Cait left, with her mom. Just like that. She left me. And I was alone, somewhere between Cait and Lucy and this big ugly secret that wasn't even my secret and so it shouldn't have been mine to keep. But it was, and that was so unfair. The world had ended, and Lucy wanted to know why, and I couldn't tell her. So I just stayed away. She called me all the time, and at first, I picked up when she did. She cried every time, an...

There was stuff going on with Cait's mom and dad, but we didn't know about it because we were never there anymore really, and when we were we almost always made sure it was when they weren't home because we kinda had our own life now. A different one separate from them. And anyway, they didn't tell us about it. I found out later that mom knew, of course, but they had asked her not to tell us anything because maybe, just m...

So that's what I meant when I said all my dreams came true. I got to be with Cait's dad and I got to be with Lucy, and Cait still loved me, and Cait and I realized we were going to be together forever. And we both wanted Lucy to be a part of that, and we both moved on from that thing with her dad. It wasn't like I fell out of love with him, but more like it just wasn't that important anymore, or maybe I just learned what...

I had expected to find them fighting. Pounding on each other and clawing each other's faces and pulling each other's hair, so when I saw them like that, for about half a second that's what I thought they were doing. That they had been fighting and had ripped each other's clothes off, and Cait had thrown Lucy down on the couch, and Lucy had gotten her in a headlock between her thighs, or something stupid like that. But tha...

Lucy only stayed at home for two days after the funeral, and her boyfriend and I stayed there with her. I figured he would sleep in her room, but when it was time to go to bed that first night, I told him the thought of sleeping in Lucy's mom's bed kind of creeped me out and that I'd rather sleep on the couch, but he said, "No, no. Go sleep with Lucy. She needs you more than she needs me now. I'll take her mom's bed." And...

'I should have gone home', I thought. 'Fuck! Why didn't I just go home? What was I thinking? I've ruined everything.' "Actually, I'm… I'm with Lucy," I said. And Cait just said, "oh." "Cait," I said. "I'm sorry." "Why?" she said. "Did you fuck her?" "No. Of course not. You know that I would never do that." "Yeah, you would. Are you in her bed?" "Yes, but I'm always..." "Are you naked?" she said, and I realized I was, but...

"So was it mom or dad?" Cait said. "Or both?" I didn't answer her right away. I just stood there, studying her face to see if she was angry, or what she was thinking, but I couldn't tell, so finally I said, "Your dad." And we stared at each other for a while, and then Cait just walked out of the kitchen. At first, I was a little stunned, but then after a few seconds I went after her, and I saw her at the top of the stairs...

Cait and I went out with Lucy and her boyfriend on these double-date things several times. I think it became the way he and Lucy hung out together when he was in town, and one night after Cait and I got home from one, Cait said to me, "You know why I don't like Lucy?" "You really don't like her still?" "Yeah, that's just it," she said. "It's impossible to not like her. And that's what I don't like about her. You know what...

I thought Lucy didn't miss me, but that wasn't true. At least that's what she said when she called me and asked where I had been for so long, and why I hadn't even called or anything. And I was stupid and acted like a woman scorned, and said, "No, you didn't call me. I figured you were too busy with your boyfriend." "Oh," she said, and then after a few seconds of silence, she said, "I'm sorry," and I felt like a jerk, and...

"Allright, Sugar, so here's the deal. Five dollars just to cop a feel, but you look like a guy who don't settle for bits, so, ten dollars and I'll show you my tits. Twenty bucks and you can fondle them, too, but maybe that's not enough for you. For thirty you can jerk off while I watch. Twenty more if you want me to touch. That's fifty for a hand job, are you here for more? Sixty, if you're looking to score. That means a...

Lucy met someone, and I hated him. I mean, I hadn't even met him, but I hated him because she wouldn't stop talking about him, and I hated him because of the way her eyes glowed when she talked about him, and because of the way she giggled and pushed me when I called him her boyfriend. Or when I asked if she was in love with him, and she said no when her eyes shouted 'Yes!', and because he was probably perfect for her, ev...

I wasn't thinking at all when I showed Cait the toys, I was just excited about them and about the pictures I had in my head of us using them. “Where did you get those?” she said. She was lying on her bed naked, and I was standing on my knees between her legs. We had played with each other a little, and I had just pulled them out from under the covers where I had hidden them because I wanted to surprise her. I had the doub...

That summer and fall were one of the best times of my life. Before it turned into one of the worst winters. First, all my dreams came true, and then all my nightmares did. But, that's for later. I worked a little at the coffee shop, just a few hours a week, but it was something. Cait had a job too, and she was working a lot more hours than I was, so we didn't get to hang out as much as I had hoped we would, but I stayed a...

It was Cait's dad's birthday, and they had had just a few friends and relatives over for cheese and red wine, and when Cait and I went to go to bed, it was late and it was just Cait's mom and dad and her aunt Jessica and my mom left. Cait and I went upstairs and into Cait's bathroom and brushed our teeth, and then we took a quick shower together, and then after the shower, I sat down on the bathroom floor. I think I'd had...

Menthol. It's like trying to smoke a bar of Ivory soap, isn't it? But I'm addicted to these fucking things. Maybe it's a self-punishment thing. My wife, excuse me, my ex-wife, once told me my tongue tasted like a fucking ashtray. “How the hell would you know?” I said. “You haven't let me stick my tongue in your mouth for years.” “That's because it tastes like a fucking ashtray,” she said. Circulus in probando. So I tried...