Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
PhareDuFour
Over 90 days ago
Lesbian Female, 54
0 miles · Fulda
Forum
Advanced Wordsmith
It's an urban legend.
Although they have done research on it at the University of Graz in Austria. They found out that Spermidin (obviously contained in sperma) does slow down the aging process and help prevent diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, there have been no conclusive studies conducted which conclude that swallowing sperma helps anyone live longer or prevent Parkinson's or Alzheimers. Worse news yet, is there is more Spermidin in grapefruit, wheat germ, alfalfa sprouts and soya beans than in a "shot of cum".
Moreover the effect that swallowing cum makes women lovelilier is probably based on the amount of sex they have, and how much they enjoy pleasing their partners. It increases the amount of Oxytocin produced in their bodies, which regulates their hormone household, lowers their blood pressure, improve their circulation, and regenerates their nerves.
Although they have done research on it at the University of Graz in Austria. They found out that Spermidin (obviously contained in sperma) does slow down the aging process and help prevent diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, there have been no conclusive studies conducted which conclude that swallowing sperma helps anyone live longer or prevent Parkinson's or Alzheimers. Worse news yet, is there is more Spermidin in grapefruit, wheat germ, alfalfa sprouts and soya beans than in a "shot of cum".
Moreover the effect that swallowing cum makes women lovelilier is probably based on the amount of sex they have, and how much they enjoy pleasing their partners. It increases the amount of Oxytocin produced in their bodies, which regulates their hormone household, lowers their blood pressure, improve their circulation, and regenerates their nerves.
Advanced Wordsmith
Sir likes hold-ups, because Sir says that straps are a bitch to take off.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by BabydollSlave
. . . . furthermore there are a ton of fetishes and like customs on this site in both forums and stories and by highly prized authors. so agree with Mazza I'm sure it is a hard line to draw on here for appropriateness and good read. yes Rape of an individual is a horrible situation that should not be encourage or discussed in a positive manner. I am NOT stating a husband or wife for that manner can not their spouse (because yes it happens I work with those cases) but in my case it is not... just clarifying that for everyone. . . .
Thank you Baby Doll Slave.
For the one person it's . Okay... you have just defined your hard limits for your partner. No sex while I'm asleep.
For another consenting couple it's a fantasy come true.
So, I kindly ask the other posters to refrain from non-consentual rubber stamp.
Advanced Wordsmith
First of all I do not think of myself as a slave, so I don't identify with the classic M/s relationship. I don't do TPE, and personally I hold TPE for an Urban Legend.
But, in your context I would define it as such: I take care of a Dom as much as I interpret the Dom wished me to take care of him; within the limits. In some rare cases I have had to do things like taking care of a Dom by topping from the bottom (he was seriously ill and refused to admit it). I think of taking care of Dom as an act of human kindness. But that's the kind of person I am. If you came to my house, I would make you dinner, and think of it neither as "service" nor "taking care of you". No one would even have to ask me.
Service, in my mind, is complying with the Dom's explicit sexual wishes. Anything non-sexual I can't identify that as "service". If my Dom asked me to wash his car, and fix his computer, and wallpaper his office, then I can't find the fine line between taking care of him and "serving him outside the bedroom".
I don't even like the word "service", for several reasons: a) servants are usually paid, b) servitude is a form of unrewarded sufferance c) it smacks of the Gorean Lifestyle, which I absolutely cannot identify with d) some Masters like to use this concept to remind their subs that they have less value than the grime beneath their fingernails.
But, in your context I would define it as such: I take care of a Dom as much as I interpret the Dom wished me to take care of him; within the limits. In some rare cases I have had to do things like taking care of a Dom by topping from the bottom (he was seriously ill and refused to admit it). I think of taking care of Dom as an act of human kindness. But that's the kind of person I am. If you came to my house, I would make you dinner, and think of it neither as "service" nor "taking care of you". No one would even have to ask me.
Service, in my mind, is complying with the Dom's explicit sexual wishes. Anything non-sexual I can't identify that as "service". If my Dom asked me to wash his car, and fix his computer, and wallpaper his office, then I can't find the fine line between taking care of him and "serving him outside the bedroom".
I don't even like the word "service", for several reasons: a) servants are usually paid, b) servitude is a form of unrewarded sufferance c) it smacks of the Gorean Lifestyle, which I absolutely cannot identify with d) some Masters like to use this concept to remind their subs that they have less value than the grime beneath their fingernails.
Advanced Wordsmith
I few months back I refused to be collared by a gentleman because he professed his wishes for no emotional intimacy, and that I would be expected to be an active participant in his casual parties sexually serving his friends in his motorcycle gang. I simply laughed and asked him if he knew the difference between a submissive and swinger club. He seemed to think that having an entire harem of submissives for his quartlerly gang bangs was a normal D/s Lifestyle, and asked me if I was really submissive, or what was wrong with me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with me, simply because I want to be treated with more respect than that. I don't care for party activities.
I don't think there's anything wrong with me, simply because I want to be treated with more respect than that. I don't care for party activities.
Advanced Wordsmith
What is "topping from bottom"?
This puzzled me for the longest time, because I am a very independent person when I'm by myself - so I "didn't get it" for the longest time.
Quite simply:
When you are by yourself: making plans for yourself, what you want to wear, say, do, think or react is OKAY (provided your Owner isn't dictating any of these things using rules or protocols)
BUT:
Making plans for your Owner, telling him/her what to do, taking control in a situation, open defiance of standing rules because you're pissed s/he won't do what you think s/he should do IS NOT OKAY.
