Day 13

It is a peaceful morning, Akari and I stay off each other as we go through our morning shower and breakfast. Even though her curvaceous body under the water is tempting, I feel much more the need to be close to her, not in her. To that end, we eat on the couch, cuddling as we chat softly about each other, continuing our discussion about our past. Unfortunately, at 0900, I reluctantly leave her, as I need to head up to the bridge for my shift. She goes back down to her room, as it is her day off. I’m sad that we couldn’t have the same this time, but she is needed throughout our visit at Sirius Orbital to coordinate communications.

As I go through the door, the bridge crew gives me their warm morning wishes, engaging me in their chit-chat as I start my daily checks. The only exception is Emma, staying somewhat stoic by my arrival at the station beside her. Although I don’t have long to wonder why she is behaving like this, she whispers another threat with the most innocent voice, reminding me of yesterday’s description of crude sexual acts she will do to me. If there were any doubt that she wants me, they no longer exist.

Once all my tasks on the bridge are complete, I head down to engineering as I need to confirm that all systems are in good shape for our arrival at Sirius Orbital tomorrow. Even though we do not work close to each other, Leet and I chat all through the morning, mostly about her hobby. To think a robot can create art blows my mind, so I ask her many questions about her craft, from how she learned to the subjects she likes to paint. This makes the morning fly by in a hurry, my stomach eventually reminding me that I need to eat. I head upstairs to pick up my lunch, planning on spending my break with Leet.

My meal in hand, I’m on the stairs leading to the third floor when I hear Akari and Natasha coming down from the bridge. Turning around to head back up to join them, I stop when I hear what my companion is saying to the doctor.

“… think this is a great idea. It will be fun, it’s been so long!” Akari says in a tone that I know very well.

A chill runs down my spine as my mind makes hypotheses of what they are talking about, although a specific, especially pesky one is taking considerably more space than the others.

“I wasn’t sure if you would, considering how close you are with Alex,” Natasha says very compassionately.

“Oh, Nat, I’ll always have time for you. It’s just been… “ Akari says until I can’t hear her as they get into the galley.

I’m frozen in the middle of the stairs, my mind slowly filling with a darkness that is worrying me. My hands start to shake as the only explanation submerges everything else, preventing me from trying to rationalize it, from moving forward to confront them, or moving back and go hide in shame. I’m still hearing their joyous chatter as they prepare their lunch but it is when I hear them kiss that the water accumulating on the side of my eyes finally breaks and runs down my cheeks.

I knew this day would eventually happen; Akari told me that our relationship will not make her stop seeing the rest of the crew. I accepted it as if it was fine even though, deep down, I knew I wouldn’t. I should be excited, I should be happy that she can share intimate moments with her friends.

Despite all that, I’m feeling like a starship just hit me at faster-than-light speed. One part of me is broken by what Natasha and Akari will be doing. I cannot accept that they will be together; I cannot fathom how they can do that to me. The other part is angry at me for being so self-centered and jealous of the fun they will be having. I knew it all along; why can’t I just be okay with it? Why can’t I just be happy that Akari does what she allows me to do so openly and happily? Why can’t I just be a better boyfriend to her?

I get pulled from my inner storm by the sound of the microwave door being closed, reminding me that I’m in the middle of the stairs. I go down to the third floor just in time, hearing them get out of the galley, making sure that they do not see me. Even though a small part of me is asking that I go talk to them about it, I won’t be able to deal with Akari’s reaction should I expose my shameful emotions to her. Anyway, how would she react? She certainly will not put on hold her plans with Natasha just because of me.

I stop at the door of the engineering room, conscious that I can’t come in, tears running and moody. I put my lunch on the floor and brush my cheeks with my sleeve and I snort to clear my nose. The minute I take helps me gather my thoughts and push aside all this to spend a nice lunchtime with Leet.

Grabbing my meal from the floor, I open the door to a chilled wind from the AC running full blast. I find that Leet is already at the workbench, having connected the bulky charging cable on her side. She told me earlier that she will be painting tonight, so she will use lunchtime to recuperate some of the energy she will not get during the night.

“I’ve kept a warm seat for you,” Leet says to me, pointing to her legs.

I install myself on her and start to eat without saying anything. The first few seconds are awkward as the silence stretches between us, only interrupted when I bring food to my mouth.

“What’s wrong, Alex? You haven’t said anything,” she asks me with a concerned voice.

I deeply breathe as I finish chewing my food, swallowing with difficulty as I feel my throat being contracted by my emotions.

“I…” I start to say before my voice chokes. Taking a sip from my bottle of water, I give myself time to squeeze really tightly the cap on my emotions, not wanting to spill any of them on Leet. When I feel that I have a good enough grasp on myself, I continue, “It’s nothing, just feeling tired.”

A few extra seconds of silence elapse before she replies, “Okay but you know you can talk to me about anything. You sure you are alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” I say quickly, annoyed that she doesn’t drop it.

