I was waiting in trepidation to hear from Helen about when I’d be seeing her eighteen-year-old daughter, Alice, for the first time, and exactly what story Alice had been told about who I was, and what I would be doing. Alice and I needed to get on if we were to share a house, so my creating a good impression at this meeting was of critical importance, otherwise the hopes for my future were in jeopardy.

The phone call from Helen came late on a Friday evening, two weeks and a day before it was planned I would move into her house. Helen informed me that I would get to meet Alice in just twelve hours, at London Zoo. I was taken aback by how little warning I’d been given.

“I arranged this with Alice a few days ago, but I couldn’t see that you needed to know until the day before, you’d only get into a flap,” Helen nonchalantly informed me. I’m sure Helen knew she was being unfair and untruthful, but this was part of the psychological game she was engaged in, demonstrating she was in control and calling the shots.

“However, I do think it would be a nice gesture for you to bring along a picnic lunch for us all, so perhaps I should have given you more warning—sorry about that!” she lied. “But I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding a twenty-four-hour supermarket to buy what you need.”

“Thank you, Ma’am, I’ll sort out a really good lunch for us all,” I replied, trying to disguise my irritation and being concerned about how much sleep I would get that night. “What have you told Alice about me, Ma’am?”

“Much along the lines I said to you before, with a few embellishments! I’ve told her that you’re a second cousin of mine on my mother’s side, and you are the black sheep of the family, which is why Alice has never heard of you before. Some years ago, you served a prison sentence, and since then you’ve never held down a proper job, or a job of any kind for more than a few weeks.”

Helen related this background story in a very matter-of-fact way, but I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, yet there was more to come.”You rely on handouts from other members of the family. Some have tried to help you by providing work, but you’ve let them down, so now it’s my turn to see if I can employ you in some capacity, although I let Alice know I’m not very happy wasting my time helping you.”

I was stunned by this implausible account that Helen had concocted, though part of me wondered if I could have done any better. “Really?!” I uttered. “Is Alice going to believe this? And, if she does, she may not start out well disposed towards me?”

“I hope you’re not challenging me?” Helen retorted.

“Er..., no, Ma’am,” I hastily added. “I’m, er, I’m thinking on my feet.”

“If that’s the best you can do, then leave the thinking to me, Julian. It’s vital you make a good impression on her tomorrow. Don’t let me down—or else!”

“I understand, Ma’am,” I gulped. “But what work did you say I’d be doing?”

“I’ve told her I’m planning to employ you as a live-in housekeeper. I said the work would be hard and menial, in the hope that you don’t stay long before moving on to another of your distant relatives.”

“What did Alice say?”

“Well, to be honest, she’s not keen about you moving in, so, as I’ve said, it’s essential you foster a good relationship when you meet her.”

“Hmm, this seems a complicated story, what with the prison background and me being portrayed as a hopeless cause, so I just hope it doesn’t backfire, Ma’am,” I mused, while trying to get across my unease.

Helen paid no attention to what I said and continued, “Also, I’ve told Alice that you want to start a fresh life as a woman, so you intend to wear female clothing, and begin your transition while living with us. And I said to Alice that if you’re going to dress as a woman in my house, then I’m going to choose what you get to wear! That covers the uniform issue!”

“Oh my God! I’m not sure I’m ready to wear women’s clothing full-time, Ma’am! What was Alice’s reaction to that?”

Helen laughed. “It definitely piqued her interest to know you’d be dressing as a woman! And, yes, you will be dressing as a woman when you move in, so stop pretending it won’t happen.”

“It’s... it’s a lot to take in, Ma’am! You and I need to discuss further how I’ll be dressed and reach some compromise that I can live with. Please!”

“You’re testing my patience, Julian. The decision is mine, and you either go along with it, or else the whole idea falls through.”

The second option was too hard for me to accept. I had no job to go to, no flat to move back to, no car, and many of my possessions had already gone into long-term storage. I seemed to have no option but to accept the housekeeper role, and hope that over the next couple of weeks I could persuade Helen to let me dress more acceptably, at least when Alice was around.

However, now was not the time to have that discussion. Nonetheless, there were still reservations I needed to raise. “And are you really sure Alice is going to buy into this background? Don’t I need to know more about my past to be convincing? I hope it doesn’t all unravel.”

