Quote by dpw
You wouldn't believe some off the stuff on TV over here.
Well here TV is kind of boring... there is nothing really daring, everything conforms to society's point of view
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TonyZ
Over 90 days ago
Gay Male, 54
United States
Forum
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Quote by NickiC
They do not turn me on but I have no issue. Do your thing ladies, do your thing.
They don't turn me on either... but I do have a few transgendered friends which are pretty cool people.
Quote by NickiC
What bothers me is the violence against the transgendered. It is a very serious issue that once I was alerted to it I was shocked by the numbers and lack of interest. No one is a throwaway. NO ONE.
Has anyone told you that you are a good human being, I am glad to have as a friend... too bad that only on virtual way, but still
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Before I begin to answer, let me tell you that there is no right or no wrong answer... that is why it is a philosophical question with no particular constraints.
When you feel sick do you search for a veterinary to talk about your illness? LOL
To me there is nothing wrong with that statement... what's wrong about enjoying sex between two consenting adults? no matter the kink, it will never be wrong... especially if, as stated, you do it with the person you love!!! Could it be that you think that what you described is wrong because society has made you think that way? and if that is true, perhaps me having sex with a person of my same gender may also be considered as doing the right thing with the wrong person. But I do not believe that neither case is true. Have you ever heard the phrase that says: "How can it be so wrong, if it feels so right?".
I suggest that you talk to your soul mate about what you really want and like. I am sure you will be surprised about how similar your tastes are to hers.
Quote by SereneProdigy
I did the right thing, it can't be that wrong, doesn't it? Even if it's with the wrong person...
When you feel sick do you search for a veterinary to talk about your illness? LOL
Quote by SereneProdigy
"Hmm, I'm gonna fuck you hard, call you a slut, lick your anus, then cum all over your boobs. This is so fucking wrong!"
To me there is nothing wrong with that statement... what's wrong about enjoying sex between two consenting adults? no matter the kink, it will never be wrong... especially if, as stated, you do it with the person you love!!! Could it be that you think that what you described is wrong because society has made you think that way? and if that is true, perhaps me having sex with a person of my same gender may also be considered as doing the right thing with the wrong person. But I do not believe that neither case is true. Have you ever heard the phrase that says: "How can it be so wrong, if it feels so right?".
I suggest that you talk to your soul mate about what you really want and like. I am sure you will be surprised about how similar your tastes are to hers.
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Quote by dpw
Is there a bill for all this Dr Tony?
Sure there is, but payment would require you to be here with me ;) But don't do the happy dance just yet, I only require a big hug and a kiss
Quote by dpw
When your done with me do we get your story?
My story is actually very simple... While I was in college I friended a woman who convinced me to come out and I did, but for me it was very easy to do since I am the last child of three, and my brother who is 7 years older than me was already out, so he paved the way for me to come out as if its not a big deal. Just business as usual.
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Quote by sprite
i never did come out to my family. still, when i introduced them to my girlfriend, no one seemed particularly surprised, so... and that's not me being funny, that's how it went down.
For a woman it may be a little different than for a man. To begin with, bisexual women and lesbians are viewed quite differently in society's eyes. You guys are a lot more accepted than we are. Second, all women have girlfriends, but the word "girlfriend" does not have to imply romance or sex, so when you introduce your "girlfriend" the actual term may have been misunderstood (I am not saying that that's what happened, but it could have happened). Later, as your family sees more and more of her, you have successfully introduced the idea of her being in your life romantically in a "gradual" way. That takes away the shock from saying "Mom, Dad... I am gay".
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Quote by dpw
I never felt guilty but I wasn't happy in myself. I felt dirty and I'll admit that I did contemplate suicide.
That dirty feeling which you later became to accept does not mean that you have accepted being dirty, but it does mean that you have finally accepted yourself both on a psychological and on an emotional level... coming out helps to do that much quicker, and that is exactly why I say that coming out is not about sex. You contemplated suicide because you did not know how to deal with your mixed inner feelings, and most likely you were also depressed. You had girlfriends while at university to try to cover what you thought was wrong with you, but there was nothing wrong with you, except that you did not know how to cope with your inner and very secret (I assume) reality. Once you moved to London you did not care, but why? Could it be that a huge weight was lifted from your shoulders, as if you had COME OUT? You obviously changed your surroundings and probably friends, so it was like a fresh start... that in itself is like coming out, except that you don't really have to because no one knows the old you. There is nothing to explain. If you could have avoided those years in which you felt dirty and suicidal, would you? That is exactly the real value of coming out...
