“Ok, who’s next?”

Lucifer shifted on his throne, shifting his long red tail to one side, and looked at the list of names on the fireproof piece of paper on the desk in front of him.

“Colin, your Satanic Majesty,” said Mephistopheles, handing Lucifer a slim file. “Fallen Angel, Second Class.”

“Ah, another one looking to earn his horns, it appears,” observed the Lord of Ultimate Evil, flicking through the papers. “Very good, show him in.”

Mephistopheles opened the door, and a small devil shuffled in, trying to look brave but not doing a very good job of it. He peered up nervously at Lucifer, who looked very red and all-powerful.

“Ah, Colin,” rumbled Lucifer. “Thank you for coming.”

“Thank you, sir… Your Satanic Majesty,” stammered Colin, fiddling with his tail and wondering what to do with it.

Lucifer spent a few more minutes thumbing through the file, making occasional noises in his throat. Colin couldn't quite decide if these were signs of satisfaction or not. At last he flipped it shut and looked down at the small devil.

“Well, this all seems to be in order,” he said, with an expression that was almost a smile. “Good results in your exams, and your tutors seem to think you have lots of potential. Well done.”

“Thank you,” said Colin with relief, and allowed himself to relax just a little.

“So, now it’s time for your final practical test. You think you’re ready for it? The chance to finally earn your horns; to become a Fallen Angel, First Class?”

Colin pulled himself up and tried to think positive thoughts, as his tutor had told him.

“I’m ready,” he said. “Just show me the human you want me to tempt, and I’ll do it!”

“Very good, very good,” said Lucifer, almost smiling again. “I think I have just the case for you.” He pulled a file out of the pile on his desk, and tossed it at Colin. “Michelle Regan, 21, university student in London, England. Fancies her flatmate’s boyfriend, but won’t make a move because she’s her ‘best friend’. Silly girl. Make her fuck him, and the horns are yours.”

Colin felt a surge of pleasure. Compared with some of the tests his fellow students had been given, this should be a doddle. Of the Seven Deadly Sins, Lust was the temptation most humans seemed to find it most difficult to resist.

… … … … …

Michelle sighed. Her final exams started the following week, and she wasn’t feeling confident at all. She’d done her best to revise, but there were so many possible subjects that could come up, and she couldn’t seem to get her head round anything at the moment. To be honest, she was starting to get more than a little stressed out, which wasn’t helping her powers of retention.

Just as she was trying to decide what area to cram next, her flat-mate, Kate, stuck her head round the door of the front room.

“I’m just popping up to the library,” she announced. “They’ve just texted me to say that the book I need is available, so I’m going up there now. I’ll probably stay for a while, so don’t bother waiting for me if you want dinner.”

“That’s fine,” said Michelle. “I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for the rest of the day.”

“Oh, and if Chris comes round, tell him where I am,” she went on. “I’ve tried to text him, but I think his phone must be out of charge or something.”

“No problem. I might even let him use mine if he wants to call you.”

Kate made a kissy-kissy noise. “You’re a sweetie,” she said, and disappeared.

Michelle watched out of the window as Kate shut the door and strode purposefully up the road towards the tube station. The two of them had been sharing this two-bedroom ground-floor flat conversion in Camden since Michelle had chucked her boyfriend out, and she would never have been able to afford the rent by herself. The only downside was Chris, Kate’s boyfriend. He was kind and funny and an absolute hunk, but of course that was the problem: Michelle fancied him like crazy, and again and again had to resist the temptation to hit on him. But Kate was her best friend, so she had to stick to fantasising about his massive cock while she masturbated every night.

She sighed again. Did she need another coffee, or was that just an excuse for not working? She raised the lid of her laptop and her finger hovered over the shortcut to Twitter, but she forced herself to resist.

Suddenly there was a weird sort of shimmering in the corner of her eye. She looked up, and to her utter astonishment saw a figure materialise out of thin air in front of her. He was wearing a smart suit with a neatly-made tie, but what made her especially amazed (apart from his ability to appear from no-where) was his extremely red face. He looked like the result of a disastrous accident in a tanning booth.

