I'm Andy: a mid-thirties IT professional. My love life wasn't great - mostly as I was working away a lot, so I decided to apply for The Love Show where experts match couples and valiantly hope that they find love in ten episodes.
I explained to the panel that simply, too much work meant I wasn't at home enough to sustain relationships, but that had changed recently as I had taken a new job that explicitly had minimal travel. I'm not a very picky person on whom I date with several exceptions.
Firstly, after having chronic childhood asthma and still having some lingering remnants, I completely avoid smokers. Secondly, I've had enough medical needles over the years to never want an unnecessary needle in my skin - aka Tatts, so really, I'd like a partner with natural skin! While I haven't got kids, I'm open to the idea with the right person, but there has never been family pressure to settle down and produce. "Work hard enough to enjoy life" is my family's ethos.
My expectations were realistic: While I hoped to find the lady that I would spend the rest of my life with, worst-case, I wanted someone that I could enjoy their time with until such time as we mutually decided that the egg timer had run out of sand. My attitude was going to be neither doormat, nor Pitbull. I understood there would hopefully be more good times than less good times as two strangers got to know each other’s good and less so points. Generally, I let the less so-sos slide and focus on the more so-sos.
After the usual rigmarole, I was selected to be one of the lucky ones who would meet their selected match at the altar. I had just changed jobs and had a lot on my plate, so I didn't think too much about the upcoming experience, except that as usual, I would give it my best, straight shot.
What do I say for my vows? I thought. Honestly, I thought that a lot of the vows I'd seen on these shows were either waffly or pure BS. My job involves writing clear, concise, and legible plans and documents, so my vows would document me in a friendly, but concise manner. I had a plan, but I decided that the actual words would come from my heart at the altar.
I have an excellent formal suit that I wear when appropriate. It makes me look like neither 007 nor Hagrid though! I decided that I would wear this to the wedding, with the usual formal attire. I've got a crop cut which hasn't ever changed. Apart from its regular sheep shear as I call it, I did nothing to that either.
Coming to the altar, I was at peace. I've done a lot of Triathlons and Marathons, and the nervy effects are similar: just no enormous queue for the Portaloos. The solution is identical too: look forward to the event and relax.
The moment had arrived, I realised as a tallish, slender lady walked up the aisle in a fitted white dress with a short train walked towards me. From my observations, she was wearing neutral makeup and minimal jewelry. My impression was that while she was in a wedding dress, it reflected her core style. Inwardly I smiled as some brides like to show off [their skin].
She came to the altar, and I looked into her eyes, put out my hand, and said softly with a gentle smile, "Hi, I'm Andy."
She took my hand gently, looked into my eyes, and reciprocated the smile saying, "Hi Andy, I'm Sarah. Are you nervous?"
Softly, I replied, "They are serving me, not me serving them. Are you?"
She said, "I am."
I replied, "Can I help to relax you?" She nodded gently, so I continued with a softer tone. I placed my left hand on my bottom side rib, "Please put your hand on my hand." She did. I placed my right hand on my collarbone, and she put hers on mine.
I said, "Feel me breathe in and you try that, then you'll feel me breathe out. If you're comfortable?" She nodded and I breathed up from my left hand to my right hand, then back down. I saw her take my lead, so I repeated twice more, which she followed.
"Now please say, 'An apple and an orange are a basic desert'" and smiled. She smiled back and repeated it back and gently ranked her fingertips over my right hand.
We heard an "eh" from her family and she smiled back at them, shrugging and conveying It was BS but relaxing BS to her family.
The officiant started the ceremony, then prompted me for my vows. I took out the cards that I had been given by the crew to write them on. Actually, I'd used them for general brainstorming and had humoured the crew by writing on the set. I had a spare, blank set in my pocket.
I bowed formally to Sarah and presented the blanks to her which elicited a quizzical look on her face.
"These are the blank pages that we start to write our story on. I hope it will be a long and colourful story.
I am your co-author in this story. I promise to be with you, holding your hand when needed, kicking your ankle when needed, smiling, or not-so-smiling! I do this out of honesty, respect, and trust for you, our relationship, and myself. I am not perfect: when I burn the dinner I hope you realise that I may have got distracted" and flickered my eyelids at her, causing hers to arch, "But I will learn from the burn next time and, like our story, another chapter will start to be written." I nodded in conclusion.