Example:
You want to wear a leather mini skirt, because you know it turns HIM/HER on. (Thumbs up)
You want to register HIM/HER for a leather convention and surprise HIM/HER. (Thumbs down)
If the sub/slave is feeling inadequate, not good enough for their Master/Mistress, or just self conscious about certain things, how do I convey those feelings to Master/Mistress without upsetting him/her?
I know the urge to surpress this information and keep it to yourself is huge. The novice sub would tell, you "You gotta learn to get over yourself". But that doesn't help much. Judging by the number of blog material out there published by subs, I would say most of them battle with this problem a lot.
There only seems to be one solution. You have to tell HIM/HER in the most objective manner you can manage (without bursting out in tears). Communication is the Alpha and the Omega. If you keep these feelings of inadequancy to yourself, and your Dom/me is not a mind-reader then your relationship will suffer.
Can a Master/Mistress sense or tell by body language whether their sub is upset or not?
That really depends on how well the Dom/me knows their sub. It also depends on their experience and their degree of empathy. Ask yourself the question: Would I know it if my Dom/me was upset judging by their body language? Well, I would know, but that's not always the case. That's why safewords are highly recommended.
How far does the control go as far as daily activities?
If you're the sub you are usually in the position to determine how much control you want to relinquish. That's what limits are about.
For instance "water games" are one of my hard limits, because I have the tendency to stop drinking altogether and dangerously dehydrate myself, because I have been in too many real life situations where I had no access to a toilet. If I know I will be denied access to a toilet, I will simply stop drinking and lose all sense of thirst. So rather than risk another near kidney-failure I simply rule out that the Dom has any control regarding my urination.
Dom/mes are not unreasonable (at least they should not be) when it comes to controlling what you are not willing to relinquish to their control. This is particularily true when it comes to anything that's a health risk - such as breath control or gags if you have asthma, or things like you had severe childhood trauma because of abuse.
Basically it's up to you how much control you will relinquish, which is what many submissives call "The Gift of Submission".
This puzzled me for the longest time, because I am a very independent person when I'm by myself - so I "didn't get it" for the longest time.
Quite simply:
When you are by yourself: making plans for yourself, what you want to wear, say, do, think or react is OKAY (provided your Owner isn't dictating any of these things using rules or protocols)
BUT:
Making plans for your Owner, telling him/her what to do, taking control in a situation, open defiance of standing rules because you're pissed s/he won't do what you think s/he should do IS NOT OKAY.
Example:
You want to wear a leather mini skirt, because you know it turns HIM/HER on. (Thumbs up)
You want to register HIM/HER for a leather convention and surprise HIM/HER. (Thumbs down)
If the sub/slave is feeling inadequate, not good enough for their Master/Mistress, or just self conscious about certain things, how do I convey those feelings to Master/Mistress without upsetting him/her?
I know the urge to surpress this information and keep it to yourself is huge. The novice sub would tell, you "You gotta learn to get over yourself". But that doesn't help much. Judging by the number of blog material out there published by subs, I would say most of them battle with this problem a lot.
There only seems to be one solution. You have to tell HIM/HER in the most objective manner you can manage (without bursting out in tears). Communication is the Alpha and the Omega. If you keep these feelings of inadequancy to yourself, and your Dom/me is not a mind-reader then your relationship will suffer.
Can a Master/Mistress sense or tell by body language whether their sub is upset or not?
That really depends on how well the Dom/me knows their sub. It also depends on their experience and their degree of empathy. Ask yourself the question: Would I know it if my Dom/me was upset judging by their body language? Well, I would know, but that's not always the case. That's why safewords are highly recommended.
How far does the control go as far as daily activities?
If you're the sub you are usually in the position to determine how much control you want to relinquish. That's what limits are about.
For instance "water games" are one of my hard limits, because I have the tendency to stop drinking altogether and dangerously dehydrate myself, because I have been in too many real life situations where I had no access to a toilet. If I know I will be denied access to a toilet, I will simply stop drinking and lose all sense of thirst. So rather than risk another near kidney-failure I simply rule out that the Dom has any control regarding my urination.
Dom/mes are not unreasonable (at least they should not be) when it comes to controlling what you are not willing to relinquish to their control. This is particularily true when it comes to anything that's a health risk - such as breath control or gags if you have asthma, or things like you had severe childhood trauma because of abuse.
Basically it's up to you how much control you will relinquish, which is what many submissives call "The Gift of Submission".
Advanced Wordsmith
Perhaps, if she so desired. I enjoy conversation with interesting people.
Advanced Wordsmith
I had a place a disclaimer on my profile, because a few young gentlemen mistake my nature. Must be the vocabulary.
At any rate... I seem to attract the company of younger gentlemen who somehow believe I have the ability to lead them, and I don't. At least not on dry land.
It seems to be a very curious phenomenon in America, where I would labelled a "cougar". Strange because these women are designated as "pathetic", "desperate" and "lonely" - things which seem foreign to me. The only thing I could be accused of is "intensity". Is it desperate to refuse the attentions of such charming young men? Perhaps, but desperate in the sense, "I hope I don't hurt his feelings" - my empathy is my Achilles Heel.
In the past I have experienced a fatal attraction to narcissists, and thank the Lifestyle, I can still enjoy the company of a man with a large ego, but within the delicate structure of the dynamic of the Lifestlye. There it functions perfectly.
At any rate... I seem to attract the company of younger gentlemen who somehow believe I have the ability to lead them, and I don't. At least not on dry land.
It seems to be a very curious phenomenon in America, where I would labelled a "cougar". Strange because these women are designated as "pathetic", "desperate" and "lonely" - things which seem foreign to me. The only thing I could be accused of is "intensity". Is it desperate to refuse the attentions of such charming young men? Perhaps, but desperate in the sense, "I hope I don't hurt his feelings" - my empathy is my Achilles Heel.
