“I fucking hate bowling!” Lexi roared in frustration as she got her second gutterball in a row. “Why did we even come here?? This place sucks!!”

Four or five people were staring at us by the time Lexi grumpily took her seat. Milo got up to throw his ball, which left Crystal, Taylor, Morgan and myself sitting on the bench. Morgan was nuzzled into my chest, a place she didn’t leave unless she had to. I didn’t object; Morgan and I were still close. You could be close to someone without necessarily being their boyfriend. Taylor avoided eye contact with us as as much as she could; when she did catch herself looking at either of us, she’d blush and look at the floor. Crystal was resuming telling Lexi a story as if Lexi never left halfway through the story, nor had her outburst. Clearly, this was an average day for those two.

“Boom!” Milo cheered in celebration after getting a turkey. “God, I’m getting good at this.”

“You’re a boy, you’ve got stronger arms,” Taylor jeered. “This isn’t fair.”

“Quinn’s a boy, and he’s in last place,” he pointed out. “What’s his excuse?”

“To be fair,” I cut in dryly, “half of my body is numb every time I get up to bowl, thanks to the crushing weight that gets put on me every time I sit down.”

“Shut up,” Morgan lazily slurred back, poking me in the side. 

“‘Broken up,’ my ass,” Lexi spat, not caring that she was cutting Crystal off. “You two’re more attached than ever.”

“People break up in different ways, Lexi,” Taylor replied to her swiftly. “Maybe they’re hurting. We shouldn’t judge, okay?”

“We shouldn’t judge? Coming from you?” Lexi challenged her.

“Coming from me, and everyone else here,” Taylor simply replied.

“Well, it’s dumb. You say you’re broken up, but here you are, doing more PDA than I’ve seen since… well I dunno, but you get my point.”

“Lexi…” I groaned, but Morgan slowly rose up from my side. She raised her hand as if to say, ‘I’ll handle this.’ She didn’t look quite like she could handle it, but that wasn’t helped by her general look - ever since she hit me that day and we… ‘broke up,’ I guess… she never wore any top other than her hoodie, and didn’t use makeup anymore. She joked about it being her ‘post-breakup look’ on the way to bowling.

“Lexi, I know this probably looks weird, or even like I’m compensating, and uh, that’s because I am. I’m hurting, and I’m bad at letting things go. And… uh…” Her voice wavered. She was clearly handling things less well than she’d planned. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes, and she just froze, likely knowing that if she kept talking, she’d start crying.

“Oh jeez,” Lexi piped up upon seeing the tears. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, I, uh, I was stupid to butt in. You can do what you want. He’s your boyf- uh, he’s… um… yeah, he’s Quinn.”

“You’re so good at this,” Milo teased.

“Fuck off, it’s hard!” Lexi nearly shouted. 

“Come on, did we come here to bowl or to bawl?” Crystal asked us, clearly trying to move things past the awkward moment. “Whose turn is it?”

“It’s Quinn’s,” Milo piped up again, and everyone noticed at the same time that Morgan had now buried her head onto my shoulder. Her shoulders were moving like she was crying, even though I knew that was just her trying to get her breathing back to normal so she wouldn’t cry.

“Oh, fuck,” Crystal murmured.

“Poor Morgan,” Taylor joined in. 

“Want me to bowl for ya?” Milo asked me. 

“Yeah, I could use the handicap,” I joked. “Thanks.”

Milo made a finger gun at me then sauntered up to the lane. I tapped Morgan on the head and quietly asked her, “How’re you doing?”

“I’m clearly getting worse,” she quietly said back into my clothes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to-”

“I know, I know, you told me, but it’s not like clinging to me wasn’t already giving them the impression,” I replied honestly. She didn’t say anything back, so I pressed on. “Was going to the gym with Taylor nice at least?”

She paused for a few seconds, then got up, and took my hand. “We’re going to get some hot dogs,” she declared to the group. “You all want anything?”

The girls and Milo all awkwardly shook their heads no. Morgan wasn’t playing today anyway, so it didn’t matter. I got up and the two of us walked towards the food counter, and crucially, away from the group.

“The worst part was, it was completely fine. It was like nothing even happened between us when it was just us two,” Morgan reported to me as the worker approached her at the counter. “Hi, could I please get two hot dogs? Thanks.”

“So it’s only awkward when I’m here, huh?” I noted uneasily. 

