Peter and Chloe drove home in silence. She stared out the window the whole time, refusing to look in his direction. He had no way of knowing whether she wanted to go back to his place or hers. In the grand scheme of things, he wasn’t sure how much it really mattered.
His brain operated on autopilot, his actions making the turns and obeying the traffic laws while his thoughts drifted in every conceivable direction. He had no idea where he was going, and he didn’t care. The GPS sat on his dash, the screen black, the battery fully charged. He knew that even a single word from Chloe could snap him out of his funk. What he didn’t know were the depths of her thoughts that raced through her mind. Was she unaware of how lost they really were, or was she as indifferent to it as he was?
In a roundabout way, he found himself back on track when he stumbled upon a turnoff for the highway. For lack of a better idea, he took it, knowing it would eventually lead him to the exit he needed. Chloe raised her head and looked around for a moment, her back still turned to him. She let out a sigh and rested her forehead against the glass. Against his better judgment, he let her be, resisting the urge to speak up or reach for her hand as he kept his focus on the road ahead.
It was 2:04 in the morning by the time they arrived at his apartment building. He pulled the car into the same spot he always did, putting it in park and leaning back against the seat, feeling apprehensive about even glancing her way.
“I can take you home if you want.” His voice came out dry and raspy like he hadn’t had anything to drink all day, his gaze downcast on the steering wheel.
She answered with a scoff.
“What’s stopping me from driving home myself?”
He shrugged.
“Nothing, I guess.”
“Is that what you want?”
He finally lifted his head up and turned to face her.
“No,” he said. “It’s not.”
She sat unmoving in the still shadows, leaning back against the door as much as she could, the idle hum of the car engine filling the distance between them. Her car was parked a few spaces over. The keys were in her purse. He knew all she had to do was get out and drive away. He couldn’t stop her, nor would he try to. The decision rested on her shoulders, and he accepted that.
Without a single word spoken, she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car. His heart sank all the way down to his stomach when she slammed the door shut. He could hardly bring himself to look out the window, waiting for her to make her way to her car. But she didn’t. She instead walked up to the apartment building and headed inside without waiting for him. He turned the headlights off, took the key out of the ignition, and hurried after her, hearing her footsteps ascend the stairs by the time he entered the vestibule.
He climbed the stairs two at a time, reaching the second floor to find his apartment door wide open. He peered inside and saw no one. So he walked in, putting one cautious foot in front of the other, making his way down the hall without knowing what to expect.
“Close the door.”
He did as she said, backtracking to swing the door closed until it latched shut, leaving it unlocked. He found her sitting on the edge of his bed when he emerged on the other side, her head hanging down, her shoulders slumped. He didn’t know whether to sit down next to her or get out of her sight, so he stood there and waited.
“I don’t blame you for what happened, Peter,” she said, looking up at him with conviction and honesty. “I went into this with you, and I’ll face the consequences with you. If you still want me, that is.”
“Of course I still want you, Chloe. But there aren’t gonna be any consequences. He said that-”
“I know what he said, Peter. But do you really think we’re getting out of this scott-free? He saw us like that. He saw me like that. Doesn’t that bother you just a little bit?”
“Yeah, more than a little bit.” He walked over and sat next to her, still keeping a respectable distance.
“And who knows what’s gonna happen to Kim. Is he gonna tell her boss, or what’s he gonna do?”
“I don’t know.”
She turned her head to face him, swallowing the stream of tears reflected in her eyes.
“If you want to see her again, that’s your choice. But I can’t stay with you if you do.”
Peter shook his head and scooched closer to her.
“No, I don’t want to see her again. That’s not what this is about.”
She huffed a breath through her nose and dropped her gaze again, her fears brought to the surface with a trembling sigh.
“What’s it about, then?”
He shrugged.
“You and me more than anything. We got caught, we got off pretty easy. But you’re right, we still need to come to terms with what we did.”
She scooched a little closer, shaving off the gap between them by a few inches, the tremor in her eyes holding itself steady with every word she spoke.
“I want to stay with you, Peter. After everything that happened tonight, I don’t want to be alone. But no sex, okay? Not for a while.”
He nodded in agreement, holding her gaze with consent and understanding.
“Okay.”
The corners of her mouth twitched in a faint trace of a smile, casting the room in a tarnished glow of hope.
“You really mean it?”
He nodded again.
“Of course I do. Take as much time as you need, Chloe. Honestly, it might do both of us some good.”
She leaned in and gave him a fleeting kiss on the cheek. He relished in it for as long as he could, knowing full well that it might be the last kiss she offered him for the foreseeable future.
“I’m gonna go slip into my pjs,” she said, hopping off the bed and gathering her clothes from the closet to bring them in the bathroom with her.
Peter took the opportunity to do the same, setting aside a moment to rearrange his things in the closet, giving her some extra room for her growing collection of cute tops and blouses. There was no telling how long it would last her, but he figured it was worth a try.
