For about a year, I'd been part of a mixed-sex masturbation group with my classmates, meeting up every Friday to pleasure ourselves and – more recently – to have sex with each other.
But for the first time, I had to miss a week because my parents were taking my brother and me on our annual holiday. They always timed it around the time of our birthdays. This year, Ryan had turned sixteen about two weeks before I turned eighteen. We were going to spend seven days in a static caravan where I'd need to share a cramped bedroom with him.
Even on the days the group didn't meet, I was still giving myself at least one orgasm a day, so I'd need to be sneaky. What's more, my period was fast approaching; I'd always feel horny in the days leading up to it and masturbation helped take the edge off any cramps. Fortunately, I'd shared with Ryan on many holidays before; I would just wait until shower time. I could probably even squeeze in another one while he was washing.
Unfortunately, there was a snag in that plan. The caravan was fitted with a tiny shower, but the water wouldn't heat up. My parents called reception, who sent a plumber, and they spent an hour trying to fix it before giving up. There wasn't another available caravan of that size, and the replacement part needed for the shower wasn't available, so we would need to use the communal showers.
We all went down to the showers as a family. There were two blocks, one for each gender, and separate cubicles within each block. I tried to pleasure myself but I couldn't finish, knowing my mum was only a few feet away and other women were coming and going.
Then all day we were going for walks, and looking round castles, and eating in restaurants, and basically spending every minute together as a family. At night, my bed was barely a foot away from Ryan, so I could touch myself but not with nearly enough speed or friction for pleasure or he would notice. I even tried doing it in the caravan bathroom and any public toilets we stopped at, but without the noise of a shower drowning out my breathing, I didn't want to risk being overheard. I couldn't even sneak out to the shower blocks because they were locked at night.
After three days, it was affecting my sleep and my cramps were getting worse. I was putting on my night-dress in the bathroom and I realised I absolutely had to get off or I wouldn't be able to get any rest. But how do you bring that up with your brother?
Back in the bedroom, I lay down underneath the covers. Ryan was in the other bed on top of the blankets playing a computer game – in fact, that game never left his hands most of the time. He was only wearing shorts.
'Ryan,' I said, 'I need to...' He didn't look up from the game but raised his eyebrows. I was hoping to be able to think of the right words as I went along, but it wasn't happening.
'You need to what?'
I took a deep breath, thinking of a slightly different angle. 'You know how boys all wank? And don't say you don't because you all do.'
He paused his game and looked at me but didn't say anything. He looked a little disgusted, though I wasn't surprised.
'Well, so do girls and there isn't a moment of peace to do it here or the showers, so I need to...' I closed my eyes as I said it, 'I need to... Touch myself. Like, tonight; like, now. I'll do it under the blanket so you don't have to see anything, but I'm not going to be able to sleep because I'm so...' I didn't particularly want to say it, 'Horny.'
He didn't seem to know what to say at first. 'You need to... Touch yourself? You mean, like...'
I nodded. 'Yes, down there,' I said, sparing him from having to end the sentence. 'You must have to do it as well?'
He stared for a bit. 'Could you not do it in the bathroom?'
'I've tried but I can't get comfortable and,' I pointed to our parents' room, 'they'll hear me. Look, I'll do it under the blanket,' I repeated, 'you don't have to see anything.'
He turned to face away from me. 'Just say when you're finished.' He put on his headphones and went back to his game.
'You're the best.' I hadn't brought my vibrator because I thought I'd be doing it in the shower, but I let my hand slip down to my clit straight away.
I only took a couple of minutes to get off, immediately releasing three days of frustration and partly relieving my cramps. I knew from the start I was probably going to have at least two, so I began again almost as soon as the first one subsided.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely even registered my brother in the same room. I was glad he took it so well; I was half-expecting him to freak out. I looked over at him as I continued to play. It was difficult to tell with him facing away from me, but it looked like he was squeezing an erection through his shorts. I was right: he must have needed to orgasm as much as I did. I decided to give him the green light.
The room was so cramped that I was able to keep one hand on my clit and reach over to him with the other. I lifted off one of his headphones speakers and whispered, 'You know you can have your fun as well, if you want to.' Hearing my voice, he immediately stopped his squeezing and pulled his hand away. 'Have you managed to get off at all since we've been here?'