In the past I have experienced a fatal attraction to narcissists, and thank the Lifestyle, I can still enjoy the company of a man with a large ego, but within the delicate structure of the dynamic of the Lifestlye. There it functions perfectly.
Advanced Wordsmith
1) Königspilsner vom Faß
2) Dry Silvaner from the Rheingau or a Spätburgunder from Franconia
3) Not much for Whiskey; I'd rather have a medium Sherry, but don't mind a shot of a little Party Schnapps called "Ficken" - no kinding is is really called that LOL
2) Dry Silvaner from the Rheingau or a Spätburgunder from Franconia
3) Not much for Whiskey; I'd rather have a medium Sherry, but don't mind a shot of a little Party Schnapps called "Ficken" - no kinding is is really called that LOL
Advanced Wordsmith
For traditional Masters it has to be topping from the bottom, which unfortunately is something I excell in at times without even realising or intending it. For the longest time it kept haunting the relationship:
"Stop topping from the bottom!" Master's face had this extremely displeased expression on it.
"I would, Sir, if I would kindly explain what that is. We keep coming back to that subject, and sadly I just don't get it."
"Okay... here's the version for the hard-headed: Making plans for yourself: acceptable. Making plans for Master: absolutely unacceptable. Example: You want to wear a leather corset? Yeah, baby! But, you making reservations for us to have dinner tonight: I am not amused. Get it? Got it! Good!"
"Stop topping from the bottom!" Master's face had this extremely displeased expression on it.
"I would, Sir, if I would kindly explain what that is. We keep coming back to that subject, and sadly I just don't get it."
"Okay... here's the version for the hard-headed: Making plans for yourself: acceptable. Making plans for Master: absolutely unacceptable. Example: You want to wear a leather corset? Yeah, baby! But, you making reservations for us to have dinner tonight: I am not amused. Get it? Got it! Good!"
Advanced Wordsmith
Secretary [2002]
24/7 The Passion of Life [2005]
Matador [1986]
Personal Services [1987]
9-½ Weeks [1986]
The Hunger [1983] (more a horror film but with BDSM elements)
Die flambierte Frau (A Woman in Flames) [1983]
L'histoire d'O (The Story of O) [1975]
The Night Porter [1975]
Tess [1979]
Bitter Moon [1992]
Quills [2000]
24/7 The Passion of Life [2005]
Matador [1986]
Personal Services [1987]
9-½ Weeks [1986]
The Hunger [1983] (more a horror film but with BDSM elements)
Die flambierte Frau (A Woman in Flames) [1983]
L'histoire d'O (The Story of O) [1975]
The Night Porter [1975]
Tess [1979]
Bitter Moon [1992]
Quills [2000]
Advanced Wordsmith
(sigh....)
Does this sound familiar to you?
"Hi my name is Mister Sexy. I am a horny, six-foot, 200 pound, body-built stud with a gigantic cock, and i luv wimemz. I luv hot sex, and anal and all kinds of kinky stuff, too. Can we chat soon? Talk to me baby on Sexystud at yahoo.com"
I am starting to get a guilt complex when I push that "reject" button without even replying, because I always feel awful when I think, 'I don't believe we are going to get along whatsoever', and I haven't even given him the benefit of the doubt.
I know the solution is to put on my profile:
"I don't exchange pictures, or chat, or even what to look at your wimpy cock! Get the fuck off my profile before I call the police!"
But that does seem rather drastic. Any suggests for a very polite way to say "fuck off"? I do dislike hurting other peoples' feelings.
Does this sound familiar to you?
"Hi my name is Mister Sexy. I am a horny, six-foot, 200 pound, body-built stud with a gigantic cock, and i luv wimemz. I luv hot sex, and anal and all kinds of kinky stuff, too. Can we chat soon? Talk to me baby on Sexystud at yahoo.com"
I am starting to get a guilt complex when I push that "reject" button without even replying, because I always feel awful when I think, 'I don't believe we are going to get along whatsoever', and I haven't even given him the benefit of the doubt.
I know the solution is to put on my profile:
"I don't exchange pictures, or chat, or even what to look at your wimpy cock! Get the fuck off my profile before I call the police!"
But that does seem rather drastic. Any suggests for a very polite way to say "fuck off"? I do dislike hurting other peoples' feelings.
Advanced Wordsmith
The absolute dead-give-away you are dealing with a pretend dom/me: When you question something the dom/me wants you to do, because it goes against your better judgment and you have told them you feel neither comfortable nor confident about doing it, and the dom/me comes back to you with this:
"Are you SURE you're really a sub? You're supposed to do what I say without asking stupid questions like that!"
That's pretty much the point (I think) where the angry sub is fantasizing about stuffing the collar up that person's ass.
"Are you SURE you're really a sub? You're supposed to do what I say without asking stupid questions like that!"
That's pretty much the point (I think) where the angry sub is fantasizing about stuffing the collar up that person's ass.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by MoonlightSerenity
Your image is broken. Why not provide us a link to it instead as you can't post images yet.
What a pain with the coding here. It was an image of the scared beaten back of an African slave from Louisiana from 1853, taken from the Wikipedia article on Slavery. It's not a pretty picture.
Advanced Wordsmith
Considering slavery has been illegal in the country you reside in since 1861, don't you find exit clauses redundant?
Insofar you destinguish there is even a difference between the types people who voluntarily submit to their Owners, I am curious to know if you believe such a clause is applicable in the mind of a submissive whose sense of self-worth has deteriorated to the point that they are unable to call upon such a clause.
