Back in happier marriage times, when my husband and I had both started experimenting with our wants, needs, and desires, I had purchased a sex toy. It wasn't anything frivolous if such a thing can be said about adult playthings, it was just a plain dildo, flesh colored with a large vein running from underneath the cock head to near the base. I had purposely looked for one that was similar in size and girth to my husband, so it seemed as realistic as possible. Anything that was too large, long or thick and not 'human colored' would not have felt right, and to both Darrin and I at the time, would have been downright laughable. A blue rubber cock? No thank you, we both agreed. 

It was not meant to be, however, in this fantasy bedroom threesome between me, my husband and the dildo. He seemed to lose interest in all things sexual, so the sex toy stayed unopened in it's original packaging, and the original place in which we had hidden it, never to be touched or see the light of the day. 

My anal sex fantasy is in fact becoming an all-consuming thought, and I find myself thinking about it whenever I have a spare moment, although the thought does not - and cannot - stay contained to a 'safe' time for my mind to mull it over. At inopportune times, I find myself wondering about it, and sometimes the image will flash in my mind of me being on all fours, a man behind me with his cock lined up to my asshole, ready to penetrate. I suppose if Darrin had been willing to try anal sex, then I would not be as obsessed with it. Or maybe I still would? But my asshole held no appeal to him, so I was, and still am left to speculate and fantasize as to the nature of anal sex, and what it feels like. 

Of course it has occured to me that I do have a cock at my disposal and that I could go right ahead and use the sex toy the next time I masturbate. That would put me out of my misery, and I could experience anal sex, or some form of it, for real instead of thinking about it constantly. But everytime I think about it, and come close to going to the bedroom and retiriving it from the hiding place, nerves kick in and I feel very hesitant. There is something rather intimidating about sex toys, in whichever form they take, and for someone like me, who has never used them before, it may take a while to get used to them and how they make me feel. One of these days though, I will march straight to the closet in my bedroom, open the secret little compartment at the back and get the package that has been sitting there for nearly eight years. I will tear open the light cardboard box, take away the plastic and I will marvel at the cock in my hand. 

The rubber cock would be cold, very cold, from being all alone in his small, dark house for years but I will warm it up in my hands until it has taken on my body temperature. I would suck it, as if it were a real cock, making it hit the back of my throat several times so I gagged and choked. I did always like gagging on a cock. I would get some lubricant from my bedside table and squeeze a liberal amount onto the dildo until it glistened with the thick goo that would make entry easier. I would also apply a little more lube to my finger, so I could finger my own ass and get myself prepped, as I had read somewhere that foreplay was extremley important for anal sex. 

It would feel a little odd at first, to have a finger in my ass, but it would feel so good as well. The forbidden nature of anal sex is what appeals to me the most, so to be fingering my own ass in preparation for the main event, is very naughty and very forbidden. It gets me everytime. I had decided long ago that I would go and sit at my dressing table, so I could see myself in the large mirror. My eyes would run all over my body and I would marvel at how good I looked and how sexy I still was for someone of my age. Even if my husband didn't appreciate it, I would still appreciate myself. 

I would watch myself handle the cock and I would rub it as if it were real. Leaning back in the chair I would part my pussy lips and run a finger over my clitoris, circling the little bud a few times before going further and pressing a finger inside my pussy. With my other hand, I would do the same with the cock and run the tip over my clit, circling it and then going further down, removing the finger from my pussy, replacing it with the toy. 

I would watch the expression on my face change as I penetrated my pussy with the dildo, thrusting it in and out, the lubricant I had applied mixing with my own arousal and pussy juice. I would bring myself to the edge of orgasm, my nipples standing stiffly to attention underneath the thin material of the bra I would be wearing. I would look at myself in the mirror and notice that my face had gone pink from the near-orgasmic action. A coy little smile would dance on my lips, for what was to happen next. 

I would stand on shaky legs and put the dildo on the chair, holding it at the base so it stayed firmly in place as it headed towards its target. I would slowly lower myself down onto the dildo, feeling the tip at my asshole, my most secret and forbidden place. At what point the intrusion would start to hurt a little, I honestly do not know. I imagine it would start to be painful as more of the head entered me, stretching the first ring of muscle, the same as when a woman loses her vaginal virginity and her walls are stretched to accommodate the penis. 

I may see myself wincing in the mirror, the first flash of pain showing on my face. I may feel like stopping for a bit, or I may go on, telling myself that soon it would pleasurable. I prefer the second option, of continuing on and working through the slight pain I may feel. I would slowly fuck myself down onto the cock, feeling my ass stretch around the dildo. I have been told that a feeling of 'fullness' may accompany the feeling of being stretched, which I find somehow appealing. To feel full of cock, does not seem bad to me. 

I would not take the cock all the way inside me that first time. It may feel a bit overwhelming, so I would only take what I was comfortable with. I would look at my reflection and see a cock in my ass and my fingers touching my clit, and I would be the most aroused I had ever felt, I just know I would feel that way. I would move myself up and down on the cock, a moan escaping my lips. Looking into my eyes in the mirror, I would see my own lust, true and proud as I fucked my ass. 

"Fuck me," I say, at first in a small voice, imagining it was a man having my asshole for the first time. "Fuck my ass," I would continue, starting a chant. "Fuck my ass, oh my God, fuck my ass." Faster and faster I would move on top of the cock, my fingers rubbing my clit, mimicking the speed of my hips going up and down. 

"Fuck my ass," I would cry out louder, watching the changing expressions on my face as I grew closer to my climax. My moans would change to breathless panting, my clit tingling underneath my fingers. "Fuck fuck, fuck." I would repeat my anal sex mantra as the dildo filled me and my fingers played. 

Watching my eyes widen in the mirror, my mouth forming an almost perfect O shape as I came, my nipples hard, my clit throbbing, my body shaking and my little asshole spasming around the cock. 

"My God," I would say, breathing heavily, my body spent in the chair and my face red from the elation one felt, post orgasm.