Thanks Moonlight.
I too have been told I am too easy on my sub to be a Mistress. As I have stressed many times on this thread, everyone is different, and no two relationships are the same. The typical views of BDSM are far from the truth of many of the relationships in real life, some will be all about pain, humiliation and degradation, but most are actually more about the exchange of power between the people involved, and a Dom/me doesn't need to hurt or humiliate their sub to show they have been given control over them.
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
MistressS
Over 90 days ago
Lesbian Female, 34
Forum
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by wildcat1966
dear mistress im a 45 male in the uk i was wondering if you could give me some information in how to find a submissive female without making a fool of my self as ive had this done to me before now and it was someone i was found off and there stil here on the site but that was friendship but we was close and talked about marrage etc in time why do females jump into marrage just soon as the person has known them for just five mins is there ppl so insercoure now adays
I'm not sure I'm the best to offer advice here, I'll admit I was very lucky when I found my sub.
There are several fetish sites that I know are used to chat with other people in the lifestyle and possible to meet them for real. More than that, all I can say is to be open and honest about who you are, it will probably scare some off but it's worth it in the end.
Advanced Wordsmith
As Submissivebabe brought up, for those in the lifestyle, BDSM is all about truth, love and respect. However, many see it simply as one person using another. Admittedly there are some who simply enjoy using or being used, which is fine as well, but that isn't the only thing BDSM is about for most people who are into it.
For those in Dom/me sub relationships, it creates a deep bond of trust, love and respect between the Dom/me and sub, which can be very painful if one side doesn't feel the same way, and simply want someone to use, or someone to use them.
Unfortunately those who are new to BDSM can easily be given the wrong impression. For example, many new curious subs who come to sites like these to try out BDSM for the first time can be scared away by people claiming to be Dom/mes who jump on every new sub who comes along, often only wanting a quick cyber session, and the subs are scared off, believing all Dom/mes are like that. Likewise, the same is probably true off new Dom/mes, seeing others who claim to be Dom/mes and being scared off because the don't want to act the same, but believes that is how a Dom/me should act.
The majority of people who get the wrong idea, however, get them from stories, and images for BDSM. Most of which are about the stereotypical view that it is all about pain, and being used. However, these are all just fantasies, which is fine, it can happen like these fantasies describe, but it usually doesn't.
The point of this thread is to hopefully dispel myths about BDSM I sincerely hope those who read this understand that BDSM is not only about pain.
For those in Dom/me sub relationships, it creates a deep bond of trust, love and respect between the Dom/me and sub, which can be very painful if one side doesn't feel the same way, and simply want someone to use, or someone to use them.
Unfortunately those who are new to BDSM can easily be given the wrong impression. For example, many new curious subs who come to sites like these to try out BDSM for the first time can be scared away by people claiming to be Dom/mes who jump on every new sub who comes along, often only wanting a quick cyber session, and the subs are scared off, believing all Dom/mes are like that. Likewise, the same is probably true off new Dom/mes, seeing others who claim to be Dom/mes and being scared off because the don't want to act the same, but believes that is how a Dom/me should act.
The majority of people who get the wrong idea, however, get them from stories, and images for BDSM. Most of which are about the stereotypical view that it is all about pain, and being used. However, these are all just fantasies, which is fine, it can happen like these fantasies describe, but it usually doesn't.
The point of this thread is to hopefully dispel myths about BDSM I sincerely hope those who read this understand that BDSM is not only about pain.
Advanced Wordsmith
I was sent a question today that really got me thinking, and I'm putting it up for others to answer as well.
"Should the goal of a dom/me ever be to make his/her sub cry? this includes crying from physical.puishment and mental punishment and how should a dom/me react when a sub cries when its not planned?"
The scenario that was give n with this question was that a Dom/me is having to explain to their sub how they broke a rule, and during this the sub starts to cry.
The person was who sent me this had several feelings about this, upset of course for having made their sub cry, but also happy since it reassured them that their sub truly was sorry for breaking a rule.
For my answer, I personally never set out to make my sub cry, I don't know how to explain why, it just never something I would want or try to do , but like they described, sometimes she will start to cry if I am having to punish her, or explain I am upset with something and I get the same mix of feelings, I feel bad for making her cry, but I also feel reassured that she is truly sorry for breaking a rule or misbehaving. But when it gets to the point where she is crying, I always stop what I'm doing to comfort her and reassure her she's forgiven.
So I ask, anyone who is willing to answer the question themselves, or who just want to give their views to come forward, and thank you in advance.