That is, unless you somehow believe that such contracts are somehow legally binding and have substance in a court of law. As far as I know, victims of modern European white slavery do not enjoy such rights, because they are being held captive by criminals. Little wonder that it was made illegal 151 years ago.
The man in the picture below had neither a safe word, exit clause or even a contract. I would say that if Lifestylers require exit clauses as the only means of preventing this, then we are taking a large step backwards in evolution.
+slave.JPG
Insofar you destinguish there is even a difference between the types people who voluntarily submit to their Owners, I am curious to know if you believe such a clause is applicable in the mind of a submissive whose sense of self-worth has deteriorated to the point that they are unable to call upon such a clause.
That is, unless you somehow believe that such contracts are somehow legally binding and have substance in a court of law. As far as I know, victims of modern European white slavery do not enjoy such rights, because they are being held captive by criminals. Little wonder that it was made illegal 151 years ago.
The man in the picture below had neither a safe word, exit clause or even a contract. I would say that if Lifestylers require exit clauses as the only means of preventing this, then we are taking a large step backwards in evolution.
+slave.JPG
Advanced Wordsmith
Han135, I don't think you're going to get a clear-cut answer here. I'm the fourteenth person to offer you an opinion.
It would be nice if the community would vote and define if and whether there is a difference between slave and a submissive. But I get the strange feeling it'd be easier to force the Christian community to decide whether Jesus of Nazerathe was really a man or the son of God, than it would be to force the BDSM to define the difference between slave and submissive.
My take on it: There is no difference. I believe that every D/s relationship picks out titles they feel comfortable with.
You can't believe the incredible about of "stuff" I have read in the BDSM community about defining the difference between slaves and submissives. There are people writing handbooks (as self-appointed authorities) that a slave is more submissive than a regular submissive; that a submissive only submits conditionally and a slave submits unconditionally.
Hello?
Aren't these very same slaves telling us all this stuff about SSC, and insist on safe words, etc.? Don't they urge newcomers to negotiate their wants and needs with their potential new Master? Yeah... so much for "unconditional" submitting.
I forgot where I read it, but someone wrote that slave saying they're more submissive than an ordinary sub, is like a married woman saying she's more femine than an unmarried woman - which pretty much sums it up.
Submissives go under all kinds of labels: subs, slaves, sluts, whores, bitches, hoes, boy-toys, pets, kittens, pony boys/girls, daddy-girls, mommy-boys, sissies, fuck-toys, loyal knights, servants, concubines, and courtesans. Take your pick. Whatever floats your rubber ducky.
It would be nice if the community would vote and define if and whether there is a difference between slave and a submissive. But I get the strange feeling it'd be easier to force the Christian community to decide whether Jesus of Nazerathe was really a man or the son of God, than it would be to force the BDSM to define the difference between slave and submissive.
My take on it: There is no difference. I believe that every D/s relationship picks out titles they feel comfortable with.
You can't believe the incredible about of "stuff" I have read in the BDSM community about defining the difference between slaves and submissives. There are people writing handbooks (as self-appointed authorities) that a slave is more submissive than a regular submissive; that a submissive only submits conditionally and a slave submits unconditionally.
Hello?
Aren't these very same slaves telling us all this stuff about SSC, and insist on safe words, etc.? Don't they urge newcomers to negotiate their wants and needs with their potential new Master? Yeah... so much for "unconditional" submitting.
I forgot where I read it, but someone wrote that slave saying they're more submissive than an ordinary sub, is like a married woman saying she's more femine than an unmarried woman - which pretty much sums it up.
Submissives go under all kinds of labels: subs, slaves, sluts, whores, bitches, hoes, boy-toys, pets, kittens, pony boys/girls, daddy-girls, mommy-boys, sissies, fuck-toys, loyal knights, servants, concubines, and courtesans. Take your pick. Whatever floats your rubber ducky.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by PrimalMind
The silent treatment is normally what 14 year old girls employ... how puerile...
Yes, but how many 14 year old girls do you know engage in D/s, sir?
Advanced Wordsmith
My Owner stating how much I disappointed Him.
I so full of self-recrimination that couldn't face talking to Him for over a week, and that only served to infuriate Him all the more.
I so full of self-recrimination that couldn't face talking to Him for over a week, and that only served to infuriate Him all the more.
Advanced Wordsmith
I think there are two kinds of Sub-Frenzy.
The first kind is when a sub first discovers how D/s fits into their life (the A-ha Effect), and they get the feeling they can't get enough of it. You can usually see these people posting in blogs and forums about having "no limits" and how they don't need safe words. It sort of reminds me of that song from Reamonn "Supergirl". They think they can fly. The sub seems to develop this sort of bucket list about wanting to do the entire Kama Sutra in one afternoon, and live the rest of their life in a dark dungeon in chains.
The second kind of sub frenzy is when play sessions pre-occupy them to the point of distraction. This can happen even with experienced subs, particularly when they come under new ownership, and can range from everything to spontaneous continuous orgasming right out of a dead sleep (believe me, this is worse than having hiccups) to things like forgetting to feed the cat and take out the trash because they are constantly thinking about what their Dom/me is going to do to them.
A responsible, experienced Dom/me will be able to recognise Sub Frenzy and take His/Her sub down and bring them back to reality. Usually this entails requiring strict discipline from the sub so they learn better self-control.
It's a real condition; not something a sub does just to get attention. Being brought up to a state of very high sexual arousal (psychological higher than normal sexual arousal) releases high amounts of endorphin in the body - a drug your body naturally produces that has an effect similar to heroine. Being constantly in the state of high sexual arousal will make you crave sex. A responsible Dom/me needs to teach His/Her sub/slave how to control this craving.
I also think there are two kinds of Sub-Drop.