Morgan’s eyes got misty again. “Stop,” she ordered with a quivering voice. “I’m only happy when you’re here too. I’d deal with every friend having an awkward history with you if it meant getting to have you around.”

“For a few weeks,” I noted. “We’re getting around that time, you know.”

Morgan gave a sad smile and looked to the ground. “I really hate that all that nasty stuff had to happen right before you got your letter from MIT. I was so proud of you, you know. I wanted to do something to celebrate.”

“Hey, you’re not doing so shabby yourself,” I replied. “UMass Amherst has a really good kinesiology program.”

She chuckled. “You can just say ‘UMass,’” she let me know. “And, I mean, we’re both going into the sciences, so at least we’ll have common ground to talk about.”

“Well, I mean…” I awkwardly started. “You’re going into health sciences, so…”

Her smile turned both genuine and challenging. “Oh, don’t you dare,” she mock-threatened me. The two of us laughed, then she paid for the hot dogs and we found a place to sit.

“Should we go back to the group…?” I asked.

“No, I want to eat here if that’s okay,” she replied. “Unless you really want to go back to them.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” I admitted. 

“So, the plan is, after I get settled, I visit you. And you can visit me, if you want. Whenever you want.” She said it so plainly, so matter-of-factly.

“Well, I won’t have a car…” I uneasily replied.

“I will. Unless you’d prefer I not visit you. I can give you space if you want space.”

“I don’t know what I want,” I said slowly.

“I hate that,” she said, losing the friendliness to her voice.

“I know,” I replied quietly. “So do I.”

We ate in silence for a minute or two. “Thanks for the hot dog,” I eventually said.

“Yeah.”

“Y’know…” I awkwardly started. “The thought of losing you, o-or dating someone else, or us fading away from each other’s lives… It does suck. I don’t think I want that. But… nah, I shouldn’t say it.”

“You should,” she said tenderly.

“But… well, the idea of dating you makes me hesitate too. For now. I don’t even know where you fit in my mind.”

“I think I experienced the same feeling, actually, once,” she replied, finishing off her hot dog.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Remember during that night at Taylor’s, and you asked me to make a decision, whether we’d still be together?”

I thought for a second. “Yeah…” I slowly replied, recalling it. “Wait. You said yes.”

“Yes I did.”

“But, this isn’t like that. I’m not sure whether I’d be a yes or a no.”

“I know. But if you recall, you didn’t give me the option. I did tell you that I couldn’t make the decision.” She smiled bashfully. “You told me you wouldn’t accept that. You told me to either say yes or no.”

“So… what, you dated me even if you weren’t sure you wanted to be with me anymore?”

“Yup,” she said, plain as day.

“Wait, but… no, that doesn’t make sense,” I said, the cogs in my mind working overtime. “The next time we saw each other was at school. We kissed. You got me to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, and you may have noticed, I was a lot less involved in it than I am now,” she noted. “But, yeah. I took a chance on you. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but told myself, if it was to be, it would… blossom, I guess. And if it wasn’t, I’d just break up with you.” She shivered. “You beat me to it,” she finished with a weak smile.

“So, the movie theater…?” I asked, not even realizing how much my heart was in this discussion.

Her smile turned genuine. “That was when I knew. That was the first time I knew.”

I sat back. “Huh,” was the only thing I could think to say. She took a shot on me, not knowing if she even wanted to, just to see what would happen.

“I suppose I should offer you the same courtesy,” I found myself saying out loud.

To my surprise, she shook her head no. “Expecting you to do that just because I did would be unfair,” she admitted. “I could have maybe hoped, but now that I told you the reason, I can’t ask it of you. That would be guilt-tripping.” She gave me a look and shrugged. “It’s context, I guess, but it was more to say, I know kind of where your head is at. Make the choice you’ll want to make, but I can’t, and won’t, force you. We’re adults, not kids. That’s why we’re going to college. You know what I want, you know what I did. And once you know what you want, you’ll do what you know you have to.” She got up and put her garbage in a nearby trash can, then approached me, still sitting down. “Just know that no matter what you’ll choose, you’ll always be special to me, somehow. I know we only really met in our last few weeks of high school, but you’ll always be my high school sweetheart.”

She leaned down and kissed me on the lips, then made a jokingly disgusted face. “Even if you do like mustard.”