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Quote by dpw
I'm not sure what you are asking, what is it that you define as coming out? I've always thought it was friends and family.
You had stated in a previous answer that in your family, you guys did not discuss about sex... and I replied that coming out is not about sex. Sure you would be talking about sexual orientation, but coming out to friends, family and colleagues is about acceptance. And I am not even talking about their approval, but your own. Its about how you feel psychological and emotionally speaking, its about turning the page freeing yourself from guilt and shame (if you have them) and being able to focus on life. Its about self-acceptance, its about telling others who you are instead of hiding your true feelings, its about self identity. It is a very hard thing to do for some, but not for others and it may not be right for everyone, but I do think that when a person comes out he/she feels liberated and is able to breath a little easier. I don't know if I made any sense...
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Quote by NickiC
Yes. I wrote a poem about it. Not my best, I am not a natural poet but I would not exchange those feelings for feeling nothing. Love if it is returned is wonderful.
Well, you were lucky because you found your prince charming... but about the people out there that can't find a match and are continuously exposing their feelings to the wrong people? Is a person a helpless romantic if he continues to try no matter the consequence?
Derek asked, in another thread, if he was a slut for trying to find love... is he? I don't think so, and if he is so am I. So we continue to jump beds until we find our soul mates? is that the deal? We all know that most of the people on dating sites (at least the gay ones), and at bars only want fast hook ups. Yes, you may get lucky and find your perfect match, but most of the times all you get is a few hours of pleasure, then a hug a kiss and a goodbye. If they stick a little longer, then you really run the chance of getting your heart broken. So, do we do this on purpose? Is our internal mechanism preventing our hearts to be broken, preventing us from being happy, from finding our soul mates? Do we intentionally pick sexual partners to satisfy our need for proximity to other human beings in such a way as to prevent our hearts to be broken? or is it instinct to find hot people to fuck and shoo them away? Granted, not everybody feels this way and so there are some people that live the ever after happy tale.
I think sexual maturity also plays an important role in all this, but before we as human beings get to that stage it might be too late. Some people might have already forgotten the dream, and yet others may have had their hearts broken one too many times. As for me, I continue to look out for that perfect someone that will make my days and nights seem like I was living in a fairy tale. Do I jump beds in the process? sure I do, but then again we all have physiological needs. The bad part is that perhaps some of my actions may be, unconsciously, hurting someone else... and that I have to try to avoid at all costs.
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Quote by Hunter_MTs
So where would you say in the EU would be a good place to hook up with them ?
Oh honey, you seem to be clueless... lol
Transexual people are all around us. There is no one country in which they gather. That would be like saying, where in the world can I find a gay man? If you really love and support transexuals, my recommendation is that you go to your local LGBT organization and ask to join one of their support groups. You see, they really go through a lot while they are transitioning and need all of the emotional and psychological support that they can get... and if you do, you will be doing a very good deed to another human being in their time of need.
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Quote by dpw
There's the equation but what is the answer and why is it taking so long. The US claim to be the leaders of the free world but why do they lag behind so many other countries in regard to gay rights. Marriage, adoption and the ENDA what takes the US so long. The Bill of Rights mentions Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, but it doesn't say providing that you are heterosexual. It sometimes seems that the USA is more interested in injustices abroad rather than at home.
My guess is that although the state is supposed to be separated from the church, many voters are not and the politicians are voter driven. Is it a double standard, sure it is, but isn't that the way the world moves? As politicians begin to feel the pressure from the LGBT community as whole plus from all of our supporters, each state of the union begins to turn like a leaf... and perhaps not because they (politicians) want to, or even care, but because their voters are telling them what they want.
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Quote by SereneProdigy
PS: Tony, you often post interesting threads here in LGBT, although I rarely check this forum. Sometimes they're of general nature, and you could as well post them in the 'Ask' sections or 'Crowd Sourcing'. I'm not telling you what to do, just saying in case you thought being gay leaves you confined here in LGBT. There are so many stupid questions in these other forums, you certainly could help make them more interesting.