“Stop being so damn negative, Julian!” Helen shouted, becoming annoyed. “Why should it unravel unless you open your big mouth and say something you shouldn’t? I’ve told Alice you don’t like talking about your past, so try to keep quiet or else be vague. Understood? I don’t want you contradicting what I’ve already told her.”

“Understood, sorry, Ma’am,” I replied, despite not understanding much at all.

After I put the phone down, my brain was buzzing with all the implications of what I’d been told. It was a tangled web that Helen had constructed, and I could see the story falling apart, especially as Helen was always telling me how intelligent—and curious—Alice was. I felt that before long Alice would discover the truth, but for my sake, I had to hope it wasn’t through some mistake on my part.

It was now midnight and I had to start work on the picnic. Without a car, and with the bus service stopped for the night, I had to walk a mile to a supermarket that was open around the clock. By the time I arrived back at the flat, with my purchases, it was 1.30 AM, and it was another half-hour before I got to bed.

And then it was an early start the following day assembling the picnic, including preparing several varieties of sandwiches. I suspected I’d gone over the top because, as well as enough sandwiches to feed an army, there were also umpteen cakes and cookies, bags of crisps, fruit, chocolate, drinks, and goodness knows what else.

As it was an unseasonably warm, mid-May day, I packed everything into a coolbox and surrounded the contents with ice packs. The box weighed a ton and I staggered to the zoo entrance where I was to meet up with them. Naturally, I was now hairless from the neck down, as this was a requirement that Helen had insisted upon, and in my recently pierced ears I wore the studs that she had given to me. I was also wearing a pair of knickers, and I’d chosen a pair of high-waisted satin briefs that I thought would be comfortable to wear on a day that could involve much walking. Needless to say, I also had on my chastity device as part of getting used to wearing it full-time. In contrast to my comfy panties, this was proving very restrictive and it was impossible to forget it was in place.

Despite starting out in good time, due to a train cancellation, I was thirty minutes late arriving, and Helen and Alice were already there, which had put them both in a bad mood. Not a good start to the visit!

Helen grimaced and hissed, “You’re late!” I apologised, and we exchanged greetings.

“Alice,” said Helen, “meet my second cousin, Julian. That means he’s your second cousin, once removed. If you two get along, he will be coming to live with us to do the housework. “ Alice smiled, but in an insincere manner, though I presumed she had been warned to be on best behaviour.

Alice was the spitting image of her mother—the same pert figure, the same hair and eye colours, the same hairstyle, and the same taste in clothes. They could have been mistaken for sisters. Both were dressed in tight-fitting blue jeans, open-toed sandals, and white vest tops, the latter doing nothing to conceal their black bra straps.

There was a long queue to get into the zoo, so I attempted to make conversation while we waited to buy our tickets. Knowing she was in the middle of sitting exams, I asked Alice what she had been studying. She reeled off four subjects, adding, “But I don’t know what business it is of yours what I study. You’ll just be the housekeeper... if you get the job!” She almost spat out the word "if", and I was taken aback by her directness.

Helen interrupted, saying to Alice, “Sweetheart, Julian is just trying to break the ice and get to know you. He’s not being nosey. I’m sure you two will get on just fine if you give him a break. You’re both understandably nervous, meeting for the first time.”

Unlike me, Alice showed no signs of nervousness, as she continued, “But don’t I get a say in whether he moves into our house?”

“Yes, of course you do, darling, but...”

Alice interrupted her mother, saying, “In that case, I want to learn more about him. Such as why he wants to be our housekeeper. What is he going to be doing?”

“Well, sweetheart, he will...,” Helen responded.

“No, Mummy, I want Julian to answer! Julian, what does a housekeeper do?”

I looked at Helen, but she was now holding back to see where the conversation was going. “I..., I don’t really know, just yet, just looking after the house, I suppose,” I replied.

“What? Cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping?” asked Alice, her eyebrows raised.

“Yes, er..., I suppose so, but I don’t know for sure.”

“So you’re applying for this job, but you don’t know what it involves? That’s stupid... Can you cook?”

“Hmm, not very well, Alice. I don’t think I’ll be doing the cooking.” My attempt at a smile was not returned.

“Can you clean?” she continued, stern-faced.

“Yes, I should think so,” I assured her, but in a diffident tone that she picked up on.