I chuckled. “Thanks, Morgan. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“Yeah, I’ve given myself a lot to think about too,” she joked. “I’m sorry this situation has put a lot of pressure on you. Do what you want. I’ll be there for you.”

“Do you mind if I sit here alone for a bit? You should bowl for me.”

She smiled at me. “Sure.” She walked off, leaving me to stare at the table, thinking about everything she just said.

Not knowing what I wanted sucked. I couldn’t shake it, the feeling that Morgan was slipping away between my fingers, but I didn’t even know if I wanted to hold onto her. I didn’t know if I should do what she did and just bite the bullet and hope the relationship would work out. Hell, I wasn’t sure if a relationship could even go through that twice, certainly not after the strategy was laid out before both parties like that. I just had to make a decision about my life. I had to decide whether Morgan was going to be in it, or whether Morgan was going to attempt to be in it for as long as possible before inevitably giving up and fading away. Then we’d only have to look after ourselves in our own lives. It certainly sounded more peaceful… but…

But…

***

“But yeah, it’s been pretty normal with her,” Taylor admitted, flopping down on her beanbag chair. “Like, it’s weird. On one hand, it’s probably the most amount of drama we’ve been through. On the other, this is just how we, like, are. I bet if there wasn’t any drama between us for, like, three months, that would actually be worse for our friendship somehow.”

I nodded and sipped at the starbucks drink she got me, then took another sip. “Huh, this is pretty good,” I admitted. “What is this?”

“Iced coconut milk mocha macchiato,” she said as if that jumble of words came second nature to her. “It came out a few weeks ago. No joke, the first time I tried one, I was all, ‘oh, Quinn is gonna love this.’ Dunno why.”

“Wait, a beverage made you think of me?” I asked. “Why?”

“If only I had just answered that,” Taylor replied, eyelids lowered. She rolled her eyes and sipped her own beverage. “Anyway, how about you?”

“It’s hard to say,” I admitted. “Definitely way more complicated. On a whole we’re okay, but we keep talking about either what was or what will be. Never what is.”

“Ugh, if that isn’t a mood and a half,” Taylor moaned. 

“I’m glad to hear you two are okay. I feel bad for the few times I scared you into thinking she’d drop you as a friend or something.”

“Oh, whatever. I was probably being melodramatic anyway,” she waved it off, whipping out her phone. 

“Yeah, thank you. It’s actually really nice to hear you admit that, if I’m being honest,” I replied, still just awkwardly standing there.

Taylor took her eyes off her phone and a big grin spread on her chipmunk face, even with the straw still in her mouth. I hated how blinding and beautiful that smile was. “Hey Quinn, lil’ secret,” she told me. “When it’s Past Me and not Current Me, I’m as mean to myself as any other bitch.”

“Well, I don’t mean to be mean, just… critical,” I replied slowly, walking on eggshells.

“Cool, that’s what I meant, so yeah,” she replied. She sipped a little more, then admitted, “And speaking of, I’ve been thinking about stuff I said.” She sat up in the beanbag chair and I sat on the floor to face her. “It was probably uncool of me just to, like, bluntly say I’d never sleep with you again when she wasn’t even asking me, so I’m sorry.”

“Uh, hey, it’s cool, no worries,” I replied. “I mean, secrets were coming out anyway, and it’ll probably lead to less drama in the future.”

“I just, I meant what I said,” she kept going, as if I never said a word. “I don’t regret at all that we did it, but that felt… enough, you know? I’m happy we got to share that, and I think Morgan was kinda right, once we started, we kinda needed to see it through, even if it complicated things all to fuck. Sometimes I wonder if we should have hurried up and did it before you dated her.”

“I bet that would have just created different drama,” I replied.

She sipped from her straw. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” she admitted. “I guess I just wanted to say sorry for being, like…”

“Defensive?” I offered.

“I guess? More like… closed-minded. Like, we don’t know what’ll happen down the line. Maybe we’ll do something again if we happen to still see each other a lot. Who knows? Just definitely not like now.”

I moved my lips around in thought. “Taylor, to be completely honest, I want to ditch the ‘who knows.’”

She looked at me with a blank face, asking me wordlessly to continue.