The first kind is the "curtain call" sub drop. After the sex ends, and the sub slowly winds down after being in a very high state of sexual arousal. The bliss slowly wears off, and their conscious kicks in. Depending on what their Dom/me asked them to do, they may start to get very emotional mixed signals. For example, if the Dom/me was able to bring them to sacrifice their pride to do something the sub usually believes is humiliating, they may be "dropping" into the zone of self-recrimination, and their self-worth may erode to sub-zero levels. Female subs can drop down into this "He/She doesn't love/like me anymore 'hole'" after a session, because female body produce higher levels of oxytocin during sex than men do. Scientists believe this to be the "need to be cuddled" hormone. This is why Dom/me aftercare is essential after the "curtain call". It safely brings the sub back down and strengthens their sense of self-worth.
The second kind of sub-drop is the "absent Master/Mistress" sub-drop. Not everyone in a D/s relationship lives it 24/7. Many have to be satisfied with 24/2 (weekends), online relationships, or once-a-month public dungeon sessions. And then there are other circumstances like Master/Mistress has to take a plane to New York for a week, or Master/Mistress has decided to severely punish His/Her sub/slave with the "silent treatment". I am certain that if you conducted a sub poll and asked them what kind of punishment they would rather have:
a) 20 strokes of the tawes or the cane over their naked skin, or
b) the silent treatment for 24 hours
about 90% of the subs would pick "a" hands-down - especially if they already experienced "b" once or twice.
The worse case-scenario which is practically pre-programmed sub-drop is when a Master/Mistress discards their sub/slave, especially if They do this without reason or explanation.
Not being able to communicate with their Master/Mistress is pure psychic torture for many subs, and many can drop like a pebble in an empty, deep, dark well. That's because the one person they really need to pick them up isn't there. And they fall into this deep depression, where they begin to doubt everything good about themselves. They say it’s worse for slaves than it is for subs, but if you ask any sub who's been abandoned by their Master/Mistress, I’m sure they'd disagree with that.
The only safe-guard against this kind of sub drop is a responsible Master/Mistress who communicates more often with His/Her sub/slave, or by making sure that the sub/slave has other people to look after His/Her property in His/Her absence – be it the sub/slave’s close friends or relatives, other poly-household members, or trusted Munch contacts. Some websites recommend putting together sub-drop kits to combat depression if they can’t handle 24/2 arrangement, and the Master/Mistress can’t communicate with them due to other situations like marriage to vanilla partners. The kits include things that make a sub feel more secure such as favourite movies, books, music, a security blanket, even things like stuffed animals, sweets and recordings of their Master’s/Mistress’ voice.
For the worst-case-scenerio kind of sub drop (Master/Mistress dumps you), the only thing that helps if a sub can’t pull themselves out of the deep dark well, is seeking group contact, regardless if it’s related to the lifestyle or not. Healthy positive contact and communication is really the only way to combat this kind of sub drop effectively.
The first kind is when a sub first discovers how D/s fits into their life (the A-ha Effect), and they get the feeling they can't get enough of it. You can usually see these people posting in blogs and forums about having "no limits" and how they don't need safe words. It sort of reminds me of that song from Reamonn "Supergirl". They think they can fly. The sub seems to develop this sort of bucket list about wanting to do the entire Kama Sutra in one afternoon, and live the rest of their life in a dark dungeon in chains.
The second kind of sub frenzy is when play sessions pre-occupy them to the point of distraction. This can happen even with experienced subs, particularly when they come under new ownership, and can range from everything to spontaneous continuous orgasming right out of a dead sleep (believe me, this is worse than having hiccups) to things like forgetting to feed the cat and take out the trash because they are constantly thinking about what their Dom/me is going to do to them.
A responsible, experienced Dom/me will be able to recognise Sub Frenzy and take His/Her sub down and bring them back to reality. Usually this entails requiring strict discipline from the sub so they learn better self-control.
It's a real condition; not something a sub does just to get attention. Being brought up to a state of very high sexual arousal (psychological higher than normal sexual arousal) releases high amounts of endorphin in the body - a drug your body naturally produces that has an effect similar to heroine. Being constantly in the state of high sexual arousal will make you crave sex. A responsible Dom/me needs to teach His/Her sub/slave how to control this craving.
I also think there are two kinds of Sub-Drop.
The first kind is the "curtain call" sub drop. After the sex ends, and the sub slowly winds down after being in a very high state of sexual arousal. The bliss slowly wears off, and their conscious kicks in. Depending on what their Dom/me asked them to do, they may start to get very emotional mixed signals. For example, if the Dom/me was able to bring them to sacrifice their pride to do something the sub usually believes is humiliating, they may be "dropping" into the zone of self-recrimination, and their self-worth may erode to sub-zero levels. Female subs can drop down into this "He/She doesn't love/like me anymore 'hole'" after a session, because female body produce higher levels of oxytocin during sex than men do. Scientists believe this to be the "need to be cuddled" hormone. This is why Dom/me aftercare is essential after the "curtain call". It safely brings the sub back down and strengthens their sense of self-worth.
The second kind of sub-drop is the "absent Master/Mistress" sub-drop. Not everyone in a D/s relationship lives it 24/7. Many have to be satisfied with 24/2 (weekends), online relationships, or once-a-month public dungeon sessions. And then there are other circumstances like Master/Mistress has to take a plane to New York for a week, or Master/Mistress has decided to severely punish His/Her sub/slave with the "silent treatment". I am certain that if you conducted a sub poll and asked them what kind of punishment they would rather have:
a) 20 strokes of the tawes or the cane over their naked skin, or
b) the silent treatment for 24 hours
about 90% of the subs would pick "a" hands-down - especially if they already experienced "b" once or twice.
