My thumb strokes over her parted mouth, then glowering cheek before I tuck back her hair to reveal beautiful emerald eyes that stir my desire. She's breathless, flushed and on the verge of ultimately coming undone. "You still don't have permission to cum, Kitten."

Legs draped on either side of my lap, with her head resting upon my shoulder, Louise blinks in an admission of guilt as she fails to not fall apart and shudders through her climax. The curling and fanning of her toes is a dead giveaway, along with her sweet sighs, and I grin as I gently tug on the jewelled plug poking from between her arse-cheeks while I continue to chastise her. "My adorable plaything is getting greedy, don't you think?"

Defiance gleams in her eyes staring at me through the tangle of brunette locks that lay upon her face. I re-gag her with the panties bunched in my hand, then with a swift swat against her backside, a pink mark appears, matching the first I've already dished out this afternoon. "The next time you disobey me, it will result in ten. Do I make myself clear?"

Louise nods compliantly as I gently kiss her forehead with a growing affection that now presses hard against her back. It had been a welcome revelation that Louise was willing to try light S&M, but since moving to our flat and gaining more alone time without the thin walls, she's become a real deviant for punishment and control when we get our freak on beneath the sheets, in the kitchen, or even at my desk when I desperately need to get some work done and don't have time to play.

Only this morning, she seduced me by lying across my workspace naked and mouthing 'forced orgasms' while I called my father to update him on my progress. I almost dropped the phone at the abruptness and my neat piles of paperwork being tipped over the floor, undoing days of organisation. It's clear, the longer this relationship goes on, that I can't entirely give in to this woman. Hence, a lesson in controlled orgasms became the appropriate punishment, even if it's on a pretence.

Always eager to please, I'll actually lavish her with all the pleasure she desires while making her work for it.

My lubricated finger slides inside and alongside the rabbit, thrust deep and wildly thrashing within her cunt as I return to my work. The numbers on my spreadsheet blur and merge before my weary eyes, but I resume tapping out the details of my father's invoices one-handed so as not to abandon my task entirely. God only knows where the rest went with the stack now spread across the carpet.

"If you weren't so insatiable, I'd have been done with this already. Fuck, I really could do with some sleep." I groan with exasperation, scanning over the piles of paperwork I now need to tidy. For someone who works with technology for a living, my father has been incredibly lax in using it, leaving me with this chaos to contend with. My attention falls back upon the bound, panting distraction twitching and leaking delicious cum over my dick. Perspiration beads on her forehead from the effort of her struggle. "Again? You're a slut for pleasure today. I guess you've left me no choice but to give you exactly what you deserve."

I spin my chair towards the mirror on the wall as I spread her thighs apart before pushing another of my fingers within her while the ripples of her climax subside. Both of her bare soles press against the glass as she groans through it, unable to speak through the makeshift gag and the severity of punishment I'm putting her pussy through. Medical tape pulls at her smoothly shaved mound and labia, spreading her cunt open to humiliate her further and leaving nothing hidden for my increasingly depraved obsession with her body. I begin to spank her hard and deliberately slow in succession, enjoying each and every squeal.

"Naughty... bad... girl. I bet you feel so full, so exposed with your pussy like this. Can you see how I'm playing with you?" I hiss into her ear between each audible smack. My thumb then taps against the beaded clamp dangling from her clit, making her jolt. "Do you enjoy feeling this helpless, knowing I can do absolutely anything I wish to you?"

Louise nods as she meets my eyes in the mirror with a hooded, lust-glazed gaze. "Uhh... Mm..."

My adorable plaything hums as my other hand gropes at her heavy breasts, then adjusts both nipple pumps, suctioning her reddened and engorged teats into bullets. Rich, sweet milk already fills each vacuum. "The next time I allow you to cum, it's going to be around the rest of my fingers and the toy. Do you understand that, Kitten? If you cum before I order it, then I'll switch the ears back on to punish your clit too. I bet it's already so sensitive..."

She nods with exhaustion, unable to speak a word and holding back from coming undone the best that she can manage. It's a real pleasure to see her trying so hard to please me while I torment her in so many ways.

"Good girl. You're getting nicely wet..." I kiss her damp hair as a third finger gradually enters her creamed tight hole. "Breathe, baby girl. You're doing so well… Almost..."

Louise's moans become low and drawn out as she hovers on the verge of pleasure and pain, filled to her limit as my fourth fingertip edges in. I can't move an inch other than to curl the pads of my fingers against her vaginal wall, but the goal is complete. We've been working up to this for weeks in preparation for her first earned wish - double penetration.

Quickly, I tug her drool-sodden, skimpy thong out of her mouth and toss it onto my desk. "Now, do not hold back your voice, baby. I'll take my time giving you exactly what you need."

Louise immediately whimpers, "Daddy... I want to…"

"Not yet. Enjoy it first, then beg for it." My thumb brushes over her full bottom lip, then pries inside. She closes her eyes as she nibbles on my digit, then suckles, allowing me longer to explore with my other thumb that strokes over her urethral opening. She sighs as I circle over with light pressure. "This pussy is so lush when you let me have my way with it, Kitten... I seriously meant it when I said I want to explore and taste you everywhere, but I only want to make you feel good even when I'm punishing you."

"Uh, Daddy... Mmhm..." she gasps while bucking her hips. "Please? I'm close. I want to cum."

"Haha, not yet." My thighs tighten around her trembling legs, holding her squirming body into compliance as I roll the chair closer to the mirror. My voice lowers as I whisper into her ear. "I adore watching you cum and hearing you when you do it, so even though this cunt is mine, I want you to enjoy what I'm doing. Now, play with your clit for me."