“Because--” she starts to say with a soft voice but I interrupt her as I don’t want to hear anything more about her trying to help me.

“Why don’t you wear underwear?” I say, loud enough to talk over her, finding the first thing that crosses my mind to just make her shut up.

The silence again, only interrupted by the simulated sound effect of her sighing.

“Why would I? Humans usually have underwear to contain any liquids that could leak and to support their genitals. I don’t have any of those issues. Why do you ask?” she finally says as she puts her arms on my legs.

Having finished my meal, I put the plate on the cold workbench to give me time to think, having asked the question to change the subject. I finally reply, “I don’t know, I just think it would look good on you.”

She moves her head over my left shoulder, making me turn mine, the first look we exchange since I have sat down on her lap. Her face shows resignation and kindness, leaving me speechless about why she is so caring about me. I cannot take her gaze for more than a few seconds, looking down at her hands on my legs.

“Would you like for me to wear some? For when we are together?” she asks softly into my ear.

I shiver of delight at the idea of seeing her in sexy underwear, at the idea that we will spend more intimate time together, at her hot presence under me.

Shy that I expressed such a desire, I reply very softly, “I would.” I continue to look down, feeling the heat rising on my face. I also feel the tension raising down low, a protrusion forming on my flight suit.

“I’m sure we could arrange something, Alex. In the meantime, would you like me to make you forget your worries?” she asks, moving her hands slowly toward my nether region.

I breathe deeply at the thought of having her warm mouth over me, of her helping me escape the sad feelings I’ve been having. Soon, I feel her over my covered cock, rubbing me through my clothes. I close my eyes as I let the sensation flow through me, helping me feel better, and making me forget. Unfortunately, this makes me think about what is bothering me, about Akari having fun with Nathasha, that they will have sex like I want to have with Leet.

This realization, that I’m no better than Akari, makes me jump off Leet. I go a little bit further into the room, leaving her warm aura for the cold air a few meters away, helping me cool down the thoughts raging in me. I deeply breathe the freezing air stinging my lungs to wake me up from my stupid behavior. I lean on the cold wall to face Leet, raising my head slowly to face her. Her expression shows surprise at my abrupt reaction, most likely not understanding why I moved off her so swiftly.

“So, have you decided what you will be painting tonight?” I ask her, as innocently as I can.

She frowns at me, before saying, “Alex, what’s going on?”

I close my eyes, breathing deeply to contain the anger rising in me. Why does she have to ask? Why does she have to be so considerate with me? If she knew the full story, she wouldn’t want to be with me, that’s for sure.

“Just answer my question,” I say in a controlled effort to stay calm.

“I’ll paint Foxy,” she says with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

Raising my head, I ask her as if nothing was wrong, “Who is Foxy?”

“It’s a plush fox that Emma brought back from Earth.”

“That sounds like a nice subject to paint. Looking forward to seeing it,” I smile at her. Looking at the clock, I add, “Let’s go back to work, I want to make sure I have time to finish all my preparation for tomorrow.”

She shakes her head while she disconnects her charging cable, I feel her bewilderment at my refusal to discuss what is eating me from the inside.

In contrast to this morning, we stay mostly quiet throughout the afternoon, only chatting when needed. This gives me time to think about Akari, about our relationship, about the issue, about what I should do. Unsurprisingly, I do not resolve anything or find the one magic answer to my worries; it even aggravates them. In the beginning, the thought of Akari in the naked arms of Natasha was creating fright and confusion, now I feel anger and jealousy of their desire to be with each other.

How could they be doing this to me? How could Akari not ask me before? How could she think it will not hurt me?

This stream of thoughts and questions makes that I do not see the time fly by, only finding that it is dinner time when I find that I have completed all my tasks. I sigh as I do not have any good reason not to be there, not to have to confront everyone, not to have to act like I don’t care.

I find my place beside Akari, as silently as I can. She is lively tonight, talking wildly with the rest of the crew, joking about this or that. I keep to myself, only speaking when addressed so I can be ignored by everyone. I would have thought that they would see me and ask questions, but they all seem to only have eyes and ears for my girlfriend. Everyone but Leet; she is returning my gaze whenever I look toward her, resignation showing on her face.

When dinner is done, I help do the cleanup, hoping that nobody will talk to me so I can go directly to my bedroom and mope alone there. Unfortunately, Akari comes around me while I’m wiping food spots on the table.

Putting her right hand around my back, she says with a melodious voice, “Don’t wait up on me, Natasha and I want to discuss some stuff. See you later.” With that said, she kisses my cheek and goes joyfully to the stairs to join Natasha, who’s wearing a wide smile of complicity.

