"Miss Jill...? Miss Jill...? Time to wake up," Rita knocks on the door.
"I'm awake, Rita," Jill answers, "I'll be out in a second."
She's been dreading this day for a long time, and at the same time, she's been looking forward to it. The thought of the tattoo needle piercing her skin scares her. The beautiful arm she'll have when it's finished excites her.
She never really realized how much the burn scar affected her life until she did an intense hypnotherapy session with Maggie. In a hypnotic trance, Maggie took her deep into her subconscious, where they healed the psychological wounds she'd been suffering from since her infancy.
Getting this tattoo will be the final chapter of her life with the scar. Enduring the pain of the needle will be the final hurdle she'll have to overcome before she can finally close the book.
She can't put it off much longer, but she lets her mind wander just a few minutes more. She indulges herself with thoughts about Dani, the new friend she and Allie met yesterday. A t-girl just like them, they liked each other from the moment Maggie introduced them.
Somehow they ended up at Dani's apartment, and it wasn't even an hour before the three of them were in bed. Their t-girl sex was so intense, it was like the three of them had been lovers for years. When it was over, they all knew, this first time would surely not be their last.
She was able to take her mind off the tattoo when they were with Dani, but hard realities never seem to go away until they're faced So as they drove to Rita's house last night, Jill's thoughts returned to her scar. Rita comforted her the best she could before they went to bed, but she could not lie to her about how difficult this day might be.
"Miss Jill...?" Rita knocks again. "I have breakfast ready. I want you to eat something before we get started."
"I'm sorry," Jill says as she comes into the kitchen. "I closed my eyes for a second and must have fallen back to sleep."
"I can understand. It's still very early."
"What time is it?"
"Six o'clock... how do you like your eggs?"
"Over-medium, please. This coffee really hits the spot. Guess what Rita...? They gave us estrogen yesterday."
"Congratulations! You're on your way to becoming a beautiful girl, Miss Jill. I can see it in you already."
They share some valuable girl time over breakfast while James and Allie sleep. Rita completed her female transition years ago, and Jill's come to see her as a big sister. An older and more experienced sister, who's already gone down the road she and Allie are just beginning to travel.
Rita sends her to the shower after breakfast while she goes back to the studio to get things set up. She's almost got everything ready when Jill comes in to join her.
"Are you ready to make your arm beautiful, Miss Jill?"
"I guess so. Is this sleeveless blouse OK to wear?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to take it off. The design comes up behind the top of your shoulder. Just relax while I transfer the stencil to your arm. This first part will be easy."
After about an hour, Rita says, "OK, Miss Jill, the design is on. Let's take a little break before we get into the real nitty-gritty."
"I could use another cup of coffee," Jill agrees.
The design looks like a bunch of scribbled black lines to her, but she trusts that Rita knows what she's doing.
James and Allie are up and talking in the living room as they make their way to the kitchen.
"Morning, girls," James says, "We got the last of the coffee, but I made another pot. It should be ready in a few minutes. You two sure got up early."
"We're getting an early start," Rita says, "I'd like to get the first part done today if I can. It's gonna take a while."
"Look, Allie," Jill says, "I got black lines all over my arm. My scar will never look the same."
"Hard to tell what it looks like," Allie observes.
"It won't look the way it's supposed to until I get all the colors in," Rita explains. "This'll be the most intricate tattoo I've ever done. It's a very special design for a very special lady."
"I'm not looking forward to the next part," Jill says.
"Did you say you smoked pot?" Rita asks.
"Well, yeah... doesn't everyone?"
"I thought so, I just wanted to make sure," Rita says, "James...? Would you roll Miss Jill a number from our special stash?
"The Maui-wowie?"
"Yeah... I want to get her nice and loaded before we get into the hard part."
Rita and Jill go to the kitchen to fill their cups when they hear the coffee pot gurgling, while James gets his special bag of weed. "I probably should have asked you if you wanted to get high before I told James to roll one for you," Rita says to Jill.
"You didn't have to ask me, Rita. Nine out of ten times I'll want to smoke one. I don't usually smoke this early in the morning, but this isn't a usual morning."
