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oshkrozz
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 49
0 miles · Baltimore
Forum
Advanced Wordsmith
There is certainly the fantasy to be able to watch, to be on the side and see it from a view that normally you do not get. It is knowledge that doesn't come with a mirror and there is an erotic thrill to watch two people have amazing sex when you can see the whole scene unfold right there in front of you. Or the passion that is on her lips as she leans on you to push into another man ... The idea can be erotic and to read about it can certainly bring about a messy ending ...
However, there is a major change with flesh an blood there is a connection and once done it is not something that can never be erased, so often the ideal fantasy is not what ends up being the reality we are faced with. It takes a degree of trust, a certain amount of confidence in your lover, and your lover has to not feel degraded by the whole adventure, for a handful of people they can be enhanced by the experience but for many it will leave them changed and not in the best of ways.
However, there is a major change with flesh an blood there is a connection and once done it is not something that can never be erased, so often the ideal fantasy is not what ends up being the reality we are faced with. It takes a degree of trust, a certain amount of confidence in your lover, and your lover has to not feel degraded by the whole adventure, for a handful of people they can be enhanced by the experience but for many it will leave them changed and not in the best of ways.
Advanced Wordsmith
Anyone who has dealt with loss and recovery learns that love has many forms, if there was only one true love for them this world would be a lonely place. There are people we connect with, some there is an instant attraction, dare say a spark. We talk late into the night and watch the sun crack on the horizon. Others it is a slow build up, we suddenly see something we never saw, they never attracted us and then one day ... they said a word, share a thought, and it is a new person in front of us that we realize they are one of the most amazing people in the world.
However, as in everything love is never enough, it takes work, changes, compromises and an investment of time and selflessness. Even with the most intense connection, it will fade if not fed, even with the best relationship if you take it for granted it will one day cease to be.
However, as in everything love is never enough, it takes work, changes, compromises and an investment of time and selflessness. Even with the most intense connection, it will fade if not fed, even with the best relationship if you take it for granted it will one day cease to be.
Advanced Wordsmith
Confidence is a big one. It can be very hard to build that up especially if you had rejection after rejection.
I can suggest a few things off the top of my head that you can try:
1) Greet every single person you see one day with a smile and a good morning (you can stop after 11 am ... people will no longer smile back), when you do that force yourself to look in their eyes. You will be surprised by how many people smile back and respond. This helps with confidence somewhat
2) Join a group, running groups are good, along with art or other activities that are group oriented and involve talking to others .. at the same time allow people to not talk if they don't want to.
3) Start random conversations with people next to you on a bus/train/plane , this helps with having confidence in conversation.
Also .. perhaps you are overall critical of the women that you meet, maybe you are trying to find the perfect one, while passing up the right one?
The best way to build up confidence in conversation is to go and have them (with real people .. not online :P ) go out and start talking
I can suggest a few things off the top of my head that you can try:
1) Greet every single person you see one day with a smile and a good morning (you can stop after 11 am ... people will no longer smile back), when you do that force yourself to look in their eyes. You will be surprised by how many people smile back and respond. This helps with confidence somewhat
2) Join a group, running groups are good, along with art or other activities that are group oriented and involve talking to others .. at the same time allow people to not talk if they don't want to.
3) Start random conversations with people next to you on a bus/train/plane , this helps with having confidence in conversation.
Also .. perhaps you are overall critical of the women that you meet, maybe you are trying to find the perfect one, while passing up the right one?
The best way to build up confidence in conversation is to go and have them (with real people .. not online :P ) go out and start talking
Advanced Wordsmith
I think what was meant was all the money you want to create your dreams ... for me the dream has always been a school (and no not a sex school) that focuses on math and science ... having unlimited funds would allow for a very unique offering for children from many diverse backgrounds, provide the means to take them on field trips and see science in action in places they never expected (Roadside geology for fun and profit). I would have the funds to support music and art programs in schools that have all but cut them out in middle school and high school levels.
I have all the money I need for what "I" want to do with my life ... and I hope in the future (well I have already stared that future) to have the money to bring it to a reality in many more places.
As for living ... I can not really say, it is not the money that keeps me in one place, so more of it would not really change my home. As for a vacation home with unlimited money why bother with one? I could rent with no concern at any time the most luxurious properties and no hassle to take care of them.
I have all the money I need for what "I" want to do with my life ... and I hope in the future (well I have already stared that future) to have the money to bring it to a reality in many more places.
