I have had exhibitionist tendencies since I was young. In an effort to better understand, I have given much thought to how this developed over the years. My first related memory is from when I was still living in my parent’s house. There was a large window in the upstairs bathroom. It was always uncovered because it was located such that it was not exposed to the neighbors or street. One would have to be on our roof to se...

Mid-1990s I found myself in an unfortunate situation. I had married young, and it had gone very bad. I could not bring myself to tell my minister father that I was getting a divorce. So, I found myself without a place to stay, and pretty much just the clothes on my back. However, I knew a couple of guys, Brandon and Mark, who were starting a video editing business. It was low-budget, so instead of a proper office, they ha...

(Mid 1980s) In our lives, we all suffer embarrassing moments. Some more than others, and to different extremes. But in each, I believe there is something we can learn about ourselves and possibly take the opportunity to grow. I venture to say that what I long thought of as my most embarrassing experience eventually became something for which I am grateful. I turned eighteen in February, was accepted to the University of F...

(Mid 1990s) Early in our relationship, I learned that my first husband was not open to my exhibitionist escapades. So, I downplayed my activities of the past and spent the years with him trying to be a good wife. I would avoid situations where I knew I would get myself in trouble or do something to upset him. Occasionally I would take advantage of the times he was not around, although mostly it was a period that I did ver...

(Mid 1980s) It was the summer before I left for college. I was at my parents’ house on Hilton Head Island, and had been looking for new adventures I could bring to life around the house. We had an outdoor shower next to the utility yard. It was uncovered because it was intended to be used by people in swimsuits rinsing off the sand when returning from the beach (common in resort communities like ours). But I fantasized ab...

(Mid 1990s) After I recorded my little fashion show for Mark and Brandon, Brandon asked if I would be interested in making more videos. He offered his services as a cameraman. I didn’t hesitate. I had left my husband in large part because I could not be myself in that relationship. When I tried to express my exhibitionist nature, he was not into it. It upset him. I went years being the wife he wanted and not able to even...

(Mid 1980s) When I look back on some of the things I did in those days, I just can’t imagine what I was thinking. I know we all feel that way sometimes, but I am certain that not long into this story, you are going ask, “What the hell was she thinking?!” It was the summer before I left for college. It starts with my learning which way an egg is facing when it is laid by a chicken, and ends with my first sexual experience...

(Mid 1990s) For many years I worked in the entertainment department of a theme park in Central Florida. It did not pay well at all, but it was great fun. My co-workers were all young adults, like me, all of us just wanting to have fun, while finding ourselves. The nature of our job allowed us to spend more time hanging out on break than actually working. We performed in a twenty-minute show four times a day, and finding w...

(Mid 1980s) Gator Growl is basically the world’s largest pep rally. Held at the University of Florida, where tens of thousands gather to be entertained by a student-run production that includes a variety of entertainment and appearances by top entertainers. When I was there, the main acts were Bill Cosby, The Smothers Brothers, Billy Crystal, and one year I was the director of Gator Growl when the guest performer was Jay...

(Mid 1990s) I woke to voices from the next room. I first thought it was Mark and Brandon, the guys who were letting me use their office as my apartment while going through my divorce. Pretending to still be sleeping as their conversation continued, I became aroused by the idea that they may pass my open door and discover me naked on the bed. “Is she here?” A question came from a voice I didn’t recognize. Holding my breath...

(Mid 1980s) Taking not much more than the head in my mouth, I sucked it like a straw. He was excited, but that didn’t last. The mood turned. Knowing something was wrong, I tried sucking harder, as if from a frozen beverage, but this only made things worse. I was probably close to giving his penis a hickey when he stopped me. Nearly on the verge of tears, I confessed that this was my first time. I had for years been explor...

(Mid 1990s) My short breezy skirt slipped as I rested my bare feet on the dash of the truck. Enjoying the warm sunlight on my legs, while reading from the book, I caressed my feet together knowing the slight movement of my thighs would encourage my skirt up farther. With a quick glance, my heart skipped as I realized this was too much. I lowered the book to my lap just as I caught the driver noticing that I wasn’t wearing...

(Mid 1980s) I had auditioned for a summer production at a theater in Savanah, where I hoped to work toward my goal of becoming an actress. This, and plenty of time at the beach, is how I planned to spend my first summer back home from college. But thanks to my poor decisions with money, and how easy the banks make it for young adults to get credit cards, I had bills to pay. So, I instead ended up working at an ice cream s...