I’m dumbstruck by how unconcerned she is of my feelings, how she has casually ignored me, how she is so happy to spend time with someone else than her boyfriend. I continue to look at where she disappeared for a good minute in the hope that she will come back as she finally realizes how she is hurting me. When it is clear she will not, I let my eyes scan the room and find Leet looking at me. She offers me a meaningful smile and a small side nod to invite me to discuss. I shake my head in refusal, I’m not even sure I could speak right now.

I drop the cleaning supplies in the galley and go to my room, unsure of what I should be doing. Scanning the room, my eyes find my e-reader, deciding that plunging myself into a novel could help me forget about this whole thing. As I go to lie down on my bed, I decide that the couches of the common area would be more interesting.

I walk back one floor up and drop on the center couch, my shoes flying off my feet once my back hit the soft cushions, e-reader soon after in front of my face. I open the screen and dive right back into the story, focusing on remembering where I was before I closed it the last time. The ship slowly fades away around me as I get entangled in the story, my worries finally relegated to the background. The story of faraway worlds and time makes me dream of being in that universe, to travel the galactic empire to have grandiose adventures, to establish on a new planet. The fact that I’m reading all this on a starship heading to Sirius, during my first space travel, is lost on me as I want to forget the misery it has brought me today.

“What are you reading?” I hear someone say in the real world.

Slightly annoyed that I get interrupted when I’ve finally found a way to ignore what I’m agonizing over, I move my reader from over my eyes to discover Blistas looking down at me from the backrest of the couch.

I sigh before I answer, “It’s an old book. Foundation by Isaac Asimov. It’s a classic science-fiction novel.”

She nods slowly, acknowledging what I’ve just said, although I have the feeling that she isn’t interested in what I’m reading.

“Alex, are you okay?” she says compassionately.

There we go, another trying to revive my worries.

“Why would you say that?” I reply, playing dumb.

“You know what I mean, about Natasha and Akari. You weren’t hiding your jealousy very well during dinner,” she says softly.

I inhale sharply before replying, “I don’t want to talk about it!” I raise my e-reader back over my eyes, focusing on the words in front of me even though I don’t really understand them.

“You can hide from the issue all you want, it doesn’t change the fact that you have--” she starts to say but gets interrupted by laughter coming from the stairs.

Natasha and Akari soon come into view, their loud and obnoxious voices showing how inflamed and infatuated they are. When they reach Natasha’s bedroom door, she pushes my girlfriend against it and kisses her without any restraints, pressing her body against the metal in such a lewd fashion. At the same time, Akari moves her hands all over the doctor, rubbing her back until she finds her ass, groping her generously. They both giggle as the door opens, getting inside in a hurry as their hands have found clothes to be removed.

The betrayal is hard to contain, I just want to barge into the room and yell at them for forgetting me, for engaging in this without telling me, for making me feel angry. I fix the door where they disappeared, my hands clutch my e-reader very tightly and my jaw hurts my teeth from the enraged gnashing.

“Alex, you need to talk about it. Don’t do the same mistake as a few days ago. You need to say what’s bothering you. Don’t bottle up your emotions,” she urges me with a concerned voice.

I immediately discard her advice. She doesn’t understand anything. She doesn’t understand me. She’s an alien, after all. She doesn’t know how humans deal with issues. She can’t help me.

I continue to look at the door, ignoring her, focusing on the disturbing acts that must be happening on the other side of the bulkhead.

I hear a sigh followed by a few words in her native language, then she says in English, “At least, get out of here. It’s not a good idea for you to stay here.”

Her imploring voice makes me break my intense gaze, looking up at her. She seems very worried, for as much as I know Volnec’s expressions. It shocks me that she seems to care so much about me, that she wants me to be happy. Why does she feel this way? We aren’t together and she’s only known me for what, two weeks?

“Alex, you come to talk to me anytime, day and night. Okay? I only want you to be happy but you need to open up when you don’t feel great. I’ll be in my room if you want to discuss it,” she says with a caring voice.

She puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezes me, and goes away. I’m left looking at where she was, stunned by her show of friendship and care for me -- somewhat of a stranger to her. All through the last two weeks, the crew has shown me compassion, patience, and conscientiousness. Why do I feel betrayed by them when something doesn’t go the way I want? Why can’t I just enjoy being in this exceptional experience? Why do I have to be angry when I’m fulfilling a childhood dream, that I’m having a girlfriend, and getting new sexual partners all at the same time?

All those questions are interrupted when I hear a loud moan coming from Natasha’s room, recognizing Akari instantly as I heard her do the same so many times with me. I start to softly sob at the hurt I’m inflicting on myself, at my perceived possession of my girlfriend, at my selfishness in this whole ordeal. I’m the one at fault. I’m the one who doesn’t fit into their mold, who cannot accept the rules that have been clearly laid out.