As for living ... I can not really say, it is not the money that keeps me in one place, so more of it would not really change my home. As for a vacation home with unlimited money why bother with one? I could rent with no concern at any time the most luxurious properties and no hassle to take care of them.
Advanced Wordsmith
I would think my life would have been dull if I had planed it all out at 12 and sitting here now I can say yes it was exactly as I planed it (sinister evil cackle here)
Life should be unexpected a little, there should be the turns and challenges that give you a story to tell your friends ... your first flight (as in the first time you jumped out of an airplane) your first love (did that turn out as expected?)
Yes certain general aspects have turned out how I expected them (I have a job, I am still alive and not in prison) but the specifics (not the job I expected, and just haven't gotten caught yet) are not what I expected.
The same holds true with relationships, friendships, lovers ... and myself, I am not who I was at 18 ... 25 .. 30 (ok will stop here)
Life should be unexpected a little, there should be the turns and challenges that give you a story to tell your friends ... your first flight (as in the first time you jumped out of an airplane) your first love (did that turn out as expected?)
Yes certain general aspects have turned out how I expected them (I have a job, I am still alive and not in prison) but the specifics (not the job I expected, and just haven't gotten caught yet) are not what I expected.
The same holds true with relationships, friendships, lovers ... and myself, I am not who I was at 18 ... 25 .. 30 (ok will stop here)
Advanced Wordsmith
Be polite, friendly and real (really the last is key). You will need to approach people, take the plunge in the chat room and say hello to random people yes you will talk to people where it doesn't click ... however, you will also meet and interact with people that challenge your mind ... and develop friends (I am not 6' ... and sadly not ripped either unless you count my ripped tee-shirt I wear to bed, as for being hung like an elephant that would be freakish ... and get you on TV)
A few ideas:
Talk to people in chat
When you read a story thank the author say what you liked about it
If there is someone here that posts and you really connect to what they say, write then and thank them and explain why you are writing
and you know .. sometimes they write back
A few ideas:
Talk to people in chat
When you read a story thank the author say what you liked about it
If there is someone here that posts and you really connect to what they say, write then and thank them and explain why you are writing
and you know .. sometimes they write back
Advanced Wordsmith
Similar to the other poll posted (the concept is the same).
It is easy to get attached online very easy and the reason is because we are really attached to ourselves. We project an ideal into the online relationship because they are never less then ideal (ok maybe when they don't have a good reason why they disappeared for 3 days). When there is a void sometimes we fill it with another person they become all the things we are missing (they pay attention to us?? why because we can type endlessly and they can respond at some point in the future ... while watching sports on TV), it becomes a comfort, a place to share, a safe place for us and so we become attached to the idea that we created. Yes there is a real person on the other side of the computer (well at least for the next 50 years or so AI IS getting better).
However, you never had to sit and listen to them chew food, you never had to have them forget to buy a present, you never had to see how they can never look a person in the eyes, or how their laugh would grate on your ears. You never had to see them wake up hair all over, no make up, and what on earth are they wearing (or not wearing) ... and you never had to watch them succumb to being sick (common cold to much more serious illnesses), all you can do is imagine and by imagine you imagine the person closest to you and that would be uh .. YOU.
Does this mean that online can't be real? not at all, however, it is far easier to fall into a trap of loving yourself online then when there is a real person sitting there across from you with glowing eyes, soft dreamy voice, and a really awful looking mole on his cheek ... point being you never see the imperfections online ...( well except for my horrible spelling and grammar usage) you just see things how you want to see them, how you want to feel them and that is why it can hurt so much more then in real life when it all comes crashing down.
As said on the other post, if you are real, honest, compassionate and kind (even with the riding crop) you can expect the same from others and form lasting friendships that will be very real, and you will also meet lots of people that suck you in and drain your soul, making you feel worse then that night you thought the 16 oz glass was water ... however, if you form connections with people, you will form them online, however there is a small subtle difference and that attachment online is also a little attachment to ourselves ...
It is easy to get attached online very easy and the reason is because we are really attached to ourselves. We project an ideal into the online relationship because they are never less then ideal (ok maybe when they don't have a good reason why they disappeared for 3 days). When there is a void sometimes we fill it with another person they become all the things we are missing (they pay attention to us?? why because we can type endlessly and they can respond at some point in the future ... while watching sports on TV), it becomes a comfort, a place to share, a safe place for us and so we become attached to the idea that we created. Yes there is a real person on the other side of the computer (well at least for the next 50 years or so AI IS getting better).