"Should the goal of a dom/me ever be to make his/her sub cry? this includes crying from physical.puishment and mental punishment and how should a dom/me react when a sub cries when its not planned?"
The scenario that was give n with this question was that a Dom/me is having to explain to their sub how they broke a rule, and during this the sub starts to cry.
The person was who sent me this had several feelings about this, upset of course for having made their sub cry, but also happy since it reassured them that their sub truly was sorry for breaking a rule.
For my answer, I personally never set out to make my sub cry, I don't know how to explain why, it just never something I would want or try to do , but like they described, sometimes she will start to cry if I am having to punish her, or explain I am upset with something and I get the same mix of feelings, I feel bad for making her cry, but I also feel reassured that she is truly sorry for breaking a rule or misbehaving. But when it gets to the point where she is crying, I always stop what I'm doing to comfort her and reassure her she's forgiven.
So I ask, anyone who is willing to answer the question themselves, or who just want to give their views to come forward, and thank you in advance.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by nicolaQuote by MistressS
Thank god, I've had enough off seeing my stories on a bunch of other sites XD
In fear of repeating myself, if you publish your stories anywhere on the web, on any site whatsoever, they can be replicated elsewhere. Adding right click disable helps fend off the laziest content thieves, but there are easy ways around all forms of document protection out there.
Even if you made a site totally read only, thieves would probably just hire a team of english speaking 3rd worlders, to type the stories out, if they really wanted your stories. Most of the time, they will steal from somewhere else.
We try our best to limit the content theft, but there's only so much we can do on that front.
The only way to be totally safe, is not to publish them anywhere. That kind of defeats the purpose for most people!
Well, as far as I can tell, the people stealing the stories that we can find aren't getting any money or anything for it, so if you make it at all hard for them to steal then they'll go somewhere else instead, rather than spend a lot off time and effort writing it all out.
Besides, stopping even one person from copying it is a good thing, it means there are less places that the stories can be copied from which will stop it happening as much in the future, as I see it.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by gavQuote by MistressSQuote by gav
I have spoken with Nic, we will be introducing a download as pdf link on the story pages in a future version.
Will this be for all the stories, or is it up to the authors whether or not they want that option on their stories?
Cause I'd think that it would make it easier for someone trying to steal our work.... Just a thought.
Correct. By default, stories will be viewable as a pdf, the author can turn this option off from their settings page. I have this working over at Stories Space for those of you with accounts over there.
Thank god, I've had enough off seeing my stories on a bunch of other sites XD
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by gav
I have spoken with Nic, we will be introducing a download as pdf link on the story pages in a future version.
Will this be for all the stories, or is it up to the authors whether or not they want that option on their stories?
Cause I'd think that it would make it easier for someone trying to steal our work.... Just a thought.
Advanced Wordsmith
I've made a thread for people new to BDSM to learn some off it http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst18882_BDSM-101.aspx
If you're looking for specific things to do though, everyone's different, you can't trust that what some people say is great will necessarily be right for you, it's up to you and your girlfriend to try things out, and see what works for you.
If you're looking for specific things to do though, everyone's different, you can't trust that what some people say is great will necessarily be right for you, it's up to you and your girlfriend to try things out, and see what works for you.
Advanced Wordsmith
I've heard about this happening, though never actually met someone who was trained to cum simply on command, though I know many who can't cum unless they are given permission, so it seems possible.
Not for me though, I enjoy the teasing and having my pet hold off her orgasm far more
Not for me though, I enjoy the teasing and having my pet hold off her orgasm far more
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by LadyXQuote by Dancing_DollQuote by DirtyMartini
This is not really a story site, so I think I can post the link...it's a forum thread where someone posted almost 100 pages of people's stories...and I can tell you quite a few belong to Lush members...
[url=][/url]
What's the deal with Booksie? Anyone know anything about that site? I found someone who claimed authorship to two of my stories and a couple of poems, and while it doesn't appear anything is for sale...the fact that Booksie converts stuff to PDF I'm not too thrilled about...it means this person might have further intentions...maybe...
They changed the titles too, btw...
Yep, we're all on that one. They've got four of mine.
There are other blogs that feature a lot of Lush stories with no credit to the authors either.
It would almost be a full time job trying to put out all these fires.
Those fucksticks have at least one of mine too. I'm sure I'll be banned, too, assuming they activate my account at all. "Lilly" stole it.
Yeah, that person got them all, probably a bot though, since they all got added at the same time.