Her tied hands rest on her stomach lower to the clamped jewellery, which she tugs as I increase the rabbit's speed. Slowly, I pump it inside her to destroy the last shreds of her resolve. Louise groans as I bring my mouth to hers, seeking out her tongue for our first passionate kiss she's earned from me today.

Louise's muscles tense in a final effort to control her excitement as the dildo continues to whirr faster and deeper while I remove her jewellery and nipple adornments. The ears pummel her swollen, exposed nub into submission as I switch it to rapidly vibrate and watch the flow of milk spilling from her engorged breasts onto my body. "Daddy... Daddy... I need to..."

"Wait. I want to be in you." I pull out the toy, planning to take a dip into her stretched-out pussy, but Louise doesn't hold back and almost screams out as she falls apart. In quick succession, I slap against her gaping cunt and clitoris while she squirts against my palm, down my thighs and splatters over the mirror in a spectacular display of bodily loss of control. I'm stunned, almost to the point I could forget my lack of mutual pleasure after holding out for so long. "Wow. You're really something."

Her cheeks grow beet red at the realisation, and she attempts to shut her dripping legs. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"You made a mess! And I didn't order you to cum, did I?" Louise winces with embarrassment as I force her legs apart to slide the helm of my cock along her moist sex and slap against it. She squirms with sensitivity as I circle over her clit with my frenulum piercing while I deliberate on her sentence. It would be a pity if I ever fully tamed this wild side. "It's almost like you enjoy being punished, Kitten. What to do?"

"Daddy... You're being risky... I might…"

"Yes, you might," I respond calmly as I lose my fight against getting carried away and stroke myself fully hard. She doesn't say another word, even as pre-cum beads at the tip, then drips down my shaft as I masturbate bare-backed against her drenched slit. The letdown of milk was absolutely incredible, that I seriously regret not having her facing me. "You've made things much more difficult. I want you, but you deserve to be taught a lesson."

Louise's softened eyes remain on mine in our reflection, and our hips begin to grind together as my free arm wraps around her stomach. Danger completely incenses me as I take several dips inside, then remain within her while we kiss and fumble with her bound hands.

"I want to feel you," she sighs with encouragement against my lips. Her hips continue to gyrate, taking me deeper inside.

My pace quickens, each thrust becoming increasingly deeper as I push myself to the limit while we roughly kiss, and I tighten my hold around her parted thighs. Pure, animalistic instinct takes over as we continue to couple without restraint and surrender to our base need to multiply. Louise groans as I rub over her clitoris and then fondle her weighty, milk-full breasts.

My breath is ragged, leaving me unable to speak, but I reach towards her pretty, pink-collared throat and gently squeeze as my lips move to suck on her earlobe. Louise continues to use everything at her disposal to encourage me onwards and loops her arms around my neck.

"Keep going," she urges, tugging lightly at my hair with her fingers. "Cum inside me, Daddy. Please?"

"That sounds like a terrible idea, even if it does feel good being this naughty," I tease back as I regain my senses. This lapse of control could be disastrous, and Louise's pout doesn't go unnoticed as I pull out. "Mm... I'd love to see your pussy when it's dripping with me, but I've thought of a more appropriate punishment."

I reach out for the roll of medical tape on my desk, rip it open, and then tear off a piece. With it stuck against my pinky finger, I then grab one of the discarded suckers from my desk with my plan fully formulated.

Louise's eyes widen as I ruthlessly suction up her clit with several pumps. The effects are immediate as she writhes against my chest in intense pleasure. "Ahh! It's…"

I twist it again to ramp up the pressure and observe as it swells while I tape the exposed skin around. Layers between her spread labia follow, temporarily sealing her shut. "Ah ha, it looks so much bigger, Kitten. Does it hurt?"

The shake of her head and groans of excitement say it all, but her hips buck over my lap to seek out my thick cock for extra stimulation. "Please... I want it back..."

"Hm, but there's nowhere to put it..." I mock, thoroughly enjoying her torment as I drum my fingertips against her tape panties, then stroke over the plug. Louise gasps as I twist and tug on it before pulling it entirely out and dropping it to the floor. "Oh? Lean over my desk for me."

Her legs are trembling as I nudge her off my lap and guide her into bending over with my palm squeezing the back of her neck. My knee pushed against her covered sex opens her legs as her hands spread before her in compliance. She glances up at me with her right cheek fully pressed against the table.

I stroke her curled hair in front of her shoulder, then rub down her back and over her buttocks with gentle affection. Little lubricant remains, so with a large quantity squirted over my fingers, then the entirety of my cock, I massage her anus into relaxing for entry. Louise's stiffened body becomes more welcoming, almost melting beneath my light touch, and I slip into the warmth with a second digit. "Mm... it's good, Daddy."

The murmuring sigh from the initial violation encourages me onwards, and with a thrust of my hips, the entire bulbous head of my cock pushes inside. It takes every drop of willpower to not climax immediately from the overwhelming squeeze enveloping my organ. I continue to pump into her snug opening, adding extra lube as needed and bracing myself for an abrupt end. "You're always so tight. Relax."

Louise groans as I begin to thrust my hips into her again until she's deeply skewered upon my girthy rod. I'm barely moving, yet this slower, sensual lovemaking brings me to the edge fast. My hand moves between her legs to increase the pressure sucking her clit bigger before finally removing it.

"It feels good, baby. I need to—Uh!" I withdraw at the point of climax, spraying cum over her taped-up cunt and exposed clit. My fingers immediately slip through my thick froth to circle over the large, puffy nub, which I pinch and tease until Louise almost collapses on her orgasmic, jellified legs beneath me.

"Matt... Ahh... I can't..." My arms catch her as she sinks down, and I bring her cradled against my chest back to my desk chair, full of fondness for this woman.