“Good afternoon,” said the red-faced apparition. “Do I have the honour of speaking to Ms Michelle Ryan, of Flat 1, 12 Columbus Gardens, Camden, London?”

“Ga, ga, ga,” gurgled Michelle.

The apparition opened a cardboard file that it was holding in a hand that was as red as its face, and seemed to compare something in it with Michelle herself. Apparently satisfied, it looked at her again.

“Michelle Ryan, I am authorised to make you a proposition.”

Michelle succeeded in pulling herself together enough to speak.

“What the fuck is going on?” she managed to say. “Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my flat? And how the fuck did you do that appearing thing?”

“What a lot of questions,” said the apparition. “My name is Colin, I am here to make you a proposition, and I appeared like that because that is how I get around up here.”

“You really need to get out of my flat,” said Michelle, starting to feel more angry than surprised. “Before I call the police.”

“Wouldn’t you like to hear about my proposition first?” said the thing called Colin. “I promise to leave if you don’t like it, but I think you’ll find it very much to your advantage.”

“It’s not about the Lottery, is it,” enquired Michelle, intrigued in spite of herself. Colin showed no signs of attacking her, and she was longing to ask about his face. “Have I actually won something for once?”

“Well, in a way you have, but it’s not on the Lottery,” said Colin. He paused for a moment.

“I do beg your pardon, but this suit is rather uncomfortable. Do you mind if I remove it?”

“Erm, sure, of course,” said Michelle, assuming he was going to take off his jacket. Instead, there was a further shimmering, and suddenly Colin was standing in front of her stark naked. And red all over.

Michelle fainted.

When she came to, she was propped up on the sofa and Colin was sitting in the chair by the window.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “People do sometimes get a surprise when they see us like this. Maybe it’s the tail. Or the cloven hooves.”

Michelle hadn’t even noticed these, but now that he mentioned it, she could see a long forked tail dangling down behind the chair, and his lower legs looked awfully like the limbs of goats. An odd, almost inconceivable notion came into Michelle’s mind.

“You’re the Devil, aren’t you?” she asked cautiously.

“Goodness me, no, not THE Devil,” laughed Colin. “He doesn’t deal with this sort of thing directly these days. But A devil, yes, I suppose I am.”

“Shouldn’t you have horns as well?” asked Michelle curiously. She thought she knew what devils were supposed to look like, and she was sure horns were part of the package.

Colin gave her a funny look. “Not at the moment,” he said. “You only get the horns when you’ve passed all your exams.”

“So are you saying you’re still only learning to be a devil?”

“Yes, but I’ve passed all my written tests,” he said with a distinct note of pride in his voice. “I only have the practical to do, and then I get them.”

Michelle was catching on. “And I’m the practical, is that it?”

“That’s right,” said Colin. “You just need to agree to my proposal, and everybody’s a winner, including me.”

“Is this the proposition you were talking about earlier?”

“That’s it. I have been authorised to make you an offer. An assurance that you’ll get a First in your Finals, plus the job of your choice within six weeks of your results coming out. You just need to do one thing for me.”

“Oh come off it,” scoffed Michelle. “This is some kind of piss-take, isn’t it? Where’s the hidden camera?”

“I’m quite serious, I can assure you,” said Colin. “Do one little thing, and in return you could be set up for life.”

A lot of thoughts were spinning through Michelle’s head. There was no doubt about it, but the person in front of her really did seem to be a devil, and maybe he really could do what he said he could. But she’d seen Marlowe’s “Doctor Faustus”, and she knew there was usually a catch to any kind of pact with the Powers of Darkness.

“I know how this works,” she said suspiciously. “You give me power and riches, and you get my soul in return?”

Colin laughed.

“Badness me, no!” he said. “This doesn’t work like that. You just have to do a little task first, before you get the reward. And after that, you won’t see me again for the rest of your life.”

Michelle considered. “Do I get a choice?” she said.

“Of course. You can turn me down if you want. But it’s really nothing so awful. In fact, you’ll probably even enjoy it.”

In that case, Michelle decided, it wouldn’t do any harm to hear what he had to say.

“Ok, what is it I have to do?”

Colin checked his file briefly. “You have to fuck Mr Christopher Patterson, within the next 24 hours,” he said.