“‘Who knows’ keeps everything ambiguous. You just talked about how important it was to just end things, some things, and not keep them going forever. The anticipation, the unknowing, the complications, it all leads to drama. If this is the way we’re going, I’d rather say ‘we’re going to stop now’ instead of saying ‘we’re going to stop for now.’ The future can still surprise us, but I’d rather go into it at least pretending to know what we want. Let’s admit that we enjoyed what happened, and that we want it to stop. No caveats or conditions. Just, ‘we’re going to stop now.’”

Taylor’s smile grew as I talked. “I think I actually like that, Quinn,” she murmured. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard from you. Give me a hug.”

She shot forward from the beanbag chair and gave me a warm, friendly hug. “I, like, totally agree,” she admitted. “That sounds like the best way to go forward with us. As, y’know, friends.”

“As friends,” I agreed.

Her smile got even bigger as she hugged me again.

***

“Okay,” I grunted, flexing my arm from lifting up a whole wardrobe. “What’s next?”

Morgan looked over all of her furniture tightly packed into the U-Haul. “I think that’s everything,” she commented, and sat down on the porch. I nearly collapsed alongside her. Physical labor wasn’t exactly my strong suit, but I agreed to help her, so I wanted to see the job done.

I panted a few times, looking over our handiwork. “So what’s next?”

“Tomorrow, Doug and I drive to my new place, and I leave with my stuff.”

“What, you’re doing both the packing and unpacking?” I asked. “That’s gotta be exhausting.”

Morgan chuckled and grabbed one of my hands, starting to play with it. “No, there’s some kind of program there. Some of the current student clubs help out with moving furniture in exchange for their time at the school clubs fair or something. It actually seems like a good system. I’ll be doing some of the lifting, but not all.”

“Oh, okay,” I replied with a nod. “Otherwise you’d ask me to come with you and help you there, I assume?”

“Oh come on, I’m not using you that much,” Morgan chuckled again, teasingly pushing my chest. Upon seeing her hand approach me, I winced and my hands went up in defense. 

She paused, then quietly moved her hands back to her side. “...Can I put my arm on your shoulder?” she asked timidly.

“Yeah, of course,” I replied. “I’m sorry, I dunno why I reacted the way I did.”

“You’re saying sorry because I did something terrible once,” she scoffed, putting her arm around me. “Stop that. I should be the one to apologize every time you do that.”

“I mean, it wasn’t even that hard. It didn’t actually hurt… well, I mean, physically.” My voice was as small as her. 

“Yo, move,” the assertive voice of Doug rang from behind us. I turned around to see him holding a box of something, and awkwardly shifted with Morgan’s arm around me to the edge of the porch. It didn’t give him enough room, so I lifted her arm off of me and walked off the porch to let Doug pass, then walked back, opting to remain standing.

“What’s in the box?” Morgan called out.

“Kitchen stuff. Mom and dad are giving it to you. They can tell you what’s in it,” he called back, finding a place to put it. 

Morgan and I looked back at each other, now in front of each other instead of next to each other. “I don’t blame you,” I continued. “For anything. People get mad in certain ways.”

“I’ve never hit anyone before,” she replied.

“Maybe you never got that mad at someone before,” I replied. “I was being a little… confrontational.”

“You’re seriously going to blame yourself for me hitting you? And for getting scared if I ever playfully, like, push you?” She rolled her eyes, even if sorrowfully. “C’mon. It’s okay. I just hope it’ll go away. I don’t want it to ever happen again.”

“I think I’d rather be okay with it being a part of you at your worst if it ever does happen again,” I replied thoughtfully. “If I truly believe it’ll never happen again, and it happens, then what?”

“Then I never deserved you,” Morgan scoffed, looking away.

“You deserve a lot, Morgan.”

“You’re more than a lot.” She said it effortlessly, as if it were obvious. “Want to scan over my room one last time? In case we forgot anything.”

“Sure,” I said with a shrug, offering my hand to help her stand up. The two of us left Doug outside and went inside, kicking off our shoes.

“Hey, Morgan!” Mr. Jones’ voice rang from the kitchen. “Did you get the box?”

“Doug brought it out to the truck, yeah,” Morgan replied swiftly.

“Do you think it’s enough?” Mrs. Jones added. “We know the cooking area will likely be small, but…”

“I don’t know, I never got to see what was inside. Doug told me to ask you.”

“We told Doug to show you what was inside,” Mr. Jones said back annoyedly.