"Once more... Just once more," I whisper into her ear as she nuzzles into my neck. Louise's legs shake as they open, giving me access, and her eyes land upon the thoroughly punished wet nub of her clit. It remains hugely swollen between the tape from the merciless pumping, and she whimpers as I gently rub it once more between my thumb and forefinger. "Good girl. You're learning quickly. I'll try doing this as fast as I can."

My other hand finds the edge of the wet tape covering her vaginal hole. A poor method for protection in my lustful state of mind. But, realising precisely what I'm about to do, she clutches my wrist for support as I begin peeling it off. "Careful with me, please?"

"I tested on myself first, just like a bandaid," I reply to set her at ease. Louise squeezes her eyes shut, wincing slightly through the sting, but it removes without injury, as promised. I kiss her forehead as I search for the next, moving quickly in my impatience. Fluids and residual lube trickle from her as I open her back up, leaving her labia still fastened as I move to go down upon her. "See, I will never do anything to deliberately harm you, Kitten. But now, it's time to enjoy the spoils."

I've worked up an appetite for this, and moving onto my knees, I quickly dive into the musky, luscious juices with my tongue. Salty cum, sweetened with blueberry lube, dances upon my tastebuds as I devour every drop before working up to her overstimulated clitoris. My arms loop around her legs and waist, preventing her from wriggling away from the intensity of my adoration.

She squirms and vocally cries out as my tongue bar relentlessly flicks and twirls over the firm swelling. My hardened cock already drips with the need to be buried inside her again. Still, I remain focussed on my task of her total surrender and tighten my hold. "Mm..." I begin to hum, vibrating my mouth against her mound before sucking in a rhythm. Zero mercy.

Louise thrashes beneath me, legs over my shoulders and forced into absolute compliance by my muscular biceps and the disparity of our size as I suckle the enlarged bud. My thumbs slip inside her, spreading her canal open again until she finally breaks from the onslaught. "Matthew... Ah! I love you."

I try to compose my shock while she flushes red once more and hides beneath folded arms in my chair. Regret pangs in my stomach at the word I hate to hear. "Nah, I don't think I quite heard you right. You didn't just tell me you love me? You're not allowed, Kitten. Not yet. It's too soon."

She shakes her pretty head, but it's too late, and I hug her on my knees, burying my face against her stomach. For the first time since she faked being in love with me when we first met, I can tell she's genuinely said it. This is a monumental occasion, even if it's happened too soon for me to reciprocate the same simple words.

I'm not ready to hand over my heart.

Until now, I haven't felt myself since that dreamlike moment beneath the rain, almost as if I'm still concussed since Charlotte threw her phone at me and watching someone else living my life. I've been fine with acting through the motions, treating this like some kind of arrangement of getting our needs met while we're forced together by circumstances.  

My voice wavers as I cuddle her tighter, recognising reality. "I promise we'll be like a regular couple once I've worked through my problems. I want to be in love with you again, but I hate feeling like I will lose everything if I do. Just give me some time."

Louise stops hiding her embarrassment and rests her forehead against mine. Her gentle, even breath is warm against my lips as her hair curtains around us. "Everything is good between us, so stop overthinking it. As far as I'm concerned, I can tell how you feel by how you act. I can wait for you to find the words."

The thick barrier I kept up lowers within her embrace. If I want to open my heart, I need to be honest with her about everything happening in my head. "But I normally don't do a great deal of thinking, and we rushed back into this. Well, actually, I do, but it comes after with a lot of churning in my head of bad scenarios that may or may not be happening. Then, I'll sabotage it all to minimise the hurt and make it ten times worse. I still find it hard to believe that you're here after I lashed out and said truly awful things to push you away. I'll jinx it the moment I say it."

She sighs with exasperation. "What's brought this on? Is there something I need to be worried about that you've done?"

"I guess I need validation that I'm not about to have my happiness stolen from beneath me. I've just realised that you and Rebekah are the biggest light in my life since I lost my mum. I know you'll start making new, better friends next week, but I hope you won't give up on me or grow to resent me like my mother did with my father."

Louise lifts the silver photo frame that's fallen on my desk before scrutinising my face closely and smiling. "You look an awful lot like her... Rebekah, too."

I take it carefully from her with fondness. The dark-haired woman in the image can't be much older than twenty with a chubby John clinging to her hand and me as a baby with a fuzz of hair held at her hip. Everything about her aura is beautiful, including the beaming smile that hid so much hurt within my family. I miss her more than anything.

"She was gorgeous, huh? Excelled in athletics, and she was the best distance runner in our school, that there were talks of her doing it nationally. 'Course, that all ended when she met my dad and my brother turned up, but she still liked to run, and I'd go down to the track to watch her."

She nods along to my nervous rambling, surprisingly riveted. "So that's where you get it from."

"Running? If only I had the same level of dedication to something. I wish you could have met her, although she'd give me the biggest telling-off for making her a grandparent so young. I can only hope to make her proud by ensuring you and our children never have to sacrifice your dreams on my account. I want you to achieve whatever you set out to do."

Louise suddenly kisses me on the lips and then smiles. "-dren? So how many do you hope we'll have?"

"Ah, I didn't mean anything in particular by that. I-I'm mesmerised by the hopeful smile sparkling in her eyes. "Don't. Kitten. I'm warning you..."

"If I send you a dirty text later, I'll earn enough points for my next wish, Daddy. Maybe I'll ask for us to have one night of wild, passionate sex? Anything goes..."

"Nice try, but I don't have the time or the money for more than Rebekah. I haven't even finished this work, and I already need to leave to get to my other job. Your course starts on Monday, too. Don't forget that."

Louise juts out her bottom lip, arms folded at not getting her way again. "But you're working at home during the day. What's another to look after? It's easier if they're closer in age, and if we have another girl, we already have everything we need. I'll defer if needed."

