“Would you like some more tea?”
Alice smiled as the face of the hatter filled her vision. She was laying upon her back upon the lawn, damp and sticky and still very much naked, not that she was overly concerned at the moment.
‘He is very handsome,’ she thought, gazing into his twinkling eyes and his infectiously mad smile. ‘And a true gentleman, too!’
For, as she was thinking those thoughts, the hatter had helped her to sit up and gently placed his coat around her shoulders, restoring a small bit of modesty as well as warding off a cool breeze which was blowing through the meadow.
“Yes, tea would be most welcome,” she eventually replied. “And perhaps another cake, if there are any left?”
“Of course!”
He sounded delighted at the prospect of pouring her another cup and fetching her a small cake on which to nibble.
“Thank you ever so much.
“The pleasure is all mine,” he smiled and winked and then, did something both surprising and not surprising at all. He kissed her on the mouth tenderly.
“Oh!” Alice managed, feeling a little out of breath when he was done, for indeed, it was a splendid kiss, one that she felt all the way down to her toes.
“Do you know what time it is?” he asked.
“I am quite sure I have lost all track of time,” Alice admitted, smiling shyly, a rosy blush coloring her cheeks.
“Tea time!”
Leaping suddenly to his feet , tea splashing from the teapot in his hand, he ran to the table and started filling all the tea cups while the dormouse and the hare flung themselves into empty chairs.
“What is the difference between a mock turtle and a lemon pie?” the hatter bellowed as she climbed upon the table, hat in one hand, teapot in the other.
“Three hours!” shouted the hare.
“A ball of yarn!” answered the dormouse robustly.
Alice, not wanting to be left out and feeling a bit giddy after finishing her cake, called out as well.
“A flock of geese!”
“Correct!” answered the hatter, although to whom, she wasn’t quite sure nor was she entirely sure that it mattered.
Just then, she saw a familiar smile appear above one of the empty chairs, followed by a familiar pair of eyes and, eventually, an entire cat.
“Oh, Cheshire, I am so very glad you could join us,” Alice gushed, rushing over to her familiar friend and throwing her arms around him. “Would you like some tea? Or perhaps a cake?”
“Perhaps later, my dear. I don’t plan on staying. I just wanted to warn you that the queen’s guard is nearby. Perhaps it would be wise if you didn’t draw their attention.”
“Oh, dash and bother!” Alice said, stamping her foot. “Just as I was beginning to enjoy myself too.”
“Everything has a price, Alice. Always remember that.”
And with that, he faded from view, leaving Alice with the hatter and his cohorts who were busy arguing, quite loudly, over the sugar bowl. So boisterously, in fact, that they could be heard for quite some distance…
“Hatter? Hare? Perhaps it would be best if you were to quiet down a little?”
“Quiet down? Unlikely!” proclaimed the hatter, twirling his hat before setting it rudely upon his head. “Might as well ask a Bandersnatch not to snatch banders!”
“Or a jabberwock not to wock jabbers!” the hare said unhelpfully.
“But the Queen’s guard will hear you!” Alice implored, not quite expecting the reaction that followed.
“The Queen’s guard?” the hare whispered, his ears twitching and his eyes wide with fear.
“Where? Here?” the dormouse squealed, wetting itself.
“Twinkle bats and oyster shells,” whimpered the hatter, looking wildly around the clearing, obviously distressed.
“Yes, well, no, not yet, but nearby, or so said Cheshire, and he is rarely mistaken about such things.
“Aw, well, in that case, there is only one logical thing to do,” declare the hatter, looking suddenly quite calm and somewhat regal as he stood in the center of a platter filled with cakes. He bowed deeply in Alice’s direction, his smile almost heartbreaking.
“It’s been a pleasure, but I fear our time together has come to an end.”
Before Alice could even open her mouth, let alone get a word in edgewise, the rather handsome madman was sprinting as fast as he could into the surrounding trees, followed closely by the hare and the dormouse (who was riding upon the hare’s shoulder, clutching him with his tiny claws, his eyes tightly shut) leaving Alice alone once more, although not for long, for the Queen’s guard were indeed near, and they had come to investigate what all the shouting was about. And that is how they discovered Alice, dressed only in a green velvet frock coat, and looking quite disheveled as she licked a bit of errant frosting nervously from her lips.
“At attention!” cried out a very large nine of hearts, its arms and legs protected by well polished mail, a steel helm upon its head.
