I'm greeted once again by Louise's voicemail, and my heart sinks, realising that despite my own best intentions, I cannot account for the decisions of others. Ridiculously, I thought we'd be able to put aside our differences for the sake of the innocent child being brought into the middle of this. But, instead, I feel like I've been cut off to deal with the crushing enormity of this situation alone.
This pressure is suffocating.
"What am I supposed to do, Justin? I don't know a thing about raising a kid, and I'm not even sure if I love Louise anymore. It's like she hates me. I might as well be dating Ashleigh all over again."
Perched on the end of my hospital bed, Justin, who has remained by my side, snatches his phone from me before I can redial. "Just forget about her and all of this for now. It can wait."
"But it can't wait. If she's already twelve weeks, we haven't got any time to get organised. I'll see if I can get discharged and go around there. It's probably better if I propose in person, anyway."
"Did you say propose?" he says, frowning as he tries to follow my scattered thoughts. "Are you out of your fucking mind? And the police told you to stay away until they've finished taking statements, so I'm not letting you out of here, alright?"
"You told me I shouldn't break up with her!"
"I meant as a gut reaction in the heat of the moment, but you need to get out of this relationship once the dust settles. They broke your hand, for fuck sake! Just let the police do their job first."
"So you're telling me I should forget you didn't say what you did? I'm having a kid, Justin! And until I talk to her, I'll never be able to work out the truth. It's just whirling in loops around my head, over and over."
Unable to stay put a moment longer, I slip off the bed to leave, but Justin blocks my exit with his palm pressed against my chest. "You're not thinking straight, Matt. At least wait until your father is here."
"You know he's not going to come. His phone is switched off, and since when has he ever been there for me? He's probably at the pub or getting screwed, but it doesn't matter. All he does is berate me, telling me how I constantly disappoint him and how I'll never amount to anything. I'm better off without him."
"Please? I know you're angry, but I don't want you to rush into something you'll regret. Look, I'll go with you after sixth-form tomorrow, but you're in no state to do anything now, and if you go in all guns blazing, demanding answers, you'll scare her."
"I'll scare her? She's the one who lured me up to the field then dropped this on me! I'm finding it really hard to understand how she could do that to someone who's been nothing but nice to her? The father of her child? For the first time in my life, I thought I'd met someone who'll mean something more... Who'd finally love me back..." Wildly, I search for the words to continue explaining my feelings, but I hit a blank as Justin's puppy-dog eyes uncomfortably reach into my soul. "Why didn't she come to me for support when she needed to take a test? Am I really that unapproachable to the point she felt the need to conceal it from me? Where did I go wrong, Justin?"
"Well, for a start, you should have used a johnny-"
"I know what I should have done, but did you have to say it!" I snap, instantly feeling remorseful as his softened gaze meets my glare. "If only I'd..."
If only I had admitted my feelings that night to Justin or joined him for that threesome? It should have been him, and naively, I've tried too hard to move on before I was ready.
Hesitantly, I sit back down and fold my arms over my head, trying to regather my thoughts, unable to cope with the incessant noise of the A&E department around me. I need a moment's peace to actually think about this rationally and objectively. How can I convince Louise that our relationship is salvageable when I'm unsure myself? I thought we'd reached a point where we began to understand each other. Still, I didn't envision a future with the pitter-patter of tiny footsteps with her, and definitely not this soon.
"I wish I had the answers for you," Justin finally replies, centring my attention back on him. "But if you want to talk about everything that's bothering you to get it off your chest, I'm here to listen. I know it's not much, but it's the least I can do after what I've put you through."
Suddenly, the elephant in the room registers. For the first time in months, Justin is standing in front of me, as if we'd never had a fight. Only this morning, we'd exchanged threats, but he saved me right when I needed him without being asked, and not once has he demanded an apology or acknowledgement.
"Hey, Justin, I just want to say I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. I'm not sure if I deserve it after what I've said and done, but thanks for helping me."
"To tell you the truth, I didn't even have time to think about it before I reacted," he confesses, sitting close beside me on the bed. "I caught Chris talking with Max this afternoon and remembered seeing them together before P.E. the day you were jumped. It didn't sit right. So when Shaun saw him walking to the gym after class, we went to confront him and found you."
"Well you still helped me even though you didn't have to. Look, you don't need to babysit me any longer. It's already eleven-"
Without warning, his arms wrap around my neck, and I'm squashed uncomfortably against his chest with his tears falling damp on my forehead. "I'm so sorry for everything, Matt. I let him get into my head, and it's stupid, but he told me he'd heard you chatting shit about me to her, and I guess I overreacted thinking you'd replaced me. You'd been off with me since the party. I should have put a stop to it, so it's my fault it got out of hand."