I kiss her forehead, not daring to tempt myself further by continuing the conversation. We've already gone further than we should in a moment of lunacy, and self-control doesn't come readily. "Right, I'm off to shower before I give in and end up losing my job as well as my mind. I'll be straight home after work, but don't wait up for me again, Kitten. Bed at one, latest, or you'll be too tired for your party tomorrow. And my dad should be dropping Rebekah off in thirty minutes."

Louise flutters her eyelashes. "But I might not feel tired. It's hard to sleep when you're not here."

"Have I not worn you out?" My hand slips between her legs, making her gasp as I begin to massage her clitoris and then penetrate her with my fingers. Sopping wet, she leans back further in my chair, parting her thighs wider in invitation as my willpower instantly breaks. "Hm, skip the text. I'm going to take my fill of you now. And if you're still struggling to sleep after this, I'll prescribe something that can help."

-----

I step outside the patio doors, Rebekah bouncing and gurgling in one arm with a crate of beer tucked under the other. Hot, smoky charcoal and freshly mown grass drag me back to the happier days of my youth when my parents could convincingly pull off the act of a perfect marriage and partnership. This fatherhood business certainly agrees with me enough that I'm prepared to protect this happiness, no matter the cost.

Perhaps I'll try out this 'love' word again and see how it fits.

Louise takes Rebekah from me as she passes, then carries her towards Sadie, John and Kayleigh, sitting beneath the shade of the trees on a picnic blanket. I'm beyond exhausted after fucking all through the early hours, and I gravitate slowly in the opposite direction towards Justin, standing by the cooler with Shaun.

"Hey, guys. Here, I've got you some beers." The brush of Justin's fingertips zing on contact as I hand the crate over, but I bury the feeling, even as he raises his shades and flashes me a grin. "Where's the girlfriend?"

"As if I can introduce her to your current girlfriend when she's stressed from the fallout of the last one," he replies, ripping into the packaging. "Wait, where's the alcohol? What the hell are these?"

"Trust me, it's better this way," I nod towards my father working the BBQ. "I've gotta hand it to him; he's seriously trying this time."

"Yeah, totally. Anyway, I was literally ten feet away from Laiho," he says, continuing the story I interrupted. "Can you believe it? I've never been so close to the stage before! Then Becka introduced me to some friends she met last year, so we went back to theirs for a few days."

"Ahh, Bloodstock, wasn't it? Guessing that means you two sluts made your way into their beds then."

"With two hot goth chicks? Fuck yes! As if you'd say no to getting high and being sandwiched between three women. It really sucks that you couldn't come."

"Oh, so you wanted to drag me into the bed too. Make sure all the bases were covered, huh?" I tease immediately.

Justin looks panic-stricken. "I didn't mean it that way."

"It's okay. I understand that trying to please three women is an awful amount of work for your lame dick. You only need me to do the lion's share of the work, just like when I cinched the deal between you and Becka."

"You're asking for a slap bringing that back up when that's my missus you're talking about. I was tired, okay? A brief, momentary rest of my eyes, and it's not my fault you decided to roger her the first chance you got."

"You were completely zonked out, snoring and drooling over my pillow! I put my hand on it, and it was wet, uh…" Shaun gapes at us, shocked and unaware of the night in question. "Anyway, you been up to much? I haven't seen you since Rebekah arrived."

"Actually, I just got back from Faliraki with Kayleigh on Friday. The food and bars were absolutely incredible. Fish tavernas right along the beachfront, overlooking the sea. Even stumbled upon a nudist beach while we explored for a nice quiet place to watch the sunset."

"A nudist beach? You didn't…" I respond, stunned by what I'm hearing from our much more straight-laced friend. "Shaun, you kinky devil. I never knew you had it in you."

Shaun begins to smile in abashment at my teasing. "Well, Kayleigh was really keen on the idea, so I thought, 'What the heck. When in Rome.'"

"But you were in Greece," Justin adds, entirely deadpan. "Not Italy."

"It's a figure of speech. Just let him have it," I reply, trying to nudge the conversation forward to the juicy part. "So, 'When in Rome,' when you're actually in Rhodes? What happened next? Tell me you didn't get down and dirty on the beach? Sand is an absolute menace."

"Well, she said yes! Stark-fucking-naked."

My mind screeches to a halt. "Wait, you're telling us you proposed to her on a nudist beach? Bollocks out and everything? My man, that's brilliant news. Congratulations!"

Justin, however, is almost speechless. "Marriage, already? What's the rush? We've still got the best years of our life ahead."

"Well, we've been together two years. It just makes sense before we travel up to Glasgow and live together for the next three years. I haven't heard you complain about Matt rushing."

"Matt's a lost cause. I barely remember who he's with 'cause he flip-flops between women more times than he's changed the bed sheets. Who are you engaged to now? I've got a 'Save the date' on my fridge from Charlotte and another your dad sent me last week. Should I keep both booked in with work for now in case you change your mind by the end of the month?"

"You motherfucker. That's not funny." I lightly punch him on the bicep. "But, when's the date anyway? I swear no one tells me anything, even when I'm expected to be there."

"Heh, which one? March-something for Louise. Didn't you propose? I thought this was supposed to be your engagement party?" Justin creases up with laughter as my jaw drops. As far as I knew, this was Louise's birthday party. "You're so screwed. I have never met someone so under the thumb."

"Watch it, mate, 'cause I'll make sure Becka catches that damn bouquet if it's the last thing I do. I'll see that she's stuck to you for life."

Justin shudders. "Hey, you wouldn't do that to me. I'm just kidding!"

"Wanna bet? I guarantee you'll join Shaun and me by the following year. And in five years, our kids will be mates, running around and causing carnage everywhere." In an impromptu toast, I bash my bottle hard against his and Shaun's. "It's happening, there's nothing you can do about it, and it's gonna be great."

