I couldn’t sleep.
Elaine worried me. She has been able to tell me about her doctor sessions with conviction. She had listened to my statements about how her cheating with Mathew had hurt me, leaving me wondering how this woman, my wife, who professed she loved me with her whole being, could casually fuck another man for eight or nine hours, letting him dominate her in ways she had never allowed me to.
But as I continued, Elaine’s demeanor changed, and she became stoic and quiet. Sensing this change, I pulled her to the shower, and we had the closest thing we could to having sex, mutual masturbation, and the beginning of fingering. Then Elaine committed a cheater's sin. She referenced that her nipples were sore and that I should not bite them.
I nearly exploded and barked, “Fuck, Elaine, well, how did they get sore?”
Elaine killed the moment… DEAD.
Elaine didn’t know what she had done, but I did. Mathew had ravaged her whole body, so parts of her body were indeed sore. She unknowingly threw it in my face, not meaning to, but she did, and it killed me as if you had shot me.
I had to get away from Elaine. I stood and walked out without a word, leaving her sitting in the shower to think about what she had said.
I dried off and dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a large tumbler of Jack. I drank half of it as I entered my office and turned on my computer. I wanted to be clear about what would happen if I divorced Elaine. It was not what I wanted, but it may be my only way forward. My heart was broken, and even though the doctor had clinically explained how the cheating debacle had happened, her explanation did not explain why my wife could have forsaken me that whole night. Then there was the question, what if I had not been in the kitchen that morning and had not stopped them? Would they have been in bed fucking all day long with Elaine never giving me a thought?
It pained me greatly to admit that that would have been what would have happened had I not been there. Their sexfest would have continued well into the day, and I would have never known about it. Then what would have happened? Would Elaine have been under Mathew's spell like all the other wives and fucked him whenever he called.
This was a significant, looming question that had to be answered, but how?
I focused on looking at the computer screen for the answers to my divorce questions; I was not happy with what I was reading. As I expected, the man gets shafted by the law while the cheating wife benefits and gets everything even though they were the guilty party. It was good that we had no children, or it would be even worse for me.
I drank a swallow of Jack and wondered if Eliane was genuinely sorry about what she had done or if she was using that to, hopefully, save our marriage.
I heard Elaine outside the door. She stood there for several minutes, then the door opened, and she looked inside. I glanced at her, then back at my computer, and began to fill out the divorce papers I had found online. I wanted Elaine to see what I was doing. She would panic. Then she had to read the documents and understand just how badly she had hurt me and possibly destroyed our marriage.
As my adrenaline dissipated, the excitement, confusion, and anger over what had happened began to pass slowly. I knew that logical thinking had to start so that correct decisions could be made about our future.
Elaine moved into the room, but I paid her no mind and continued to type. She moved behind me and could see what I was typing. Words flowed onto the screen, filling out each section. Then I heard a gasp and a loud thump behind me. I turned to see Elaine lying on the floor, her hands over her face as she began to sob.
I said nothing and turned to finish filling out the divorce form. I printed it out and moved on to another form I completed and printed. Now, I was ready to continue our talk.
I turned to Elaine. I was pretty miffed after her statement and reading the bullshit divorce information. I was fucked anyway unless we could work through this, and Elaine had to be an adult to do that, and right now, she was not acting that way.
“Enough, Enough, Elaine, stop your fucking crying. Sit on the loveseat. We have to continue with my part of our discussion. I do not want to hear any more crying or sniveling. You created this problem, and either we fix it so we can move on together, or I will swiftly end it, divorce you, and you will be on your own and free to fuck anyone you want. Do you understand!?”
Elaine looked at me with horror as she scrambled up onto the loveseat. She looked like shit, with stringy wet hair and no makeup with tear stains marking her cheeks. I leaned over and handed her the divorce document I had printed. “Elaine, you need to read this,” I said, and I left the room.
“Where are you going?” Elaine asked in a panic.
“Just read the document completely. I will be back in a minute!”