Michelle was stunned. “What, Kate’s Chris? And how do you mean, fuck him?”

“It’s all in this contract,” said Colin, laying a formal-looking piece of paper on the coffee table. “Full penetration and ejaculation inside your vagina is required, although use of a prophylactic device is permitted; we wouldn’t want you to catch anything nasty.”

“But Chris is Kate’s boyfriend. I can’t fuck him! Can’t it be someone else instead?”

“No, it has to be him,” said Colin firmly. “Otherwise, it wouldn’t be quite so bad, would it? My briefing notes say that you’ve always wanted to, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t enjoy it. You just have to betray your best friend’s trust.”

“That’s not fair,” said Michelle, but the more she thought about it, the fewer problems she could see. As long as neither she nor Chris blabbed (and there was no reason why either of them should), what possible problem could there be? Ok, it was a pretty serious betrayal, but cheating only mattered if the injured party found out, didn’t it? 

“I suggest you read the contract first,” said Colin. “The small print is on the back.”

Michelle did so. It did all seem rather easy. Fuck Chris, and she’d get a First, and whatever job she fancied. Something well-paid from the start seemed ideal, then she’d be able to buy a flat – no, a whole house – of her own. It really wasn’t too difficult a decision.

“Ok,” she said, “I’ll do it. Do I just sign here at the bottom?”

“That’s right, and on this identical copy, too; one for each of us, just to make things official. It has to be in your own blood, of course; give me your hand.”

Before she could protest, he took her right hand, and with a dangerously sharp-looking fingernail made a short deep incision in the tip of her index finger. Her blood started to well out, and Colin pushed the papers towards her, indicating where she should sign. With her bleeding finger, she roughly wrote her name on each of them.

“And I sign here,” said Colin, taking the papers and did likewise. His blood fizzed and steamed as it spread across the sheet.

“It’s been a pleasure doing business,” he said, taking one copy of the contract and slipped it into his folder. “Best of luck, and enjoy the rest of your life.”

He put out his hand, and she gingerly shook it. It was dry and unpleasantly hot, and an ominous shiver ran down her spine.

As she watched, Colin began to shimmer again, and was gone, just a small whiff of red smoke and a slight smell of burning where he had been standing.

… … … … …

Michelle slumped back onto the sofa and held her head in her hands. Now that Colin was gone, she found it hard to believe that it had actually happened. But there was the paper, signed by both of them, Colin’s signature still smoking slightly.

She felt she needed to get her head round what had happened. Having a shower would help her to clear her head, and in any case she felt a bit dirty. So she went upstairs, stripped off and went into the bathroom. She turned on the shower, waiting until it was at the right temperature, then stepped in. She took some shower gel and lathered herself all over, before starting on her hair. As she was washing out the last of the shampoo, she heard the doorbell ring.

“Oh fuck,” she thought, “that could be Chris. If I don’t answer the door, he’ll go away. Then I won’t have to do anything. And maybe this won’t really have happened.”

But the bell continued to ring. Chris must be convinced Kate was in. It was as if Michelle had no choice. And the thought of that perfect, well-paid job just wouldn’t leave her.

“Fuck it,” she thought, “Just go for it, girl. You’ve seduced loads of guys, why not one more?”

Still wet, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped her red towel around herself. It was big enough to keep her decent, but only just; the tops of her good-sized breasts were fully exposed, and it only just covered the top of her bare thighs. Barefoot, she padded downstairs and peeped through the spy-hole in the door. Sure enough, it was Chris. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

“Oh hi, Chris,” she said. “Looking for Kate?”

“Hi, Michelle, that’s right. Hey, I’m really sorry, I’ve got you out of the shower, haven’t I?”

“It’s ok, I was out anyway,” fibbed Michelle. “She said you might be round. Look, come in, just in case that old pervert from over the road looks out of his window and sees me like this.”

Chris smiled and pushed past her while she held the door open. He was trying to look at her face, but she could see his eyes flick down to the top of her breasts, which looked as if they were only just being held in place by the towel. Droplets of water clung to her body, and as her tits moved a couple of drops merged together and ran down enticingly into her cleavage. Her brown hair hung wet around her face, longer strands of it lying loosely across the tops of her breasts.