"What's happening?" Louise pipes in, feeding Rebekah in her arms. "Who else is getting married?"

Kayleigh, following her, links her arm to Shaun's and then extends her hand to show Louise the enviously large sapphire and diamond ring. "It was my grandmother's. I told him to keep it quiet with it being your day, but we got engaged on the beach last week."

A rivalry I didn't expect bizarrely strikes up as Louise turns positively green with envy as the limelight settles upon the other woman. "Oh, it's so pretty! Was it at sunset? That must have been so romantic."

"On the beach, but it'll probably be a long engagement. Wait until we've finished our degrees and come back home. Maybe fit in some travelling first? I don't see any point in rushing into a family yet, no offence."

"Oh, none taken. I just hope we don't have to wait too long until we find out Rebekah has a sibling coming." Louise glances at me hopefully as she attempts to compete back. "And I wish I had my ring to show you, but Matt's such a klutz that he misplaced it, so we'll need to pick another one when we choose the wedding bands. Maybe something that matches, honey?"

"Of course, anything for you, sweetheart—Ow!" Justin elbows me in the ribs, then sniggers as he gives me a thumbs down at my simpering. I immediately take that as my moment to escape before I'm fully dragged in and forced to take sides over social etiquette. "I'm gonna check on where the food is at."

I slap my father on the back as I approach. His 'Kiss the Chef' apron looks comically tiny, barely covering his stomach and broad shoulders as he flips shrivelled burgers. "Everyone getting along?"

"I'm not sure. For the moment, perhaps, but where's my invite? I heard everyone else got one other than me."

"Do you not listen to a single word I say? I told you over dinner that March is clear for everyone, so we'll send the notices. At the rate you're moving, it'll never happen." he says, shrugging at me without glancing up from the grill. "Or do you have a problem with March and reckon you'll fuck it up before then, so we need to bring it nearer?"

"Haha, March is fine. Now, how long is this food gonna be? I'm starving." He smacks my hand away with the spatula before I can help myself to a lamb chop. "Oh, come on, you're burning it like the burgers. It'll be dry and horrible once you've finished with it. Just move over and let me."

"You with fire? Not a chance. And you haven't earned the right yet. Oh, and here's my favourite two girls," he says, all rainbows and smiles before clocking the bow clipped onto Rebekah's thick curls. "She's all dressed up for the occasion, I see."

"That's all him, nothing to do with me," Louise pouts, passing a happily fed baby into my arms as I step away from the food. Her hand rests on my shoulder in an uncomfortable level of familiarity while I do my job of winding Rebekah. "Do you need help, or should I drag him from under your feet?"

"I'm almost done here, so put your feet up. I haven't forgotten it's your birthday, too. Actually, we've got a surprise for you."

I'm as stumped as Louise by what it could be, but I follow her to the wooden bench where John and Sadie are stretched out on the picnic blanket. She raises her hand as we pass, blocking the sun's glare in her eyes to look at me. "Can you believe it's actually happening after that train wreck at school? That video of when she crushed your heart was so brutal, but kudos, I guess. You're sure showing them."

"If you can't say nothing nice, then don't say it," John grunts beside her. "Nah, it's great news. Better than when I heard you were moving out, and I'd get more room 'cause I could dump all my shit in yours."

Louise smiles in response, pleased by what has become very much her day despite the earlier setback with Kayleigh. "When you're not busy, you can pop over and check out the new place. Rebekah would love to see her favourite uncle and auntie more often."

"Uncle? Jeez, why d'ya have to make me feel old like that! The last time I held her, she just cried at me. If you've missed me, why can't you just admit it?"

"As if we've missed your mug," I respond in a quick deflection, uncomfortable with being near Sadie. "That's why she cries when she sees you. Looks like Daddy but much uglier and hairier."

"Haha, real funny. You're lucky I've been ordered to be nice to you today, even when you don't deserve it."

Louise stifles her laughter with the back of her hand along with Sadie, who raises her camera towards us. "Alright, come on guys, let's not fight for once. Now squeeze into the photo, and we'll get some proof we love each other really." My arm wraps tightly around Louise's waist with Rebekah between us as Sadie snaps our first family photo with my brother gurning idiotically beside me. "Right, I'm gonna get the surprise, but could you help Matt? I'd ask John, but I can't trust him with it, and it's heavy."

I'm suspicious of her intentions but then realise exactly what it is as I follow her inside the kitchen. She opens a box on the counter holding a jaw-dropping, ten-inch chocolate cake decorated with fresh cream and cherries. I almost sigh in relief that it's not more funny business. "Wow, that looks incredible! Did you make this yourself? You shouldn't have."

"With a little help from your dad," she replies with faint shyness. "I felt bad, okay, and I don't expect another chance after what I said, but can we put it behind us? I don't want this friction between us anymore. I know you've been avoiding me."

"I thought after what we did together, it makes sense for us to not act differently than we always have, but honestly, I'm surprised you haven't left yet. No one cheats on somebody they're happy with."

She shakes her head. "Well, he's never seemed serious about anything before, but he took me out for dinner and discussed our future. After seeing how happy Rebekah has made you, I think he's begun to want those things, too, so he hasn't drunk all month, trying to be a better person. So, if it's not too late, I'd like to try again as friends, with Louise. Do you think it's possible?"

I pause as I take in this new behaviour from the woman placing candles on the cake. Nothing about her demeanour gives way to any sort of sexual tension between us, and I drop my guard. Mending the rift between us won't be easy, but this is a promising start after that previous instigation to continue where we left off.