Aww... thank you. It is always nice to hear that what one does is appreciated. I have thought of posting outside of the LGBT section, but posting here has become more like a habit. By the way, you do not need to be LGBT to answer the posts in this section... we are all very inclusive
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Quote by sprite
actually, no, seeing as how i have a tattoo, a buzz cut, i wear jeans, cheque shirts, and a leather jacket. oh, and combat boots. don't forget the combat boots and the chain on the wallet. now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go work on my harley
ROTFLMGAO!!!
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We all know about the risk of giving our hearts to the wrong person... love is definitely a dangerous business. It is quite easy to end up in pieces with our hearts broken. Worse of all there is no magical formula that would ensure our happiness even if you at first succeed to find our soul mate. Some might even go as far as saying that Cupid should be restrained, put behind bars or stripped of his love powers.
What do you guys think? Should a normal mortal being cease to believe in love? Does each time that we trust in love and get our hearts broken make us harder on the inside? or perhaps wiser, or is it pickier? How many times is enough? Does it get easier or harder the more we try and fail? How about if life gives us a small sample of the golden nectar, only to rip it out of our hearts forever? Is it different for straight, gay or lesbian people? (I don't see how it would, but perhaps you guys have a different answer)
What do you guys think? Should a normal mortal being cease to believe in love? Does each time that we trust in love and get our hearts broken make us harder on the inside? or perhaps wiser, or is it pickier? How many times is enough? Does it get easier or harder the more we try and fail? How about if life gives us a small sample of the golden nectar, only to rip it out of our hearts forever? Is it different for straight, gay or lesbian people? (I don't see how it would, but perhaps you guys have a different answer)
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Quote by dpw
Maybe you think that I intimated that, I don't know, am I so bad at expressing myself? I only meant that sex was never discussed at all with my parents.
I think that coming out goes well beyond the sexual aspect. When a person comes out does not mean that he/she is seeking approval nor that he/she wants to talk about sex. You see, that is were I differ from your thinking... I don't think that coming out is about sex. Coming out is about who you are and how you feel inside.
Oh, and by the way... when a person comes out, their parents are just two of the people that they are coming out to. But other family members and friends would probably follow. I am not sure why most people associate coming out with parents only.
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Quote by NickiC
Tony always thought provoking.
Aww... thanks, honey
Quote by NickiC
I just think it depends on the parents and the situation. My parents don't know I am bi but I never felt or feel the need to them. But they are also worldly people but I guess being bi I do not feel the same urge.
I guess for you it is more like why go through with the trouble if you already married a person of your opposite gender. But, even though I wish you to live happily ever after with your current spouse, lets say hypothetically that you get divorced and you fall in love again, but this time to a person of your same gender. You are head over heels in love and want to get married, how can you hide it? or would you still try to remain in the closet?
Quote by dpw
This is sort of the same for me. I don't think I've "come out" as such but I never flaunted my sexuality. Sex was never ever discussed.
Have you ever lived with another man? Would you like to get married one of these days? How or better yet, why would you hide the love of your life?
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Quote by dpw
How's your gaydar, has it atrophied in Gaytown or do you develop str8dar instead?
Unless the guy is really obviously gay I have no gaydar sense... I like masculine manly men, so even if my gaydar was working well, most likely it would not work to find my perfect match anyway
(
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Quote by GingerKitty
So, is gay age, an age at which you would feel happier? Like you say you're 44 on your profile, but 38 is your gay age. Using the word gay to mean happy, that would mean that you are happier to be 38 than 44? If that's the case, everyone has a gay age, regardless of sexuality. Or am I just getting the wrong end of the stick?
You nailed it... that is exactly what I mean!!!
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012
I actually have to correct people about my age because when I was younger they assumed I was older and now that I'm older they assume I'm younger.
But even if I did have to lie, why would my age change sexual orientation? Age is a number...numbers can't be gay, can they?
Does the gay version of yourself have a different age than the straight version of yourself? If so, how/why?
I may be over complicating this, but I seriously don't get it.
Ok, I can see why you are confused about my posting... in reality a number has no sexual orientation. You are right about that. However, taking etymological meaning of the word "GAY", which means "HAPPY" or to be happy, I extrapolated a comfortable age (white lie) with which I felt happy or gay being when asked my age. So I usually give a younger age when asked than my real age. That is why I say I have a gay age and a straight age (my real age). That does not mean I am straight... please do not confuse sexual terms. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation!!! LMAO!