“Well, he didn’t do that,” Morgan replied.

“Can you go outside and ask him to-”

“Can it wait a bit?” Morgan asked impatiently. “I, uh, have one more thing I need to do.”

Mr. Jones snorted. “Sure,” he said with a clearly frustrated voice.

The two of us went upstairs, with Morgan taking the lead, me in tow. “Why couldn’t you just ask Doug?” I asked.

“I didn’t really want to talk to him right now,” she answered. “It’s going to turn into some kind of ‘I’m better than you and know more’ speech from him somehow, or something is going to be my fault when it isn’t, and I’m under a lot of pressure as it is, and I just wanted to come here where it’s either going to be silent or your voice.” She flopped down on the bed (which she was allowed to keep in this room since her new dorm came with a bed), and Cheesecake started noisily bouncing around in his cage. “Or Cheesecake.”

Morgan was clearly under a lot of stress. I wasn’t sure if she really stopped drinking, but whether she had or hadn’t, she never mentioned it and never was even tipsy around me anymore, so clearly she was putting in the effort. It was clear that a lot was going on in her life right now, and, dumbly, only at that moment was when something clicked.

It was easy to see me and her friend group as the only things in her life, but Morgan had a whole life she was dealing with, and clearly, a lot of pressure. Maybe just from her family, maybe more. Sure, there was cheating and insults and hitting and breakups, but I couldn’t look at it as only that one night. Maybe things at home had been difficult for a while. I never asked. Maybe she was feeling inadequate, and was too shy to outright say that, even with her blunt nature. I never asked. Maybe her being single was hitting her doubly hard because not only was she losing me, she was losing her biggest supporter unabashedly being there for her, even if I was hesitantly there for her in other ways.

I never asked.

“Why are you still around, anyway?” Morgan asked. “You can move in any time now, right? MIT is farther away. Why’d you stay?”

I shrugged. “To be honest, a lot of it is probably just Mother,” I answered. “You know her - she both wants me out of the house making something of myself as soon as possible, and wants me under her roof for as long as she can make me until I have to go.”

Morgan nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like her,” she admitted. “How is she lately? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Oh, she’s like she always is,” I admitted. “Probably stressed with the whole empty nest thing. Father is too, but he’s, uh… emotionally stunted, I think, if I’m being honest.”

Morgan sat up and nodded, listening intently.

“I mean, I had to get it from someone,” I laughed nervously.

“I don’t think you’re emotionally stunted at all,” she replied. “I think you’re actually more like your mom than your dad. In a good way.”

“My mom’s a tradition-or-nothing fascist,” I joked.

“What’s your dad?” she asked with a smirk.

“A crash test dummy in a suit that learned about emotions by reading a book once,” I laughed. “I guess, yeah. I certainly stir the pot like she does.”

“You have your moments,” Morgan agreed. “How did she react to learning that we broke up?”

My mouth opened immediately, then slowly closed.

It didn’t take long for Morgan to catch on. “You never told her,” she murmured.

I scratched the back of my head. “Just because of the nature of how we broke up, it seemed… unwise. Everything is so volatile right now, and it feels like how we’re adopting changes every week, if not every day, and…” I hung my head. “Yeah. I should have told her. I will soon, I promise.”

I lifted my head and, to my surprise, saw Morgan smiling sweetly. “No, it’s okay,” she nearly whispered. “This is actually… I dunno, it’s kind of sweet. It’s like the one still living memory of it we have.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy playing along every so often,” I admitted, sitting down next to her. “God, we’re weird.”

“We’re not weird, our friendship is,” Morgan replied, playing with my hand again. “And, y’know, I could deal with us never being boyfriend and girlfriend again if we can just have what we have now. I’d, like, miss it, obviously, but… I’m still really lucky.”

“We’re still really lucky,” I corrected her.

She nodded. “Boyfriend and girlfriend are just labels anyway. There are boyfriends and girlfriends that hate each other. There are friends that love each other more than most couples will ever love. Like, even romantically, not just… emotional love or whatever.” She turned my hand over and started tracing lines on my palm.

“And then there’s whatever we are,” I said jokingly. I didn’t know why, but towards the end of that sentence, it felt like my heart caught up into my throat. I looked at Morgan, and she looked up from my hand at me, and at once, we were kissing again.