"I don't see why not. Louise doesn't say anything, but I know she's lonely and it'll be great if you can be friendlier with her. I'm worried she'll struggle to find her place at uni next week, so it might be nice if she has someone to vent with other than me."                                                                      

Sadie nods as I use my lighter on the candles, feeling more at ease. "She starts tomorrow, doesn't she? Sure, I can try reaching out next week for a coffee to see how she's doing. Now, if you carry this, I'll grab the plates and forks."

We've barely stepped outside when I notice a difference in atmosphere, then Justin yelling and waving at me to leave. Time almost seems to stand still as I quickly survey the environment, landing on John holding Sadie's camera at the table and Louise sitting horrified beside him. It's at this moment that I realise it's all over, and the casual ignorance of what transpired between us is no longer possible. I'm a dead man.

My neck prickles with fear at the pure, malignant rage spilling from John as he launches himself across the table and towards me like a juggernaut. Sadie bumps into my back at my abrupt stop, dropping the forks with a clatter on the patio. "How could you be so stupid to not delete the photos? He knows, Sadie. You've gotta leave right this minute while I distract him."

She appears shocked momentarily, not moving until I nudge her back towards the house and pass her the cake to put down. I'm already braced for it, but I don't block the punch aimed at my gut, then the following to my jaw that smashes me to the floor. "Get up and fight me, you bastard. Don't think I'll go easy on you 'cause you won't fight back. That was my fucking girlfriend!"

I have no right to fight back, and I knew when I seduced her that this would happen if he ever found out. It was only a matter of time until she admitted it or the truth came to light in other ways. "I won't fight you. I deserve it."

"How many times?" he yells, spit flying in my face as he grabs me at the collar and stands over me. "How many fucking times have you fucked my girlfriend?"

Louise's hand presses to her mouth, but there's little time to react as he yanks me from the patio, through the kitchen and throws me on the gravel at the front of the house. Much bigger and more powerful than me, there's nothing I can do but remain limp like a rag doll as he drags me back to my feet, then hits me again without mercy and shoves me against the bonnet of my car. His pupils dart back and forth in bewildered fury. "Why'd you do it? Fucking tell me!"

"I don't know what to say. It just happened," I respond, unable to give him any form of reason. He'll be crushed to learn she got bored, and I did it because I could.

"And photographing it just happened, too, you sick bastard? Wanted to rub my face in it using the camera I'd just given her?"

"I didn't know she kept them, but it's over! It never meant anything, and I wasn't trying to steal her from you or break you up."

"You're meant to deny it, Matt! Tell me you fucking didn't, that I'm mistaken, and I didn't see your fucking cock in her mouth! You knew what she meant to me."

He drops me to the ground, and I stare up at the sky as I roll onto my back, prepared to let him finish sinking as many punches or kicks as he needs to process the hurt and betrayal. "I'm real sorry for hurting you."

"I hate you. I really fucking hate you!" John throws the camera, cracking the digital display as it lands near my head. His shoulders droop as it finally sinks in, and his anger gives way to grief. Tears blur my eyes as he falls apart, comforted by my father, who guides him back inside the house. I should have never crossed this line, and revulsion fills me.

Neither Shaun nor Kayleigh acknowledge me as they filter past to their car, but Justin stops briefly without helping. "That's low, real fucking low, even for you, Matt. I hope you're happy with yourself."

"Please, don't hate me. You're the only person I have right now, and I can't bear the thought of losing you too. Please?"

He shrugs me off as I reach for him. "Nah, you're on your own for this one. Sort yourself out before calling me again; I can barely look at you. And apologise to Louise for us for leaving without saying anything."

I realise my monumental mistake as I remain quivering on the gravel, alone, half in shock at how quickly today has descended into a waking hell and with the chilled September air approaching with the evening. The poor decision I made out of self-preservation has well and truly landed a bite to my arse. I should have taken my chance with the rumours about Mr Davies and myself. At least I wouldn't feel so pathetic or guilty over my treachery.

An icepack lands beside me, wrapped loosely in a teatowel, and I look towards a ghostly-faced Louise as I raise it towards my throbbing mouth. Her arms fold, long used to the idiocy. "Is there anybody else you want to admit to while we're at it?"

I pull the ice pack away briefly. "I've never cheated on you if that's what you're asking. In the whole time we've been together, I've remained faithful. I'm telling you the truth."

"I don't care about that. You humiliated me today in front of everybody and hurt John. I'm disgusted by you."

"You think I'm disgusting?" I'm unsurprised, but hearing it hurts, and I fall silent in further anguish.

"Oh, so we're at the pity party stage instead?" she replies with a frown. "No witty comeback? No deflection or an insult towards me?"

"I don't know what else you want from me. I fucked up. I was selfish, put my needs before my brother's, and hurt everybody around me. Even Justin hates me. I'm gonna go to work."

"You're not in a fit state to be driving anywhere right now. Your dad offered to watch Rebekah tonight, so we'll talk, and once I understand the reason why you did what you did, I can help you ask John for forgiveness."

"The reason? What other reason than I was feeling lonely after breaking up with Charlotte- She just happened to be there."

"No, there's more to it than that, and I'm failing to comprehend why you'd go that far with her when she's with him. You're more likely to throw yourself at a stranger than deliberately go out of your way to hurt another you care about. Why can't you be honest with me?"

I drag myself to my feet, needing to escape the interrogation before I say too much. "I'm honestly just an arsehole, and I warned you about that before we got together. Now, can we drop this because I already feel horrible about not thinking- Ah!"

Louise props me up as I stagger forward. My head is pounding from my much-deserved beating. "The problem is you do think to the point you sabotage everything with your overthinking. You told me that, and I can tell when you're lying to me, so I need to know why. It makes absolutely no sense for you to go to her! We're going to sit down, and you're going to explain everything. I want to know what happened leading up to it, during and after. I can't stand by you when I can't trust you to be honest."

