I've personally not had much experience with SAM's, only seen and heard stories about some. Some seem to enjoy being punished by their Dom/mes but don't want to admit that to themselves, so will subconsciously act out to get the punishment without needing to admit that they like it. This often leads to them being rather upset as they realize they are upsetting their Dom/me, but seem unable to stop what they are doing. The other kind I have heard of, rather than enjoying the punishment, instead enjoy angering or upsetting their Dom/me, I can only assume that those SAM's realize what they are doing.
In the case of the second kind the relationship doesn't last very long, and the SAM will likely try to find a new Dom/me who hasn't heard of them before, which may be why I have heard of the second kind more.
I believe that BlackTalon is referring to the first kind of SAM I mentioned, where they do want to change, but find themselves unable to, though I would always recommend talking to the Sub and asking why they are misbehaving so much, rather than trying to make them change.
Can't speak for everyone else, but in my case, it was my sub who asked for this rule. Since she doesn't like upsetting or annoying people she can find it hard at times to say no to people, so being able to say that she isn't allowed to private chat with people helps take the pressure of her, since it's not up to her in a way.
I have also seen on other sites, not so much here, mentions of some subs being manipulated by people into going into private chats with them. From people using reasons like how 'they'll help the sub better serve their Dom/me' or telling the sub that it is what is expected of them and they shouldn't say no (which I found particularly disgusting to read). Being given the rule that they can't private chat stops this from happening (assuming they follow the rule of course), and like above it means the sub no longer is responsible for that decision, so they shouldn't be able to be guilted of forced into going into these private chats.
I think I can say however that the majority of Dom/mes (the ones I know anyway) who give this rule are ok with the sub private chatting or whispering with friends, so long as they know that the person isn't going to try make the sub to cyber with them.
This actually made sense to me, weirdly.
Bit surprised I haven't done a post on this sooner, so thanks to the person who reminded me.
So this post will be about some of the safety precautions that should be taken.
Obviously the first one that everyone should be aware off safe words. These can be anything that the couple wants to use, but should be something easy to remember, and of course something that wont normally be called out. Both the Dom/me and the sub should have them. My pet and I use the traffic light system. where in, red would mean definitively stop immediately because you are very against something happening, orange would mean stop because you are uncomfortable or worried and want to discuss it, and green would mean everything was fine again.
However, there might be situations where you can't say your safe word, for example if the sub is gagged. In this case you need another method. with my sub I use something that I saw suggested in another site, I give her a pair of Chinese worry balls to hold, if she would use her safe word she drops the balls, both for red, one for orange. with this though you need to make sure they will make a loud enough sound for you to hear it, so I tend not to gag my sub often.
Something that I think tends to be overlooked by some is when using bondage, you need to be very careful, it can be easy to accidentally block the flow of blood to parts of the body. This tends to not be less important, with the use of things like cuffs, which are fairly comfortable and they are what is tied instead of the sub. whenever practicing bondage, you should also take care not to keep the person in an awkward position for long, and any ties should be easily undone. Personally I keep a pair of scissors nearby to cut the rope off if needed.
Those who are into things like heat play, most notable wax play, you should only use candles made for using on people, since they will melt at a lower temperature than regular candles. As a personal note I make sure to drip some on my own arm first to make sure it does not burn.
One thing I am very uncomfortable with, but I'll try my best to offer some safety advice, is knife play. Now this is something that someone new should not try, and no one should try it unless you trust the person explicitly. The blades used should always be dulled as much as possible, so as to make any injury less likely, use the blade as lightly as possible, I'd suggest the person using the knife to run it against their hand first as to make sure it wont cut and of course, keep it away from any major arteries or veins. (If you both do want to the feeling of the blade to seem sharp, I have read somewhere that keeping it in ice so it is cold before use will make it seem sharp, rather than actually using a sharp blade.)
As Ravyn has said, it depends on who you ask. I have seen this debated on many occasions, across many sites, and I don't think there is a truly definitive answer.
My sub and I live the lifestyle 24/7 (as opposed to set 'play' times) But unlike ProfessionalMaster I would never refer to her as my slave, I simply do not like the term. I usually refer to her as my sub or my pet.
Personally I feel the term 'slave' can give the wrong impression for those who are new to the lifestyle, even those who do use the term know that the 'slave' still has the same freedoms and is still a person, this means that they can always say no (use their safe word), to anything that goes beyond their limits of what they are willing to do. (These can and often are pushed in Dom/sub relationships, but that is for another discussion). The term 'slave' can give the impression that the person does not have any rights themselves, and can scare some off or mean some new Dom/mes may be abusive. I'm glad to say this happens very rarely now however, since there is far more education about the lifestyle out there.
I think for many, it is simply that the Dom/mes would not want their subs cybering with other people, or that they may not want their sub giving out certain information about themselves. This is often because the Dom/me doesn't want this information given out for a certain reason, but (as catnip has said) it can also be because the sub also doesn't want to give it out, or to do certain things, but due to their submissive nature they can be persuaded (or more likely bullied) into it.
Knowing that it is a rule that they can not do these things helps them, as they can then give a reason as to why they can't do certain things, and that helps them stick to it.
If you have anymore questions feel free to message me or to post them in my BDSM 101 thread
The best way to discourage a sub from misbehaving will vary from sub to sub, you will need to find what works on them.
Personally I keep a crop hanging on the handle to the room to remind my pet what will happen should she misbehave. But this might not work for all.
Also, some subs just misbehave a lot, it is in their nature, and will be very hard for them to stop.
I must admit I agree with most of what latexia said, however, I don't want this thread to turn to arguments about the lifestyle. If people disagree with anything I or others have said, please message them privately.
I'm glad the thread is helping you Sunshine.
I wish you the best of luck if/when you decide to try out the lifestyle, and if you have any questions or need help feel free to ask.
I think, like WmCutterBlack said, it will vary from person to person.
Personally I have no desire to have more than one sub. But I have heard of some Dom/mes who have several subs, which I have to assume all their subs are ok with, and some subs who have several Dom/mes.
I believe, however, this is more common if the sub is wanting someone to have a scene with, rather than being collared to that Dom/me.
My stories on here cover how I got into BDSM, and according to a friend I have always seemed like the Mistress type to him, wish he'd told me sooner, lol.
There are other threads like this one out there, you might want to read them, since the advice given will be the same.
Don't rush into a BDSM relationship, get to know the person first before you take accept them as your Mistress.
If your just looking for a quick cyber session however, then asking in the chat rooms will probably yield better results.
I agree with jgg seems like a bit of fun that some decided to start up.
Though I don't doubt there are some subs who will take it very seriously and some Dom/mes who might think their subs need to be registered there, but there are always people like that.