She smiled, took my hand, and rubbed her thumb over my top. I saw her do the up-and-down breathing that I had just taught her.
Smiling at me, she said in a low voice that only I could hear, "I had some vows written and I'll tell you them later, " then raised her voice a gentle notch so that everyone could hear, "Co-Author, I promise to cause the dinner to be burned, " a laugh from the gathered, "to write in colour, pencil or pen. From the heart, wrist, and head. Honestly and respectfully. May we write it together."
I bent down to kiss her hand, lingering on her eyes first, but breaking away before my lips touched the hand, then smiled.
We heard "Ummmm" from the gathered. We had both winged it, I realised.
I took the ring out of my pocket, and opened it, presenting it to her as she slid out her ring finger. I said, "May this be the first of many times I put this or another ring onto this finger," and slid it gently on.
She took out her ring box and opened it, then placed it on my finger as the officiant said, "Andy and Sarah are joined. They may now kiss."
Looking at her, I cocked my head in questioning this. She pursed her lips in thought, then ding-tapped her finger on my hand. I got the message, so I peck-kissed her which she briefly held, then we turned around to the room and walked down the aisle.
As we exited, still with the cameras in our faces, I took out the ring box and whispered into her ear "Itches", took off the ring and placed it in the box, placed her hand over mine as I placed it in my breast pocket saying, "It's on my heart now," and continued, "I like your style: your dress suits you. Should have said sooner."
She briefly rubbed her head on my shoulder, then playfully and gently pinched the side of my jacket and trousers, "Fitted suit: yours?" I understood that she was being guardedly playful and affectionate, but serious at the same time in checking out my suit. I returned the head rub and she continued, "Mum says that a guy in a fitted suit is a good fit, but a tight-fit suit means he'll hit the mirror more than a girl!"
I laughed and rubbed her hand.
We walked gently down to the meadow where the photographer was waiting. I whispered into her ear, "I do want to kiss you, but maybe later?" While I was definitely attracted to her, I wasn’t nowhere near ready for a pash and wanted our first proper kiss to be right and one we’d remember for the right reasons.
She said, "Thanks, why don't we get some fun shots to break the ice?"
I replied, "Maybe we do the wrapped around to please them, then you lead?"
The photographer called us in and we stood in front of her as Sarah scooched back into my chest, placed her hands on mine, and looked up into my spectacled eyes, I repeated the down-up-down breathing and felt her sync into my rhythm and we joined rhythm. We stood there reciprocating the relaxation breathing as the shots were taken.
"Now let's have some shots of you kissing," the photographer said. Sarah's fingertips play-raked my hands as her signal that she'd lead.
I played along and we faced each other, then she put her arms around me which I reciprocated. Her head moved in close to mine and mine came close to hers.
"Nice shots: now the kiss" we heard.
Sarah made a growl at me and I growled back.
"WHAT" called out the shooter and someone from the crew.
"Humour us, " I called out and resumed my growl. Click
I playfully arched my back and looked down at the floor. She arched her back and looked down saying, "Shoot" Click, and I tickled her side.
We did a couple more lead-and-follows calling the shot to the increasingly irked shooter and crew.
Softly I said, "Humour them, then we can eat?"
She replied, "Co-author, I like the story so far."
We held hands and leaned in, pursing our lips as we gently touched lips. Click caused us to straighten as we smiled at the shooter for a final shot.
Walking back, I said, "There are two ways to get to know someone, deeply and slowly or shallow and fast," and got a single finger slide over my hand in response. My desired response
She said, "The breathing technique works, " and smiled, "Is that how it's properly done?"
I replied, "Hands: not exactly but it was the appropriate way." She snuggled into me as we walked.
We walked into the dinner venue to Cheers and stood at the head table holding hands.
I looked into her eyes saying, "I stand here a grateful man. Grateful for the lady who fills my vision, eager to get to know her well, honestly, and respectfully. I thank your family and the attending guests. My ring is on my heart along with Sarah where both belong."
