One Halloween night, my new neighbor came a-knocking. I heard her say, “Do you want to taste some of my pumpkin soup, Peter?” I opened the door. Gertrude promptly handed me a whole bowl and when I fished out a dripping dildo, she gave out a howl. Gertrude looked at me with crazy eyes, “Peter, would you like some pumpkin pie for desert?” Without a pause, she opened her dress. She was as orange as a carrot down there. Ninet...

I had been searching for a Muse for my writing habit for months, when on an early morning walk on South Beach in Point Dume, Malibu I looked up an enormous, cliff-like sand dune and spied the entrance to a small cave with a minute sign that was unreadable. Although absent my climbing gear, I attempted to reach it. When my hand pulled me over the threshold of the cave’s lip, I glimpsed a sandy, gritty tunnel in the distanc...

Lady D. was badass to the bone. Blonde and hirsute, with her wild bush peaking around the corners of her leopard-spotted, silk bikini and her outrageous prize-winning breasts; she would wrestle a male client to the ground. smash him in the face and then hop over his naked, supine body, cup his head, and feed him her fine, pink pussy, along with a drink of a friendly, intimate, guaranteed squirt. When she was bored, she wa...

Before her catastrophic encounter with Perseus, on the island of Sarpedon, Medusa had taken off her ridiculous hat of snakes and gotten down to the serious business of giving birth while her girlfriend, Artemis, stood guard. Presently, everyone could hear the frightening mews of Medusa. I dare say, her real power lay in her loins, as was demonstrated by her in the hard, heat of labor she had just entered. When the baby’s...

In ancient times at the Temple of Apollo, the pederastic priests roamed about, receiving and serving the naughty sun god. At Delphi, I, too, heard and heeded the call of the ancient god. I followed the forbidden path of Icarus, right up until I met my Maker, a masked, massive, masterpiece of callipygous proportions. Apollo, bright and shiny, while seated in his solarium, greeted me at the door of his palace. He prepared m...

You see, he was separated from his mother at birth and has been a lost boy ever since. He has a favorite dream he always tells me about. His dream puts him in the Colosseum facing down lions at the early age of eighteen years. Miraculously, his mother is sitting in the crowd and somehow recognizes him despite all that has come to pass. She sends her armed guards to assist him. They chop away and he is saved. The men bring...

Did I tell you that old age can be a Pandora’s box of fear and worry, filled with fleeting memories of past, faded glory? That though a nursing home might sound delightful, actually, I found it exceedingly dreadful and at times, deliberately spiteful. Let me brief you that for years I lived with my kids until, suddenly, I did not. When the Move occurred, the social worker said, “Welcome!” The nurses lectured, “Be good and...

“Oh, did I tell you, I am dying, my darling. “ “How grotesque!” “Oh, I guess not. I forgot to mention it. I am so sorry my dear.” “Please, stop talking, now!” “Okay, my love.” But if I had continued, I would have let her know about a whole series of exceptionally serious events that had taken place on the previous Valentine’s Day. First and foremost, I received an urgent message from my doctor to come immediately to his o...

Ms. Claus shouted at Santa, “I am sick and tired of your gallivanting around the world, getting into your pathetic trysts, threesomes and orgies. This eve you are staying home. I will be your sleigh-ride tonight.” She grabbed his beard and pulled him face to face. She dropped her sash, opened her robe of silk and offered her breasts. Next, she lifted up her nighty to show her sparkling, red gash. “Now look at me, you fool...

It was dark when I first heard the sound of the plane. Then with the growing light of dawn, I saw the Cessna fly in from the Libyan skies and land further out on the Moroccan bay. The Cessna was right on schedule and I rowed out to meet it. When I got to the wing, I bellowed, “Permission to come aboard.” With a squeal of laughter, the door of the plane opened. ‘’Sure, sailor, come in and join the party,” whispered the mor...

Raymond was chanting, “Gate, gate, para gate, para sam gate, bodhi swaha." In a flash, his consciousness went swirling out into the universe. He suddenly remembered himself before he was born, before he had a physical body, when he was only mind. He was soaring, he was floating, he was sailing. He was one with Atman, he was part of the Godhead. Since that time, so many years ago, he had been born once again. Nowadays, Ray...

The drunken, naked sailors were strewn about the deck, eyes to the sky, muttering old sailor songs, when a nasty gale found them and exposed them all to the terror. The waves were high and the surge of the sea left them wet, cold, and destitute. Once swept over-board, there was no bottom and no net to catch them. There was nothing to hold on to. Timothy’s head was spinning like a dreidel when he felt the warm embrace of S...

A year had passed since last summer’s break-up. The son of a bitch had told her that she would never be able to find love again; that no one in their right mind would ever want her. She had half-believed him, knowing she would never ever be the same. Some days it had been hard to even get out of the brick-walled apartment. Yet, she was not a mope and made it a point to keep it wet by going to seedy massage parlors where s...

I remember that special first day quite clearly because it was so incredible and the beginning of many amazing days to come. The early morning sun shined brightly, as its rays filtered through the palace windows. I can proudly say that I had been summoned from the Garden to be in the presence of God. The Old Man looked at me with love. “Adam,” he said, “you have been a good man. As a reward, I want to train you to be a Go...

It was June 23, 1913, twenty years to the day since my daughter had disappeared while riding for the New Pony Express in New Mexico. I was reading an obscure memoir of an American Indian visionary in the blue room of the San Francisco library when his description of a girl he had seen in a vision leaped out at me. The chief described seeing the marriage ceremony of a spirit girl dressed in white buckskin with a heart with...