The next day Liam suggests a trip to the cinema so we can have a date together. I suspect he's trying to lift my mood, especially after hearing how much I enjoyed going with Selena. We've never been on an actual date before, so it feels slightly odd as I get ready and try to look my best like I did the first night I met Liam. I should be ecstatic, but I still have a lingering sadness within me from the weekend. Sub drop seems to be hitting me particularly hard, and I don't know if a date will help to shift it.

I check myself out in the full-length mirror as I stand before it naked. I can already see a difference from all the exercise and healthier eating I've been doing. I pull on my clothes then button up my shirt; all black like usual. When I'm done, I sweep my messy hair out of my eyes and try to pat down my cowlick with no luck.

I walk out the room and down the stairs but pause as I see Liam standing by the front door waiting for me. He's dressed in his usual crisp, white shirt with a perfectly starched collar, a pair of pale blue linen trousers and his Ulysse Nardin watch on his wrist. His blonde hair is swept to the side, hanging past his shoulders and he looks breathtakingly beautiful. Everything about him just glows, in a way that doesn't seem entirely natural and my heart skips a beat. I'm definitely attracted to the way he looks. His eyes meet mine, and I become shy. I'd been staring for a good minute, and I feel embarrassed being caught in the act.

"Cute, he still blushes," Liam says, strolling over to me.

I shove my hands in my pockets and walk over to him feeling bashful.

"You look really nice, Liam."

"So do you. I'm tempted to cancel our date and drag you straight to the bedroom," he threatens, with a provocative smile that makes me wish he isn't joking.

Suddenly he's pressed up against me, and I find myself with my back against the wall. I inhale the scent of limes as he holds me as his willing captive. His hand grips me by the jaw painfully as he kisses me roughly until a noise escapes my lips.

In an instant, he releases me and moves away, shoving his hands in his pockets with an arrogant smile on his face. I'm left feeling flustered and turned on, desperately wanting more and to abandon our plans. I really wish he hadn't done that because I'm going to be thinking about sex for the rest of the day. Annoyed, I arrange myself as he picks up his car keys and walks out the front door.

Liam drives us towards the town. It isn't a long journey, but he remains quiet the entire time. Very quickly into our relationship, I discovered he isn't a huge talker, and he's opposed to mindless chatter about what he deems trivial things. I feel like I must bore him endlessly, but I was starting to get used to what was worth talking about around him.

He parks up in the multi-story car park then opens the door for me and extends his hand, which is weird. I take it and feel shy again as we walk hand in hand to the cinema.

The tight grip on my hand is released once we reach the foyer of the cinema. I'm sure I've been blushing the entire way, mostly because it has been the longest amount of time I've had direct physical contact with him. I was also nervous about comments with this being the first time I've been outside holding hands with another man.

"You looked embarrassed. Are you ashamed about being with me? You had your eyes downcast the entire time," Liam asks, looking bemused.

"I'm just nervous..."

"About what?"

"Comments, I guess. It's the first time I've been publicly affectionate with a man before."

He grabs my hand and pulls me up against his chest, making me feel hot suddenly.

"Matthew, this is a public show of affection," he says as he kisses me.

His tongue slides into my mouth as he aggressively kisses me in the cinema foyer. I can feel the eyes of others on us, and I'm sure I've turned crimson. He pulls away, and I'm left feeling breathless.

"Liam..."

"Your reaction is hilarious. I might have to use this as a punishment." He laughs, walking backwards to the ticket booth with a smug look on his face.

I hurry after him, feeling awkward.

We buy a popcorn deal to share and head to our seats at the back of the cinema to watch Batman Begins. I thought for sure that Liam would have some nefarious plan to carry out, but he sits quietly, sharing some popcorn and a large drink with me as he holds my hand. The dynamic of our relationship is clearly changing. It isn't just sexual. We actually enjoy each other's company too.

Liam squeezes my leg gently as the film finishes, and the lights start coming on. I've really enjoyed watching it with him, and I smile at the realisation that our relationship is serious. It is legitimate, and potentially it could lead somewhere. Right now, I feel special to him. As we leave the cinema hand in hand, I feel relaxed. I'd been stupid to feel shy.

"Let's go and have a drink before heading home," Liam says, smiling at me.

We end up going to a cocktail bar which is fine with me. I'm just glad to be spending time with him. Liam picks up the menu to peruse but then orders a glass of red wine for himself and a double whisky for me.