Advanced Wordsmith
I just found a free plagiarism checker, it uses a short quote from your stories and searches google and for a match, found one of mine just now
Looks like I can post links then
The site is www(dot)plagiarismchecker(dot)com
(Can someone who can post a link please post it for me)
Looks like I can post links then
The site is www(dot)plagiarismchecker(dot)com
(Can someone who can post a link please post it for me)
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by Mistress_of_words
XHamster took my story down and I think they may also have banned the user. Woohoo, a site with standards!
... Or should that be *another* site with standards ;)
I am very happy to hear.
Looking around, I haven't seen any of my work on any other sites (Guess that's the upside to taking ages to write a really short story XD lol) But if anyone does see my stories on another site please tell me, I'm fine if they just link to the story on here, but not if they claim it as their work.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by DirtyMartiniQuote by MistressS
I spotted a couple of stories by sprite and by ropetease form here, on that site DM just gave.
I think just about everyone on Lush has a story over there...some of the titles even have "Lush" in the name, like this one...
[url=][/url]
There is literally about 100 pages of stories taken from here...
Thankfully all those stories were put up before I joined lush and posted my stories, so mine aren't (Unless they can tamper with the dates on there.
But I'll keep checking to see if more are added.
Advanced Wordsmith
I spotted a couple of stories by sprite and by ropetease form here, on that site DM just gave.
We really need some kind of system in place on here to make it harder for people to copy the stories, perhaps gav could make it so you can't copy and paste the stories or something, I've seen that on some other sites, no idea how hard it is to do though., hopefully making it harder to steal our work would put most of these thiefs off.
We really need some kind of system in place on here to make it harder for people to copy the stories, perhaps gav could make it so you can't copy and paste the stories or something, I've seen that on some other sites, no idea how hard it is to do though., hopefully making it harder to steal our work would put most of these thiefs off.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by nicola
As far as the false email address, that means they are breaking ICAAN's rules, and you can report them. If ICAAN find out their whois information is invalid, they can seize the domain
Well the domain seems to be up for sale, so maybe they have.
I did manage to get a contact off another site owned by the same person though, waiting on a reply.
Edit: I've not heard back from them, but my story has been removed and now there is only an exert of the beginning paragraph with a link to the story here, I'm taking this one as a win, lol
Advanced Wordsmith
I just found my first story up on another site, I checked a whois and got an email address.
However, in the tags, it does credit Lush as it's source and gives a link to my story, but doesn't credit me on the site, just wondering if I can still ask them to take the work down from their site or not
Also, it seems the domain is for sale for some reason, so also wondering if I CAN ask for it to be taken down yet.
Edit: Turns out the email is a false email and doesn't exist.
However, in the tags, it does credit Lush as it's source and gives a link to my story, but doesn't credit me on the site, just wondering if I can still ask them to take the work down from their site or not
Also, it seems the domain is for sale for some reason, so also wondering if I CAN ask for it to be taken down yet.
Edit: Turns out the email is a false email and doesn't exist.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by sexy_sub
I am new to the BDSM community, i have only been in one D/s relationship that ended brokenly and has left me very lost. It makes me uncomfortable in chatrooms and men automaticly try and make me their sub. while i am unowned and i do enjoy playing i feel that to take on the full reasponsibility of being owned takes trust and i dont know how to handle these situations. and i dont know how to tell them when i have reached my limit without getting them angry as im still learning? what do it do?
I believe I have said this elsewhere in my thread, people who approach a person wanting to make them their sub straight away, usually have no idea the trust and hard work it takes to be a Dom/me.
To them a sub is just a person they can call on for a free cyber session and can make them do any fantasy they wish. I'm not going to tell you how to act, but if you are looking for a relationship as apposed to some quick fun, then make it clear to these people you don't want to take on a Dom/me so quickly.
As for your limits, any real Dom/me will understand these and will respect them, as for you still being new to this, a real Dom/me will understand this and happily help you along, they shouldn't get angry because of it.
Finally, you mention having a bad breakup with your first Dom/me, I am very sorry to hear this, but if and when you choose to take a new Dom/me, you should inform them of this as well, if only so they can avoid bringing up bad memories for you.
If you wish to PM me with any further questions, feel free to. I am more than happy to try to help you.
Advanced Wordsmith
Today I am going to talk about collars.
They have been mentioned several times in this thread, and I have told a little about them, but I'll try to gather all the points up here.