She smiled at him as she brushed away some of the stray strands from her cheek.

“Kate said you might be round,” she said. “She’s had to go to see her tutor, and then she was going to the library.” That was half true, at any rate.

“Oh well, I might as well go and have a drink in the library coffee shop, then meet up with her later,” said Chris.

“I was just going to have a coffee myself,” improvised Michelle. “Why don’t you join me? It’s cheaper than that place.”

“Sure, thanks,” he said with a smile. He followed her into the kitchen and leant on the table while she made the coffee. This was lucky, since she calculated that when she reached up to get the coffee from the cupboard, the towel would ride up her legs, teasingly showing the bottom of her trim bum cheeks, and maybe even a glimpse of her labial bulge if she parted her legs slightly. She sensed his eyes on her bum as she made sure she stretched up as far as she could, pretending the coffee was further back than it actually was.

“Look, do you want me to do that while you go and change?” he asked.

“No, that’s fine. I’m not going out again, so I was going to stay like this for a while. As long as it’s ok with you.”

“No problem” he said, with a nervous laugh. “Your hair looks nice like that,” he went on shyly, and even blushed a little.

“Thanks.” She glanced at his trousers, and thought she could see a slight movement. If his cock was getting hard, she was surely halfway there.

He took his coffee from her, and his eyes again flicked down to her tits. She’d let the towel slip down a little, showing even more of the tops of the smooth, pale mounds. Not as far down as nipple-level, but getting there.

He’s mine, she thought.

I just need to reel him in, slowly but surely. If he realises he’s hooked, I could still lose him, so let’s be careful.

In the front room, she moved her laptop off the sofa to make room for him, putting it on the nearby low coffee table. Perfect: now she had to lean over to use it, with the consequent possibility of further towel slippage.

They sat together on the sofa, exchanging small talk. Now she needed to make the next move. She leant over and opened her laptop.

“Hey, Chris, could you just have a look at something for me,” she said, thinking quickly. “I can’t seem to get this new program to work.”

He edged over so he was right next to her on the sofa, both of them leaning over to look at the screen. Her breasts rose and fell visibly as she breathed. She could feel his thigh against hers, and his arm brushed hers as he put down his coffee. The contact made the hairs on her arm stand on end. His voice seemed unsteady as he explained to her what she needed to do. She looked at his crotch while he manipulated the cursor on the screen, closing and opening the recalcitrant program. His arousal was obvious.

“Thanks, Chris, you’re a hero,” she breathed, and put her hand on his thigh and gave it a friendly squeeze. He looked straight at her, and seemed about to say something, as she moved her hand onto his cock. As she rubbed it through his jeans, she leant her face towards his, opening her mouth just enough.

“Oh God, Chris,” she murmured as she felt his breath on her mouth. Her lips felt dry as they met his. His hand touched her bare thigh, slipping down into the hollow between her legs.

Their kiss became more urgent, mouth starting to press against mouth. She felt the towel slipping down to one side, exposing her left breast. She began to push him back onto the sofa, when he pulled his mouth away.

“Oh crap, Michelle, we shouldn’t…what about Kate?”

Quickly she hushed him, putting her finger on his lips.

“She doesn’t have to know,” she whispered. “You know I’ve always wanted you. Can’t we just do it? Just once, for me?”

She took his hand and placed it on her bare breast. His palm was slightly moist with nervousness or excitement, and for a moment it lay there motionless, then she felt his fingers start to knead her pliant flesh. She kissed him again, and a little moan came from her throat as his expert fingers found her hard little nipple. As she pushed her tongue into his mouth, his fingers circled round her areola, making the surface dimple roughly. Her nipple became aroused and stiff as he gently squeezed and played with it.

Chris stopped playing with her tit, and fumbled with the towel. He found the edge where it was tucked in, and slowly pulled it off her, exposing her naked body underneath. Michelle relaxed against the back of the sofa, and let him take in every delicious inch of her. She saw him admiring her firm breasts, her slim waist and flat stomach, and the distinct bulge of her pubic mound. Slowly, she parted her legs, inviting access to the juicy treat that lay between them. She felt a little thrill, knowing that Kate didn’t shave down there, but that she had only the other day shaved every inch of hair off, so her pudenda was completely smooth and bare.