"Are you telling me you felt jealous? But we're closer than brothers, Justin! I've known you most of my life, so there's no way I'd let someone else come between us."
"I know, and I love you, man, more than you realise. For seventeen years, you've always been my friend, and I nearly threw it all away like an idiot," he gushes, oblivious to my pain as he squeezes me harder in his bear-like hug. "Even Shaun told me I was making a huge mistake, and I didn't listen. Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
I should shove him away with his continued close proximity making my heart race, but selfishly I'm unable to do it. Since I recognised my feelings were more than friendly, all I've wanted is to be near him like this, even if this was all intimacy would amount to. "If you're able to forgive me, too? I've missed you so much, and I shouldn't have lost my cool like that with you. I hurt you, and it was wrong."
"I hit you first, so I don't blame you. I just didn't want to admit I caused it to happen and hate myself more," he says, his voice wavering with emotion. "Matt, I was thinking maybe once we're done here, you can come back to mine so we can talk and hang out, you know? Like we used to do? My mum keeps asking about you, and you shouldn't be on your own-"
"I can't. As much as I want to, I need some time to think about how to handle this news with my Dad. Then there's Louise to deal with..."
The coldness at the mention of her name is instant, and he immediately puts distance between us, shaking his head with disapproval. "The more you've been talking, the more I don't think she's right for you. How can you even trust her?"
"Because she has no reason to lie. It would be easier for her to have a clean split," I reply, a sudden moment of clarity coming through. "And if she is like her sister, I don't think she was crying over me. I need to get home and sleep on this."
"Fine. Get your stuff together, and we'll get you discharged, but you've got to promise me you won't do anything rash until you've discussed it first with your Dad? He'll kill me if you do anything stupid, and he finds out I let you."
-----
I'm dog-tired when I'm finally discharged an hour later and still without any contact from my father, but I'm glad for the reprieve. I need time to get my thoughts in order to stop circling back to those nagging 'what ifs' that question Louise's motives and will hold me back from doing the right thing. Then if it is me she wants, I still need to convince her parents to give us their blessing and hope her sister can find a way to move on. I've already set the groundwork by downplaying Ashleigh's involvement in my statement to the police.
Idling the car, Justin unbuckles his seatbelt then leans across my lap to open the passenger door. "You're going to be alright, yeah? I can stay overnight if you need me to? It wouldn't be a problem at all."
With his lips and body intimately close, my heart begins fluttering in my chest again, and I swallow hard, resisting the urge to test the waters. My priorities have changed. "I'll be fine. I just need a shower and some sleep in my own bed, and I'll be right as rain. Talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
Suddenly, we both clock movement in front of my porch as someone turns to face us. It's impossible to make out her features from beneath her hood in the dark, but my stomach flips, instinctively knowing that it's her.
I hadn't counted on that.
"Shit. Is that Louise? What the hell is she doing here at this time?" Justin mutters with irritation before grabbing me by the shoulder as I put space between us. "Matt, just wait a moment. You're only going to talk to her, and that's all, right? Don't make me regret bringing you home."
"I get what you're saying, Justin, but this is my chance to clear the air before speaking to her parents and making my intentions known. She came to me, so surely, that's reason enough to not doubt her?"
"There's nothing I can say to make you reconsider, is there? You know she isn't right for you!" he says, thumping his steering wheel in abrupt anger. "Why can't you see she's just using you, and you're going to make the biggest fucking mistake of your life if you stay with her!"
"And hope she'll let me be involved? This is the only way, Justin. Surely you can see that? It'll be wrong to turn my back on her, and if she wants to continue studying, I need to support her. It's the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do is to discuss how to split amicably. I just want you to be with someone who makes you happy, Matt. Why can't you see that you deserve more?"
A knot rises in my throat at his pleading expression, knowing he only wants what's best for me as a true friend. I've wished for years that the next chapter of my life would be spent with him, but it isn't to be, and I can only blame my own cowardice for that. So instead, I need to make the most of what I've been dealt, even if I need to lie to myself and to him.
"This is what I want, so stop worrying, okay? She's even come here to see me so clearly she wants to fix this," I smile weakly in response as Louise begins to approach the car. "Thanks for the lift, mate, but I've got it from here."