The late night air was still brisk, creeping in through the window uninvited. He walked over and closed the blind, hoping it would be enough to ward it off. He didn’t mind it so much, but he noticed Chloe shivering in his arms the past few nights, especially when they slept in the nude. He knew that wouldn’t be happening tonight, and he was okay with that. He just hoped he could make her feel comfortable enough to undress in front of him again. He wanted to show her that he was, in fact, capable of keeping his hands to himself when the situation called for it.
The thought occupied his mind as he slipped into his cotton shorts when he suddenly heard the shower running. For a fraction of a second, he thought it might be the perfect opportunity. He could join her and prove to her that they didn’t have to get frisky with each other. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything was gonna be okay. But he figured even that might be crossing a line, and it was nothing he couldn’t do for her in bed so long as she let him.
He checked the time on his phone while he waited. 2:37 AM. He was just grateful tomorrow was Saturday, for both of their sakes.
The door opened and Chloe stepped out, walking into view to find him sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her, her hair still wet, her erect nipples poking through her pajama top.
“Sorry, Peter.”
He gave her a funny look.
“For what?”
“For making you wait. And for, well…” She let out a sigh. “I don’t really know how to explain it. I just hope you don’t think I want to wash away what we did tonight or anything. It’s just... I was in there, the thought occurred to me, and, I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
He huffed a chuckle through his nose and shook his head.
“Chloe, it’s fine. It’s not the first time you’ve taken a shower after we fooled around. You know I don’t take offense to something that trivial.”
She nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, I know.”
He smiled back, feeling as though they were both mending a small fracture in their relationship.
“Why are you acting so weird about it?” he asked, unable to shake the feeling that the reason for it ran deeper than what they had just been through. “Little things like that don’t usually bother you this much.”
She responded with a sigh, turning the light off to let the soft shadows swallow the room as she walked over to the other side of the bed, the scent of her lavender shampoo working him up in ways she wouldn’t approve of.
“Let’s just get to bed first,” she said. “Then I’ll tell you.”
He placed his phone on the nightstand and turned on the bedside lamp. She snuggled up next to him under the covers, letting him tuck his arm under her shoulder. She didn’t have much of a choice, seeing as how she would fall off the edge of the mattress if she dared to roll over. But did she want to be this close to him, or was she just putting up with it? That part he couldn’t figure out.
“So, I never told you this before,” she said, laying her arm across his chest, “but the last guy I was with broke up with me over a disagreement we had about sex.”
“Really?”
“Mm-hmm,” she nodded, her head resting in the crook of his arm. “He wanted to try anal. I told him I wasn’t into it. He seemed cool about it at first, but he kept persisting. He told me I would like it if I gave it a chance.”
“Crossing boundaries?” Peter asked.
“Yeah,” she said, clinging to him tighter. “Crossing boundaries. I kept telling him no, but he just wouldn’t let it go. Then he up and left me as soon as he found someone who was into that shit.”
Peter let out a heavy sigh, letting her words sink in as he braced himself for what he was about to ask.
“I didn’t cross any boundaries with you, did I?”
“No.” She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “No, Peter. That’s the thing: You’ve been so sweet and thoughtful these past few days. Neither one of us expected this to happen, but it did, and we just kind of got swept up in it. And now that it all went to shit, you’re still the same guy you were before. That’s why I want to stay with you tonight. That’s why I feel safe with you.”
He wrapped both arms around her and held her close, resting his lips on her crown. She inhaled his scent, his skin still encrusted with sweat and other bodily fluids. It didn’t seem to phase her one bit, so he didn’t concern himself with it. He instead focused on the warmth of her body pressed against his, the calm rhythm of her chest rising and falling with each breath she took. She started drifting off to sleep, and he wasn’t too far behind, his eyelids growing heavy, his head leaning back against the soft pillow. The nonsensical threads of a dream began to stitch themselves together in his mind, promising him a deep and undisturbed slumber.
His phone chimed with a new text message, jolting him awake all over again, the light from the lamp blinding him until his eyes adjusted.
“Leave it,” Chloe said, barely half awake herself, her eyes still closed. “Don’t go, please.”
“It’s alright,” he whispered softly, tilting his head down to kiss her brow. “I’m right here.”
She let out a coo, happy and content as she snuggled closer to his side. He waited a few moments to make sure she was asleep before reaching over and grabbing the phone, unlocking it to gain access to his texts.
Kim: Hey, Pete. I’m so sorry about what happened. I hope you guys are okay.
His thumb hovered over the keyboard, his mind caught between what he knew he should say and what he was tempted to say. One message, he told himself. No questions, and no room for a continuing conversation. Just one message to let her know they were okay. He looked at the time. 2:52 AM.
“It can wait until morning,” he said to himself, putting his phone on silent and placing it back down. He turned the light off and sank deeper into the covers with the woman lying next to him, drifting off to sleep with her.