However, you never had to sit and listen to them chew food, you never had to have them forget to buy a present, you never had to see how they can never look a person in the eyes, or how their laugh would grate on your ears. You never had to see them wake up hair all over, no make up, and what on earth are they wearing (or not wearing) ... and you never had to watch them succumb to being sick (common cold to much more serious illnesses), all you can do is imagine and by imagine you imagine the person closest to you and that would be uh .. YOU.
Does this mean that online can't be real? not at all, however, it is far easier to fall into a trap of loving yourself online then when there is a real person sitting there across from you with glowing eyes, soft dreamy voice, and a really awful looking mole on his cheek ... point being you never see the imperfections online ...( well except for my horrible spelling and grammar usage) you just see things how you want to see them, how you want to feel them and that is why it can hurt so much more then in real life when it all comes crashing down.
As said on the other post, if you are real, honest, compassionate and kind (even with the riding crop) you can expect the same from others and form lasting friendships that will be very real, and you will also meet lots of people that suck you in and drain your soul, making you feel worse then that night you thought the 16 oz glass was water ... however, if you form connections with people, you will form them online, however there is a small subtle difference and that attachment online is also a little attachment to ourselves ...
Advanced Wordsmith
People connect in various ways, some to the intensity of the fantasy they use the online world as a shield for what is not theirs in the real world. Others to explore ideas and thoughts that would be dangerous or just not possible in their real life. Others make real friends and connections, they are honest and respectful as they would be if you met them on a plane sitting next to them. People do all manner of bad things in real life (watch the news anytime recently?). In a forum where they are far more anonymous people shed some of their inhibitions (and in many cases much easier to say what the person wants to hear) many will become someone else for a little.
In that regard the question should be "is it fair to ask someone to be exclusive online?" when you expect no such behavior offline why box someone in. You should not need to ask for that, if you have a connection, and your time is absorbed into the relationship you will find yourself exclusive, when your heart is not in it anymore, or you can not focus on the person online you will stop being exclusive. There will not be a time were you need to verbally commit ... it will just happen, and if it doesn't then it is not meant to be asking for promises will not make it so.
Imagine the following ... you are flirting, playing, telling each other all the things to want to do and how you want to be stuck, or tied up, or spanked, or maybe just kissed ... or (uh ok I will leave some things to the imagination) you have over time developed a "connection" you think of him always, he fills your thoughts, and every time you ... you are already exclusive with him and so you want him (or her) to be the same to you .. you will then always wonder if the promise is kept, if they really feel that way or are they just masking in words ... Just as you indulge in your fantasies here, you can add to that fantasy that the person is exclusive to you, no need to ask them.
If the relationship grows into something more then a little box of pleasure then it might be the time to seek some assurance that you are not just one of 783 others that he (or she) is copy and pasting to ... however, to be honest, in your heart if you are real, and put yourself there you will also know if they are and when you have nagging doubts you should explore those doubts with your partner and why you feel that way.
In short (I know too late) the answer is it is a promise no more serious then any other promise people break all the time ...
In that regard the question should be "is it fair to ask someone to be exclusive online?" when you expect no such behavior offline why box someone in. You should not need to ask for that, if you have a connection, and your time is absorbed into the relationship you will find yourself exclusive, when your heart is not in it anymore, or you can not focus on the person online you will stop being exclusive. There will not be a time were you need to verbally commit ... it will just happen, and if it doesn't then it is not meant to be asking for promises will not make it so.
Imagine the following ... you are flirting, playing, telling each other all the things to want to do and how you want to be stuck, or tied up, or spanked, or maybe just kissed ... or (uh ok I will leave some things to the imagination) you have over time developed a "connection" you think of him always, he fills your thoughts, and every time you ... you are already exclusive with him and so you want him (or her) to be the same to you .. you will then always wonder if the promise is kept, if they really feel that way or are they just masking in words ... Just as you indulge in your fantasies here, you can add to that fantasy that the person is exclusive to you, no need to ask them.
If the relationship grows into something more then a little box of pleasure then it might be the time to seek some assurance that you are not just one of 783 others that he (or she) is copy and pasting to ... however, to be honest, in your heart if you are real, and put yourself there you will also know if they are and when you have nagging doubts you should explore those doubts with your partner and why you feel that way.
In short (I know too late) the answer is it is a promise no more serious then any other promise people break all the time ...