The worse case-scenario which is practically pre-programmed sub-drop is when a Master/Mistress discards their sub/slave, especially if They do this without reason or explanation.
Not being able to communicate with their Master/Mistress is pure psychic torture for many subs, and many can drop like a pebble in an empty, deep, dark well. That's because the one person they really need to pick them up isn't there. And they fall into this deep depression, where they begin to doubt everything good about themselves. They say it’s worse for slaves than it is for subs, but if you ask any sub who's been abandoned by their Master/Mistress, I’m sure they'd disagree with that.
The only safe-guard against this kind of sub drop is a responsible Master/Mistress who communicates more often with His/Her sub/slave, or by making sure that the sub/slave has other people to look after His/Her property in His/Her absence – be it the sub/slave’s close friends or relatives, other poly-household members, or trusted Munch contacts. Some websites recommend putting together sub-drop kits to combat depression if they can’t handle 24/2 arrangement, and the Master/Mistress can’t communicate with them due to other situations like marriage to vanilla partners. The kits include things that make a sub feel more secure such as favourite movies, books, music, a security blanket, even things like stuffed animals, sweets and recordings of their Master’s/Mistress’ voice.
For the worst-case-scenerio kind of sub drop (Master/Mistress dumps you), the only thing that helps if a sub can’t pull themselves out of the deep dark well, is seeking group contact, regardless if it’s related to the lifestyle or not. Healthy positive contact and communication is really the only way to combat this kind of sub drop effectively.
Advanced Wordsmith
I believe Ravyn pretty summed it up. But just to recap on a couple of things:
1) Not all Dom/mes are ethical. Some would stoop to resorting to the "dirty trick bag" to attempt to lure away an otherwise devoted sub.
2) Subs are exactly what the word implies... submissive... and some find it difficult to come out and say "I'm really not interested in you" without feeling guilty or rude.
3) There is no little box under the profile mask to indicate "OWNED"- Besides, even if there were one, I'm not sure vanilla people would "get it".
4) Some people think subs are everybody's party toy, just because their Master/Mistress calls them "slut". Some people - particularly with vanilla men and female subs, get this notion that if Master is calling her a slut, then she's the public fuck-toy up for grabs and everyone is "allowed" to abuse her.
5) Masters/Mistresses are not only protective about what They Own, but also how pretty everything affects Their Property. Many don't take kindly to the possibility of having Their private Property treated like a piece of trash, so they circumvent the possibilty by forbiding their subs from becoming the psychological dumpster through trash-talking of inconsiderate, ignorant people. This seems particularly true for many heterosexual Sissy-Boy subs.
6) Many subs are allowed to speak to almost anyone, provided they have asked their Owner first. It's a matter of consideration and respect for one's partner. Since all D/s relationships are founded on implicit trust, it's a violation of trust when a sub believes they're "cheating" on their Master/Mistress by chatting/talking/flirting with other people behind their Master's/Mistress' back.
1) Not all Dom/mes are ethical. Some would stoop to resorting to the "dirty trick bag" to attempt to lure away an otherwise devoted sub.
2) Subs are exactly what the word implies... submissive... and some find it difficult to come out and say "I'm really not interested in you" without feeling guilty or rude.
3) There is no little box under the profile mask to indicate "OWNED"- Besides, even if there were one, I'm not sure vanilla people would "get it".
4) Some people think subs are everybody's party toy, just because their Master/Mistress calls them "slut". Some people - particularly with vanilla men and female subs, get this notion that if Master is calling her a slut, then she's the public fuck-toy up for grabs and everyone is "allowed" to abuse her.
5) Masters/Mistresses are not only protective about what They Own, but also how pretty everything affects Their Property. Many don't take kindly to the possibility of having Their private Property treated like a piece of trash, so they circumvent the possibilty by forbiding their subs from becoming the psychological dumpster through trash-talking of inconsiderate, ignorant people. This seems particularly true for many heterosexual Sissy-Boy subs.
6) Many subs are allowed to speak to almost anyone, provided they have asked their Owner first. It's a matter of consideration and respect for one's partner. Since all D/s relationships are founded on implicit trust, it's a violation of trust when a sub believes they're "cheating" on their Master/Mistress by chatting/talking/flirting with other people behind their Master's/Mistress' back.
Advanced Wordsmith
Submissive - Sensitive - Sensual - Saposexual
I would like to make the acquaintance of an intelligent articulate gentleman who has experience in leading.
I enjoy a variety of interests outside ot things which take place in a bedroom. But inside... well (laughs softly) and the answer to question of most of my affinities is "Yes, I do that too". (Tsk! Kinky is such a harsh word and has such... vile connotations
).
I don't just give VERY good head - I also give "VERY good text", and make every effort to make my choosen Emperor to feel his time is worth His while. I do expect it to be reciprocated in the form of matching choice of expression. Specifically that means expressions like "on ur knes slut, u get wet now u no..." cramps my communication enthusism like no one's imagination.
I prefer sensuality & passion to maschochism.
I am a hopeless heterosexual and very old-fashioned. I get off on heterosexual masculine men, who have no particular desire to explore their feminine side. I hold nothing personal against bisexuals, cross-dressing men, transgenders, or homosexuals. They just don't arouse me sexually.
I do not Top. In fact, I suck at it. So I am not a really good choice for playing games of "Who's On Top?" or intermediate topping your submissive or your slave. The very thought of me spanking someone else makes me kind of quesy, whereas the idea of receiving a sensual spanking brings a smile to my mouth.
