Can't speak for everyone else, but in my case, it was my sub who asked for this rule. Since she doesn't like upsetting or annoying people she can find it hard at times to say no to people, so being able to say that she isn't allowed to private chat with people helps take the pressure of her, since it's not up to her in a way.
I have also seen on other sites, not so much here, mentions of some subs being manipulated by people into going into private chats with them. From people using reasons like how 'they'll help the sub better serve their Dom/me' or telling the sub that it is what is expected of them and they shouldn't say no (which I found particularly disgusting to read). Being given the rule that they can't private chat stops this from happening (assuming they follow the rule of course), and like above it means the sub no longer is responsible for that decision, so they shouldn't be able to be guilted of forced into going into these private chats.
I think I can say however that the majority of Dom/mes (the ones I know anyway) who give this rule are ok with the sub private chatting or whispering with friends, so long as they know that the person isn't going to try make the sub to cyber with them.
It depends on the situation why certain Dom/mes have this rule. To be in a D/s relationship you have to have trust, it's not that the Dom/me doesn't trust the sub, but as many of the women here know some of the men (and women) here can be rather persistent. It doesn't matter if the Dom/me places the rule or if the sub asked for it like Anakara did, for most it's another level of protection from other lush users that could be harassing them. Even if you tell someone you don't want to private chat they don't always listen, I found that more people listen if you say that you are not allowed.
In my case I wouldn't want to cheat on my Dom but the no private rule helps remove some of the temptation and makes it harder for other men to make me feel guilty about something that makes me happy.
telling someone i'm not allowed to whisper is my escape clause for when someone is whispering me and i don't particularly wish to communicate that way - with friends, it's ok, there's usually a reason to whisper, like we're talking about something that isn't for sharing in public, but with strangers, it's usually a prelude to cyber, which i am NOT interested in.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Hmm, I'm thinking I really need to try these chat rooms...
A submissive having a rule of not being able to whisper or private chat has nothing to do with the lack of trust from one's Dom/me. Submissives want to give up control and this is just another part of that need. As Mistress an Freya have both said, most subs either ask for this or are completely okay with this rule. Elit, try being a woman on here sometime. Just because one has female parts other members and I am not going gender specific here are relentless. I have been chased by both sexes. Saying no thank you, or NO I am not interested does not always work. 9 times out of 10 it does not. They think they can "persuade" you to see things their way. Being a woman some men will not take no for an answer but if we say we are not allowed to private chat they will usually back off and listen. Granted some do not.
For me, I will private chat with anyone that needs help with the site or has a question they do not wish to ask in the open about the site. I will also whisper to those same members as long as it is Lush related business. Otherwise, I do not private chat with anyone. And even being a moderator in the rooms, some members will not take no for an answer and I have never been one to nor will I ever use being a mod to handle my own personal issues that arise. Simply letting them know that I am not allowed to private chat after several attempts of saying no usually always works.
Each submissive has a different control need or desire. Who are you to say its unhealthy? As long as the submissive is getting their physical and emotional needs taken care of by their Dom/me who is to sit in judgement of that? Who is to say this action or that action is too much or unhealthy? Unhealthy is defined as:
1 : not conducive to health <an unhealthy climate>
2 : not in good health : sickly, diseased
3 a : dangerous, risky
b : bad, injurious
c : morally contaminated : corrupt, unwholesome <an unhealthy imagination>
Nothing in the amount of control one desires or needs is unhealthy if it applies to one specific individual.
I understand your comment being from someone on the outside looking in, but truly you can't understand the dynamics of the D/s relationship by merely looking in through the window. No two are the same. Each have their own needs and desires needing to be full fulled by the other. Its very much a two sided relationship no matter how many think its all the Dominant.
I don't like to be whispered in chat rooms, unless I'm conspiring with a friend. I have private chats from time to time, but I'm only supposed to cyber if my boyfriend is looking on. It's really not private that way, and I always tell people that. Of course sometimes I have private chats when he's not looking on, but with his permission or if I'm looking for something to confess to that will get me spanked pretty hard.
People who just come into chat rooms and don't know me and start whispering annoy me. I changed my setting so that only friends can whisper me now, so that shouldn't happen anymore. I like the exposure of everyone seeing what I have to say in chat rooms. It's sort of oral exhibitionism I suppose.
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what is this cheating got to do with pvt chat?i cant understand,y for me, like private chat because i cant control this in rooms,i mean i want to talk to one person at a time,with complete interest,moreover,i have ppl moving around me all the time,n these chat rooms r full of pics,for which iam afraid,bcos iam not allowed to b that way in my circle,iam a doctor and a human being,u know how we r expected to b in india
elitfromnorth;
I don't know how others on this forum feel but as for Me, I would prefer that My slave not talk to other Dom/mes. If she wants to compare notes with other submissives, I wouldn't have a problem with that. That being said, I do not forbid her from talking to other Dom/mes but she knows My feelings on it and so refrains from it on that basis.
As it was brought up, this lifestyle is based on trust. I trust My slave and she trusts Me. What I don't trust are would-be Masters or Mistresses that don't know the ramifications of what they are doing or that don't care about them. I have been to many chatrooms and forums over the years and seen far too many good people who just want to learn, get ruined by someone just out for a night's entertainment or to mindfuck someone. And it's hard enough to find a willing partner these days without having to scrape up someone else's mess (personal experience here).
So from My perspective, not PMing is "never having to say I'm sorry."
I believe Ravyn pretty summed it up. But just to recap on a couple of things:
1) Not all Dom/mes are ethical. Some would stoop to resorting to the "dirty trick bag" to attempt to lure away an otherwise devoted sub.
2) Subs are exactly what the word implies... submissive... and some find it difficult to come out and say "I'm really not interested in you" without feeling guilty or rude.
3) There is no little box under the profile mask to indicate "OWNED"- Besides, even if there were one, I'm not sure vanilla people would "get it".
4) Some people think subs are everybody's party toy, just because their Master/Mistress calls them "slut". Some people - particularly with vanilla men and female subs, get this notion that if Master is calling her a slut, then she's the public fuck-toy up for grabs and everyone is "allowed" to abuse her.
5) Masters/Mistresses are not only protective about what They Own, but also how pretty everything affects Their Property. Many don't take kindly to the possibility of having Their private Property treated like a piece of trash, so they circumvent the possibilty by forbiding their subs from becoming the psychological dumpster through trash-talking of inconsiderate, ignorant people. This seems particularly true for many heterosexual Sissy-Boy subs.
6) Many subs are allowed to speak to almost anyone, provided they have asked their Owner first. It's a matter of consideration and respect for one's partner. Since all D/s relationships are founded on implicit trust, it's a violation of trust when a sub believes they're "cheating" on their Master/Mistress by chatting/talking/flirting with other people behind their Master's/Mistress' back.
Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
My sub will not private chat with others but not because of me. I trust her completely. The thing is we have both been on this site for a long time and know that there are scrupulous people that play at being a Dom/mes and this way it avoids that problem.