His jaw clenches with agitation at my decision. "You're a bigger idiot than I took you for. Fine, get out of here and fuck her or whatever, but don't say I didn't warn you when you come back crying to me."
I'm barely out of the car before he pulls away, his pained expression deeply engrained in my mind. It was foolish to think a heart-to-heart would fix our issues when the source of his discomfort had me tightly wrapped around her finger. He could see it, and I'm not stupid enough to not realise it too, but the kid comes first.
Without a word, Louise lowers her hood then entwines her gloved hand with mine as I turn towards her. Pale, almost dull complexioned with dark circles under her eyes, it would seem the night had also been rough on her.
"Hey, what are you doing here? It's gone midnight."
"I had to get away from my family. Ash told them everything about you when the police came over, so they went ballistic and took my phone," she says, glancing back at my house. "Can I come in? I don't want to sleep alone tonight."
-----
The moment I unlock the front door, I guide her towards the kitchen instead of my bedroom to switch on the kettle. I might only be delaying the inevitable, but the last thing I need is the distraction of sex to continue avoiding the questions racing through my mind.
"Sorry it isn't decaf," I apologise as I hand over her drink. "Would you like to take this into the living room to talk?"
Louise remains quiet and expressionless, staring into her hot mug of tea, drained of the warm, radiant glow that enveloped my heart only a few days ago. I don't know if the fleeting excitement of new, budding love has ended or the reality she's been hiding from me is setting in, but the initial spark has gone.
"You're here to talk, right?" I prompt, laughing nervously under the increasing tension. "My father is going to hit the roof when he finds out about-"
"Do we have to do this now? All you need to know is that I don't expect anything from you."
"Surely, you're not being serious, Louise? I only have Justin's word that you confided in him, but he has his doubts about you. I don't know how far along you are, when you found out or even if I'm the father?" She opens her mouth to answer but hesitates, realising I have no suspicions about paternity. It's a statement rather than a question. "You're around twelve weeks already, aren't you? Does anyone else know?"
She shakes her head, unwilling to meet my gaze. "I think so, but I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet. I thought Ashleigh had figured it out when she approached me at lunch, but it was only about us seeing each other."
The truth dawns as I finally hear it directly from her. "How long do you think you can continue putting your head in the sand before anyone notices? Days at most, and what about maternity care? We need to start thinking practically about the future."
Tears stream from her reddened eyes, erasing everything else I planned to ask. "You're saying that like it's easy. How am I going to speak to my parents about this? I'm so scared, and I don't know what to do, Matthew! My family thinks I'm going to a university in September, and I haven't even put my applications in because I won't be able to go."
Immediately, my decision on how to deal with the subject of us is made. My arms wrap around Louise protectively and cradle her while she sobs against my shoulder, her small frame seeming more delicate than before. It must have been tough having this weighing on her mind all these weeks, without anyone to talk to. I've barely handled seven hours, and as hurt as I am about being kept in the dark, it's nothing compared to how she feels. "Shh, it's going to be alright. I'm here for you, Louise, no matter what, and I'll talk to your parents if you want me to."
"But surely, you hate me after what happened today?"
"I could never hate you, Louise," I reply, attempting to soothe her while stroking a curl behind her ear. "And it wasn't my intention to make you cry. I'm just frustrated I couldn't help when you needed the support. I don't know what I did to make you think you can't count on me, but, please, trust me when I say you're not alone. We can do this together."
"So, you're not mad? You don't believe all those lies Ashleigh said about me? She's jealous of us and what we mean to each other, you know?"
"Why would I believe anything that your sister says? I love you, and I'm not angry in the slightest. So you don't need to worry about my feelings."
Suddenly brightening at my words, she wraps her hand around my loosened tie and looks up at me doe-eyed. "Then, kiss me, and show me everything is going to be alright? I want to feel you loving me..."
It's hard to deny that I don't find her tempting as she appeals for my affection, but I know what she's doing, and it's not a good idea before we've spoken about our future. "Are you trying to seduce me, Louise? Let's wait until we've cleared this up with your parents first."
"You're really going to turn me down like you cruelly did the first time we met?" she says, instantly seizing a chance to go in for the kill. "I really thought I looked pretty that night."
"Are you ever going to let me live that down?" I whisper in her ear, fighting the urge to give in to her. "Baby, you were absolutely stunning that night, but you were worth much more than a one-night stand, so I don't regret what happened. I'm glad I turned you down, so we had this chance to get to know each other."