When I feel that I cannot take it anymore, I rise from the couch and head back down to my room, the sound reverberating louder and louder building back my anger. As I step onto the third floor, I look at Blistas' door, wondering if I should take her offer, but I do not feel like she can really help me. I drop my e-reader on my bed and go down another flight of stairs and end up in front of Leet’s door. I look at it while I will myself into spending the evening with someone, my first instinct being to mope alone in my room. As much as my mind is yelling at me to go back, I perfectly know that I’ll just be miserable by myself. At least, with someone, I might be able to think of something else and forget this whole thing. Considering she is the person that I have been the most intimate with apart from Akari, she seems to be the logical choice, although I promise myself to not engage in anything sexual with her.

I softly knock on her door, my hands playing with each other, reflecting the turmoil my mind is going through. It doesn’t take long for her to open, a brush in her hand and a look of surprise on her face. As I can’t stand her questioning gaze for long, I avert my eyes and see a canvas on a tripod beside her bed. I forgot she is painting this evening. Nonetheless, I make my request, my plea for diversion, to repress the thought that my girlfriend is getting pleasure from the hands of another person.

“Leet, I need you!” I say very softly but firmly, barely audible from the background noise of the ship. “I am unhappy right now,“ I say before pausing, a sob interrupting me as I think of the joy Akari is having, restarting when the intense emotion finally leaves me after causing havoc in me. “I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to spend the evening with a close friend.” When I finish my request for help, I shyly look back at her face, in the hope that she will be there for me.

I do not have the time to wonder that she embraces me warmly, putting her empty hand behind my head to make me lean my forehead on her shoulder. I instantly start to cry softly as I feel the benevolence and the care that my friend has for me, leaning in her arms as much as I can. The freeing feeling that I feel is so welcome, that finally, someone seems to understand what I’m going through or, at least, that she is there for me and wants to help me.

Leaning her head against mine, she softly says to me, “Are you sure? I’m sure it would make you feel better to talk about it.”

I shake my head, unable to say anything as my throat is constricted by the despair and anger enveloping me. I grab her flight suit in a clenched fist as another wave of tears runs from my eyes, not wanting her to ever let me go. My other arm is on her back, pressing us hard on each other, needing to feel the presence of my dear friend.

“Okay. Come in and make yourself comfortable,” she says before releasing me, pushing me softly inside her room to close the door and give us some privacy.

I brush my tears with a sleeve of my flight suit before sitting on her bed, elbow on my knees and face buried in my hands, to cover my emotions to her.

“I just need to wash my brushes and I’ll be right with you. Okay?”

Feeling guilty, I reply through my hands, “I’m sorry to disturb you, continue to paint, I don’t want to change your evening's plan.”

“Nonsense, I always have time for my friends. I can pick up painting later. I cannot ask you to put your emotions and needs on hold,” she says with empathy while I hear her move about.

I move my fingers aside so I can look at her, although the renewed tears only allow me to see her blurry shape. Why is she so understanding with me? How can she be so friendly with me when she knows me for such a short time? Maybe it’s her programming that makes her friendly with everyone?!

Her blurry motion finally stops in front of me, then I feel a hand on my shoulder. “I need to clean my painting materials, I’ll be back in two minutes. You okay with that?” she asks with an even gentler voice than before.

I nod my head, covering back my eyes so she doesn’t see the water streaming down my face. I feel her hand stay on me for a few more seconds before leaving me, hearing her footsteps going away and the door opening and closing.

A sob of despair escapes from my mouth, previously withheld so she doesn’t know how much I’m devastated by all this. Recognizing that I only have a few minutes before she comes back and that I do not want to burden her with my emotions, I push them out abruptly, wailing and crying at the intensity of everything I’ve repressed since lunchtime. The sound of my broken voice echoes in the room, my tears sip through the cracks of my hands and wet the legs of my flight suit, and my body slightly trembles at the rush of intense signals coursing through my body. I lose focus on time, on my surrounding, on my other issues, I only live for Akari’s dishonesty, her hurtful cheating causing a rift in me.

When the torrent starts to dry up, my mind starts to change focus, leaving my girlfriend behind and thinking about the doctor, how she seems to have instigated it, how she is taking Akari from me, how she must be sweet talking her into leaving me. I raise my head from my hands, tears no longer flowing as I now feel anger from her actions, betrayal from her false friendship with me, and fear from what she must be trying to convince my partner right now. I rub all traces of weakness from my face and stand up, the energy of the treachery I’m feeling fueling my body to take action.

As the fog slowly lifts from my mind to be replaced with sharpness, I look around the room to distract myself from the urging feelings that beg me to take harsh actions. The canvas on the easel is still mostly white but the contour of a fox starts to appear, representing the plush set just behind the painting on the desk. Looking around, I see other objects set on the shelf: a metal Golden Gate bridge model, a plastic samurai figurine, and a turn-of-the-century London double-decker bus. Looking at the walls, it is mostly empty, opposite to other crew members like Bruce or a certain someone who is hurting me right now. There is only a specific corner that has decorations, where she has all of her canvases. Some are simply resting on the floor and wall, others have been hung up.