We find a table to sit at, and quietly I sip my drink as I check out the venue. It's a Japanese themed bar which is interesting. Certainly not something I've ever been to before. The wallpaper is highly decorative and yellow with cranes on, there's an artificial, cherry tree spanning half of the wall and the couches we're sitting on are faux, red leather. RnB music is playing, and there's a couple of people dancing. It's the kind of venue groups go to for pre-drinks before they continue onto a nightclub. It's not my kind of thing, but I'm just enjoying being out with him.

"Maybe we should have gone to one of my clubs," Liam complains, looking around at the garish decor.

"How comes?" I ask, curious to why he's not happy.

"Quite frankly, the wine selection is abysmal here."

"We could go to one of your clubs if you want?"

"It's fine. I'll manage. I won't let it ruin our date," he says, giving me a tight-lipped smile.

He sits back and puts his leg across his knee, then sweeps his hair back. I don't know how he looks so effortlessly confident and sexy all the time. As far as I know, he doesn't do any special skin or beauty treatments, it's just the usual manscaping and moisturiser. I'm still not entirely sure on why he's attracted to me when I'm such a scruff in comparison.

"Thank you for taking me out, Liam. I've had a nice time."

"Me too," he nods. "It's been a while since I've done anything like this."

Liam gives his glass a swirl then sips it whilst staring into space. I have no idea what he's thinking about, and I've given up on trying to read him when he's like this. His mind is just impenetrable. He then pulls a face, obviously not impressed with his drink then downs the rest.

"Is it that bad?" I question.

"It's shit. Drink up, we're getting drunk tonight," he announces, rising from the couch. "Let's try some shots."

I gulp back my whisky then place my glass down on the table.

We walk back up to the bar holding hands, and I glance over the assortment of the usual gin, whisky and vodkas. Some bottles of a clear liquid look fairly interesting. I'm not sure what he'll enjoy, but I like the idea of trying something different with him. It may open him up more so I can learn more about him, and it may give me the courage to speak to him about how I've been feeling. I don't think it's just the usual sub-drop. I feel on edge, and I don't know if it's just from missing Rebekah or some of those feelings from December resurfacing.

"What are we ordering? I haven't done shots before." Liam admits.

"You haven't? Ever?! Well, that's a surprise. I don't know, but I kinda want to try that one at the back there."

I order several shots of shōchū which we knockback. I fully expect we'll be suffering from a hangover in the morning. Still, it'll be worth it to see what Liam is like intoxicated. It doesn't take many drinks for him to completely open up.

"That film was amazing today," Liam exclaims, pointing at my chest.

"We really need to see the next one as soon as it comes out."

"Yes! It's a date. I hope we don't have to wait too long for it."

Liam picks up another shot from the counter then downs it, so I take my final one. I feel reasonably drunk already, but I finish it. I shouldn't be drinking my problems away, but it's worth a try.

Liam's face looks slightly flushed, and his usual calm but stern exterior is nowhere to be seen. Right now he's cheerful, and chatty, almost like Selena. He hasn't been like this in some time. I only get brief glimpses to this side of him.

Suddenly Liam pulls me in for a cuddle and runs his hand up the back of my shirt. He kisses me passionately, and I can't help let out a laugh at the way he is behaving.

"I love hearing you laugh," he whispers in my ear.

"Do you? Well, I love how incredibly sexy you are," I reply back.

"Well let's get back home so I can fuck your brains out then," he announces loudly, slamming down the glass on the bar.

Liam gives me a final kiss then releases me, and I stagger back slightly, accidentally bumping into a group standing close to us.

"Watch it!" A man snarls, shoving me backwards.

He looks to be in his thirties with cropped hair, broad shoulders and a thick neck with tribal tattoos on both arms. His face is contorted in anger. Clearly, I don't want to upset him further. It isn't worth it.

"Uhh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to knock you." I respond, feeling uncomfortable.

Liam grabs me by the hand and pulls me protectively back towards him. I'm much drunker than I expected to be, and I stumble.

"Let's get you home," Liam says, firmly.

I nod in response, so we start heading out of the door.

"Fucking pussies!" the man yells out at us.

I feel the urge to retaliate, but I don't want to disappoint Liam. I continue walking, but a drink is then thrown over the back of us, and his friends jeer. Anger rises in me, and I go to turn around, but Liam grips me tightly and shakes his head at me.