Sorry if this sounds cynical, but I do not believe in unicorns, chimeras, winged-horses, switches or other mythical creatures. No offense to your form of your dynamic, but in my world, a switch is either a vanilla married couple who likes to play with toys in the bedroom, or else they are a submissive who is waiting for a strong Dominant to assume command.
I like old-fashioned kinds of gentlemen who behave little like Hannibal Lector without any of the blood and gore. That is manners YES + sensual sadism YES. Criminal sadism NO.
I do not care for the Daddy's Little Girl dynamic. That is just a tad too for me. I am a grown woman, and it's been pretty much that way since I was 14... so NO to baby talk, calling you Daddy or school-girl roleplaying.
I would prefer focusing on one paricular gentleman, but I am practical and realise that this rarely possible because of time and distance, so I shall not insist on it.
I would like to make the acquaintance of an intelligent articulate gentleman who has experience in leading.
I enjoy a variety of interests outside ot things which take place in a bedroom. But inside... well (laughs softly) and the answer to question of most of my affinities is "Yes, I do that too". (Tsk! Kinky is such a harsh word and has such... vile connotations
). I don't just give VERY good head - I also give "VERY good text", and make every effort to make my choosen Emperor to feel his time is worth His while. I do expect it to be reciprocated in the form of matching choice of expression. Specifically that means expressions like "on ur knes slut, u get wet now u no..." cramps my communication enthusism like no one's imagination.
I prefer sensuality & passion to maschochism.
I am a hopeless heterosexual and very old-fashioned. I get off on heterosexual masculine men, who have no particular desire to explore their feminine side. I hold nothing personal against bisexuals, cross-dressing men, transgenders, or homosexuals. They just don't arouse me sexually.
I do not Top. In fact, I suck at it. So I am not a really good choice for playing games of "Who's On Top?" or intermediate topping your submissive or your slave. The very thought of me spanking someone else makes me kind of quesy, whereas the idea of receiving a sensual spanking brings a smile to my mouth.
Sorry if this sounds cynical, but I do not believe in unicorns, chimeras, winged-horses, switches or other mythical creatures. No offense to your form of your dynamic, but in my world, a switch is either a vanilla married couple who likes to play with toys in the bedroom, or else they are a submissive who is waiting for a strong Dominant to assume command.
I like old-fashioned kinds of gentlemen who behave little like Hannibal Lector without any of the blood and gore. That is manners YES + sensual sadism YES. Criminal sadism NO.
I do not care for the Daddy's Little Girl dynamic. That is just a tad too for me. I am a grown woman, and it's been pretty much that way since I was 14... so NO to baby talk, calling you Daddy or school-girl roleplaying.
I would prefer focusing on one paricular gentleman, but I am practical and realise that this rarely possible because of time and distance, so I shall not insist on it.
Advanced Wordsmith
You would have to read quite a bit about it from a number of blogs and stories to begin to understand the feeling of it, but basically it's something what people call a "power exchange“. It’s something psychological, which happens between two people, allowing one partner to want to take control, and the other partner to want to give it up. Unless you have experienced the one or the other, it doesn’t really make a lot of sense.
From the outside it looks like abuse. I remember seeing this photograph of a very pretty woman with a collar and a leash on, lying with her face on the ground, and a man’s shoe on top of her cheek, stepping on her face. She looked strangely happy in this photo. It took me months to figure out why she looked that way. It’s because she has the ability to demonstrate to the man in the photo that she has absolute trust in him. She doesn’t put up a fight or resist this obvious humiliating, self-effacement, because she trusts him implicitly. She’s not stupid, psycho, pathetic or deranged. She trusts the man stepping on her face – that he won’t really hurt her and that he has this very deep care for her that flowers and boxes of chocolates simply won’t express.
Subs and slaves do things their Dom/mes tell them to do all the time, because it gives their Dom/mes a sense of power. It’s their way of demonstrating to their Dom/mes how much they love them and how much they appreciate them. This is “service” is returned through their Dom/me’s ability to nurture; the Dom/me’s want and need to take care of their sub or their slave, much like one would take care of a child.
Incidentally, this isn’t just sexual thing. There are a growing number of conservative Christian households in America which practice Domestic Discipline (DD), who (usually) limit the kink to what the Bible approves of. So there are women out there who “follow the rules all the time”, not just to please their husbands, but apparently to please God too.
From the outside it looks like abuse. I remember seeing this photograph of a very pretty woman with a collar and a leash on, lying with her face on the ground, and a man’s shoe on top of her cheek, stepping on her face. She looked strangely happy in this photo. It took me months to figure out why she looked that way. It’s because she has the ability to demonstrate to the man in the photo that she has absolute trust in him. She doesn’t put up a fight or resist this obvious humiliating, self-effacement, because she trusts him implicitly. She’s not stupid, psycho, pathetic or deranged. She trusts the man stepping on her face – that he won’t really hurt her and that he has this very deep care for her that flowers and boxes of chocolates simply won’t express.
Subs and slaves do things their Dom/mes tell them to do all the time, because it gives their Dom/mes a sense of power. It’s their way of demonstrating to their Dom/mes how much they love them and how much they appreciate them. This is “service” is returned through their Dom/me’s ability to nurture; the Dom/me’s want and need to take care of their sub or their slave, much like one would take care of a child.
Incidentally, this isn’t just sexual thing. There are a growing number of conservative Christian households in America which practice Domestic Discipline (DD), who (usually) limit the kink to what the Bible approves of. So there are women out there who “follow the rules all the time”, not just to please their husbands, but apparently to please God too.
Advanced Wordsmith
Personally I thought they skimped the lifestyle in this book, and it's more a vanilla lovestory about a dysfunctional man than anything else.