My palms are sweaty and heat rises to my face as I realise I can't run away from admitting the truth. Her arm steadies me, giving a slight comfort that I haven't been entirely abandoned. "You're not going to drop this, are you? If you promise you'll at least hear me out first, I'll tell you once I get back home from work. There's a lot to say."

-----

My thoughts remain in knots while I wrestle with what I must discuss with her tonight in a leap of faith. Louise will hear everything, including my brush with our teacher, before the night is done, but that doesn't mean I'll embellish it with my long-seated desire for Justin. If I plan it right, I can hold back a little and preserve that one secret for the sake of my dignity and a friendship that may or may not be repairable.

"Oi! Two Corona, mate. Nah, he ain't fucking listening." The dregs from a plastic pint glass splash up my shirt as I turn, ready to apologise to the punters for zoning off. "Hey, you got a fucking problem?"

"Well, I have now, dickhead. Can't you just learn to wait your turn like everybody else?" I snap back.

"There's nobody else here! Look how fucking empty this shitty place is. You should be grateful that we're even here to give you our money. Hey, Ollie!" I turn towards my boss, who immediately shoves me out of the way and places two bottles on the bar top. "Who the fuck is this muppet you've got in?"

"Sorry. Have these on me while I have a word with him," he says, refusing the cash in the outstretched palm.

"I-I'm sorry, it's just a misunderstanding," I begin as they move away. "I didn't hear them…"

"You're already on your last warning. You've been making mistakes left, right and centre after turning up late, looking like shit. If you're going to come in like that, at least keep your head down and get on with it. I gave you more shifts because you asked for them, but you're costing me and picking fights with regulars. I'm barely scraping by as it is!"

"I know and I'm grateful you've kept me on all this time, but I'm having a real bad day. Just once, can you turn a blind eye? I need this job. My girlfriend is going to uni, and I've got a kid to pay for."

He sighs at my excuses. "One more chance, Matt, and that's it. You're a grown adult, for fuck sake, and you're bringing your problems into work. Now, take a break and go wash your face. I want you back here to clear up by ten."

Every muscle in my body hurts as I haul my sorry arse to the cigarette machine and insert some coins for a pack of Marlboro. I've tried so hard to change all these bad habits, but tonight, I'll indulge to curb the urge to fully combust. With any luck, I'll make it up to Louise in bed before I need to spill my entire guts out. I won't feel better until somebody is on my side.

My final quid is rejected before I can pull the knob, and in my frustration, I punch the machine before dropping the rest of my change everywhere. "Damn fucking thing. Why can I never get what I want!"

"I ask myself the same question," a woman purrs, slipping a coin into the machine and selecting menthols. I know who it is before the packet thumps down, and her slender hand passes around me to collect it. "Want one? I don't mind sharing."

I shouldn't bite, but I do, now further pissed off by losing my money to her. "Sharing? This whole mess started because you didn't want to share my time with my family."

"I've had time to reflect," she responds. As I turn to leave, unwilling to engage further with Charlotte, her other arm shoots out, pinning me at the machine. "I still need a light, my lovely."

"I don't have one," I lie through gritted teeth, knowing she'll rifle through my pockets. "Just get to the point."

"Fine. A little birdy told me you're getting married, and I'm here to tell you exactly what I told her," she taunts, grasping hold of my tie. "You're mine, and in this shitty world, we were meant for each other, so I'm not going to stand back and let that bitch take you away. Is a mundane, boring life really going to make you happy? Nobody gets you in the way that I do."

I laugh sardonically at the moronic raving of the mad woman before me. "Just because you're living life like it's some kind of misery doesn't mean that I want to. My daughter is a thousand times more important than you. Now let go of me while I'm still playing nice, and we can keep our fond memories of each other."

Her doll-like facade drops at a twitch of her lips as I snatch my tie away. I'd almost forgotten this ugly side of her as she became cruel and possessive towards me during the last weeks of our relationship. "Then, I'm glad I've already played my bargaining chip for tonight. You'll see you only have me to come back to. In fact, she told me I'm welcome to you."

Fear grips me immediately. "What have you done? Tell me right now what you've done!"

"What did I do? She reached out to me first for your information. You've been a naughty boy, haven't you? And you're still not over me and never deleted any of those files you kept. Whoops!"

"Files?" Sheer panic takes over. I've been so tired after working day and night that I can't even remember if I switched off my computer or at least locked it before work last night. I was so caught up with Louise. "You gave her the password for the folder? What is wrong with you!"

"I didn't think she'd guess it with my hint, but perhaps using Justin's birthday wasn't one of your brightest ideas."

My hands shake as I reach into my pocket for my mobile and dial Louise's number. I have no plan for what I want to say, with the Sadie situation now completely upheaved, and my blood is running cold with anxiety as my life crumbles beneath me.

"Pick up, pick up," I mutter under my breath as my third attempt to ring her is rejected. My eyes flick towards my ex-flame, leaning against the door in an outrageously short red latex number, clearly here to scrape up the pieces to drag back tonight. "Please, just…"

Her voice is tired as she finally answers. "Stop calling, Matt. I am absolutely sick to death of your nonsense."

"I can explain. None of it was what it looks like."

"Looks like? I heard you two planning to make a fool out of me so you could try taking Rebekah away. I'm already humiliated from earlier, and now I find out that you never even loved me. Not once. You only slept with me because you couldn't have Justin! And then I find out that you tried hooking up with our maths teacher only a day before Rebekah was born."

Dread hangs onto my limbs and sucks the air from my lungs. I'm unable to will myself to speak as I suffocate beneath her allegations. They're all true. Every single disgusting word of it.

"I-I never…" My throat tightens further, tangling my words with it.

