eyes linger over my body as I get dried off, she definitely has a sexual interest in me, so the reason for her coldness is unlikely to be a lack of chemistry.

"That was you? I heard that something had happened when I left my art class, but I came straight here... Matt, how could you? Just as the other thing dies down, you've done something else."

"I know. I'm honestly questioning myself right now. I completely fucked up today..." I reply, my thoughts trailing off. "Louise, you do still like me, right? If there's anything on your mind or something you want to ask me, you know you can come to me? I'll always be upfront with you, so I hope you feel like you can be honest with me."

"I'm just nervous, Matt, especially with everything else happening. Look, your dad sent me up to get you for dinner. Can we talk about this after?"

She turns away to leave, but in desperation for contact after such a rough day, I reach out and pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her possessively. I've lost the only other person near me today, and I don't want her to go either. "Please stay here with me, Louise. I can't face my father yet."

"Are you afraid of him? But he's waiting for you to join the table before he eats, and your brother is here with Sadie. Do you want to go downstairs together?"

The moment we step into the dining room, John lets out a whistle at the sight of the heavy bruising across my face, but it's not his reaction that I'm dreading. Sitting at the head of the table, my father stares at me dumbstruck, visibly shaking in anger as he controls himself in front of our guests.

"So, what the fuck happened to you? Didn't I teach you anything?" John chuckles, too obtuse to notice the tension.

"From what I heard, he was fighting over some girl with Justin," Sadie replies, her lips upturning as she looks across the table at Louise. "I never expected it to be about you, though."

Silently I begin to eat my spaghetti, keeping out of the conversation, knowing Sadie is trying to get a rise out of me. As one of my ex's friends, we've never got along well, and I don't want to cause an argument when I'm already on thin ice. I can already feel my father's wrathful gaze burning into me.

Sudden realisation flashes across John's face, and rudely he points directly at Louise. "Is this the girl I saw you sneak out of here with last month? Fucking hell, you were at it all night, I'd be surprised if you didn't go through a whole box of johnnies. Sadie, remember I was texting you about it when you left?"

Noticing Louise stiffen next to me, I'm forced to put my fork down. "Can we just drop it? I don't think Dad wants to hear this over the dinner table."

"Come on, I'm just hazing you both, so lighten up. As long as you're safe, who the fuck cares? It's not like Dad gives a shit when he was fucking around at our age."

Grimacing at being dragged into it so crudely, my father takes a sip from his glass of wine, clearly struggling with the nature of the conversation. It is true, though. Despite my grandparents raising him as catholic, it hadn't stopped him from knocking my mum up at my age with John, resulting in a hasty marriage that hadn't been happy.

After finishing my dinner, I don't hang around at the table with Louise, immediately going back to my room. My father obviously wants to talk to me. Still, he's being respectful with Louise around and thankful for that kindness, I quickly load up the dishwasher without complaint.

Returning to my bedroom, I find Louise beneath my covers, with her glasses off and her clothes littered across my floor. It's an invitation to cuddle, so without hesitation, I seek comfort with my head nestled against her breasts as I lay between her legs.

"I'm sorry about my brother, Louise. Would you like to watch a film before I drive you home?"

"I was hoping I could stay the night like last time?"

"Are you sure? Shouldn't we talk first? I'd like to know wha-"

"Just kiss me," she says, shushing me with a finger on my mouth. "I've waited all afternoon to do this."

Glancing up at her beautiful face as she smiles with shyness, I'm surprised she can even bear the sight of me with my injuries, but gingerly I graze my swollen lips against hers. I've longed to spend time with her like this in weeks.

With her hands grabbing at my hair, she begins to push down, so needing no more encouragement than that, I snag her panties and drag them off as I travel beneath the covers.

Gently, I tug off one striped sock, then rub her bare foot, starting at the arch, before delicately caressing the sole with my mouth, licking upwards to kiss her toes. Relaxing entirely in my palms, I can't help feeling smug at discovering this unexpected erogenous zone whilst she muffles her moans of pleasure into my blanket.

"Does it feel good, baby? Hearing you moan like this is making me worry that my cock is now redundant."

Pulling the covers down to see her face, she reddens in embarrassment and rapidly shakes her head, so needing to see more of her gorgeous body, I start shoving the covers off as my fingers trail up her calves and spread her thighs open. Then, with a possessive need to make her mine, I tuck my pillow beneath her buttocks to raise her up, then suck the flesh hidden at the crease of her leg to leave my mark as my thumbs rub over her hips.

As I move to repeat the love bite at the top of her other leg, she digs her nails painfully into my shoulders and gasps, "Matt... Are you doing what I think you are?"

"Is this another of your firsts? I'm just leaving a reminder of me," I murmur as I kiss up to her hip before lightly nipping with my teeth. "Maybe I should cover your body entirely so you won't ever forget about me again... What do you think?"

With my tongue lapping over the next prime spot I've chosen near her bikini line, I draw her flesh into my mouth and suck again. "Ah! It feels good... Matt..."

Desiring to hear more erotic sounds uttered from her lips, I kiss over her pubis and inhale the scent of her moist sex. Then, I gently set out to explore with my flattened tongue and delve inside to taste her lightly salty arousal. Slowly, I sweep over the curves of her labia, carefully planning to keep her hovering on the brink tonight, so when I do finally allow her to cum, she'll lose herself euphorically within my arms.

Filling my room with the delicious sound of my name being moaned over and over... Begging for more...