Chris inhaled slowly. “Oh God, Michelle”, he whispered as he exhaled. As he gazed at her, as if he wasn’t quite sure which part of her to touch first, she reached up and undid the button on his jeans, then pulled down the zip. She could see the curled bulge of his cock in his pants, but she tugged at his jeans first. He took the hint and stood up, quickly pulling them down before slipping off his t-shirt as well.

Now it was her turn to pause in admiration. She’d seen him without his shirt on before, and had lusted after his six-pack and well-toned muscles. He obviously worked-out just enough to keep himself in good shape, and what a shape it was. Yum, yum. She reached out and ran her hand over his abs, leaning over and kissing his neck, then down to his almost-hairless chest. She sucked at each of his nipples, feeling him shiver as she did so. She pushed him down onto the sofa, as his hands found her breasts again. Her belly was glowing with arousal, and she kissed his nose as he tweaked her nipples, watching them grow as he pinched and pulled them.

Then he lifted his face to her right breast, taking it into his mouth as he kneaded the other with his hand. Her body tensed as he sucked, tightening and thrilling her pussy, sending warm jolts into her. Switching breasts, he continued to push her arousal higher, until she pulled herself from his mouth, and fastened her lips to his.

He was still wearing his pants, and she fumbled for them, putting her hand down inside and feeling the hard, hot curve of his curled cock. Pulling the front of his pants down, she let it spring free, taking the shaft in her hand and pumping it up and down. Kissing down his body again, while he slipped his pants off, she cradled his balls in her hand and rubbed his erect cock against her cheek. Gently, teasingly, she kissed the end, and wriggled the tip of her tongue against the little slit, as if trying to penetrate it. Then she folded her lips around the hood, coating it in her saliva with her tongue while she continued to rub her hand up and down the shaft. Slowly she lowered her head over it, letting it slide deeper into her mouth, trying to give him a blow-job like he’d never had before.

Judging by the sounds he was making, she was succeeding. She felt the knob nudging against the back of her throat, and she sucked and slurped at it, using her tongue and the muscles of her mouth to work at every inch.

“Oh shit, I’m going to come in a minute,” moaned Chris, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. Something told her that as soon as he came, the guilt would hit him and she’d lose him.

Instead, she pulled him out of her and let his cock bob in front of her face, wet with her saliva. “My turn,” she whispered, and lay back, pulling up her knees and moving her legs apart.

Chris smiled at her, and put one hand on each of her thighs, pulling her legs even wider, exposing her to his gaze. But instead of going straight for the pink, he kissed up the inside of her thighs, giving just a darting little lick here and there.

God, this is amazing, thought Michelle. Lucky Kate if she gets this every time.

Her outer labia were still folded neatly over her moist pink vulva, but as Chris began to lick and suck at her, they began to protrude invitingly. Spreading them apart with his fingers, he gently sucked at first one, then the other, rubbing his lips over the soft folds. His tongue wriggled teasingly around the entrance to her vagina, just penetrating her hole, making her whole pussy tingle. She wanted to ask him if it felt different licking at a smooth, hairless pussy, but she didn’t want to bring his thoughts back to Kate. There was no doubt about it, he was an amazing cunnilinguist, and she didn’t want to spoil the moment. So far, he’d not been near her clitoris, but she sensed that he was doing this on purpose, building up her arousal.

As his tongue tickled round her entrance, she began to push her mound against him. Suddenly she felt him start to make long, slow licks up the length of her slit and over her clit. Again and again he did this, and she felt herself start to get really aroused. With one hand, she grasped the sofa, and twisted his hair with the other. As if this was the signal he was looking for (maybe Kate did it too?) he began to focus totally on her clit, which by this time was totally engorged with blood. He began by sucking it into his mouth to coax it fully out of its little fold of flesh, then began to lick up and down with the point of his tongue.