"Do you wish I was him?" she asks without waiting for my answer. "And don't you dare try to lie to me! Everything you've done and every word you've said is in front of me right now. You're not trustworthy or sincere, and I've come to realise there are more people I know you've slept with than those you haven't. I know all the sordid, twisted secrets you've been hiding from me this entire time. Both of you were fooling me into staying with you long enough so you could prove you were financially supporting Rebekah. Were you waiting until I married you before calling it off to get back with her? She even showed me her wedding dress, for Christ's sake!"

The vast stack of accusations leaves me too stunned to defend myself or to lessen the blow, especially with the extra fuel Charlotte has piled onto the fire. I can't deny that I've screwed up by hanging onto the past, but I'd planned to delete all of those videos. Still, I'd left the folder in the trash in my hesitancy to erase everything that had at one point caused me meaning for an entire six months.

Louise sighs down the phone, filling the growing silence. "I'm going to need some time to think. Don't come home tonight."

"Do you think less of me?"

"I thought I knew you, but this has completely blindsided me. Even if I no longer need to worry about her, there will always be a part of you that wants something else. Don't try pretending that you don't harbour those kinds of thoughts anymore, either."

"I don't know how much I need to apologise, but please don't leave me. I've been trying so hard to be what you need since being with you, and I want to raise our family together. Give me a chance to make it up to you. We'll talk all night if necessary, and I'll answer everything truthfully."

"Do you know how many times I've heard you pleading for me to listen and telling me you're sorry? Nothing ever changes with you, and this has been so much to unpack. Hand on heart, have you thought about him since we've been together?"

I don't want to ask it, but I know it's only a matter of time until he finds out. "Do I need to stop being friends with him? Is that what it takes for you to trust me again?"

"I'm hanging up, Matt. Don't try calling me again 'cause I'm switching my phone off. It's my first day tomorrow, and I'm not having you ruin it by tiring me out with your drama."

The phone line falls dead, cutting me off from being able to give any form of reasonable explanation. I'd asked her to give me time to collect my thoughts and work out my reasons before I splurted out everything so unprepared. Instead, she'd sought out the truth herself and now knows everything that I wanted to protect, unfiltered through Charlotte and our conversations from sex tapes.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I slam against the wall, caring little for the pain throbbing through my fist.

Today has gone well and truly to hell because of a ridiculous slip-up with Sadie, leading to a mountain of much bigger mistakes that needed to stay hidden. I have no idea how I can save this or where I can start to explain my sexuality in a way that she'll understand I won't ditch her the first moment a man looks at me. I should have stayed back to explain everything when she gave me the chance instead of going to work today. I could have mitigated some of the damage without the harbinger of doom gleefully witnessing it and revelling in my misery.

My fury turns on her as she bursts into laughter. "I wish I'd never met you. In fact, I'd rather meet the devil incarnate over whatever fucking ghoul you are. Now get the fuck outta my way."

However, Charlotte doesn't move from her spot, blocking the doorway into the bar. A smile twitches at her mouth in response to my outburst. "I suppose that can be arranged. It's not too late for you to meet him and forget about this dreadful girl. She doesn't understand you in the way that I do or make you feel the way that I can. And after just one night, I'm sure you'll come running back once you've tasted us tearing into your body."

I want to crumple, and I tear at my hair, full of a sense of despair over the impending destruction of everything I've built up. Every waking moment has been dedicated to making life better for Rebekah, and I almost collapse into her open arms, with every atom of my being desiring the pain she'll bring me to dampen the torment eating at my soul. But I know this is precisely what she's been waiting for and why she's helped shake up my stability. My utter ruin will never be Charlotte's win.

My deeply rooted sorrow parts for searing hatred. I'd seek solace between another's thighs before I'd ever return to her if it is indeed all over. "No. You should have waited patiently for me to fuck up my relationship entirely by my own hand before you interfered. Now, you'll never get me back."

The confusion on her face as I exit through the front door is priceless and a small win on what has otherwise been a car crash of a day. For all of her scheming, she never expected I'd remain strong enough to deny her, but I won't repeat that mistake for the second time. I intend to fix this misunderstanding head-on instead of running away from it.

As I race through the winding country lanes, I'm at my tipping point, hastened by Krisiun's relentless blast beats and crushing lyrics roaring beyond my opened windows into the night. I knew my job was forfeit when I left in my car. Still, my relationship is far more important than the trivial hardship my lack of wage will cause. This is far from over. I refuse to let this end here because of some absurd videos and an unrequited first love.

My breaks slam on as I'm hit by a red, virtually within sight of my goal. As far as I'm concerned, this entire moment is a test of loyalty by putting temptation in my way at my lowest point to see if I'll take the bait. I'm nearly incensed by Louise's doubt in me when I've done nothing but give her my all. But for now, I'm prepared to hand over my chain and crawl at her feet like a pitiful mutt. I'll win her over all night until the early hours if that's what it takes.

She'll be consumed with thoughts of me 'til death do us part, exactly how she wanted, and I won't accept anything less than her full adoration.

An eternity passes while I wait for the green light, now tapping on the steering wheel in growing impatience. In ten minutes, my love will realise exactly how serious I am when I finish what I started yesterday and fill her with my seed exactly as she begged me. Tied down, I'll take my time while I adore her and prove there's nobody else I desire. She'll never dare to rechallenge my faithfulness in this way.

I instantly recognise that something is wrong the moment I pull away. A sickening sensation drops in the pit of my stomach as my brakes screech to a halt on the tarmac, now blinded by the beams of another vehicle skipping the lights at the adjacent junction and hurtling towards me. I'm powerless to stop the collision, my fate now sealed by the dark cloud of circumstances and decisions that have pursued me relentlessly to this moment.

Haven't I already sacrificed enough?