Firstly, as I said previously, a collar does not need to be a something worn round the neck, often it is, but it can be anything the Dom/me and sub want to use as their symbol of ownership and submission. It might not be a 'physical' symbol either, in online relationships for example, the sub may be collared, but not actually, have a real collar. It is the idea behind a collar that is important, not the physical object.
A collar is an important symbol to most (if not all) subs. To be given one is a very big deal to a sub,
I can't really explain what it means to a sub to be collared, and invite any subs to describe what it means to them.
Many seem to believe a collar should be given as soon as a sub agree's to be someones sub, this is not the case, a collar is not merely to show a sub has a Dom/me, the best way I can think of describing it is, it is like a wedding band, it joins the Dom/me and sub together, It is a sign of their commitment and love to each other.
Another thing people see a collar as, is something to reward a good sub, again, this is not the case, as a friend has said as I write this "a collared sub can still misbehave" The collar doesn't mean the sub becomes completely subservient and willing to do anything, they are still the same person, the collar is to show that the sub and their Dom/me are truly committed to each other.
Some will even think that threatening to take a collar away should be done if the sub misbehaves, my personal view is once you have collared a sub, you should never ask, or tell them, to give it back.
Ok, time to complicate things a bit I guess.
Some only wear collars as part of a 'scene' or 'play' in the bedroom, I don't really know what to say here since my sub always wears her collar, but I imagine the collar still means the same to the people involved, but the sub only wears the collar sometimes.
If anyone has any questions, or wants me to clarify any points I have made, please feel free to message me.
They have been mentioned several times in this thread, and I have told a little about them, but I'll try to gather all the points up here.
Firstly, as I said previously, a collar does not need to be a something worn round the neck, often it is, but it can be anything the Dom/me and sub want to use as their symbol of ownership and submission. It might not be a 'physical' symbol either, in online relationships for example, the sub may be collared, but not actually, have a real collar. It is the idea behind a collar that is important, not the physical object.
A collar is an important symbol to most (if not all) subs. To be given one is a very big deal to a sub,
I can't really explain what it means to a sub to be collared, and invite any subs to describe what it means to them.
Many seem to believe a collar should be given as soon as a sub agree's to be someones sub, this is not the case, a collar is not merely to show a sub has a Dom/me, the best way I can think of describing it is, it is like a wedding band, it joins the Dom/me and sub together, It is a sign of their commitment and love to each other.
Another thing people see a collar as, is something to reward a good sub, again, this is not the case, as a friend has said as I write this "a collared sub can still misbehave" The collar doesn't mean the sub becomes completely subservient and willing to do anything, they are still the same person, the collar is to show that the sub and their Dom/me are truly committed to each other.
Some will even think that threatening to take a collar away should be done if the sub misbehaves, my personal view is once you have collared a sub, you should never ask, or tell them, to give it back.
Ok, time to complicate things a bit I guess.
Some only wear collars as part of a 'scene' or 'play' in the bedroom, I don't really know what to say here since my sub always wears her collar, but I imagine the collar still means the same to the people involved, but the sub only wears the collar sometimes.
If anyone has any questions, or wants me to clarify any points I have made, please feel free to message me.
Advanced Wordsmith
Tager raises an good point, few ask the question: "What is a sub?"
The usual definition you'll get is, a sub is a person who chooses to submit to their Dom/me.
The crucial point that some overlook in that answer is "person", the people who do overlook it think a sub is a toy, something to be used and abused, and often these people that think that, are the ones who think that being a Dom/me gives them the authority over any sub, even someone else's, to punish or discipline as they want.
Now, I have already brought up the point that you should never presume to do anything of the sort to another's sub, but it doesn't hurts to repeat that point. Unless a sub is your sub, you should NEVER try to do anything to them with out their Dom/mes express permission, and my own view from what I see on this site is, it is better to not even try to ask, the answer will almost always be no.
Now, I will admit, in some D/s relationships, the sub may be refereed to as a toy, slave ect... However that is a choice and agreement between the Dom/me and their sub, to everyone outside the relationship, they are both just people and should both be treated with respect like anyone else.
Another point that isn't raised much and I'm glad to say doesn't need to all that much, but I will bring it up for the sake of learning here, is that unless a Dom/me is your Dom/me, you shouldn't treat them as such, and you shouldn't expect them to treat you as their sub. As I said, this doesn't happen as much, but it does happen, and I feel I should bring it up.
That's all for today's main post from me, if you have any questions feel free to post them or message me and I will try to answer them as best I can. Also, if you message me a question I will ask your permission to post the question and my answers on here, but I will keep it confidential who asked me.