Before I can pull away, my hesitation is rapidly cut short as she moistens her lips with a seductive flick of her tongue. I thought I'd be able to stay calm and rational so we could talk, but I realise now that meeting her alone was a laughable idea, and Justin saw this coming. Even without the perfume she stole from her sister to tempt me, I'm helplessly unable to stop myself from bridging the gap to kiss her, falling for her charms.
Would it be so wrong to lose myself by burying myself between her thighs?
Our bodies instinctively begin moulding together as we continue to kiss, my erection straining against her hip, with her grip remaining firm and pleasantly tight on my tie like a leash. I've made my bed, so I may as well lie in it to show her I'm in her corner and entirely dedicated to her.
Raising up the back of her pleated skirt, my uninjured hand slips beneath her panties and around the curve of her buttocks. Then with my fingers seeking out her warmth, sliding knuckle deep into her gorgeously wet pussy, my lips move to her exposed neck to mark her possessively as mine.
Her voice becomes breathy as she runs her fingers up her bruised neck, but she doesn't stop me. "Matt, everyone will see... You're getting carried away..."
"Let them see. You're mine, and I want everyone to know about it," I reply, struggling to unbutton the top of her blouse one-handed as my kisses travel to her collarbone. "What have you done to me, Louise? I can't stop thinking about you, and I lose my mind whenever you're near. All I want is you!"
Suddenly, her face blushes with embarrassment as I unfasten more buttons revealing her front-opening, white maternity bra. "Shit! I should have worn something sexier..."
Her slip-up doesn't entirely escape me. But I've already submitted myself to her whims, and the eventuality of sex is now impossible to refuse. I no longer give a fuck when every fibre of my being wants the pleasure her body promises. So what if she came here intending to screw me to fix our problems?
"Actually, I quite like it," I murmur as I undo the fastening and instantly gain access to her full bosom, which I could smother my face in. "Fuck, your tits feel so good. But are you sure we shouldn't talk first? I can be a good boy and wait. Although I may be a little distracted..."
She shakes her head, smiling at me sweetly as I look up at her, praying to continue. "No, I just need you to make love to me and show me that you care."
The last of my rational thoughts slip away as I stop holding back, and my tongue laps hungrily over her stiffened nipples, lust devouring me. Her hands, no longer fumbling with inexperience like they used to, make quick work of my belt, then the zipper on my trousers, both joining her underwear discarded on the ground. My father will skin me alive if he walks in on us like this, but words are superfluous when it's clear she wants to make up in bed.
Why make this harder than it needs to be when our bodies can do the work?
Enveloping my temptress in my arms, my mouth now nibbles at the lobe of her ear. "I've never met a woman who makes me feel the way you do... But be gentle with me, baby. I'm feeling a little fragile, and I know how handsy you like to get."
Her hands cautiously run under my shirt to my ribs, pausing as I wince. "Anything broken other than your hand?"
"Just some lacerations, a concussion and bruising, mostly to my ego but nothing too major. They glued me up pretty good and sent me home for bed rest," I reply, smiling against her petal-soft lips as she leans in to kiss me. "Emphasis on the rest, I think, but it's a little hazy with a sexy minx like you in front of me."
"And your poor, beautiful face..." Her warm hand tenderly caresses my brow as she assesses the damage. "She promised she wouldn't lay a finger on you if I just stopped seeing you-"
"Stop worrying about me. I'm fine," I murmur, kissing against the palm of her hand as I try to allay her fears and unbutton my remaining shirt. "All that matters is us and the family we're forming."
"You're right. At least for now, we can forget about her." Smiling coyly, Louise reclines on the countertop like a goddess upon her own altar, brazen and unashamed as she parts her legs. Then, tilting her hips, she offers her womanhood to me, inviting me to make my move. "Fuck me, Matt."
I can barely hold it together as my gaze lingers over the sumptuous curves of her body presented so lewdly, urging me to seal our fate. "Not yet... I want you to beg to be filled, first."
Positioning between her legs, my thumbs spread her open as my tongue laps over her labia. Then dipping into the sweet nectar pooling at her core, I inhale the heady musk of her increasing desire forgetting all my cares.
"M-Matt... I'm going to-" All too soon, her nails dig into my shoulders as the first wave crashes over her body, the sharp scratch doing little to dissuade me from continuing as she moans and bucks against my mouth. "Please fuck me, Matt... I need to feel you... Please?"
"Patience, my adorable kitten. I'll be claiming that tight, juicy pussy of yours after I warmed it up first," I chastise, smirking as I briefly nuzzle against her pubis then meet her lustful gaze. "But what if I just want to stay here? Do you think you'll be able to endure it? Mmm..."
