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Is a 19 year old in a sexual relationship with a middle-aged man wrong?

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Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Poppet
If everyone is of age and wants to date someone who is old enough to be their parent or even older, go for it. Rock on. Be happy, live a little. Learn the ways of the world from someone who was around when it first started. Honestly, do what makes you happy.


Quote by Weavindreams


Exactly Hon, I agree wholeheartedly. Other cultures have recognized that age shouldn't be a barrier for many centuries. But, don't waste your time trying to convince the narrow and close minded who are sure that their way and only their way is the right way.



Anything open and honest between consenting adults is between consenting adults.
No one has the right to say what is right for anyone but themselves.
My thoughts and actions are mine and yours are yours.
If it works for you, go for it and to hell with what others think.
Life is to short not to be happy, enjoy the gifts, they belong to you, make yourself happy.
Lurker
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Is it wrong to have a sexual relationship between races? That answer should be the same as whether or not it is ok for a 19 year old to have a relationship with a middle-aged person (gender omitted). Is it ok for these same two people to get married? Race and age should have no bearing on these questions as long as no laws are broken. I've known a couple deeply in love that married with at least a 25 year age difference (he was in his 70s). She stated that he was the kindest man she had ever known.
Prolific Writer
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I think it's a little old. If my daughter was dating a mid aged man at 19 I'd be upset. If he were a wealthy man, I might be more inclined to let it slip.

Hugs,
Mysteria
God Empress of Lush
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IMHO, if she's 19 she should be sleeping around a bit and having fun, instead of tying herself down to some older guy. Younger guys may not have much money, but they don't half have staying power in bed! And they don't get too upset when you dump them.

Or was that just me?

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Lurker
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As Muddy Mississippi Waters once said, "If she wasn't a young girl I wouldn't be fightin' over her. I'd kill a man for a young girl" Ohhh Yeahhh.
Active Ink Slinger
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Up to them. If it were a 19 year old guy and this middle aged woman, I'd be allover him. LOL
Advanced Wordsmith
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Our society has a double standard for men and women in relationships (as in so many other things!) What's acceptable behavior for men is at most marginally acceptable for women. A young woman in a relationship with an older man is a gold-digger (or worse). An older (divorced, usually) man in a relationship with the younger woman is a stud. Change the sexes, and we still get the shitty end of the stick -- I don't see "Cougar" as especially complimentary.

In the past this wasn't quite the case: older men commonly married younger women. It took some time to establish himself in the world as someone who could support a wife and family. The problem with this (from my point of view, anyway) is that it condemns women to extended widowhoods (unless she dies in childbirth, another adverse consequence...). All systems have compromises, you have to pick yours.

All that said, I tend to think there is something to the rule of thumb that says the lower bound is half your age plus seven years. For a 32 year old, that says the lower end is somewhere in the neighborhood of 23 years. By that rule, a 19 y.o. is a bit on the young side. I think the rule of thumb is a decent idea to assure some broadly shared cultural references.

That's my tuppence worth, take it as worth what you paid for it.
Active Ink Slinger
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I have never had that experience but I cant see why it could not be a great experience providing she wasn't being exploited.
Why would it be any different to a 19 yo guy and a middle aged woman.
Chuckanator
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Hmmm the question is a bit sextist. Older man with younger woman. Why not older woman younger man? When I was 18 I had a older woman as lover. (Late thirties). It was special and will never forget.

Besides middle aged men usually have ED problems. I'm glad it was 19. Any younger he could get arrested for assault with a dead weapon.
Active Ink Slinger
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If two people want to get close, (and she or he is above the age of consent, of course), of course it is ok. Next question.
“It's nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you're still alive.”
Active Ink Slinger
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Well like a girl said above it's totally a society double standard for us girls. Hey my mom dates guys much younger and I know she gets like funny looks. But look she's in amazing shape, does yoga and she really likes how younger guys make her feel. It makes her happy and I say....hey whatever rocks your boat mom. At first I was uncomfortable and I was nervous what my Gf's would think....but actually they were totally down with it more than me. Jenny even got my mom to come clubbing with us....she was like totally cool with it and helped me get over my hangups. Now for me I've always been attracted to older guys? Whatever.....get over it. I mean not like slobs with guts....but guys who take care of themselves and have a lot to offer a girl. I know guys who are in their forties who look like they are like early thirties and plus their brain is active and they are doing interesting shit in their life. C'mon totally admit it girls a confident older guy who has a nice body, who smells amazing, picks you up in a nice car and never says a totally dumb-shit thing the whole evening? Well that's sorta nice right. Okay my two-cents girls. Whatever.....does it even make sense?
Advanced Wordsmith
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I'm going to toss in another thought here. Dan Savage says that in relationships where one partner has much more experience than the other, the experienced partner should practice what calls "campground rules." When someone's camping, she should: (1) Not do any deliberate damage; (2) Pick up after herself; and, (3) Leave the campsite in better shape than she found it.
Active Ink Slinger
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If a 53 year old started dating a 19 year old then I wouldn't see an issue with it, if it's between consenting adults. It's none of my business (or anyone else's) what y'all do or who you date... BUT

If they've been in a relationship for the past 5 years, then I would take major issue with it. That's disgusting predatory behaviour and the 53 year old needs to be arrested and locked up.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
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Quote by ChuckEPoo
Hmmm the question is a bit sextist. Older man with younger woman. Why not older woman younger man? When I was 18 I had a older woman as lover. (Late thirties). It was special and will never forget.