The usual definition you'll get is, a sub is a person who chooses to submit to their Dom/me.
The crucial point that some overlook in that answer is "person", the people who do overlook it think a sub is a toy, something to be used and abused, and often these people that think that, are the ones who think that being a Dom/me gives them the authority over any sub, even someone else's, to punish or discipline as they want.
Now, I have already brought up the point that you should never presume to do anything of the sort to another's sub, but it doesn't hurts to repeat that point. Unless a sub is your sub, you should NEVER try to do anything to them with out their Dom/mes express permission, and my own view from what I see on this site is, it is better to not even try to ask, the answer will almost always be no.
Now, I will admit, in some D/s relationships, the sub may be refereed to as a toy, slave ect... However that is a choice and agreement between the Dom/me and their sub, to everyone outside the relationship, they are both just people and should both be treated with respect like anyone else.
Another point that isn't raised much and I'm glad to say doesn't need to all that much, but I will bring it up for the sake of learning here, is that unless a Dom/me is your Dom/me, you shouldn't treat them as such, and you shouldn't expect them to treat you as their sub. As I said, this doesn't happen as much, but it does happen, and I feel I should bring it up.
That's all for today's main post from me, if you have any questions feel free to post them or message me and I will try to answer them as best I can. Also, if you message me a question I will ask your permission to post the question and my answers on here, but I will keep it confidential who asked me.
Advanced Wordsmith
To the questions Tager was given.
I agree with Tager on this point, if another Dom/me was to feel my sub was disrespectful I'd expect them to tell me, not my sub. I am firmly of the belief that unless a sub is your sub, without the sub's Dom/me's permission, you shouldn't treat them as a sub, to you they are just another person.
If a Dome/me does feel they have been disrespected it is not up to them to punish the sub or tell them how to act, they should inform the sub's Dom/me and they will decide if their sub has been disrespectful and what action should be taken.
I agree with Tager on this point, if another Dom/me was to feel my sub was disrespectful I'd expect them to tell me, not my sub. I am firmly of the belief that unless a sub is your sub, without the sub's Dom/me's permission, you shouldn't treat them as a sub, to you they are just another person.
If a Dome/me does feel they have been disrespected it is not up to them to punish the sub or tell them how to act, they should inform the sub's Dom/me and they will decide if their sub has been disrespectful and what action should be taken.
Advanced Wordsmith
I was asked some questions today that I will put up for anyone else who has the same questions.
1. What area of BDSM should people try initially?
Everyone will go into different parts of BDSM initially, some may go straight into the Sadism and Masochism side, myself, I stick to the Bondage and Discipline and Dom/sub aspects of it.
2. How do you establish boundaries?
For establishing boundaries, communication is key, the easiest way to find a subs boundaries (and a Dom/me's) is to talk and ask them, a second way is to carefully go further with things as you go, being very careful and looking for signs that you are approaching one sides limits of what they are comfortable with. This can be difficult however and the just talking about limits is a better way to do things.
3. Can a sub train an inexperienced Dom/me
I'd say a sub can train a Dom in certain ways, if you read my third story, you'll see my sub gave me a push as it were to try bondage, I suppose that could be seen as her training me to some, thought I doubt she'd say it was.
1. What area of BDSM should people try initially?
Everyone will go into different parts of BDSM initially, some may go straight into the Sadism and Masochism side, myself, I stick to the Bondage and Discipline and Dom/sub aspects of it.
2. How do you establish boundaries?
For establishing boundaries, communication is key, the easiest way to find a subs boundaries (and a Dom/me's) is to talk and ask them, a second way is to carefully go further with things as you go, being very careful and looking for signs that you are approaching one sides limits of what they are comfortable with. This can be difficult however and the just talking about limits is a better way to do things.
3. Can a sub train an inexperienced Dom/me
I'd say a sub can train a Dom in certain ways, if you read my third story, you'll see my sub gave me a push as it were to try bondage, I suppose that could be seen as her training me to some, thought I doubt she'd say it was.
Advanced Wordsmith
I was actually going to post almost exactly what Tager has said, today.
For a sub, pleasing their Dom/me is very important. For some they will put their Dom/mes pleasure above themselves. Likewise, many Dom/mes will put their sub before themselves, it creates a delicate and loving relationship.