I move closer to inspect them when the door opens and Leet comes back from cleaning her materials. I quickly look back at her but spin my head around when I see her expression of worry, not wanting to have her pity when I’m trying to forget the whole thing.

“How are you do--” Leet starts to ask but I cut her with a diversion.

“How long does it take to do a whole canvas?” I say with the most normal voice I can use.

I hear a sigh behind me but she soon replies, “It usually takes four or five evenings, so something like ten to fifteen hours to complete one.” Silence stretches between us, the unsaid saying a lot about the tension in the room. She nonetheless asks a question when I move to look at a painting of the engine room, “Do you like my paintings?”

I turn around to show her a forced smile, not that I want to lie about my appreciation but to make her believe I’m no longer concerned by the frolicking activity going on two stories above us. “Yes, they look great.”

She smiles at me before she starts to tidy up her art tools, then store them on a shelf to dry. I turn back to look at the last painting, one of her bedroom. Then, having done a full 360 degree of her personal space, I go back to the bed and sit crossed legs, leaning on the wall as I look at her finishing to sort things out.

When she’s done, she comes to sit beside me, sharing a warm smile as she climbs onto her bed. There are yet again no words spoken for a few seconds before she adds to her earlier explanation, “I’m doing realistic paintings for now. I want to get more comfortable before moving on to abstract subjects.”

I let a soft grunt out to acknowledge her, but my mind is going into overdrive yet again, the absence of diversions making me think of the unspeakable. I start to look down, the weight of the thoughts rushing through me giving me a hard time.

“So, what do you want to do?” Leet asks, giving me an out of the spiral I am getting into.

I need to think about it as I didn't go this far when I decided to come to see her. I draw a blank, unsure of what could help me forget the last twelve hours.

“Do you want to cuddle? To feel your friend comfort you?” she suggests, turning her head to reassure me.

Surprisingly, I feel relieved when she suggests it, not having realized that I wanted it. I nod at her as I feel it could definitely help me, although a small part of me is trying to say it isn’t a good idea.

She moves from beside me and lies down on her back, then invites me to lie on top of her. I look at her with concern, not wanting to hurt her.

“Come on, you can’t hurt me. Come rest on my chest.”

I slowly move to her, hesitating as I straddle her. Even though I know that she’s a robot and that it would be surprising if I could break her, it still feels weird to get over her.

“You’re not going to injure me, come rest your head on my breasts,” she says while softly pushing my back for me to rest on her.

I finally decided that she would not have suggested it if she wasn’t sure, resting my full weight on her frame, installing my face in the valley of her tits. My brain is the last part of my body that relaxes, feeling the warmth of my friend helping me unwind from the ordeal of the day. I take a deep breath as I feel the tension in my muscles slacken, my eyes closing to fully enjoy her calming presence.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes,” is the only thing I say, not wanting to elaborate so I do not dive back into the turmoil.

I move my head so my eyes are lost in her breasts, in an attempt to hide the world around me with her curves. Unfortunately, I cannot find a comfortable position, my chin being in the way of finding the perfect way of relaxing. I move my head a few times before I feel a hand coming to rest on the back of my head, making it stop.

“Let me help you with that.”

Suddenly, I feel my head move, getting higher as it seems like her breasts are getting bigger. My eyes open wide at the thought that she can do it, although I shouldn’t be surprised considering she showed me at the beginning of the trip. Eventually, they have grown so much that my chin no longer touches her chest and I can rest comfortably on her globes. Finally, I feel her hands rest on my back, hugging me in her comforting embrace.

“Better?”

“Wonderful,” I reply softly.

I lose myself in her valley, closing my eyes as I let my head fully rest on her. She is fantastic, allowing me to interrupt her plans, and putting aside her hobby to be with me. Then, letting me rest on her, hugging me, growing her breasts just for me. Speaking of which, the display of her capabilities has helped spark my desire for her, reminding me of our nights together.

As I let those memories play in my mind, a desire to feel her naked body against me starts to form. I let the thought flow through me, wondering if it is a great idea, considering why I’m here. This, in turn, brings the image of Akari and Natasha entwined in a complicated mess of limbs, pleasuring each other. I torture myself with this for a few seconds but those are enough to switch my mood from relaxed to angry.

Why would they be the only ones having fun? Why could they be the only ones finding carnal pleasure this evening? I have a robot that will do everything I ask; why shouldn’t I be using her instead of just moping on top of her?

Taking a deep breath to calm myself and not show the turmoil storming inside of me, I ask Leet with an innocent voice, “I want you, Leet. I want to stop thinking about upstairs, can you help me forget?”

I raise my eyes to look at her just in time to see the surprise light up her face. I make my best puppy face, to make her take me in pity and accept my request. Even though a small part of me says what I’m doing is wrong, I muffle the voice with the underwear I will be soon removing, shutting up my conscience.