We still kissed occasionally since the breakup, but it was getting rarer and rarer; it was like the reality of our breakup was only slowly settling in. Plus, our more recent kisses were getting more and more tame and polite, as opposed to passionate. Not like this. This was like… two teens that recently broke up, kissing in the girl’s room with both teens knowing it was going to be the last time they lived in the same city for a very long time.

Our kisses weren’t tame, nor polite. They were invasive, and hungry, and knowing. We knew our situation, and we knew what came next. We knew this would be the last time, and above all, we knew what we wanted. We had gone from embracing each other in our arms to me being on top of her, our lips locked, our tongues fighting, my pelvis grinding against hers. Our lips practically never left each other’s in that time. 

As our lips departed, our eyes opened at the same time. Her beautiful green eyes carried a want - no, a need that needed to be fulfilled. Couple or not, and at this point, who the hell knew, it was clear that this felt right, and okay. This is what we both wanted.

“Do you feel it too?” I practically whispered.

“I want to have sex with you,” she agreed. “If you want it with me. If that’s too much, I understand.”

“No, it’s okay,” I reassured her. “Just as long as you know that it doesn’t mean-”

“It means us sharing this moment together, and that’s all I care about,” she breathed.

We kissed again, briefly, and broke away. Instead of changing at the same time, she just smiled as I took off my shirt.

“You look good,” she remarked.

I chuckled. It felt like our ‘breakup’ happened just recently, but a fair bit of time had actually elapsed. Long enough to make the break between meaningful, anyway. As silly as it seemed, us seeing each other naked again was a big thing for us. I jokingly flexed with my shirt off, knowing I didn’t really have any noticeable muscles or anything, but Morgan just chuckled and bit her lip. 

“Oh come on,” I laughed. “There’s nothing here.”

“You’re you,” she said sweetly. “I’ve learned to see that as the most attractive thing ever.”

I smiled and shook her head. If we didn’t get back together, God help her next boyfriend. I took my pants and socks off, then stopped, motioning to her, smiling.

She gave a nervous smile and got up off the bed, fiddling with her blouse. I was glad to see her wearing something other than old hoodies again. She was even wearing makeup again, even if it was seemingly just for me today. When the blouse was off, she modeled herself in her bra and jeans, grabbing her hefty boobs and squeezing them a little, winking at me. 

I shook my head, smiling. “They’re easier to work with without the bra in the way, you know.”

“Wow, good suggestion,” she sarcastically quipped, reaching behind her and undoing the bra. I could see her holding her breath and the bra fell off her chest, revealing her breasts in all their glory to me. Her nipples were clearly already hard, something that happened frequently after our kissing sessions. She resumed playing with her breasts for me, this time rolling her nipples between her fingers and closing her eyes sensually.

“It’s better when you play with them,” she breathed.

“Want to leave the pants on or off?” I asked.

“Get over here.”

Moments later, Morgan was up against the wall, moaning and cooing lightly as I kissed and licked her left nipple whilst playing with the right with my free hand. Morgan’s left hand was busy against the wall keeping her steady while her right was sliding up and down the crotch of my pants, tracing and rubbing over my dick print. She could definitely feel it moving and jumping in my pants, though to be fair, I could hear her heartbeat through her chest, and knew her pussy was throbbing too.

My tongue, lips, and teeth all worked tirelessly to make her moan, and soon she was, as loudly as she thought she could get away with given her parents were downstairs. We were used to being quieter when they were home, but given they knew we had broken up, today of all days wouldn’t have been a great day to get caught. 

After a few minutes, Morgan gently brought my head up and then, suddenly, forced me against the wall, where she feverishly ground up against me and made out for a few more seconds. It was clear what was coming next.

“D-do you have…” I breathed once the kiss ended.

“Shit. Fuck,” Morgan cursed, then thought to herself.

“It’s okay, we can j-”

“No. Either you’re telling me to stop or this is happening,” Morgan insisted. “I don’t fucking care. Do you care?”

Morgan’s chest rose and fell with her breathing, and eventually her eyes got misty. I looked at her intently, probably mirroring her look. We both could see the look in each others’ eyes.

“We’re supposed to be safe,” I said weakly. “You could get pregnant. We’re going to different cities.”

“It’s a safe time in my cycle,” she replied quickly. “I can get a morning-after pill. I’ll handle it. We’ll be safe.”

A silence tore between us. “It’s either that or we stop,” she added.