Michelle was really moaning by now. She felt something moving around the entrance to her vagina, and she gasped as at least two of his fingers slipped inside her and began to fuck her in unison with his tongue. She felt him curving them upwards towards the front of her vaginal wall, then sliding over her special spongy spot. This, combined with the steady, repeated rhythmic flick, flick, flick of his tongue on her clitoris, brought her soaring towards her orgasm. She began to shake, and squeezed her legs around his back, contracting her vagina around his fingers while she cried out again and again, coming and coming and coming.

As she flopped back on the sofa, she felt his tongue stop its licking, and his fingers withdrew. For a few moments, she hardly knew where she was, until she felt his lips on her cheek. She pulled his mouth to hers and kissed him hard and deep, tasting her juices on his lips and smelling their tangy scent on his face.

She could feel his hard cock lying against her leg, and as she looked down at it she saw a fresh trail of pre-cum up her thigh. Quickly she reached down into her bag under the coffee table, and pulled out a condom from the pocket where she always had a couple for emergencies. Ripping open the packet, she reached for his cock, giving it a few pumps to get it as hard as possible.

“Fuck me,” she whispered as she popped the end over his cock-head, and began to roll it down his shaft. “Fuck me now, in my cunt, my sticky tight cunt.” She hoped that this dirty talk would hold the mood: that condom moment was always tricky.

“Oh fuck, yes,” he breathed, clearly not inclined to make a fuss. He moved himself between her legs so that his cock was sliding against her vaginal entrance, its juices adding to the lubrication from the condom. He reached down and grasped the shaft, pressing it against her hole and slowly pushing it in, her inner labia parting around it. As he began to rock his hips, thrusting into her, he leant down and took her hard left nipple in his mouth, sucking and nibbling at it.

Still tingling from her own orgasm, she arched herself against him, responding to his thrusts with her own, clenching her vaginal muscles round his cock, sucking him in. She began to let out little squeals and gasps with each thrust, letting him know how much she was enjoying it. She put her hands on his firm bum, kneading his buttocks, then running a finger down the crack between them. The finger slid over his tight arse-hole, hovering over its puckered entrance. Then she pushed it in, into his tight hole, penetrating his back passage.

“Argh, oh fuck,” he gasped. As she wriggled her finger around, his strokes increased in both speed and force, and she felt her body banging against the sofa. Then with a cry he threw back his head and his body went stiff, as he ejaculated again and again into the condom.

With a sigh, he flopped down against her, and she could feel his heart thumping against her chest. For a few moments he rested with his cock inside her, then she felt him slowly withdraw. She reached down and began carefully to ease the condom off his slowly softening cock; she could see that it was almost filled to overflowing with his white ejaculate. Careful not to spill any, she held up the rubber sac, showing him how much there was inside. Then she upended it over her face and let the contents gloop out into her mouth, thick and tangy, tasting only slightly of rubber and spermicidal lubricant. With a smile, she swallowed, then leant over and kissed him, this time letting him taste the remains of his own mess in her mouth.

“That was fucking amazing,” she whispered, stroking his chest with a finger. “Want to do it again?”

Chris gave her a nervous smile. “You are some fuck, Michelle,” he said. “But I really have to go now, to the library, you know.”

She kissed him on the cheek as he began to gather up his clothes. “Thank you,” she murmured, her breasts pressed against his arm, but he seemed unwilling to catch her eye.

Ah well, thought Michelle, never mind. But she had achieved her side of the bargain. As she wrapped the towel back around her naked body and waited while Chris dressed and left with a nervous goodbye, she wondered if Colin to would stick to his promise.

… … … … …

That night Michelle slept like a log; much better than she deserved. She awoke feeling fresh and alert, and when she began her revision everything seemed to sink in as if she had known it all along. It was weird, and she seemed instinctively to know which things she needed to revise, and which to ignore. For the first time that term, she felt good about her exams. She felt a twinge of guilt about fucking Chris, but it didn’t last for long. She wished she’d done it earlier, to be honest – he really was a good lay. And Kate, well, what she didn’t know about wouldn’t hurt her.

Suddenly, her door flew open with a loud crash. Michelle jumped, and turned to remonstrate with whoever it was for barging in without knocking. But her heart sank as she saw who it was. It was Kate, and she didn’t look happy.

