There once was a young gal,
Who was so very shy,
She joined a hot site,
Hoping to meet a guy.

It took her some time,
To really get in the mix,
She had to endure getting sent,
Endless pictures of dicks.

Until one day she got tired,
Of being so all alone,
She decided it was time for a change,
So she picked up her smart phone.

She typed in a personal ad,
About how she needs a young stud,
But autocorrect had other ideas,
And it posted as ‘young spud.’

Now instead of having hopes,
Of ever being a happy bride,
She gets half-baked potato jokes,
Sent from far and wide.

Instead of her only hope,
Of having a meaningful chat,
She gets sent wise-ass questions,
Like “You want fries with that?”

She’s so sick and tired,
Of jokes about ‘small fry,’
When all she ever wanted,
Was to meet that perfect guy.

She’s the butt of jokes in forums,
And her hopes are getting dashed,
For it wasn’t her potato,
She'd hoped on getting mashed.

Finally reaching her limit,
She decides she’d rather be dead,
Than read another message,
From another Mr. Potato Head.

Never wanting another message,
From some other foolish clown,
Who hopes to be her savior,
As he calls himself “Hash Brown.”

In another final attempt,
At finding her perfect crush,
She comes across a site,
A story site called Lush.

She sees they have a contest,
And decides that she would write,
That perfect erotic story,
And it keeps her up all night.

Countless hours she spends,
Until she finally submits her story,
Hoping in the end,
It will be her path to glory.

Hoping to realize her dreams,
Of being seen as a hot tomato,
She later comes to realize,
She might win another potato.

Once she hoped she’d meet a guy,
Who would really make her squeal,
Now her hopes are dashed,
And her dreams begin to peel.

She doesn’t think it’s funny,
She doesn’t think it’s right,
As she sits all alone,
On a cold and lonely night.

She’s finally reached her limit,
But where’s she gonna go?
So she packs up her bags,
And moves to Idaho.

03-25-13b.