The aroma of wanton lust dripping heavily from every pore of her heavenly body entices me back in. My hands grip beneath her buttocks as I trail light circles back over her clit, teasing her with intense bursts of pleasure as she trembles beneath me, moaning for more. Then drawing her sensitive bud into my mouth, I begin to suckle, nudging her back over the edge of sweet bliss. "Oh god... It feels..."
Louise's mewling and gentle groans as she orgasms continue stoking the fire growing within me as I return to greedily bathe at her font, intoxicated with adoration. "You taste divine, my beautiful mate... Turn around for me."
Spun around, with her wet pussy now backed up against my crotch, it's near impossible to not immediately rut inside her. Instead, I continue to torment her and myself by rubbing the tip of my cock over her slit, coating myself in her slick fluids.
"I need to feel you cum inside me... Please?"
"Do you, now?" I growl, gently tugging and nibbling at the lobe of her ear. Then, with the bulbous head pressed against the entrance of her eager pussy, I gently stretch her open, pushing my resolve to the limit. Still, I don't fully thrust inside to drag out her anticipation and my own. "But, maybe I should wait? Do you think you'll be able to handle not getting your fill?"
"Please, just fuck me. Let me feel all of you..."
"Maybe I'll think about it while you demonstrate how much you love my cock, with that mouth of yours, Kitten?" Continuing with shallow thrusts, my thumb brushes her lower lip before slipping inside to stroke over her tongue. "Remind me of how you treated me like a lollypop."
"Mm-hmm," she hums, nodding her understanding as she sucks my digit, flicking the tip over and under while I continue to whisper obscene thoughts into her ear.
"Remember when you told me you wanted me to cum over your face and tits? Maybe I should keep you here with me to see how dirty you can really be when I make you my fuck doll and don't let you out of my bed for a week? Perhaps we could film it so we can relive it, over and over."
With her gorgeous face turned towards me, eyes half-closed, I swap my thumb for two digits and suggestively fuck her mouth, making her drool as she tries to answer.
"You're so good at this that it's making it really hard to hold back... I adore the way you sound when you're in my arms," I murmur, breathing deeply as she begins to nibble. "Purr for me, baby... Let me know exactly how it feels when I touch and love you like this."
Removing my slick fingers from her mouth, I lightly slide over her clit, vulnerably exposed in arousal. The low erotic moan of pleasure should be answer enough, but I still want to hear it as I fuck her against the counter, in the same place she tried to seduce me the night we met. Maybe it wouldn't have turned out like this if I hadn't pushed her away, but it's too late for regrets now. I'm all in and laying all my cards.
"Give me more..." she urges, grinding against me to meet my movements. "I need to feel all of you."
"Only if you think you can handle it," I tease, driving my hips deeper as my hand roams up her body to pinch her nipples roughly. "But I'm warning you, I'm not in the mood to rush, and I have no intention to sleep tonight. I'm going to take my time appreciating how good your pussy feels before you're allowed to cum again."
With a sigh, her heavy lashed eyes flicker open as she looks over her shoulder, her lower lip trembling. "Please... I'm so close..."
"No, not yet, Kitten. Enjoy it just a little longer and wait for me..." My fingers, still coated with her, slide once again to her mouth, muffling her noises as they match my movements. "The taste of you is intoxicating, don't you think?"
She nods her approval as she sucks my fingertips, playfully giving me what I need to push ahead despite the sharp pain in my ribs becoming impossible to ignore.
My hand lightly grips her jaw as she tilts back, nestling against my shoulder. Buried against her peach of an arse, ramming thrusts slow to a sensual grind of courtship between our bodies as my name begins to flow off her tongue. "Yes, baby... Just show me what it feels like. I'm nearly there..."
As her pleasure peaks and the intensity of her rhythmic pulsation tips me over, my arm curls around her waist. My other hand interlocks with hers resting on the counter, and all tension between us evaporates as our moans merge in unison, finally one as I release within her.
"Well, that was worth sneaking out for," she says, giggling as I snuggle into the nape of her neck, not ready to break our contact. "I really needed that."
"Three times you did," I reply, now wishing we'd taken this to bed. "Although I may have been overly optimistic about an all-nighter in this state. Want me to call you a cab so we can get you home before anyone notices?"
Spinning around, with her arms circling around my neck, she lightly kisses me, turning on her appeal once again. "I was hoping you'd let me stay. Let's get cleaned up and get some sleep?"
-----