"Don't do it," he warns me.

We step outside the door, and Liam starts tugging on my arm to walk faster up the high street, away from the bar so we can get a taxi home. Liam could probably knock the guy flat on his back if he wanted, but he apparently doesn't want the trouble. I'm still fighting against the urge to confront the man. He had no right to speak to us like that.

Suddenly I'm struck from behind, and I lose it. I pull away from Liam's grasp.

I turn around, and the man squares up to me. His friends are yelling from the doorway for him to leave it and get back inside. As he swings at Liam, I launch myself at him and wrestle him to the ground taking him off guard by my reaction. I'm completely filled with rage, and as Liam tries to drag me off him, I shrug him off.

"Sorry," I mouth at Liam before grabbing the man by the shirt.

I don't stop even as I hear the sirens from the police car pulling up next to us in the street. I'm then dragged off him and pushed down to the ground with my head against the pavement. I fight beneath them, trying to get them off me. I glance up at Liam as the cuffs are placed on me behind my back. He's in complete disbelief, and it's only then that I feel guilty. I'd ruined our date.

-----

Eventually, the morning arrives, and I feel shattered and hungover. I'd been searched given a prior arrest and caution a few years back and put in a paper suit to keep me safe regarding my medical history. The worst part was that my father was called. I've messed up big time by losing control of my senses. My dad may have been right about me being reckless.

I'm given some breakfast and some proper clothes that Liam had dropped off for me. I'm then released from my cell for discharge and given my charges sheet and bail information. I had hoped for a lesser charge, but I don't flinch as they inform me I'm being charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm and affray. I deserve to be punished for this.

As I go to leave, I notice my dad waiting for me by the doors, and I feel awful again. He is definitely going to want to discuss what had happened and tell me how disappointed he is in me. I'd told them to not call him, but they hadn't listened to me. My day is getting worse.

"Get in the car, you're coming back home, Matt. You clearly cannot cope on your own," he yells, pulling me by the arm.

"I live with Liam dad. I'm not coming home," I reply simply, shrugging him off and not looking at him.

I remove a cigarette from the packet in my pocket and light it.

"Smoking again?! For fuck sake. Are you back on the drugs too? You're not capable of keeping yourself safe, and now you're getting arrested for being drunk and violent!"

"I was defending myself. He hit me first."

"So it's okay that you retaliated and broke his nose? Do you know how it feels knowing you were looking at a possible GBH charge? You were looking at prison."

"I could still go to prison," I shrug.

"Do you not even care?! You're acting irresponsibly, and you're sleeping around with men!"

"Okay. Great chat and all, but I need to go. See ya later, Dad," I respond dismissively.

I turn around and get my phone out, completely done with the situation. I'm tired and need a shower. I also have Liam to apologise to. As I look through my phone for a taxi number, I hear a beep and glance up. Liam is waiting in his car.

I run over to him, and he climbs out, still wearing his clothes from last night. I don't think he's slept well either and I'm wracked with guilt at the trouble I've caused him. His face doesn't look angry in the slightest. He just looks terribly sad. As I bury my head against his shoulder, his arm wraps around my back, and hot tears start to fall from my eyes. I've disappointed him, and I don't know what I can do to apologise enough for it.

Footsteps sound behind me and I hear my dad clear his throat. Liam immediately drops his arms from around me and steps away.

"Liam, this is my dad," I explain, nervously.

Liam extends his hand and smiles warmly. It's not his usual smile, and I know it's just for show, but my father wouldn't know that.

"It's nice to meet you, Mister Lewis," he says.

My dad doesn't shake his hand.

"So you're the one who's beating my son," he responds frostily.

"Ah, I am dating your son, yes," Liam says, dropping his outstretched arm.

"Right, well I'm going to tell you what I told him. This is just some cry for attention. Maybe it's the money but this is all just a weird pretence. My son is not gay. I have no problem with you and what you want to do in your life but keep away from my son."

"For fuck sake Dad, why can't you just accept me the way I am? I like Liam. I don't give a shit about whether he has money or not, I just really like the sex."

My father looks at me in disbelief. I shouldn't have worded it like that, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to him.

"Really? You disgust me," he responds.

"Do I? Does the idea of me being with a man revolt you that much? Fine. I don't want to see you again. I knew you'd be like this. That's the whole reason why I only told mum."