I closed the door and walked to the kitchen. I leaned on the counter, thinking about this whole debacle. My emotions, doubts, and fears were all over the place. Adrenaline had been coursing through my veins for two days, and finally, I was crashing. The true gravity of the situation was pressing down on me.
I finally thought about myself without emotion, thinking about what this all meant. I challenged myself to recognize my feelings about what I had seen, heard, and experienced. It had all been like an action movie, only in living color, real life. There was sex, cheating, betrayal, violence, more violence, retribution, and now the sorrowful reconciliation.
I sat down and drank a glass of water, rolling the glass in my palms as I pondered Elaine’s and my future.
What did I want now? Was it different than what I wanted 48 hours ago? What about Elaine? She was different now. I had never seen this woman before, and she worried me.
We had been a tight couple, madly in love and always in lust for each other. I never thought of Elaine being pleasured by another man. That had been painful to see and hear, creating doubts in my mind and soul about whether I was the right man for her and whether she was the right woman for me. Could we overcome this mess, succeed long-term, and build the family we both wanted? Could I trust her without questioning her every move for the rest of our lives together?
God, this was a monumental moment. The decisions I make now will rule my and Elaine's lives forever. I had to be entirely clear-headed to make these decisions. I needed to be away from her for maybe an hour until my mind cleared.
I walked back to the office door. “Elaine, I am going outside. Please let me be until I come back inside. Thank you.”
“Where are you going? Why?” Elaine asked.
I left, returning to the kitchen, where I got a large water bottle. I went out onto my deck and lit the fire pit. I took out an Indian blanket and sat in a lounge chair, wrapping myself in the soft blanket. I sipped the water and closed my eyes.
The night was fantastic, and my nerves were pretty well shot. I tried to relax using the breathing techniques I had learned years ago. I finally calmed, and my head began to clear. Everything that had happened began to play across my mind, like a major movie production being edited, leaving parts on the cutting room floor, and keeping only the parts that fit together to make the story clear and understandable.
After watching the edited story version, it slowly became clear what needed to happen and how I had to do it. I kept my eyes closed, and another short movie played. It made me smile.
I finished the water, shut off the firepit, and went back inside. In the kitchen, Elaine was sitting at the table. The divorce documents were lying before her, and a pen was also there. That made me wonder if she was giving up and why she was willing to sign the papers so quickly.
I shook my head, clearing those thoughts away.
I went to the office and brought back copies of the second document. I sat down and looked across the table at Elaine. She looked so sad, defeated, and confused. The discussion we were about to have would not make it easier for her, but in the end, she would understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Elaine, the last twenty-four hours have been horrible for me and a mixed bag of incredible pleasure, mixed with pain and disgrace for you. What you have done, for whatever reason or under whatever circumstances, has devastated me. Looking at you, I do not see Elaine, my wife, whom I made love to before I left three days ago. I am unclear about who I see now, but you are different.
"What Mathew did to you when he took over your mind and body and what you allowed to happen with Mathew has changed you. I am unsure if it is for better or worse, but you are now different in my eyes. What happened has created significant conflict for me and questions that must be answered. I struggle with these questions. They must be answered to my satisfaction before we can move forward.
"Elaine, how you answer these questions and your attitude from this moment forward will determine our future as husband and wife. Think hard before you answer. Do you understand?"
Elaine nodded her head yes.
“No, Elaine, say it. I need your words.”
“Yes, Alfonso, I understand; I want to fix this mess I created. I love you, Alfonso, and cannot live without you. I am so sorry for what happened.” Tears began to run down her cheeks again.
I hated seeing Elaine crying. I knew she was an emotional wreck. I felt that she was sincere about her love for me and her sorrow for what had happened. The doctor's explanation was clear, but I still needed to hear from Elaine in her words how she allowed Mathew to dominate her.
Elaine asked me, “Alfonso, why is this discussion necessary? You have already prepared these divorce papers, so this must be what you want, casting me aside for what I have done. Maybe I should sign them, and this will all be over.”