"It'll help calm you down. You're very tense, I could feel it in you when I transferred the stencil. The more you can relax, the easier it will be."
James lights Jill's joint and lights another for him and Allie. The pot goes to her head before she even lets out the first toke. She takes another hit and passes it to Rita.
"No thanks, Miss Jill," Rita passes, "I can't smoke anything today. I need to have a steady hand. I want you to smoke it all yourself."
"Shit, this is some heavy weed," Jill lets out her second hit, "if I smoke all this myself, I'm gonna be so wasted."
"That's the idea, Miss Jill. I want you to be very wasted."
Jill smokes it down to the roach before she puts it in the ashtray. Her vision is blurry and she's dizzy when she stands up, and Allie has to help her down the hall to Rita's studio room.
"Get on the table and lie on your tummy for me," Rita instructs. "We're going to start up here on your shoulder and work our way down your arm. Are you ready to have a beautiful arm?"
"I guess so," Jill mumbles, "I'm so fuckin' stoned."
"OK, Miss Jill, here we go."
The 'zzzzzzzzzz' sound she's been dreading for weeks tells her the moment has arrived. She reaches out for Allie's hand when the needle pierces her skin. The first few minutes are tough to take, but with Allie's support and Rita telling her to be brave, she gets through it.
The pot is really hitting her hard when Rita has her roll onto her back. She's starting to feel nauseated, and the pain is getting intense. "How-ya doing babe?" Allie asks.
"It doesn't matter how I'm doing," she stumbles over her words, "there's no turning back now."
"Stay brave, Miss Jill, stay brave," Rita encourages.
As the morning hours go by, Jill never lets go of Allie's hand as she tries getting accustomed to the pain. It's going much slower than Rita would like. The design is intricate and she's having trouble piercing through the scar tissue. By lunchtime, she isn't close to being where she wants to be.
Jill's glad to break for lunch. She's not inspired when she looks at her arm in the mirror. She can make out what seems to be leaves growing on a vine, but mostly what she sees is a red, irritated arm. It feels like a fire is burning under her skin where the needle has been, and there's no comfort in knowing she's only just begun.
"Eat something, Miss Jill," Rita says.
"I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat something for lunch."
"I'm kinda sick to my stomach. It feels like I'll throw up if I eat. I'll be alright."
"Are you sure? Tell me if you get hungry later. We can always take a break."
She's in a dizzy-daze going back to the studio. She thinks it's probably because of the joint she smoked earlier, so she pushes on. Rita has her sit in a comfortable chair with her arm resting on a small table this time, instead of lying on her back.
With her feet on the floor, she's not as dizzy as she was, but the fire under her skin rages on. Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon, she's tolerating the pain a little better as she closes her eyes and drifts off into sort of a meditation.
Her mind wanders back in time, recalling many sad events from her childhood. She was a lost and scared little kid when those events happened, but as she relives those same events now, she's not lost and she's not scared. In her mind, she's holding hands with a girl companion, and that girl is her own self.
She's comforting Jerry, the little boy she was back then, telling him it'll all be OK. The painful memories of her past are fading away, disappearing into the black void of space. Jerry is dying as Jill claims the life that was always meant to be hers.
She's somewhat detached from the reality around her until Rita says, "OK, Miss Jill, let's take a dinner break."
She's surprised it's almost six o'clock. As she comes back to the present moment, the fire in her arm still burns and the pain is worse than ever. Yet under all that pain, she feels a calmness in her soul. She still feels terrible, but her inner girlfriend is telling her to hang on, this pain will pass.
She tries eating some dinner, but she's still nauseated and only picks at her food. Rita and Allie tell her she needs to eat, but they can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do.
They go back to the studio a couple of hours more until Rita gets exhausted. She really wanted to finish this part today, but there's no avoiding it. She'll have to finish it tomorrow.
The next morning, Jill's not feeling good at all. She hardly slept all night as the fire raged in her arm. She didn't eat much dinner last night and only eats an egg for breakfast.
"Are you sure you want to keep going, Miss Jill?" Rita asks, "We can finish this part next time if you're not feeling well."