“You don’t sound very sure. What about the laundry? Do you know about separating whites from coloureds? What about the different types of fabrics, and the different temperatures?

“Yes, I’ve washed clothes before. I think I’ll manage.”

“How about ironing?”

“Yes, I’ve ironed my shirts.”

“I’m not interested in your shirts. Have you ironed delicate items, such as silk tops?"

“No, I’m afraid I’ve never had to do that. I don’t have any silk tops!” I laughed, trying to make it into a joke.

“It won’t be funny if you scorch one of my silk camisoles. I won’t be laughing, and neither will you.”

“Sorry, Alice, I didn’t mean to make light of what I’ll be doing.”

You’re not very good at much, are you? Have you never been a housekeeper before?”

“Err, no, I’ve not.”

Alice had a look of disbelief on her face, and shook her head, as if to wonder why her mother was even contemplating employing someone like me. I was becoming concerned that we were within earshot of others in the queue, who might start to take an interest in our conversation, which could prove embarrassing.

At this point, Helen intervened to rescue me. “Alice, believe me, he’ll do anything that he’s told to do. He doesn’t need to know everything at the outset, and he can learn as he goes along. If he gets things wrong, I will be making sure he won’t make the same mistake twice. If he damages anything, he will pay for it to be replaced.”

Ignoring what her mother said, and staring hard at me, Alice continued. “Can you be trusted?” she asked.

“Yes, I course I can!” I responded, in indignation.

“I mean, can you be trusted not to steal our stuff? Mum said you’ve been in prison. What for?”

“What did your mum tell you?”

“I’m asking you!”

Helen intervened again. “We don’t need to go into this, sweetheart. I’ve vetted Julian, so there will be no problems.”

Alice grunted, signifying a lack of conviction in what she’d been told. I could see she was getting irritated with the vagueness of my replies. Consequently, she decided to change tack, while at the same time raising her voice by a few decibels. “And why aren’t you wearing a dress? Mum said you’re transitioning.” I was acutely aware that anyone within several yards of us couldn’t fail to have heard what she was asking. Glances were being made in my direction.

I had to think of something to say. Unlike Alice, who had raised her voice, I lowered mine to reply. “I... I don’t know why you think I’m transitioning? You’ve made a mistake. It’s just something I’m looking into, to give me a fresh start, but I’ve not taken any firm decision. I need to dig into it a lot more. If I did, it would take place over several years, and I’d not be in any rush to wear women’s clothes. In fact, female clothing holds no appeal to me whatsoever.”

Helen had a look of incredulity on her face as I contradicted the background story she had constructed, but she waited to see what Alice was going to say next.

Alice was scornful in her reply. “It makes no sense, what you’re saying. I’m sure anyone who was thinking of transitioning would be very interested in women’s fashion, and would want to try out cross-dressing, so you’re talking nonsense. There’s something you’re holding back, and I intend to find out what it is.”

“Transitioning is far more complicated than you may think, Alice. It takes time to commit to,” I tried to explain.

She laughed. “Well, tough luck, because Mum has decided for you! She’s told me that you will have to wear a female uniform. Still want the job?”

I gulped. “Yes, Alice, but... but...”

Helen was standing behind Alice and mouthing to me to shut up. Clearly, I was digging a hole for myself and Helen was becoming increasingly agitated.

By now, we were at the front of the queue which provided a distraction while tickets were purchased. We then wandered over to the penguin enclosure and mother and daughter became engaged in a whispered conversation. I speculated that Helen might be giving Alice a talking-to about her manners. If so, to keep the peace, when I saw a keeper appear with a bucket of fish, I broke the tension by yelling, “Look, Alice, they’re being fed! Look!”

I felt utterly ridiculous when Helen turned round and hissed, “Shut up, Julian, and grow up. Apparently, unlike you, Alice has seen penguins before! She’s eighteen years old, for crying out loud. From now on, keep quiet until you’re spoken to. I mean it! Understood?”

I was taken aback by her verbal attack, and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Other visitors turned to see what the commotion was. “Sorry, Ma’am,” I replied, still trying to come to terms with how she had spoken to me.

The moment I said that, Alice’s eyebrows shot up and her mouth popped open. “What did he call you?” asked Alice, with a sense of disbelief. Her face now adopted a bemused expression. A faint smile appeared, which expanded in size until her teeth were fully visible. Her interest in me had been further triggered, and she wanted to discover more.