With that lewd thought, I raise off my stomach, onto my knees, to unzip my jeans and free my constricted erection, which I begin to stroke as I finger her. Searching out the rougher area just within her drenched pussy, I slip in two more digits while increasing the momentum of my fist pumping over my cock, holding back from abandoning my plan.

"I hope you've been doing that homework I set you, Louise... Show me how you've been touching yourself..."

Softly gasping for breath, her hands slide down to expose her bud-like clitoris, which she lightly begins to circle over with the pad of her finger. Then as she starts to fondle her breasts and pinches at one of her nipples, the sound of her breathing, already laboured, becomes heavier. "Like this... Slowly while thinking about you... Stroking my breasts..."

"Mm, I'm happy to hear that... You're very kissable, Louise."

Gently, I caress her clitoris with my lips, then trace an imaginary figure-of-eight with the tip of my tongue, establishing a rhythm as I finger-fuck her. I don't know if she'll be able to last, as her scent becoming muskier begins to envelop me.

With her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs crossed behind my back, she draws my mouth further into her. "Matt... I'm going to..."

"Not yet, baby..." I groan, remembering the last moment before the rest of the night became a blur. "I can't wait until you sit on me and ride my face again. I want to feel you cumming over my lips..."

Close to coming undone at the memory of her juices smearing over my face, I'm forced to grab a condom from the drawer, unable to hold back any longer. Intimately, facing each other, our passion culminates with a thrust of my hips as I finally make love to her.

Gorgeously flushed across her cheeks, she throws back her head and releases a low moan of pleasure. "Matthew... My Matthew... I love you."

Hearing my name spilling so beautifully as she surrenders to orgasmic bliss, I brush my lips over her neck, leaving my adoration evident with lustful blemishes. Then with my balls throbbing as her surges constrict around me tightly, I finally release, softly calling out her name as I cum, "Louise... I love you too."

Quickly tidying up, we then snuggle in our afterglow, and yawning with sleepiness, I wrap my arms around Louise protectively. Closing my eyes, I nuzzle against the nape of her neck, inhaling the scent of her perfume, as I gain the courage to ask her the one thing weighing on my mind.

"Louise, you weren't lying when you told me you loved me?" I whisper, hugging tighter into her back. "I've been hoping that it's true because I've fallen for you, and officially I would like to be in a relationship with you."

"Why would I lie about something like that?"

"I-I don't know, but I've been feeling nervous because you've been acting differently towards me. Is it over what happened in the summer, because I totally understand if that made you feel uncomfortable?"

"I'm just worrying that you're going to treat me like those other girls and ditch me now we've done it. I don't even know if I'm the only one you're seeing."

I release a sigh of relief at what seems to be a simple misunderstanding. "I promise that I'm only with you, Louise. You're the first woman that I've ever had feelings for, and I want this to work out between us."

"So, none of your ex's were important to you? Not even your first?"

Shit! Why are we talking about Ashleigh?

"I was too immature for a relationship when I met her. We were both too young, and it's hard to believe, but I was a bigger idiot at sixteen than I am now."

"Why? What happened between you?"

Oddly, feeling calmed by getting this off my chest for the first time, I stroke Louise's hair as she listens to me. "Regrettably, I wasn't the nicest person I could have been, and I wronged her by opening my mouth without thinking."

"It might not be too late to apologise?"

"It's definitely too late, but I just want you to know that I won't treat you that way," I reply before kissing the back of her head. "So, how do you feel about being in a relationship with me?"

Spinning around to face me, she grabs me by my still throbbing jaw, and her lips meet mine briefly with tenderness. "I've never had anyone care about me before. When everything dies down, I'd also like to make our relationship official."

"Good. I promise you'll never regret it, Louise," I smile as I slide down beneath the covers with mischief in mind. "I love you, my adorable kitten."

----

It's already midday, by the time we drag ourselves out of bed after making love through the early hours, unable to satiate our thirst for each other, as if we need to make up for lost time. We're much more compatible sexually than I had anticipated, to the point it almost feels like we were fated to meet. Determined for this to work, I've allowed myself to become vulnerable to someone other than Justin for the first time in my life.

Parking up around the corner from her house, situated in a cul-de-sac a twenty-minute drive from my home, I hug Louise to me and kiss her on the forehead. Then, momentarily resting against my chest, I detect my citrus shampoo on her hair, a fond reminder of our time together.

"I need to go now. I don't think my parents will be pleased I stayed out last night," she says, pulling away to shrug off the hoodie I lent her. "I'll see you when we're back after Christmas?"

"Well, I won't be going anywhere, so if you're able to sneak away, we can see each other sooner?"

"I'm not sure if I'll get the chance, Matt. We usually travel up to see my auntie and cousins."

"Okay, then I'll be right here when you're back, sweetheart. But don't forget to call me, just so I know you got there safely."

Leaning through the passenger door, she gives me a brief kiss, which continues to linger on my lips, even after I watch her run down the road towards her house. Then, lost in sudden thought, the tip of my tongue trails over the sweetness of her strawberry chapstick.

Doesn't my ex live somewhere near here?

I'm unable to think about it for long as I watch her head indoors because I now need to deal with my father, who will go berserk the moment I walk through the door. The only person I'm afraid of is him, and regrettably, he believes in corporal punishment, under the opinion, it never did him any harm. However, he'd never been loving either, and the moment my mother passed was when he began physically lashing out, more so towards me than my brother, believing I'd been mollycoddled.

"Let's get this over with," I sigh to myself as I buckle up my seatbelt and pull away.