“We’re really going to do this? As a choice?” I asked her.

“I think you already know the answer,” she replied. “Do you want me to convince you either way?”

I shook my head. “You’re taking care of everything, right? We’re being safe?” Morgan eagerly nodded and got onto the bed, laying down.

“Okay,” I cautiously replied, feeling giddy. We were going to have unprotected sex. I was going to be completely inside Morgan, on purpose. “From the front or from behind?” I asked.

“I want to look you in the eyes,” she requested. “If this is our last time…”

I was tempted to add, “And who knows if it is?” But that was a Who Knows. I needed to be a man of my word. The future will speak for itself, and our bodies will tell us when they’ve decided. In the here and now, we just knew that, whatever we were, we wanted this. Once we were in position we locked eyes, and smiled. 

There was a nervousness I felt while lining myself up with her. It was similar to my first time. Our first time together. This heady giddy nervousness that made us smile as we locked eyes and I slid inside. I think Morgan felt it too, because I could see the giddiness in her face, and I could feel the eagerness throughout her whole body.

She shuddered, feeling me sink inside her. Her hand went down to her clit, instantly starting to play with it, her eyes going back. “Fuck,” she moaned. 

I allowed her some time to get used to the intrusion then slowly began to move my hips back and forth, her little moans getting me into a good rhythm. I felt the joy of our entire relationship and beyond flood me as I’m sure Morgan felt the same feelings flooding her.

I gripped the bedsheets, working my hips for all they were worth to ram her. I knew how she liked it. This was Morgan’s favorite. I was Morgan’s favorite, and I was going to give her exactly what she wanted. Reaching forward, I gripped her neck, making sure to put pressure at the sides of her neck. Morgan adopted this cute longing look as she realized what I was doing.

“Look at you, being confident…” she moaned.

“You want it,” I growled back. 

Her hands went up to stroke my arms, feel my chest, anything she could do to feel close to me. She started audibly moaning, her body shaking. Her eyes refocused on mine, and her face transformed into a squinty smile, even with my hand on her neck.

“That all you got?” she purred. Her pelvis started going up to meet mine, challenging me. Both her words and her body were asking me who was in charge, and I was determined to win this battle.

I moved my hips back more, slamming into her, making the bed itself start to move. I took my hand off of her throat, looked at her cocky smile, and playfully yet with just enough force, slapped her across the face. She instantly moaned and arched her back, enjoying herself thoroughly. 

“Who owns you?” I demanded.

Her eyes refocused. “Who? Nobody. We broke up, remember?”

“Don’t play games,” I told her, slamming into her particularly hard for full effect. “You already know in your heart. Use your words, Morgan. Who has full access to your body?”

“Ungghhh…” she moaned, feeling a wave of pleasure take up her body. “You do, Quinnnn…” 

I moved my hips around while inside her, stopping my thrusting for just a moment, letting her feel me fully in her for a few seconds more. “And why do I have full access?”

“Because I’m yoursss…” she moaned. “I’m your slut, Quinn. I’m your anything. Your friend, your fuckbuddy, your soulmate. Fucking name it, I’m yours.”

I smiled, and kissed her deeply. “Good girl,” I growled before resuming my act. With every thrust, Morgan was beginning to grip me more and more tightly. Every slam of my dick inside of her tight, eager, beautiful pussy made it more and more clear that Morgan was about to climax. 

Morgan made a new sound I’d never heard from her before as she came. It was indescribable. It was like a mix of rapture and pure fulfillment. I felt her body practically vibrating on the bed, feeling her inner walls ripple, and knew that if I didn’t get off too, she’d always remember that about this last hoorah of ours. So I kept going, lowering my head, knowing her climax was still surging through her but hoping she’d still enjoy my continued efforts as I now focused just a little more on myself.

I felt her hot breath on my ear as I kept going. “Do it, Quinn,” she whispered. “Fuck me. I want you to cum for me. Please. I want to remember this moment forever. This is so special to me. You’re so special to me.”

Her words kept me going, and right when I was getting close, I felt a surge of realization hit me. I knew in my head that this was going to be our last time for a while, even if we got back together later on, but only now did my heart know. This was us saying goodbye to each other, or at least, promising to see each other later. 

“I… I love you, Morgan…” I managed.

“I love you too,” she moaned with no hesitation. “I always will. I’m so happy we’re here, like this. Please… please do it.”