Again, Helen had to jump in. “I’d joked with him that if he got the housekeeper job he’d have to call me Ma’am,” Helen explained, sheepishly, while scowling at me. “As he seems to be going along with that, I’ll make it one of the rules, eh? And perhaps he should address you as Miss, don’t you think?”

Alice gave a broad grin and nodded in my direction. “Cool, I like that,” she agreed.

For another hour, we traipsed around the zoo, with me lugging the heavy coolbox. I was instructed to walk several steps behind the girls as, in Helen’s words, I was obviously having trouble behaving myself.

It was now time for lunch, but the zoo was packed with visitors, and all the picnic benches were occupied. Luckily, Helen found an empty length of low brick wall where she could rest and Alice then sat down beside her.

I readied myself to sit next to Helen, but she retorted, “It’s ridiculous to sit in a straight line. Use some common sense, Julian, and sit on the floor in front of us to make a triangle. And cross your legs, so you don’t keep wriggling.”

Put firmly in my place, I did as I was told, but I was unhappy. Being humiliated by Helen in private was one thing, but in public, it was a very different matter.

The coolbox was opened up and we all helped ourselves to the food and drink inside. Except that I found myself being repeatedly admonished by Helen, who was still very much irritated by my earlier poor performance.

“Stop gulping down sandwiches, Julian, leave some for me and Alice!” and “One cake only, Julian, otherwise you’ll put on weight and your uniform won’t fit” and “No more drink, Julian, in case we have to find a toilet for you.”

There was no humour in her voice, but Alice thought it was all a joke and laughed at each reprimand. Yet the degrading way I was being treated was making me resentful. In private, this would have caused me to be sexually aroused, but, in public, I found it demeaning. Yet, there was nothing I could do to escape the torment.

And worse was to come! With lunch finished, I was instructed to clear everything up. While kneeling and bending forward, the waistband of my panties became visible above the back of my trousers. Being made of pale blue satin, with a frilly waistband, there was no chance of anyone mistaking them for men’s underpants, least of all Alice.

She let out a yelp, “What the bloody hell! Oh, my God, he’s wearing knickers! So much for him telling us it could be years before he started to cross-dress. He’s a pervert, Mummy! Perverts wear knickers!”

I shot up, not knowing what to do. Helen looked exasperated, but intervened in an attempt to downplay another crisis. “Yes, he wears knickers, darling! It’s a first step towards transitioning. I don’t know why he told you that he was only thinking about changing gender, but I’ll be having words with him later.” With that, she gave me an icy stare that sent a shiver down my spine. “But Julian’s not a pervert, so don’t be alarmed.”

“I’m not so sure, Mummy,” replied Alice. “If he wants to live as a woman, why is he only wearing the underwear? Why isn’t he wearing a dress or a skirt? Are you sure he’s not just got a thing about wearing undies? That would make more sense, wouldn’t it?”

“It’s one step at a time, Alice. He’s beginning with the underwear and then he’ll start wearing other items.”

Alice was speechless for a few seconds before shaking her head, “I’m not buying this, but I do reckon we should call him..., her I mean..., Julie!”

Helen roared with laughter, but in a vindictive way. “I like that idea, don’t you?” she agreed, scowling at me.

“Yes, Ma’am,” I replied, feeling utterly dejected.

“Why isn’t he wearing a bra, as well as knickers?” queried Alice.

“He will be, sweetheart ... he will be, give it time,” answered Helen, piercing me with another laser-sharp glare.

We wandered around the zoo for another hour and a half. Given what had happened, it was difficult for me to relax and enjoy myself, but further embarrassment awaited.

At one point, I was caught looking at my phone. “Alice will look after your phone, Julie,” decided Helen. “You can have it back later, but we are here to look at animals, aren’t we, Alice?” Alice, looking smug with herself, smiled in agreement as I passed her my phone for safekeeping.

I was reaching the end of my tether, but what could I do, as I’d burnt too many bridges to now turn down the housekeeper role? I had to hope that my future life would prove less embarrassing, and more exciting, in the privacy of Helen’s house, when Alice wasn't around. But public humiliation, of the sort I was suffering today, was not something I relished.