The question isn't inherently sexist.

The OP (who has since deleted her account), is a 19-year-old girl in a relationship with a middle-aged man, and she was asking for advice/opinions in regards to her situation.

She just edited her question prior to axing her account altogether.

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Rookie Scribe
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Been there and married the woman, didn't last long, but I always knew she would leave .
Beautiful, intelligent but they all want different things so I say why the hell not. Your both adults
Chuckanator
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Quote by Dani


The question isn't inherently sexist.

The OP (who has since deleted her account), is a 19-year-old girl in a relationship with a middle-aged man, and she was asking for advice/opinions in regards to her situation.

She just edited her question prior to axing her account altogether.


That's true and again I apoligize. I must have misunderstood the question.
Lurker
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Quote by ChuckEPoo
Hmmm the question is a bit sextist. Older man with younger woman. Why not older woman younger man? When I was 18 I had a older woman as lover. (Late thirties). It was special and will never forget.

Besides middle aged men usually have ED problems. I'm glad it was 19. Any younger he could get arrested for assault with a dead weapon.


ED problems...hell no, I'll be 60 on Sunday, I don't take Viagra (or anything like it) and my wife of nearly 40 years gets at least 2 multi-orgasmic rides a week. Come on...drop the stereotypes.
Chuckanator
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Quote by drillsarge2


ED problems...hell no, I'll be 60 on Sunday, I don't take Viagra (or anything like it) and my wife of nearly 40 years gets at least 2 multi-orgasmic rides a week. Come on...drop the stereotypes.


Viagra and testosterone sales wouldn't be booming if older men didn't need help. The stereotype seems to creat itself. You're blessed. Most your age are aren't.
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changed my mind..
Click below to see

Prolific Writer
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Quote by Simplicity
changed my mind..



As stated, in my opinion a 19 year old girl should be experiencing life with people her own age before stepping into a relationship with an older man. As said, if my child were involved in this type of a relationship I would be upset.

Only because I find the men too old. Perhaps the man want a 19 year old for a trophy, etc. older men come with baggage and why should a 19 year old want to get into something so heavy with one of them.

I said if they were rich I might let it slide. Only because perhaps they would buy her nice things, take her on vacations, etc. but just to be somebody's cute 19 year old is not for my daughter. That's all I meant. This is my opinion.

Xo
Lurker
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I don't think there's anything "wrong" about such a relationship in the legal sense and perhaps not in any moral sense. However, my knee jerk reaction is the relationship is likely to be unfair in some sense. The older person, who probably has more money and certainly has more real life experience, is likely to essentially be taking advantage of the 19 year old. I'm a middle aged guy - I think it would be wrong for me to enter into such a relationship because I think such a relationship is inherently unfair. I like to think I wouldn't automatically condemn another guy for "going there" but I wouldn't bet much on the long term chances for the couple.
Active Ink Slinger
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This is more complicated than it appears.
My first reaction was if it really is an affair of the heart, who cares what the age difference is.
Then I remembered all the sleazy old men who have tried to pick me up. Many of them made me very uncomfortable.
So I would have to say it's ok if a relationship develops between an older man and much younger woman but old men who go looking for girls young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters, are a bit creepy.
Lurker
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Quote by alison90
This is more complicated than it appears.
My first reaction was if it really is an affair of the heart, who cares what the age difference is.
Then I remembered all the sleazy old men who have tried to pick me up. Many of them made me very uncomfortable.
So I would have to say it's ok if a relationship develops between an older man and much younger woman but old men who go looking for girls young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters, are a bit creepy.


I agree with Alison...I am a women who has always found herself attracted to men who are older. If it just happens then ok, you can't help who you are attracted to...but to be one of those dirty old men trying to make themselves feel good by being with a young girl then that's creepy. I think at 19 (boys or girls, and let's face it that's what they are) are too young to settle down in any long term relationship...this is the time of their lives and they should be exploring all possibilities and living life to the fullest.
Lurker
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I dated my first older man when I was 18, he was 39. I don't regret it one minute nor did I ever think it was wrong. You're an adult so do what makes you happy!
Active Ink Slinger
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It's not illegal. As long as you are both consenting and not being pressured into it, it's okay!
Active Ink Slinger
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My girlfriend is much younger and richer than me. Relationships are not in some sort of pre-determined formula - you either click or you don't and react accordingly. Walking around with a sort of moral/age limit/financial template is corny and very dated and seeing such opinions on a site dedicated to a celebration of sexuality is an even bigger joke.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Crazy_Girl
I have many friends in relationships with big age differences and sometimes it just works. Age is just number.


Ah come on, this is so unreal. Age is not a number. I have a friend who is married to a doctor... because he is a doctor, and there is 19 years between them. That was eight years ago and whilst he tries the difference is really starting to show. They have kids and have already been asked if he is their grandfather.

It doesn't matter, it really doesn't.... but at the same time don't kid yourself. It matters and a hell of a lot.
Advanced Wordsmith
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What guy doesn't think that this sounds hot?
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
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I don't think there is anything wrong with it. But I think the girl would be losing her chance to be young and single for the first time. And that's a lot of fun. More importantly, it teaches you a lot about life, and sex, and relationships.