The other cards, of which there were six, if you didn’t count the nine, came to a halt, standing rigidly in formation, the butts of their pike planted firmly on the grass covered ground while the nine, obviously an officer, stepped forward, drilling Alice with his gaze.
Nervously, for he looked quite serious, she took a hesitant step backward.
“Halt, miscreant!” the nine barked.
Shaking, Alice did just that, her heart beating furiously as the card guard stepped forward, approaching her, his mail clanking with every step until he stood before her, towering above, his eyes glittering dangerously.
“State your name, rank, and suit!”
“Alice, Sir. Just Alice. I don’t believe I have a rank or a suit?”
“No rank? No suit?” The card leaned forward until its rather impressive nose was almost, but not quite, touching hers. “Insubordination of the first order, is it?”
“No, Sir,” she returned, her voice trembling somewhat. “But I don’t have a rank or a suit or even a title.”
“Preposterous! Three! Four! Seize her for questioning!”
Panic set hold as a pair of cards advance, their faces stern and merciless. Spinning on her heel, she ran in the direction that the hatter had fled, hoping to out pace them, not daring to look over her shoulder, knowing that they were gaining by the sound of their heavy footsteps.
‘I can lose them amongst the trees,’ she told herself, as she made it to the edge of the clearing. ‘Just a few more steps…’
She let out a frustrated cry as she was yanked back on her ass, one of the guards having grabbed her tailcoats just as she was about to pass beneath the limbs of the great oaks…
“Please pay attention, Alice,” Doctor Carpenter spoke, disapproval coloring his words.
Alice blinked, wondering where she was and how she’d gotten there. She was lying on her back on a flat surface, staring up at the ceiling. She tried moving, only to discover that she was held down my several thick leather straps crossing her calves, thighs, waist, and chest. Not only that, but her ankles and wrists were cuffed and attached to the examination table as well.
“I’m sorry, Doctor,” she apologized, doing her best to keep calm as she turned her head to regard him, her eyesight decidedly fuzzy. “What were we talking about?”
The Doctor sighed as he removed his glasses, cleaning them carefully with his handkerchief before replacing them on his large nose. “Impossible things. You were telling me of your capture by… playing cards.”
“Oh, right!” Alice nodded, letting out her breath as she recalled being dragged before Captain Nine of Heart by her coattails. He’d asked her again for her rank and suit, and again, she insisted that she had neither.
“He told me that I’d given him no choice but to take me prisoner in the name of the Queen of Hearts. I was shackled, Doctor, and led by a chain about my throat. We walked for the better part of the day until we reached the palace of the Queen. I was then paraded through the courtyard, wearing nothing but the hatter’s tattered green velvet cloak and then taken to the dungeon and thrown, quiet gently, thankfully, into a cell and told to behave myself. Having very little choice, I promised not to make any trouble and not to attempt an escape. Quit honestly, I was too tired to come up with a plan let alone see it out, so I curled up on a small straw mattress in the corner and, well, that is the last thing I recall up until just now.”
She watched as the doctor made notations in his notebook, glancing up to leer at her occasionally thoughtfully. Glancing downward, she realized that, while she no longer wore the hatter’s coat, she did have on a pair of plain cotton knickers and brassiere.
“So, Alice. You are sure that these… delusions of yours are real? The talking flowers? The creature in the fen? The Hatter and the Hare and the talking playing cards?”
“When said out loud, I guess it all seems rather… odd,” Alice admitted, licking her lips nervously as he leaned forward to stare at her intently, a frown building beneath his bush mustache. “And yet, it feels too real to discard as a mere dream.”
Doctor Carpenter shook his head and heaved a great sigh. It sounded quite sincere, as if a great weight had been rested upon his shoulders. Alice felt a pang of guilt about causing him such disappointment, although she held firm to her belief that her memories were true. Wonderland did exist and she had been there. No matter what anyone else thought, she wasn’t crazy.
“I think that we have reached a point where counseling is no longer effective, Alice. I think it’s time to return you to Doctor Paine’s care. I’ll have to turn you over to Mistress Sinclair, I’m afraid. I really did hope to avoid that…”
Alice shivered, a vague memory of being taken to a terrible place where very cruel things were done to her. An image of an imposing blonde woman in a starched white uniform passed through her thoughts, causing her to shiver.