My mind was in a fog, a fog named Morgan. Just as much as she was mine, I was hers, and we both knew it. Our lives belonged to each other, even if they wouldn’t in the future. We were here, now, with each other, and it was everything we needed. All of the pain of our worst moments, all of the awkwardness, all of the drama, and the thought of anyone else, all melted away when I felt my orgasm approach.

I’m sure I made an equally dumb sound when I shot my load inside her. One thing was for sure: it felt like the largest load I’d ever shot in my life. And it was inside Morgan. I almost lamented it being the last time with her for a second, but just as the biggest wave of pleasure hit me, I could hear a little voice in my imagination telling me:

“You don’t actually think this is going to be your last time with her, do you? Come on.”

I came down from my high, breathing and wheezing, feeling her supportive hands caressing my back. My lips were lazily leaving little kisses on her neck between breaths. Our skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, our hair all over the place. 

Morgan spoke first, once our breathing had calmed down. “What a note to end on. I’m so happy we did this.”

“I bet your parents heard what we did…” I nervously replied.

I slid out of her and collapsed next to her as she shrugged. “They were teenagers once. I’m sure they get this stuff is complicated. They’re probably not thrilled if they just heard their daughter doing it, but… who cares?”

I turned to her and grinned. “Why do I feel like you never had that attitude with any other person you’ve been with?”

She grinned back, still staring at the ceiling. “Ha, yup. You got it.” She shifted to look at me. “I assume this doesn’t change what we are…?”

“Do you think it does?” I asked.

She shook her head no with a slight smile. “I don’t think so, still feels like limbo to me. I just wanted to check.”

“Limbo sounds good for now. Feelings are so complex.”

“Fuck brains.”

I chuckled. “Yup, fuck brains.” I paused, then looked back at the ceiling. “Can I be cheesy for a bit?”

“Go ahead.”

“I feel like our souls have already figured it out,” I started slowly. “I think they already know what’s in store for us, but it just takes a while to reach our minds and bodies. I think our souls have made the decision, and we’ll just find out what that decision is.”

“Hmm,” she hummed. “Yeah, that was cheesy.” We shared a chuckle. “I hope our bodies and minds catch up quickly then.”

We lay there for a bit and started spooning when she sighed happily. “I think I know what you mean,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“I think it doesn’t come all at once. Like, I don’t know if it’s in our destiny to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, but…”

“We’re still going to be very involved in each other’s lives, yeah,” I finished softly.

She turned back to look at me. “That was, no lie, almost word for word what I was going to say.” She kissed me on the nose, then turned back around. “We should probably get dressed soon. Even if they didn’t hear, mom and dad probably have more things for us to do.”

“We have a whole future to prepare for,” I added.

“I’m excited,” Morgan nearly whispered. And, to be honest, I got it. I was too. Once I calmed down from my orgasm, I expected the pain of our past to come back to me - it hung like a cloud over me ever since our fight - but… it hadn’t come back yet. Maybe it was gone. Maybe this was our time to move on and become… whatever we were going to become next. It was going to be nothing like what we were before, but that was okay.

“And…” she added, impossibly even quieter than before. “...Thanks for not giving up on me. I know I gave you a lot of reasons.”

“You gave me more reasons to stay,” I told her warmly. “That’s why I’m still here. And even when you move away, I’ll still be here.”

She turned back. “Here?” she asked jokingly, motioning around her room. 

I shook my head no. “Here,” I replied emphatically, pointing to her heart.

She grinned and lifted her head up fully, throwing her pillow at me. “That was the cheesiest shit ever!” she complained with a laugh. I laughed too, but I was also happy. I didn’t wince when she threw the pillow. I didn’t feel the need to defend myself. I just… felt fine. I felt really fine.

It was crazy how, only a few months ago, I would have given up anything to be someone else. I wasn’t excited to be me. I guess I was still looking forward to being someone else at this point, but that was because I was looking forward to seeing who I was going to become, knowing Morgan was still in my life, knowing that we didn’t lose each other after all. I was excited to be me, and I was excited to see what kind of me I would be in the future. Even if I was moving away, I knew that I had friends like Taylor and Lexi and Milo and Crystal. And after a lengthy test of our bond, I had Morgan. And we were going to discover our futures together, being there for each other every step of the way.