Advanced Wordsmith
I am unsure of your choice of words in that do you mean how do you introduce the fantasy? or do you mean your wife is dead set against it and you are trying to get her to want to try it?
If it is option 1 ...
Start with a toy, you can introduce it to your sex play it can be something simple, take it out and even give it a name ... and see how she reacts. If you have shared erotica with her (or watch erotic movies) try some with swinging or with the wife going off with another man and see what her reaction is (is she turned on, is she more amorous ...) if she doesn't enjoy it then stop and just keep it a fantasy.
If it is option 2 ...
It will never end well don't try.
If it is option 1 ...
Start with a toy, you can introduce it to your sex play it can be something simple, take it out and even give it a name ... and see how she reacts. If you have shared erotica with her (or watch erotic movies) try some with swinging or with the wife going off with another man and see what her reaction is (is she turned on, is she more amorous ...) if she doesn't enjoy it then stop and just keep it a fantasy.
If it is option 2 ...
It will never end well don't try.
Advanced Wordsmith
Anything you hide from your partner is "cheating" in some way or another. That can be going out with the guys when you said you were at work, that can be having a friend that you share a close intimate bond with (not sex) that you hide from your partner (or your partner explicitly said they are not comfertable with the relationship). It can be actual sex ...
You also need to ask yourself if your partner engaged in the same activity would you be ok with it? How would you feel to find out?
Is it cheating as in having sex with a person ... this is more partner specific, fundamentally it is different you never had actual contact ... but ... the potential is there to try and take it to the next level so from someones perspective it is the same as making out leading up to actual sex therefore you are a serious cheater.
Others will view it as really bad but accept that you never had any intentions to meet and let it slide .. this time
Others will be like eh whatever floats your boat ... your sleeping on the couch tonight ... and I am taking your computer (like when they caught you going out to happy hour when you "stayed late" at work)
lastly others will be like ... uh next time I want you to do that while I am on your lap ...
You also need to ask yourself if your partner engaged in the same activity would you be ok with it? How would you feel to find out?
Is it cheating as in having sex with a person ... this is more partner specific, fundamentally it is different you never had actual contact ... but ... the potential is there to try and take it to the next level so from someones perspective it is the same as making out leading up to actual sex therefore you are a serious cheater.
Others will view it as really bad but accept that you never had any intentions to meet and let it slide .. this time
Others will be like eh whatever floats your boat ... your sleeping on the couch tonight ... and I am taking your computer (like when they caught you going out to happy hour when you "stayed late" at work)
lastly others will be like ... uh next time I want you to do that while I am on your lap ...
Advanced Wordsmith
For the most part minimum age matters for legal reasons ... beyond that all depends what you are looking for
Does it matter for a quicky in the park behind the bushes .. not really (well could change how much they charge)
Does it matter for amazing passionate lusty sex that you will keep going back to in your fantasies? not really
Does it matter for a long term stable relationship that is not about what can be done on the desk, chair, walls, table ... yes ... yes it does.
Does that mean it can't work? no just that a person who is 20 doesn't have the same hopes and dreams and view of life as someone who is 60. 10 years even can make an entire difference in perspective. However, if you meet someone and you connected in a way you never had before, you share the same goals, you work well, communicate well, and are open to each other in ways you have never been with others then age is less important .. yet age tends to be a good indicator of where a person has been ... and where they are going.
Does it matter for a quicky in the park behind the bushes .. not really (well could change how much they charge)
Does it matter for amazing passionate lusty sex that you will keep going back to in your fantasies? not really
Does it matter for a long term stable relationship that is not about what can be done on the desk, chair, walls, table ... yes ... yes it does.
Does that mean it can't work? no just that a person who is 20 doesn't have the same hopes and dreams and view of life as someone who is 60. 10 years even can make an entire difference in perspective. However, if you meet someone and you connected in a way you never had before, you share the same goals, you work well, communicate well, and are open to each other in ways you have never been with others then age is less important .. yet age tends to be a good indicator of where a person has been ... and where they are going.
Advanced Wordsmith
As I travel now and then I have found myself in this situation ... of course the worst is that flight right after some big road race. The best idea if you travel often to add to your carry on bag besides the noise canceling headphones (or less expensive but equally effective ear plugs), blindfolds (and no not for your date that night) is a face mask and a little bottle of a really nice fragrance you spray the inside of the mask (as much as is needed) and put it on. It will accomplish two things:
1) keep you from smelling anything else
2) Stop people from talking to you ...
1) keep you from smelling anything else
2) Stop people from talking to you ...