He shakes his head at me.

"You need help, Matthew. I will support you when you eventually see sense, but I can't support whatever this is. It's not right."

"It's a relationship dad. An actual functional relationship between two consenting adults who happen to be men," I snap.

"It's sick. You're both unwell if you think this is normal."

"This is normal," Liam says, interrupting our argument.

"It isn't. If anything happens to my son, I will personally hold you responsible. The best thing you can do for my son is to get out of his life," he threatens.

Liam stiffens next to me.

"Well, it was lovely to finally meet you, but we must get going," Liam says, putting his arm around my shoulder and guiding me to the car. "I'd hate for anyone else to get arrested today."

When we arrive back at Liam's, we head out to the orangery with a coffee. We really need to have a chat and work out what to do from here. If Liam decides to end it or ask for a break, I'd understand despite how much it'll hurt.

"So, I fucked up Liam. I'm so sorry about last night," I begin to apologise, barely able to look up from my coffee in my hands.

"Sorry, you hurt him? Or sorry for inconveniencing me?" He asks.

I feel nervous knowing I don't feel overly bad about the other man.

"Inconveniencing you."

"But not for breaking his nose?"

"I still think he wronged us first, but I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."

"So are you going to show me that charges sheet so I can work on some damage control?"

I hold it out to him, and he snatches it away, grimacing.

"So, I have no idea what this actually means just that it's fairly serious," I say quietly.

"Well, it is serious, and then there's the trumped-up affray charge. James will do his best."

"Do we have to involve James? I feel bad enough that you're involved."

"James is my best friend, and he's the best lawyer I know. If anyone is capable of making this disappear, it's him. So are you going to tell me why you reacted the way you did? I've never seen you act as badly as that," he snaps.

"I don't know. I really didn't mean to over-react like that. I just got so mad. Really fucking mad! He just pushed me over the edge by antagonising me. I couldn't stop myself."

Liam puts his head in his hands, looking disturbed.

I hate the idea that I've scared Liam. Clearly, the relationship is going to come to an end over this. My mood hasn't been good, and I just felt like something snapped inside me last night, like in December. Instead of aiming that towards myself, I'd taken it out on another this time. No rational person should have someone like me as a boyfriend. I stand up and head upstairs. I'll just quickly pack and not drag this out any longer. It'll be best for both of us that we don't make a scene.

I start removing my clothes from the chest of drawers and lay them on the bed. I'd only recently moved into this room from the playroom after Liam had told me he loved me. I've ruined that. I wipe my tears on my sleeve.

"Matthew, what are you doing?" Liam asks.

I look up and see him standing in the doorway. Even dishevelled, I still find him attractive. I lower my eyes, finding it too painful to look at him. This is my fault.

"I'm going. I've messed up big time, and you're clearly disappointed in me. I'm just a massive failure in everything I do. I don't deserve you."

"I don't want you to leave," he replies.

He throws my folded clothes off the bed and on to the floor then pulls me down to lay with him.

I look up into his face as he straddles me, holding my hands down either side of my head. It's a dominant act, but it's playful, not aggressive. Gently he kisses me then releases one of my hands as he wipes away my tears. His face softens.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I ask, confused.

"Because I love you, Matt," he says quietly. "He really did a number on you, didn't he? Your beautiful face is covered in bruises, and you have a black eye."

His thumb runs over my swollen lip. I was too angry to notice the pain at the time, but now it's aching.

"I haven't seen it."

His hand moves to my shirt, and he starts to unbutton it. This seems different, and I gulp nervously as he treats me gently. He kisses my exposed chest and then my neck with his soft lips.

"Your body is a mess too," he sighs.

He takes a nipple in his mouth, and his hand runs down my ribs, making me flinch as he skims over my bruises.

"Ah, that hurt a little."

"Did it? Hmm, where did your piercings go?"

"I had to remove them,"

"Really? What was it like being arrested?" He asks, looking bemused.

"Humiliating I guess."

"Did they search you?"

"Yeah," I sigh as his hands move to the zip on my jeans.

"What happened?"

"I had to remove my clothes, and then they inspected me to make sure I couldn't harm myself."

"They? Two men?"

He pulls off my jeans and underwear then gazes over my body with an intent look of his face.

"Yes,"

"Any kind of cavity search?" He says smirking.

