I looked into his eyes and saw a strange mixture of anticipation, hope, doubt and something else. Something honest and profound. Was that affection? Love? Whatever it was, it made me tremble. My muscles turned to jelly and zounds of butterflies erupted in my stomach, hurtling through my entire body as blood went rushing from my mind to my cheeks. I could not help but smile, and gave him a long, wet kiss on the lips. He la...

I could feel his hot breath on my face as my red lips slowly retreated. He drew air in through his nose, savouring my perfume and smiling back at me. My hands left his crotch and gently moved up along his tight torso. The slightly contoured muscles felt warm through the stiff cotton shirt. My long fingernails complicated the unbuttoning of his shirt, but I approached my goal one button at a time, all the while saturated w...

I spend the better part of a day winding my way across the broken land. The white, icy belly of the glacier lies behind me, rays of sun scorching my watery eyes as she reflects the light towards her abandoner. The rugged, contoured and grey body of the mountain, her never-ending lover, seems to dislike my presence. Perhaps my bond with his love is too demanding. He places fast flowing creeks and steep crevasses in my way,...

Snowflakes melt on my face as I numbly trudge through the ever-deeper cover of cotton-like snow. I give a silent prayer to the Gods for the cold. Else I would never have gotten this far. I reach a patch of windswept land and up my pace. A backward glance tells me my pursuers are lagging behind. This is my territory. My terrain. I know how to make friends with the spirits of ice and rock. Not far now. The glacier sits just...

I was beginning to get used to this now. My heart had stopped racing when I ventured out the door. I did not examine every approaching face for signs of suspicion, or spend all my concentration on every little detail a women would do unconsciously. I walked onto the bus as a free and independent woman. Never questioning my right to be there. A text message arrived as I watched rows and rows of houses rush past the window....

Why do waves make people love? Rushing always to the shore. How can no one hate a dove, or Solomon’s romantic lore. Horses, hearts and Hemingway always leave a trickling tear. Sunsets, stars, the newborn day, will vanquish every ounce of fear. But why do you refuse to know, that every blade is doubly edged? Waves can murder with a blow. Doves will wither on their ledge. Horses, hearts and Hemingway, are rotting corpses in...

I did not speak with Tony after that. Tina sent me a few messages, though I do not remember giving her my number. She was still in town and kept nagging me about meeting her again. I tried to refuse, although I lacked any convincing arguments. Even though I was a bit down about my row with Tony, I tried to go on as usual. The following Monday, after a night of constantly interrupted sleep, I got up and saw the large bag o...

The dinner was wonderful. Tina was the sweetest sister-in-law I could ever wish for. We found that we had lots of things in common, and quickly bonded. She told me all sorts of stories about Tony, and I shared stories from my time as his friend. I had to concentrate to adapt the stories to the new ‘reality’, but as long as Tony played along it went great. He seemed a bit uncomfortable with us sharing so much of his earlie...

I turned the key in my apartment door. As I heard the lock click, and the door swinging open, I suddenly felt a strong sense of abandonment. The sensation was so strong that I had to close my eyes and draw a deep, long breath. I was surprised, but instantly knew what it signified. Stepping through that door would be the final return to myself. To who I really was. The magic would be broken and the fairytale become a dream...

When I awoke the next morning sun was shining in through the windows, bathing my golden hair in its rays. I got up quickly, but careful not to wake my lovers. The nice weather made me think that we would soon have to leave the cabin and my taste of life as a girl would be over. Regretting this, I was determined to make the best of my morning with them. I went to the bathroom and once again treated my body with the uttermo...

The sorrow in my heart has dried away. I feel famished, but food does nothing to dampen my hunger. There is only one kind of nourishment that can replenish me. Pain burns within, and my mind battles with my body for control. Sometimes I give in to my desires and leave my shelter, but the moment I see them, sickness wells up in me. I feel like throwing up. They do not know how close to destruction they have been as I crawl...

I do not know how long I sat there gazing into the flames and sipping wine in complete peace. The wind outside was far away in my mind, but suddenly a huge bang broke the silence. The door flew open and slammed into the wall. Rain swept through the small cabin and sprayed me with icy cold droplets. I nearly fainted from shock, and the noise from my pounding heart overshadowed the howling of the wind. Two dripping wet, dar...

The first feelings of doubt have entered my mind. I have never felt this before. My life is miserable, but I have never regretted my decisions before. Why does this come to me now? What has triggered these emotions? I cannot find the answer. Stilling the hunger has become my only relief on these dark nights. I think of her every day. Even the wonders of the forest cannot hold my attention for long. I see a crowned elk rea...

I carefully place a branch of white blackberry flowers in his hair. “I am so sorry to have done this to you.” Tears flow freely from my eyes. They are not the sorrowful tears of a lost love, but tears of despair and regret. The fragile, bony carcass of my lover is lying before me. I knew this was bound to happen, but still I drove this poor boy into a torturous existence that could only be relieved by death. I don’t even...

The latest months had been quite rough on me and I’d been looking forward to this trip for a long time. My girlfriend had left me, muttering something about me not being manly enough for her. In reply, I had buried myself in work and self-pity. When I finally came to my senses, I knew I had to take a break. My backpack was burdened by everything I would need, which wasn’t much. I normally travel fairly light. I was walkin...