- How much does the dominant person really trully enjoys the inflicting pain in others? in the books he really needs to do this.
Ideal D/s relationships are harmonious. They don't work when you have one person who is a sadist, and another who fear masochism. There were a lot of things in this novel that fall under the topic: NEVER DO THIS IN A REAL D/s RELATIONSHIP. Things like forcing it to work if you are a sadist and the other person fears masochism; presenting a relationship contract to a virgin; entering a relationship with a dysfuctional person.
- Is it a normal thing to have a BDSM relationship without feelings involve? In the book he cares about his subs, but he doesnt have any feelings for them.
I seriously doubt it. Only on the professional / public play level. If you are a professional Domina who offers services for pay, then you have this professional aloofness for your clients. The same can be said if you engage in public "red rooms of pain", since you usually don't have a great deal of time to get to know your partner. But Christian Grey saying he had "zero" feelings for his ex-subs only serves to emphasise his dysfunctional psyche.
- Do you think a lot of people enter this lifestyle because of a painfull background and this is the only way to cope with reality?
I don't think there is a yes or no answer to this. I tend towards "no" - not because they have pain. I believe most enter it because they desire a higher intensity of sexual emotion and pleasure than other people do.
- What about the rules? he has some insane rules like never touching him unless ask to, or never seeing him in the eyes, never sleeping in the same bed... are this the normal rules?
There are no "normal" rules. The Dom makes them, the sub either agrees to them or disagrees to them. If the sub disagrees, then the Dom has the option to change them. The rules fit the couple. So what seems insane to you is perfectly acceptable to others. There are slave-subs who are not even allowed to sleep in a bed at all. Others are allowed, but don't want to, because they crave humility.
- Do you live by this rules all the time? i mean you never have a break from them? you never can just talk to the other person like you do in a (i know normal shouldnt be the word i say but is the only one i can think of) normal relationship?
Usually. Some rules are subject to change. Let's not forget that not only the sub has rules to live by, but so does the Dom. Some couples make the rules strict forever; other couples have "normal" lives and use the rules during "play time" (sexual play or contact). It all depends on what the Dom and the sub agree to.
- If you are a dominant and you see this girl or guy you want to take as a sub and that person is really not into the lifestyle do you try a relationship or no?
Well that depends on the person. I know a female person who has a female sub, a male Dom and a male vanilla boyfriend. How in the world she keeps them separated, I will never know, but I can send you a link to her blog.
- How much does the dominant person really trully enjoys the inflicting pain in others? in the books he really needs to do this.
Ideal D/s relationships are harmonious. They don't work when you have one person who is a sadist, and another who fear masochism. There were a lot of things in this novel that fall under the topic: NEVER DO THIS IN A REAL D/s RELATIONSHIP. Things like forcing it to work if you are a sadist and the other person fears masochism; presenting a relationship contract to a virgin; entering a relationship with a dysfuctional person.
- Is it a normal thing to have a BDSM relationship without feelings involve? In the book he cares about his subs, but he doesnt have any feelings for them.
I seriously doubt it. Only on the professional / public play level. If you are a professional Domina who offers services for pay, then you have this professional aloofness for your clients. The same can be said if you engage in public "red rooms of pain", since you usually don't have a great deal of time to get to know your partner. But Christian Grey saying he had "zero" feelings for his ex-subs only serves to emphasise his dysfunctional psyche.
- Do you think a lot of people enter this lifestyle because of a painfull background and this is the only way to cope with reality?
I don't think there is a yes or no answer to this. I tend towards "no" - not because they have pain. I believe most enter it because they desire a higher intensity of sexual emotion and pleasure than other people do.
- What about the rules? he has some insane rules like never touching him unless ask to, or never seeing him in the eyes, never sleeping in the same bed... are this the normal rules?
There are no "normal" rules. The Dom makes them, the sub either agrees to them or disagrees to them. If the sub disagrees, then the Dom has the option to change them. The rules fit the couple. So what seems insane to you is perfectly acceptable to others. There are slave-subs who are not even allowed to sleep in a bed at all. Others are allowed, but don't want to, because they crave humility.
- Do you live by this rules all the time? i mean you never have a break from them? you never can just talk to the other person like you do in a (i know normal shouldnt be the word i say but is the only one i can think of) normal relationship?
Usually. Some rules are subject to change. Let's not forget that not only the sub has rules to live by, but so does the Dom. Some couples make the rules strict forever; other couples have "normal" lives and use the rules during "play time" (sexual play or contact). It all depends on what the Dom and the sub agree to.
- If you are a dominant and you see this girl or guy you want to take as a sub and that person is really not into the lifestyle do you try a relationship or no?
Well that depends on the person. I know a female person who has a female sub, a male Dom and a male vanilla boyfriend. How in the world she keeps them separated, I will never know, but I can send you a link to her blog.
Advanced Wordsmith
Mr Overtheknee, I do agree with you. After posting a couple stories elsewhere I received some rather "loud and shouty" feedback about pronoun-capitalization, and felt brow-beaten into painstakingly editing every bloody pronoun, just to please the slaves of the world. It seems most Masters could care less, and many like yourself wish it would disappear altogether.
Somehow I think this "protocol" was thrust upon us courtesy of Goran Lifestyle as the ultimate express of "more humble than thou" sort of social competion. Every time I ask "Does your master make you write like this?" - same results. eyes rolling, impatient sigh, and "Well how else do you show HIM how humble you are?"
Somehow I think this "protocol" was thrust upon us courtesy of Goran Lifestyle as the ultimate express of "more humble than thou" sort of social competion. Every time I ask "Does your master make you write like this?" - same results. eyes rolling, impatient sigh, and "Well how else do you show HIM how humble you are?"