"They didn't go that far."

"Well, that's disappointing. The idea of you being cuffed, humiliated and violated is a massive turn on."

"Really?"

"Watching you being wrestled to the floor, resisting and being restrained. I was both horrified and incredibly excited. We're going to have to roleplay that some time."

He takes my cock into his mouth, and he teases me with his tongue. My hand reaches down and strokes his golden hair. I'm not usually allowed to touch, but he doesn't stop me. Our roles in the relationship seem to be removed for the moment as he treats me tenderly.

With a gasp, I orgasm and cum in his mouth. He swallows it away then undoes his trousers. I didn't expect him to be this kind to me after what I'd done.

He raises me upwards and on to him as he pulls me close. I kiss his slightly parted lips passionately, desperately wanting more from him. I can't believe he still wants me. It's also very rare for Liam to become aroused like this.

"Liam, I am so sorry."

"I know you are, now shh and make love to me."

Gently he pulls my hair and runs his hands over my back as I have sex with him, riding him for the first time. The idea that I was with him to use him or to take advantage is ridiculous. I can never forgive my father for thinking that.

As I lay against Liam's chest late that night, I absent-mindedly stroke the hair on his chest. I can't sleep. I look up into his peaceful face and adoration fills me. I still don't deserve this beautiful angel who continues to watch over me and keep me safe from myself. I wish my dad could understand.

I climb out of bed and remove my cigarettes, lighter and phone from my pocket and go downstairs to the garden, too anxious to sleep. I hadn't discussed it yet with Liam, but I'm going to plead guilty to the charges against me. I have a better chance of getting a lighter sentence.

It's one in the morning, but I type out a message to Selena, deciding she also has a right to know that I've been involved in an altercation. I hesitate slightly but then send it. If she is scared of me, I get it.

Within minutes she calls, and I fumble to answer it.

"Hello?"

"I've received your message. What's happened?" she asks, appearing concerned.

"I got in a fight. I just thought you should know so you can decide to keep away from me," I explain.

"Arrested? So you're okay now?"

"Well I've been released, but it's on bail. I have to stay at Liam's. I've been charged so I'll be going to court."

"But it's not your fault, right? It was self-defence, surely?"

"I can't use that excuse because I went too far. I could end up going to prison. I thought you should know anyway. I'll completely understand if you decide to not continue this."

"That's crazy! You're not a violent person."

There's a lot Selena doesn't know about me. As I go to answer, I hear the door slide open, and I glance up to see Liam leaning in the patio doorway, unimpressed.

"Ah, I'm really sorry, but Liam has just turned up and needs to talk to me. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Bye then," she responds, sounding tired.

"Bye."

I end the call and look back towards Liam, who has folded his arms across his chest.

"Who was that?" He asks.

"Um, Selena. I thought I should tell her."

"Okay. When are you going to quit smoking by the way? It's disgusting."

"When I stop feeling stressed? It's a hard habit to break when I go around ruining my life constantly."

"Will you give up if I forbid it?"

"Probably not, I guess I'm a brat," I smile apprehensively.

His hand reaches out and grabs me by the jaw firmly.

"You definitely give me trouble. Ultimately you always submit to me though and give me what I want. You like to please me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

"You're never to behave again like you did last night. Do you understand? I told you to not retaliate, and you ignored me. Never again."

"Okay, I understand."

His hand moves to my neck and starts to squeeze the back of it.

"Don't make me regret being kind to you. I don't normally let things like that slide. Next time you disobey me, Lover, I will truly make you regret it."

"Yes, Master."

He snatches my phone and pack of cigarettes from my hand.

"Now, no more smoking. Your father made me responsible for your welfare, so you will obey me from now on."

I sigh then go indoors and walk back up to bed. Liam is right. I need to listen to him more.

The next morning we waste no time in getting back to our usual activities. I'm bound to the floor by leather restraints on my wrists and ankles. My skin is on fire, but I stare up at him standing over me. He looks magnificent, completely naked and with his blonde hair loose and around his shoulders.

He drops the tawse he's been wielding and falls to his knees in front of me. His lips kiss the soles of my feet and up my leg. It tickles, and I fight against squirming as his tongue starts trailing upwards and to my inner leg.

"You're so beautiful, Lover. Mmm," he sighs.