Her words surprised me. Was she so willing to throw us away? Was I? I know I had confused her when I gave her the divorce papers to read. I hoped that would shock her, but it also caused her to pause, thinking I may have already decided on our future.
“Elaine, this has been hard for both of us. I need you to know that divorce is a clear path I can take. It is not the path I want, but you must know that divorce is on the table. If you are not the woman I can love unconditionally and who will love me in the same way, I will exercise the divorce, and we will be finished. It has to be that way. How could we build a family if I am unsure who you are? Can I trust you from this day forward? I had no doubts about that before I arrived home.”
More tears rolled down Elaine’s cheeks as I spoke. I knew that she could see all my pain and uncertainty about her and had no idea how to fix us. That decision lay entirely in my hands.
So now it was time to get down to it and finally end this disaster. I had questions that Elaine had to answer clearly. They would mark the path forward for our futures. They were simple questions that may be hard for Elaine to answer.
I looked at Elaine with no emotion, “Elaine, please answer these questions,”
“First, do you love me unconditionally and no one else?”
“Oh God, YES, Alfonso, I love you more than the air I breathe. What I have done has nothing to do with love. I will always love you and will never forsake you again for anyone else.”
I showed no emotion at her answer. It was what I hoped I would hear. The sincerity in her voice made it clear to me that Elaine loved me and only me, just the same as I love her.
“Second, Elaine, if you love me as you say you do, please explain to me in your own words just how you could have allowed Matthew to dominate you the way he did for all the many hours that he did. In addition, if I had not come home, caught you, and stopped you from fucking that morning, would you two have been fucking all day long. Then afterward, I would have never known about it. Would you have told me or kept it a secret? Then would you have kept fucking Mathew when he called?”
The barrage of questions hit her hard. Elaine's face showed deep distress. Tears rolled down again. I was not sure if she knew the answers to all the parts of the question.
“Alfonso, I will answer what I can. I am unsure how to answer parts of your question, but I will try to be as honest as possible. I can only draw upon what Dr. Wilson explained. It was the perfect sexual storm. It was not planned but just happened. Once it started, Mathew’s control over me could not be denied. He could do anything he wanted with me, and he did. As to your question about the next day, I would expect that if you had not stopped us, Mathew would have continued to dominate me, and yes, we probably would have been fucking all day long.
"Would I have told you what had happened? That is a hard question. I hope I would have had the strength to admit what I had allowed to happen, but Alfonso, I cannot tell you. The guilt would have consumed me and forced me to say to you.
"As for your last question, would I have continued to fuck Mathew afterward when he called? The answer is NO!”
I was happy with Elaine’s answers. She could not know the answers about the future or the next day; it would only be speculation, but her answers were clear.
“Thank you, Elaine. I believe you.” I confirmed, easing some of her angst.
I left the divorce papers on the table and slid the second document face down beside it.
“Elaine, please do not look at this document. We will discuss it later.”
“One last question. What do you think your punishment should be for your transgression? You need to tell me what should happen next.”
Elaine looked at me, surprised by my question. I thought it was fitting that Elaine named her poison before I sentenced her to her punishment.
I left the table, walked into the garage, and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had just had to face my loving husband’s tough questions. I knew he was trying to understand what happened and how it all happened. I was not sure he knew those things, so how could I give him an answer?
I was as honest as possible and told him again what the doctor had said, hoping that would be enough because I had nothing else to add. I will say that once Mathew was fucking me, I was in such a state of sexual satisfaction that Alfonso never entered my mind for the whole night. Until he stood in the kitchen shooting the cups and Mathew; only then did he bring me back to reality, and sudden shame and guilt overwhelmed me. I know I can’t ever tell Alfonso that. It will always be hidden in that place, in my mind, for those things never to be revealed. The other questions were easy for me to answer. I was honest and felt good that I had exposed my real thoughts without reservation.