“Are you sure this is--” Leet starts to say before I interrupt her.

“Please, Leet, help me,” I plead to her, not wanting to hear her objection.

She breathes deeply before replying with a resigned voice, “Alright.”

Without much joy building up inside of me, I get off her and start to strip, going over the excitement that can be to undress your partner. As I step off my flight suit, Leet’s garment falls from her standing frame, exposing her gorgeous body without any underwear. I wished so much for her to have some, I sigh as I would have loved to unveil her sex as I bring down the thin piece of cloth barely covering her. Anyway, I’m not really in the mood for sensual play, I’d rather just fuck to make me forget and fall asleep right after.

“Would you have preferred for me to wear underwear? You keep looking at my pussy with a sad face,” Leet tells me, bringing me back from my reveries of black laced g-string.

I look up, feeling like a child who has been caught doing something bad. With embarrassment, I say, “Maybe. I think it would suit you well.”

“Maybe we can--” she starts to reply but I stop her when I press my lips onto hers, not wanting to have that discussion right now.

I kiss her with gusto, with force. My hands are roaming onto her body with a purpose, groping and following her curves like they are the answer to all my issues. I press my rock-hard cock against her belly, wanting to make her feel what will soon be inside of her. Even with all this, I do not feel the same passion and lust for her as the previous times. I feel like an automaton, performing programmed motions without any feelings attached to them. Nonetheless, I persist as I stubbornly think that pleasure will soon arrive, that I must simply deny everything that is making me angry.

I finally release her when I resign myself that kissing her will not make me forget my anger. I look back at her, feeling slightly annoyed that she isn’t here for me, that she doesn’t do more to help me.

“Alex, I don’t think this is a good idea,” she softly says, her eyes showing concern. “Why don’t we talk about your worries?”

“I just don’t want to think about it,“ I say, unable to hide the growing irritation from my voice.

“It’s not good if you--”

“Why aren’t you here for me? Why aren’t you helping me? I need comfort, Leet. I need your friendship,” I say louder, letting the growing feeling of betrayal out.

“I’m here, Alex! I’ll do anything to help you. Just tell me, are you angry at her or yourself?” Leet asks me with compassion.

I inhale sharply, resentment against her building inside of me. How could she say something this preposterous?

As I don’t answer, she continues, “I think, and tell me if I’m wrong, that you are feeling guilty that you’re having those emotions, that you don’t allow her to have the same liberties as she has given you.”

Even though I do not want to be furious at her, she is starting to antagonize me. The same soft muffled voice is trying to tell me that she is simply concerned for me but I shove the underwear further down its throat, preventing anything from interrupting my ire.

“Leet, the fuck! I asked you to be here for me and you’re only making me angrier.”

Looking straight at me with the most serious stare I have ever seen her have, she tells me, “Alex, be angry. You need to let this out and live your emotions to make them lose their control over you. Say what you want to say, hurt me if that’s what you need to do.”

I take a step back, so surprised at her last sentence but it is short-lived. The memories of the evening surface, when I bruised our friendship, intensifying my rage. “I can’t, Leet!” I yell at her, spitting the words as well as saliva. “I don’t want to be angry at you. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“You will not hurt me this time. You can’t cause physical harm to me and, because you are my friend and I love you, I will allow you to assault me,” she tells me dead serious.

What the fuck is she saying? Why would I inflict violence on her? Why is she so stupid to suggest such a ridiculous thing? Why is she provoking me?

“What are you saying?” I ask her, my voice barely containing my emotions.

“You need to say what you are hiding deep inside of you. Shout, scream, force yourself on me, I can take it. If you decide to do it, I’ll play a character to help you through this,” she replies, still very sincere in her proposal.

My internals are boiling with the fire that she has lit, my head is overflowing with negativity, my body is contracting in case she truly isn’t joking about letting me do what I want.

“I can do anything to you, and I mean anything? You are allowing me to mistreat you?” I ask as I look down, a calm surrounding me as all voices and emotions hang in the balance of how Leet will answer.

“I do and I will play the part,” she tells me with a soft but confident voice.

The rush of rage and anger submerge me, bringing me much farther than the tipping point I was precariously keeping myself on. If she wants it that hard, she will get it!

I unleash my wrath, any filter lifted, sending her way an explosion of words as I raise my head to confront the sole focus of my mad emotions, “You fucking robot, thinking that you can tell me how I should feel.” I take a deep breath before continuing, as I force everything I have on this one sentence. “You piece of shit, you don’t know what love is. You’re just a pile of junk. You have no idea what Akari and I have, what we share. You are a useless tramp machine that is happy to fuck anyone that is asking you. You have no idea how it is to see the love of your life with someone else.”

Her smile disappear very quickly, replaced by fear written all over her naked body. “I’m sorry, Alex. I don’t want to anger you. Please, don’t hurt me!” she says with a trembling voice as she puts her hands in front of her.

