The noise of people talking at the bar is getting overwhelming. My Bumble date just walked out with another woman and I am left here by myself: embarrassed, lonely and horny. I open my phone and start swiping. I’ve only swiped right on two comely gentlemen when I get a text. “Feel like partying?” It's my colleague Dennis from work. “Sure? What’s up?” I reply. “I’m doing karaoke at Union Station.” It is across the street a...

“You won’t believe it, Ilana! You just won’t believe it!” I’m vibrating. “Believe what? Slow down! Are you okay?” “I’m better than okay, hun. Boy, do I have a story to tell you. While you’ve been looking at pictures of your ex all day, I’ve been out enjoying nature’s water show.” “Yes, I know. You’ve explained to me how dumb it is to sit in the cabin all day. Just give me time, okay?” “Yeah, babe, this isn’t about that. I...

"Why do you love my orgasms so much?" He smiled and pulled her closer. "I love them because they're so dramatic. My orgasm is like a Justin Bieber song - short, repetitive and annoying if it goes on too long. But your orgasm? It's a symphony. It has highs and lows. Loud and sweaty. Lazy and quiet. A symphony that I prefer to conduct with my tongue.”

Gravel crunches as I park my car in the lot, only steps away from the cowboy village. My phone dings as I stop the car. Message from Jennifer. Damn it! Her baby is throwing up again and she isn’t coming. She’s already sent the sitter home and now I’m in the ridiculous tourist trap by myself. I slump in my seat. My mom always told me that you could expect inspiration in the most unlikely places. Even though this was Jenn’s...

I looked at my hand. This time it was only a small bunch of hair that pulled out, right from the crown of my head. Not as bad as yesterday. A text from Elaine. “I’ll pick U up at 10. Ready 2 party?” I had the urge to party as much as I had the urge to stick needles in my eyes. But this could be our last chance to have a good time together before my health continued its downward slide. “Ready 2 party!” I replied. Elaine ar...

I picked up the redheaded guy by his collar and carried him towards the door. My colleague, Harold, had control of the bearded dude and the fight was definitely over. The bartender, Lilian, gave us an appreciative glance as we rid the bar of the two troublemakers. To be honest, this was my favorite part of the job – pulling fights apart and tossing guys into the parking lot. I did it as often as I could. Well, second favo...