"I feel like total shit," Jill says, "but as long as I'm in this hell, I might as well stay in it until we're done. Let's finish it today."
"I'll call home and tell the girls we'll be late," Allie says.
While Allie's calling the girls on the kitchen phone, Jill and Rita go back to the studio to resume the work. James comes in to clean up the breakfast mess, and Allie pitches in when she's off the phone.
"Jill's a brave little soul," he tells Allie..
"I know. We've been together a year now, and she never stops amazing me."
"That's how I feel about Rita."
"How long have you two been together?"
"Almost eight years now, and they've been the happiest years of my life. I wish I could marry her."
"I can see how strong she is. She's got the cutest little body."
"I know. When we first met, her titties were just starting to grow. It's been so cool watching her change into the hot little fox she is now."
"I bet she's a hot lover."
"She's the absolute best," James says. "I could never go back to a natural-born woman after being with Rita. She never has a period and she'll never get pregnant. Not that I'm against kids, but it's just not for me. I know there's a lot of really fine women out there. But for me, I'll take my little t-girl over any girl I've been with."
"I better go check on Jill," Allie heads to the studio.
Jill's got her eyes closed as Rita works on the lower part of her arm. "How's it going in here?" Allie asks.
"Another hour or so we should be done," Rita says. "Jill's being very brave."
"How ya feeling, babe?" Allie kisses her.
"I'm OK. It fuckin' hurts like hell, but I'm learning to deal with it."
"I called home and Rosy said to tell you she loves you and she's thinking about you."
Rita finally finishes around noon, and Jill's relieved it's over, for now anyway. "When should I come back to start getting the colors put on? she asks.
"We'll have to let this heal before we do anything more. I'd say about two weeks, but it all depends on how fast it heals. If it starts getting real red, you should go to the doctor and get some antibiotics."
"Thanks, Rita. Thanks for working on it so long."
Rita hugs Jill and gives her a long kiss as they're leaving. "You're a brave girl, Miss Jill," she says. "Make sure you rest and get something to eat."
~~~~~~~~
It feels good getting back in the car and heading home again. The fire in Jill's arm won't stop burning, but at least the needle is no longer attacking her. After two hours of driving, Allie gets hungry and pulls into a truck stop.
"I'm fuckin' starved," she tells Jill as she checks out the menu.
"I'm not that hungry," Jill says, "I'm just gonna get a bowl of soup."
"You haven't eaten much since yesterday. Are you feeling alright?"
"I feel sick to my stomach. Probably because of getting tattooed. And those joints they gave me really wiped my ass out. I started feeling nauseated yesterday when I was on the table."
"Well, you've been through a lot. It's been a busy weekend."
"It has been. I'm really glad we met Dani. I've been thinking about her a lot."
"No shit... She's was so hot. We weren't even there an hour before we were fucking her."
"I know. I think she was just horny for real cock. I can't imagine being that horny and only having toys to satisfy myself."
"You think we'll fuck her again?"
"I'm pretty sure we will. We were like, so in tune with each other. She's exactly like we are, being transgender and everything."
"T-girls. That's what she said we are. I like that word. We're not real girls, and were not queers, we're in between. T-girl seems to fit."
"Well, we better tell Rosy and Carla about her. It wouldn't be good to keep this behind their backs. They said we can be with our men, but they might not think the same thing about Dani. We have to know how they feel about it."
"You think Carla will be pissed if I tell her?"
"If she gets pissed, she gets pissed. We still have to tell them. We're married and we can't keep anything from them."
Back on the road, Jill curls up in the seat and tries to get some sleep, but doesn't really rest much as the fire in her arm rages on. It's dark when they get back to Des Moines, and they're both really glad to be back home.
She's not totally aware of where she is when they get home, but she knows Rosy's arms when they hug her as she's coming in the door.
"I'm so glad you're back, baby," she kisses her husband. "I missed you so much. How'd it go? Allie told us you were still getting tattooed this morning. How do you feel?"
"I feel like shit, if you want to know the truth. But I feel better being with you again."
"How's your arm feel?"
"Like a forest fire burning out of control. I'll be wearing long-sleeved blouses for a while. It looks so ugly right now. I don't want anyone to see it."