I freeze, feeling that I’ve crossed a line. I look at her frightful stance, and the only remaining bit of morality commands that I must stop, that it was a misunderstanding.

Then, I see a small smile form on her face and an eye wink before she softly says, “I’m just playing my part, Alex.”

The feeling of being played with, by my friend no less, shatters any sense of virtue that is remaining in me. “So, you want to play with me? You fucking glorified toaster, you just made me fucking angry. You happy?” I yell the last phrase.

The fright is back, making her say, “I’m so sorry, Alex. Please, don’t yell. Don’t hurt me.”

“You don’t want to be hurt? You shouldn’t have asked for it in the first place,” I shout as I march toward her.

Once I’m in front of her, I push on her shoulder to force her onto her knees, making her fall in front of me. “I will show you how much you are disgusting me. Be the good bitch that you are and suck my dick.”

"Please, Alex, don’t hurt me, I’ll do what you ask, but don’t--” she says as I’m positioning myself in front of her. I don’t let her finish. I put my hands behind her and force my dick into her, her forehead hitting my stomach hard. Even though she is making gagging sounds and I feel her hands pressing on my legs, I keep her head there.

I finally release her after a good fifteen seconds and tell her as my glans exit her mouth, “That’s how much you hurt me. Now, suck me, whore.”

Her eyes are tearing, her face shows the fright she must be feeling deep inside of her. Despite all this, I do not have any pity for her; she asked for it. She soon has my dick in her mouth, sucking me like the slut she is. I keep my hand on the back of her head, forcing her to move further down each time she engulfs me.

Then, I get a wicked thought, grabbing a handful of her hair. I stop her motion and instead move my pelvis, skull-fucking her. The feeling is indescribable. I feel so powerful over her, the toaster that thinks is better than me. The panic that I see in her eyes only increases my desire to hurt her, to let her feel how I’m wounded by Akari’s betrayal.

When the novelty wears off, I press her once again against my stomach, pushing myself deep inside her mouth. Not the sound of her gagging, nor her hands pushing on my legs make me lose the grip I have on the back of her head. She must endure my rock-hard cock hurting her throat. I keep her there until I feel her choke for good, faking that she needs air to breathe, then pulling violently on her hair to show her that I control her.

I hear her cough as she’s freed from the violent fellatio, tears running down her cheeks as she raises her eyes at me. I smile diabolically, my revenge has only begun.

“It’s far from being done, bitch. I’ve just started. You will present your cunt and beg for forgiveness for your insolence.”

Leet quickly jumps on the bed and hides herself using the thin sheet, cowering in the corner, before saying, “Stop, Alex! I can’t take it. Please, do not force yourself on me.”

“There is only one way to find out,” I say with an evil voice, happy that she resists me.

I jump on the bed, yank the cloth from her hands and grab her legs to pull her from her hiding place. She moves them frantically as she tries to push me away. As I try to get a hold of her, her left foot connects with me and pushes me to the other side of the mattress. My chest hurts where she hit me, energizing my anger to a new level.

“You fucking tramp! I’ll rip you apart.”

Deciding that the fun game is over, I move back beside her and grab her legs to pull her into the middle of the bed. To my surprise, she doesn’t budge one bit. I stop yanking on her as I see that it doesn’t work until I remember that she weighs half a ton. Exasperated, I swear internally as I do not see how am I going to control her if I can’t move her as I want. Surprisingly, I see her push herself onto the bed, lending me her strength, breaking a little bit the illusion that I have full control.

When she is where I want her to be, the small doubt that I had over her design issue is extinguished as I see her glistening cunt calling for me, needing to be destroyed by my fucking big cock. I move her legs back, exposing her pussy to the light of the room, facing the ceiling to have the best angle to forcefully enter her.

As I align myself over her, she pleads while crying, “Don’t, Alex. You’ll rip me apart.”

“You should have thought of that before suggesting it,” I say without mercy, before plunging without restraint into her.

I feel the tightness of her vagina, even more than what I remember from my other evenings with her. Nonetheless, I enter her inch by inch, pushing as hard as I can, even feeling pain as my cock is so compressed by her. Under me, I hear Leet complain but I do not understand what she is saying as I solely focus on the pleasure coming from my forced penetration.

Once my pelvis touches her bent-over nether region, I do not waste any moment, I start to motion back to then ram back in. I pump myself into her a few more times before I unleash more of my venomous words.

“You like it? That’s how I feel when I know that Akari is having fun with another woman. Never tell me how to feel anymore. Don’t ever think that you understand me, you lifeless toaster.”

“I won’t ever, Alex. Please, stop! It hurts so bad.”

“Good,” is the only answer I give her, continuing ramming her again and again, my excitement building.