I glance down and watch as he takes my cock into his mouth, and I moan loudly. My master is incredibly talented at providing pleasure, and it always feels better knowing I had earned it.

His hands slide into mine, and our fingers entwine as he brings me to the edge. He kisses me as we make love and my heart soars. Everything is perfect at this moment.

"Lover... Matthew... You will always be mine," he growls.

After finishing together, he rubs his nose against mine affectionately and smiles down happily at me. He then rolls off of me, then rests his head on my chest.

"I love you, Liam..." I whisper.

"I know. I'm glad you do."

After our cuddle, Liam releases me from my restraints then leads me downstairs for a coffee and some food. As I sit down at the counter, he ruffles my hair affectionately then embraces me from behind, unexpectedly.

Suddenly my phone starts ringing from the drawer and interrupts us. I answer it immediately and walk outside to the garden to get away from the noise of the coffee machine.

I'm informed that the affray charge has been dropped after reviewing the witness statements and CCTV. I turn around to face Liam feeling elated. The other charge still stands, but one huge weight has been lifted.

"Liam, they've dropped the affray charge," I say, slowly, feeling stunned.

"Well, that's a relief," he smiles.

"Yeah, it really is," I sigh.

"Come here..."

He pulls me in for a hug and holds me for a moment then presses his lips against my forehead. The comfort is very much needed. I'm lucky to have his support. I guess I should tell him about my intentions to plead guilty to the other charge.

"So, Liam. I've decided to just say I'm guilty to the other charge and not fight it," I say nervously.

"You're kidding, aren't you?!" he growls, looking perplexed.

"No, I'm not," I shake my head. "I want it to be over and done with as soon as possible. If they give me time, then so be it. I accept the consequences of my actions."

Liam pushes me away from him coldly. He appears agitated.

"Are you stupid? You could get community service or worse a prison sentence?! What the fuck am I supposed to do if you go away? Wait for you?!"

"I don't expect you to wait for me," I respond, looking towards the floor.

"It was self-defence!"

"We were both there. It wasn't self-defence. I was angry and took it too far. I'm not fighting it," I sigh.

Liam doesn't reply back to me. Instead, he shoves past, and I hear the front door slam moments later. I've angered him, just like that. I'm not the kind of person who shies away from his responsibilities though and protesting innocence knowing full well what I did doesn't sit well with me. I should have walked away as Liam urged me to, it's my fault for retaliating. I didn't feel completely in control of myself at the time, but it wasn't the first time it's happened.

When I wake up the next day, Liam's space in the bed is empty. He never returned home after leaving that afternoon. I quickly dress and head downstairs just to double-check, but he isn't in the kitchen either, and the patio door is locked.

I switch the coffee machine on and check my phone, but there are no messages or missed calls from him. I pour out my espresso, and as I sip it, Janet comes in and smiles at me in her usual weird way. This woman knows way too much and definitely keeps an eye on me for Liam when he's not around.

"Janet, do you know where Liam went yesterday?"

"Out."

She definitely knows something about his whereabouts, and she's withholding details. I'm sure she's going to be a tough cookie to break, but it's worth trying.

"Do you know where?"

"Yes."

"Could you tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?" I ask feeling exasperated at the lack of details.

"You're not my employer," she responds simply.

She walks away looking smug with herself. I now feel like he's up to no good. Why would he not tell me he wasn't coming back? The feelings that there is someone else returns.

I type out a message to Liam and stare at the words wondering whether to send it or not.

Are you seeing someone else?

After a few minutes, I delete it, not wanting to know the answer or admitting that I'm worried about being replaced.

Can't wait to see you when you're home x

I press send but then feel weird at sending such a cringy message. Is it okay to be like that with him? I sound clingy, and I'm not normally like this. I put my phone back in the kitchen drawer. I'll be tempted to stare at it all day waiting for a reply if I don't. I'm becoming one of those people who need constant reassurance, and I don't like it.

After eating some cereal for breakfast, I head upstairs to the study and practice playing on my guitar. I'm not really feeling it, but I have nothing better to do.

Two hours later, I hear the front door slam, so I put down my guitar. Maybe he's ready to talk to me? I stand up and go towards the hallway, but he walks straight past me and goes in his bedroom without acknowledging me.

I follow behind moments later and open the bedroom door. I hear the spray of the shower from the ensuite. Immediately I feel suspicious and apprehensive.

