Ah’d love t' be a pirate bold,
Me cutlass in me ‘and.
In thigh-‘igh boots an’ big black ‘at,
Upon the deck Ah’d stand.

Ah’d ‘ave a crew of lusty girls,
All topless, fierce an’ tann’d.
Wi’ naked breasts an’ nipples ‘ard,
We wouldn’t ‘alf look grand.

Our ship, she would be fast an’ neat,
We’d name ‘er “ 'Orny Sue”,
An’ when men saw ‘er comin’
They’d flee: an’ so would you.

‘Er sails, they would be black as pitch,
‘Er cannons, true an’ strong,
As figure’ead, we’d ‘ave a cock,
Enormous, stiff an’ long.

Our flag it would strike fear in all,
Scare Scousers, Taffs an’ Jocks;
A grinnin’ skull, eyes dead an' cold,
An’ two crossed massive cocks.

Our fame’d spread around the world,
Black Annie an’ ‘er crew.
In taverns dim an’ dirty,
Dark tales they’d tell: all true.

Of ‘ow we sailed the Seven Seas,
A treasure for t’ seek.
Not gold doubloons or shinin’ jewels,
But men of good physique.

Yes, men we’d ‘unt, tough men an’ bold,
But they’d find us much tougher.
We’d string ‘em up, ‘ung from their balls,
By G-d, we’d make ‘em suffer.

We’d make ‘em watch while all me crew
Stripped off an’ flashed their bits,
We’d tease an’ smile for quite a while,
An’ playin’ with our tits.

But then at last we’d cut ‘em free.
An’ fuck ‘em, one an’ all.
We’d screw ‘em on the deck all day
Until the sun did fall.

That’s all the pay ah’d give me crew,
A man t’ fuck each day.
It’s all they’d need; that an’ the grog,
Else they might go astray.

Each day we’d splice the mainbrace,
An’ drink a pint o’ grog,
Then Ah’d select a lucky man,
An’ fuck ‘im like a dog.

We’d sing a song o' pirate life,
Of sex an’ drink an’ men,
An’ when we’d sung our pirate song,
We’d fuck the men again!

Ah think Ah’d like the pirate life;
The singin’, an’ the screwin’:
Unless the sea it made me sick,
An’ left me all a-spewin’.

Inspired by, and written with due respect to, “My Lover at the Helm”, by DanielleX