She replied, "I don't have a bad view either, my ring is on my finger like your fingers are," and flickered her eyelids at me, shrugged her shoulders, and looked me in the eyes smiling a gentle smile which I reciprocated.
During dinner, we asked the normal icebreakers: career, location, travel, and kids (none on both sides). I asked if she was allergic to anything and replied, "Nothing: thanks for asking" and placed her head briefly on my shoulder. I replied, "Peanuts and shellfish: low grade" and she replied, "Not mad on them much."
We mingled in the room and I met her sister and parents. They were polite and her mum said, "You threw her with the vows: different and thoughtful” and smiled approvingly. Phew, I thought.
Soon it was time to head off to the car for our first night together. On entering the car, we belted up and snuggled into each other, relaxing wordlessly.
We had the camera crew follow us into the room. Before us was the bed with roses, a bottle of champagne on the side, and some chocolates. We stood there in reflection and I asked, "Have them now or get changed into something comfy?"
She smiled and replied, "Comfy. Maybe sample the chocolate but I don't want the hit this late. Can I inspect your shirt?" We walked in and closed the door.
I nodded and she undid my jacket's three buttons, then playfully pinched my shirt on the side, reached up, and peck-kissed me again. "Fitted."
I returned her peck kiss and asked, "Need help?". She pecked back, so I reached behind, found her zip, and undid it, playfully sliding a finger down her spine, causing a gentle shudder. "I'll change in the bathroom: I need less space?" I offered and she rubbed her head on my shoulder again.
This seems to be our affirmation, I realised.
I dug out blue jeans and a blue polo shirt from my luggage and blue retired runners, then took it into the bathroom while she changed.
Leaving the bathroom, saw her in black jeans and a black long-sleeved Icebreaker zip top that traced her figure gently and dark trainers. I flicked my eyebrows at her which elicited a smile. "Eat them here or on the deck?" I asked.
She picked them up and nodded towards the door motioning her free hand for mine to join it. We were followed out by the crew again, but implicitly we had decided to let them do their thing as we did ours. While we were playing by the rules, we had implicitly tweaked them from Union to League. The other players will have to adapt
On the deck, we found a wall overlooking the garden where she put the chocs. It was a clear night, and the stars were out. She slid her back onto my chest again and rested her head on my collar. I placed on hand gently on her stomach. She put her hands on mine, and I reached around, took a chocolate, and placed it in her mouth. Her head turned and she placed it on my lips, touching hers on mine. We bit down on it and kissed while eating, then our lips parted but heads not. My free hand went over hers.
Silently, we stood there, feeling our breathing slow as we soaked in the scene. I gently slid down the wall, so we were sitting on the deck and we entered a deeper relaxation.
I felt the sun gently hitting my eyes and realised we were still entwined against the wall, but someone had gently placed a large blanket over us seemingly after we had fallen asleep.
I gently rubbed my chin on her shoulder, slowly waking her, but realising we still had company!
She turned her head into me and gave me a gentle kiss, which I returned.
"Stay here or breakfast?" I asked. She drew two fingers across my hand, then a single one in reply.
I looked up at the crew, saying "Can we get breakfast out here?" and someone left.
We shed the blanket and got up, slowly stretching, then gently walking around.
"I didn't expect that to be our first night: falling asleep under the stars," she said, turning in to kiss me gently to which I responded likewise.
"I'm not complaining: I had a great view," I responded and rubbed my head on hers.
She rubbed her head in response as we saw that breakfast magically appeared ahead.
On the table was an envelope labelled ANDY AND SARAH. We arched our eyebrows at each other wondering what the payload would be. She nodded at me, so I opened it.
"Your honeymoon is Valuka Resort, Tonga," it said, and I presented it to her, smiling.
She smiled and said, "Never been to Tonga, you?"
I replied, "Twice: first, after that big blow and second after the wave. Ex-colleagues got a contract to do surveying. They hit me up to do support," and I explained that this meant that while they were out flying surveys, I was stuck in a hangar on a pair of laptops doing the boring stuff, but we did have a day off at the end where we briefly explored but mostly snorkelled.