"Hey Liam, everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

I sit on the bed, not knowing how to proceed. I'm very much aware of the agreement between us. I'm not allowed to sleep with another outside of our relationship without permission. It doesn't stop him, though, but I assumed he would tell me. The idea of something like that being kept secret doesn't sit right, especially after what happened with Louise.

Eventually, he steps out of the bathroom naked, roughly drying his hair with a towel. I glance over his body then at his face. He doesn't appear to have any scratches or marks on him. I'm probably overthinking it. He could have easily stayed with James to get some space.

"Have you had a good morning?" I ask. "Do anything interesting?"

"Why?"

"I'm just curious. Did you get my message by the way?"

"No, I haven't checked my phone at all, to be honest."

"Oh, okay. Your housekeeper doesn't talk much, does she? I tried having a conversation with her this morning, and she wasn't having any of it."

"That's the way I like my employees. Right, I need to head back out. I have someone to interview."

Liam is definitely hiding something. As I watch him dress, I can't help but feel sad. Maybe it's just paranoia or because I'm still feeling low and stressed, but the difference in his attentiveness doesn't feel right. He kisses my forehead then leaves again. I lay back on the bed, feeling frustrated at not knowing how to broach it.

After an hour of moping, I go downstairs and get my phone. Selena has tried calling, and I remember telling her I'd talk to her. I'd completely forgotten.

"Sorry I missed your call. I was playing on my guitar for a few hours and didn't hear it ring."

"It's okay. How are you doing now?" she asks.

"Worried, but there's not much I can do so I'm just going to keep my head down for a bit and keep out of trouble.

"You sound like you need a hug. Where's Liam?"

"Not here. He left early, came back briefly for a shower and went back out again. It's just been me on my lonesome with a housekeeper who won't talk to me."

"So you don't know what he's up to?"

"Nope. Went out without waking me or telling me he had something to do."

"He's not... you know?" she insinuates.

"Having an affair? Maybe. I don't know. I think I'm just stupid."

"Want me to come and keep you company? I have my hoops class this evening, but I'm free for a couple of hours."

"Ah, the idea of hanging out sounds fun but I really shouldn't. Regardless of what he is doing, I don't want to do something that might upset him."

"I wasn't suggesting sex."

"I know, but Liam might feel like something happened between us behind his back. I don't want him worrying whether he can trust me or not. I'll only see you when he's around."

"I guess I understand what you're trying to say."

"Well, I'm going to do some exercise or something. I've been lazy for a couple of days so I could probably do with a run."

"I'll see you at the weekend then?"

"Yeah, if you're still interested. We won't blame you if you want to end the arrangement what with me being a criminal now."

"I have a soft spot for bad boys, so I definitely want to see you, well both of you," she teases.

"Well, I think you have bad taste in men then haha. Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you on Saturday."

"See ya."

I hang up, feeling guilty. I could have easily spoken to her for hours, and it unsettles me on how well we get along. I don't like the idea of her getting too attached, knowing Liam could quickly change his whims and decide to end the arrangement.

I go for an hour jog around the woods then go back home to do another hour of weights. Usually, I work out with Liam, but there is still no sign of him by the time I finish at five. I go upstairs for a shower hoping he'll be back for when I start dinner afterwards.

An hour later, I sit at the counter with a beef teriyaki before me, but Liam still hasn't returned. I eat mine quickly, ravenous after exercising and missing lunch. I then stick his in the microwave. It seems pointless staying up just waiting for him, so I head to bed early.

I'm woken at two in the morning by Liam stumbling into bed, drunk. Before I've had time to properly wake up and register what's happening he's sitting over me, holding my arms above my head. He leans in and kisses me roughly, tasting of alcohol.

He starts to grope me, unzips his jeans and tries to enter me, but it isn't happening. He isn't erect enough. I push him off of me. Obviously, we need to talk.

"What's up, Liam?" I ask.

"Nothing is up. That's the problem!" He shouts, clearly frustrated as he lays down next to me.

"What? I actually wanted to talk about earlier, but fine we'll talk about now if that's more important to you?"

"It's not important. Just go back to sleep," he snaps, turning away from me.

I stare at the ceiling, unable to fall back to sleep like he'd told me. I don't know where we are going to go from here. As much as I love him, perhaps I should just pack and leave when he falls asleep? I don't think I'm the right person for him and I've now made my problems his problems.