Agatha Allbut was a nerd. Not a hot nerd, like Willow or Velma, but a real, true to life NERD. She would have fit in with Lewis and Booger and the rest of the Tri Lams if she had been alive in the eighties. She looked just like one would expect a girl with that name to look; 5'1", 95 pounds, measurements of 32A-26-31, long, mousy brown hair perpetually tied back in a ponytail, pale, oily skin, thick glasses and, of course, braces.
Junior High had been miserable for Agatha, and high school had already proven to be worse. She was already self-conscious when her AP International Studies teacher announced a family lineage project, Agatha could only wish that the ground would open and swallow her whole; she was going to have to stand up in front of her classmates and tell them about her family history, and the meaning of her name.
The name Agatha was derived from a Latin word that means “good”. Her surname was Germanic in origin, originally spelled Albodo, which was a common name formed by combining two words: Adal, meaning “noble”, and Bodo, meaning “messenger”. Despite the meaning of her name, “Good and Noble Messenger'', Agatha knew what her classmates would think. Soon they would start calling her “Good, All-Butt”. That was going to be her name as long as she lived in this one-horse town. Of course, the inevitable happened; as soon as the 3rd period ended the gossip mill had spread her new nick-name all over school. Though it took time, eventually most of her classmates moved on to other targets. As cruel as her classmates could be, none were as harsh and abusive as Bree and Pris, co-captains of the Varsity cheerleaders, the school’s queen bitches; bottle-blonde alpha girls with fake tits and faker noses, as mean as they were popular.
At a pep rally, Agatha watched the cheerleaders thinking, ‘They look like a bunch of bimbos.’ From that day on, she called them the Bimbo Squad, even referring to them that way, in an op-ed she sent to t\he school's newspaper, calling for disbanding the cheer squad. That letter didn't win her many friends, and her time at school didn't get any easier. Fortunately, the final semester of her senior year had just started and she would soon be leaving Podunk and heading to school at Bryn Mawr, exactly 2,487.379 miles from her door to the main entrance of the campus.
Agatha was a math genius and a master of numbers. She could do calculations in her head that would baffle computers. She could estimate sizes and distances to within six-thousandths of an inch.
Agatha ordered a yearbook, not sure why, because she only had one fond memory of her high school years, and it didn't even happen at school. Even that memory was tainted by the bimbo squad. It happened just before midterms.
Just before midterms, Agatha began tutoring a freshman that lived right next to her crush, Lars. Lars was the hottest, richest and most popular boy at St. Sextus Academy. She had first met him on her second day of Jr. High and before she even heard his name she knew he was going to be her first lover. She had a huge crush on him, even bigger than the one Farkle had on Maya and Riley.
As Agatha and the freshman tried to solve for X, the sounds of a party next door kept distracting her pupil. All of the popular kids were at Lars’ weekly beer bash. His parents were always traveling, dealing with the clients of the International Law firm they founded. Frustrated by the excessive noise, Agatha decided enough was enough and headed over to make Lars turn the music down.
Agatha timidly walked into the wall of noise emanating from the McMansion and went looking for Lars. She heard people yelling “Chug, chug, chug, chug,” and assumed that Lars was the one being cheered on. She followed the noise and found him standing in front of a keg, high fiving his loyal flunkies. She tapped him on his shoulder. Lars turned around drunkenly and looked at Agatha without really seeing her. Agatha opened her mouth to speak, and suddenly it was filled with a tongue. Her body stiffened, she inhaled sharply through her nose and then it occurred to her; Lars was kissing her. She was making out with her crush!
Without thinking, she allowed her eyes to close and her body to melt into his arms. She let her crush explore her mouth with his tongue and savored every second of their intimacy. Part of Agatha was hoping the kiss would never end, but her brain was screaming that she needed to get the hell out of there; it was only a matter of time before Bree, Bimbo Squad leader, and Lars' girlfriend, would find them. Bree wouldn't care that Lars was too drunk to realize he was kissing Agatha.
Just as Agatha relaxed and began to enjoy the amazing kiss, her first one ever, a blinding white light lit up under Agatha's eyelids as her head was jerked off the luscious lips she had been savoring. Her head was forced back so far that she lost her balance and fell to the ground.
Blinking away the spots floating in her eyes, she looked up and saw Pris, Bree, and the rest of the Bimbo Squad standing over her, all of them looking pissed. "What the FUCK do you think you're doing, you freak of nature," Pris hissed at Agatha.
Agatha audibly swallowed, and before she could say anything, Bree kicked her in the side. Agatha almost passed out from the pain. "That's enough!" a voice boomed throughout the room silencing everyone at the party.
Agatha opened her eyes and saw Lars looking down at her with what appeared to be genuine concern. The look on Lars' face made Agatha even more nervous.
"Are you okay?" he asked. Agatha nodded, mentally and physically bracing for the physical and emotional attacks that the bimbo squad was about to unleash on her. Lars offered her his hand and helped her to her feet. Agatha reluctantly took it and felt electricity flow through her body. "Come lie down in my parents' room until you feel better." Without letting go of her hand, he led her past the hostile stares of the bimbo squad.
"Uhh, no! Thanks. I gotta go," Agatha gushed, pulling her hand out of his, she dashed toward the door.
As she started down the steps, she could hear Lars attempting to calm Bree. She paused to listen, "Bree, that was my fault! I felt a hand on my shoulder and thought it was you. I spun around and went for the kiss. I didn't know it was Agatha!"
"Why the fuck was that loser weirdo here anyway?" Bree demanded
"You know everyone is welcome at my parties. No exceptions. If you don't like my guests you're free to party elsewhere."
Agatha smiled at those words. It was the first time anyone had ever come to her defense, and it made her feelings toward Lars grow stronger. Even though she would never go to one of his parties, just knowing that she was welcome made her smile. Having Lars tell off his bimbo squad girlfriend put a small spring in her step as she walked home, forgetting about her tutoring session.
The following Monday at school, Agatha was sure that everyone was gossiping about her. The sidelong glances and subtle gestures were a dead giveaway. She sunk into her seat, dreading another day in this hell hole, reminding herself that soon she would graduate and head off to an Ivy League school without any of her classmates.