Hearing their Dom/me praising them is a great reward for a sub, whether it be for following their rules or doing well in their training. This should still be done in moderation, so Dom/mes will not praise a sub for every tiny little thing, but should praise them when they have done well (This is a confusing balance, and everyone will approach it differently)
Another thing a sub should be praised for is after a punishment, it is very important that after a punishment a sub knows they are forgiven and that everything is ok, if you don't a sub will always feel their Dom/me is upset with them, and as said before that is the worst punishment for subs, to feel they have upset their Dom/me.
For a sub, pleasing their Dom/me is very important. For some they will put their Dom/mes pleasure above themselves. Likewise, many Dom/mes will put their sub before themselves, it creates a delicate and loving relationship.
Hearing their Dom/me praising them is a great reward for a sub, whether it be for following their rules or doing well in their training. This should still be done in moderation, so Dom/mes will not praise a sub for every tiny little thing, but should praise them when they have done well (This is a confusing balance, and everyone will approach it differently)
Another thing a sub should be praised for is after a punishment, it is very important that after a punishment a sub knows they are forgiven and that everything is ok, if you don't a sub will always feel their Dom/me is upset with them, and as said before that is the worst punishment for subs, to feel they have upset their Dom/me.
Advanced Wordsmith
Ok, to balance out the last topic, today's one is Rewards.
Now, I will start by saying specific rewards for a sub will all be different and will be earned for different things based on the people involved.
Now, obviously, the most common reward for a sub will be for behaving and following their rules, while they are expected to follow their rules anyway, a reward is often used on occasion as an incentive. Other reasons may be if the sub has pleased their Dom/me in some other way as well, but it is up to the Dom/me when they will give rewards and what for, if they give them at all, most Dom/mes do reward their subs. but not all, as I said this all depends on the people involved.
Also, rewards are unique for each Dom/me, sub couple, but as the name implies, they should be something the sub enjoys and likes, not just what the Dom/me wants to do and try to say it is a reward.
As a personal example, my sub loves massaging candles (for those that don't know and might be freaked out by that, they are like candles, but melt at a low temperature and the wax is a gel when melted.) I use these as a reward for good behaviour. Other common rewards some use may be if their sub has a specific fantasy, they may help them act it out.
There needs to be a delicate balance using rewards, you can not give too many, then a sub will begin to expect them for everything they do, and they will also begin stop striving to do better, and likely fall into behaving worse.
That is all for today I think, I am also offering to people, if you want me to give views on a specific point within BDSM then message me and I will try to write a post in it, or include it in with another if it is short.
Now, I will start by saying specific rewards for a sub will all be different and will be earned for different things based on the people involved.
Now, obviously, the most common reward for a sub will be for behaving and following their rules, while they are expected to follow their rules anyway, a reward is often used on occasion as an incentive. Other reasons may be if the sub has pleased their Dom/me in some other way as well, but it is up to the Dom/me when they will give rewards and what for, if they give them at all, most Dom/mes do reward their subs. but not all, as I said this all depends on the people involved.
Also, rewards are unique for each Dom/me, sub couple, but as the name implies, they should be something the sub enjoys and likes, not just what the Dom/me wants to do and try to say it is a reward.
As a personal example, my sub loves massaging candles (for those that don't know and might be freaked out by that, they are like candles, but melt at a low temperature and the wax is a gel when melted.) I use these as a reward for good behaviour. Other common rewards some use may be if their sub has a specific fantasy, they may help them act it out.
There needs to be a delicate balance using rewards, you can not give too many, then a sub will begin to expect them for everything they do, and they will also begin stop striving to do better, and likely fall into behaving worse.
That is all for today I think, I am also offering to people, if you want me to give views on a specific point within BDSM then message me and I will try to write a post in it, or include it in with another if it is short.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by master88362
Anyone coming into a chatroom wanting to collar a sub or slave, has no idea what a collar is. The leather or metal ring on someone's neck is not important, anymore than a pair of earrings or a necklace. The collar does not circle the neck, it circles the heart. This is where the real collar is. It is like a wedding ring. Wearing the ring does not make you married, it is in the heart. Collars are not given, they are earned and it takes a lot to earn one.
This is very true, I feel I should add here though, a Dom/me must also earn the right to collar a sub as well, both sides need to show the other they have earned it as the sub must accept the collar, it isn't a given that they will accept it, their Dom/me must show they have eared the right to give a collar.
Also, when I say collar, it doesn't have to be something worn round the neck, often it is, but not always, it may be a bracelet or a ring for example, it is a unique sign of ownership and submission that can be anything the people involved want to use as this sign.