“You bitch, you fucking shitty little bitch,” began Kate.

Michelle stood up nervously. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come out. Kate advanced towards her.

“Chris told me what happened yesterday,” she said. “At least he had the decency to own up. I thought you were my friend, you cow. How could you? How fucking well could you?”

Bloody Chris, thought Michelle. Just like a man to blab. Why couldn’t he keep his stupid mouth shut?

“Hey, calm down, it was just a fuck,” she said. As soon as she’d said it, she realised it was stupid, but the words just slipped out.

Kate stormed across the room, and slapped her as hard as she could across the cheek. Michelle stepped back, and collided clumsily with the coffee table. She toppled backwards, arms flailing as she tried to keep her balance, and as she sprawled onto the floor her head smacked hard, very hard, against the corner of the fireplace.

And that was that.

… … … … …

The first thing Michelle noticed when she regained consciousness was the noise. It sounded like an infinite number of people in extreme pain all screaming at the same time. As her eyes got used to the gloom, she realised that that was exactly what it was. She was in an enormous cavern, standing on a rocky promontory that projected out over an enormous pool of bubbling liquid that stretched as far as the eye could see in every direction. Bobbing about in it were an enormous number of apparently naked people, all of them wailing. As for her, she wasn’t wearing any clothes either, and her head hurt.

As she tried to get her head round what she could see, she felt something sharp prod her in the buttocks. She turned round to remonstrate, and saw that it was Colin, looking redder than ever. Like her, he was naked, but he was holding a three-pronged pitchfork in his hands, which he was brandishing in her direction. She also noticed that he now had a very fetching pair of horns curling up out of his forehead.

“Come on, Michelle, either you jump or I have to push you,” he said, prodding her again, this time in the fleshy portion of her thigh.

“Ouch, stop that! What the fuck is going on?” exclaimed Michelle. “Where the fuck am I?”

“Language, language!” said Colin. “And I’d have thought it was obvious. Welcome to Hell.”

“What the fuck am I doing here, then? Where’s Kate? And Chris? And my clothes?”

“It’s all a bit unfortunate,” said Colin. “When Kate slapped you and you fell over, you hit your head rather badly on the edge of the fireplace. In fact, it was so bad that it caused massive cerebral trauma, and you died.”

“Died? I can’t be dead! What about my exams? What about everything you promised?”

“I’m really sorry about that,” said Colin. “I had it all in hand, but now you’re dead there’s not much I can do about it.”

“But what am I doing here?” wailed Michelle. “And anyway, Hell can’t be real. It’s just something made up by religion to stop people thinking for themselves.”

Colin laughed. “Unfortunately, that’s a mistake an awful lot of people make these days,” he said. “As you can see, they’re wrong, just like you are.”

“Anyway, I don’t deserve to be here. I’ve been good; I should be in the other place.”

“Really? Seducing your best friend’s boyfriend counts as a cardinal sin, I’m afraid,” said Colin.

“But that was your fault! You made me do it!”

“Well, obviously,” smirked Colin. “And thanks for the horns by the way. I think they suit me, don’t you?”

“Fuck you and fuck your fucking horns,” said Michelle, rather rudely.

“It’s a shame you didn’t get a chance to say you were sorry,” observed Colin. “Sincere penitence counts for quite a lot with Him Up There, so between you and me, your chances of forgiveness were pretty good. But unfortunately, like I said, you died before you had a chance. So here you are.”

“But I’m sorry now!” wailed Michelle.

“Oddly enough, they all say that. Now come on, into the fiery pit of eternal damnation. I haven’t got all day, even if you do.”

“You said eternal damnation. How long is that really?”

“Well, eternity kind of speaks for itself, I thought,” said Colin acerbically. “But don’t worry, the first five million years are the worst.”

With that, he gave her an extra hard prod in the stomach with his pitchfork. Michelle tried to get out of the way, but instead she lost her balance and toppled off the ledge into the pit. As she hit the boiling liquid and the first blast of excruciating pain seared through her body, she hoped he had been telling the truth about things getting better after a while.

Unfortunately, he had been lying. But then what else would you expect from a Fallen Angel, First Class?