Suddenly, as I’m looking at my cock moving fiercely in her silicon hole, an idea enlightens me and makes me lust even more at the thought of hurting her more. I pull out and let her fall back on the bed. I move her on her belly and peek a glance at my new target, deciding that I’ll get her brown star tonight. I lie down on her, putting all my weight on her, then press my glans to her asshole.

She starts to trash but I hold on. “No, Alex, no! I can’t take you there. Please,” she says with renewed crying.

I pin her two arms on her back to control her motion, then I lower myself to her ear, whispering, “I will break you and you can’t do anything about it.”

With a small backward momentum, I force myself into her ass, unconcerned for her. Her sphincter resists a little bit but it eventually gives way for me to defile it, inserting my dick further and further into the dirty whore that she is.

Leet yells in pain under me and trash as she tries to get me off her but I hold on while I thrust myself in and out of her. To further show her that I control her completely, I rest my body on her back, imprisoning her arms under me, and come to rest my mouth beside her ear. I chuckle as I hear her painful cries, gratified that she is suffering for my own pleasure. Then, I bite her earlobe and pull on it, to add to her agonizing pain, thus adding to the extreme pleasure I’m feeling building dangerously in me.

“You fucking cunt, you thought you could help me, I hope you are happy with what you made me do. Here is your reward, you slut.”

I jam my dick as hard as I can against her ass, using my weight and my arms to force my painful erection deep inside of her. I feel my cock burst into fire as the first jet of cum explodes inside of Leet, causing me to lose all sense of reality, consumed by the extreme feelings and emotions running through me.

“Fuck yeah. Get my cum, bitch!” I yell at the top of my lungs.

The intensity of my orgasm brings back together all the shameful elements of the day. From finding out about Akari’s plans, to feeling betrayed and jealous, to being invited into an evil play of power and pain; all of those negative emotions are the catalyst of my climax, fuel added to make the biggest fire I ever had burning in me. While I’m feeling the physical pleasure coursing through me, my head slowly moves from the wrongful gratification by pain, the chastising I’ve been doing all day, to the love I’ve lost, my mind blanks at the powerful picture of violence, the one I’ve imposed on others as well as what I’ve put on myself. The suffering extends my orgasmic bliss for longer, making me shiver, cry, yell, swear, and erupt until my body and mind are fully spent.

As I come down from the intensity, from the extreme bliss, my inhibitions kick back in and I’m starting to realize what I’ve just done. I ease my grip on Leet’s hand and body, removing my dick from her. I move away, going to the corner of the bed, wanting to stay as far from her as I can. I start to sob softly, tears appearing in my eyes. I feel disgusted by my actions, by what I said to her, by inflicting pain on her with such abandonment. Even if I know that she wasn’t really feeling the damage I was doing to her, it was real enough for me to feel the guilt, the disgust, the hate for myself.

“Alex, are you alright?” she asks, her terror gone from her voice, replaced by concern. She rises from the bed and sees my state. She gets on her knees, grabs and hugs me tightly. I continue to sob on her, feeling dirty.

“I’m sorry, Leet. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know what got into me,” I start to say with a big lump in my throat but she puts a finger on my lips.

“Alex, you didn’t do anything that I didn’t accept. I willingly let you be forceful with me to help you out. You did nothing wrong,” she tries to comfort me.

“But, it’s bad that I have this instinct, that I could force myself onto someone, even willingly,” I tell her, afraid of who I’m describing.

“It’s bad if you don’t control those urges but I allowed you to. Even if I was screaming, crying, or showing pain, it was just a play, I was in control the whole time. I invited you to let loose, to express the dark emotions you have in you. I could have done the same by simply letting you express them through words, but I decided to let you express them physically as I think you needed it,” she explains.

“Still…” I start to say but fail to find the words to express how mortified I am with myself.

“Alex, stop overthinking this. I invited you to force yourself on me. Now, I’m not letting you go, you sleep with me tonight, I want to keep an eye on you,” she says warmly, although with a hint of worry.

She gets off the bed and moves me easily under the blanket, on my side. Then, she plugs her charging cable before coming back beside me, installing herself on my back, and hugging me as she spoons me very closely.

“I will keep you hot tonight. Please, rest and stop thinking about all this,” she softly says in my ear, embracing me more closely.

“I’m sorry, Leet. I don’t know what happened--” I say with a broken voice, although cut by my friend.

“Don’t think about it anymore, Alex. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are my friend and I only want you to feel good. Now, you need rest, please try to sleep,” she says before kissing me on the back of my head.

She kills the light, plunging the room into a darkness that is nothing compared to the one I have in my head. I snuggle more tightly on her warming-up body, needing her reassuring presence to counteract the guilt I’m having about my defilement of her body. Despite all that, I quickly get to sleep, the events of the day having used all my energy. Unfortunately, it isn’t a peaceful rest, I’m disturbed by bad dreams, either reliving the events of the evening or worse, inflicting more than what I did to Leet.