As I expect you've heard, Amanda and I are lovers. Intensely so. We're travelling from place to place and passing our time by eating, shopping, drinking and fucking.
Now we are in London and all that money we stole allows us to stay in some pretty swanky hotels. Today it's The Dorchester, Park Lane. I have been to Bond Street and Amanda has been to Covent Garden, (Monmouth Street... Coco De Mer).
We arrive at our hotel at the same time. We both have the same idea, we will pretend not to know each other. (There's a conference or something).
Trolley bags and key cards in hand. "The bar... thirty minutes!" You whisper.
Hotel showers. How spectacular they are. Now I am all pink, and towels are everywhere, and the vast mirrors, and I am so happy. My front-bottom sends me a message, but I tell her to be patient. This is going to build.
Checking myself out in the lift as I go down to the ground floor. If my 'look' was any minimal, I would be stark naked!
Now... my big entrance! It's quiet, some men in appalling suits at the bar. No you as yet.
The Red Room, it's called, and all the walls are glossy red, and there are mirrors and... oooh, a seat where I can see the whole room. My front-bottom is agog! I only turn away for a moment to sneak a look at the girl behind the bar, and when I turn back...
My GODDDD!
It's you, wearing the most utterly perfect LBD. And heels! Are those shoes actually legal? Do I look silly with my mouth hanging open like this? I do not care!
Your hair is all piled up on top, and your neck is bare, and you turn towards me, and I realise that your dress has only one shoulder, and now I am biting my lip SO hard... I watch as you walk all the way across the floor and up to the shiny red bar, your catwalk!
Down below, my front-bottom is networking like crazy, and now absolutely all my bits are in the party mood. Now, with what looks like a dirty martini in your hand, you approach my table with 'cat-like tread'.
"Is this seat taken?" You say in a voice that is ninety-nine per cent molten dark chocolate.
I nod and smile, and you sit and cross your legs, and I see you are knickerless too.
The bar is starting to fill up.
We both sit in silence for a while, sipping our drinks, checking our phones, gazing around the room—same old same old.
I can't help noticing how elegantly you hold your glass. How delicate your sips, how demurely you sit in that priceless dress when I KNOW that your bare bottom and all that it contains is with arm's reach.
You, perfectly deadpan, your hand extended.
"Miss Amanda."
I take your hand and beam at you, patronisingly.
"Please call me Suzy. Everyone does. How are you?"
My tummy is squirming with repressed giggles. Your accent is perfect.
"Very well, thank you, 'Suzy.'"
I cover my mouth. You are good!
Then, "Are you here for the conference?"
"Yes, you too, Amanda?"
"Rather!" You say, with a smile.
That does it. I cover my face with a napkin and try and suppress my giggles.
Gathering myself, I say. "Would you care to join me in another drink?"
My voice is all wobbly and shrill.
"Why, that would be lovely... Suzy."
I try and look away, your hands are in your lap, and you move your legs slightly and flash me again. I am in serious danger of leaking now. I walk to the bar and order more martinis. We are attracting more notice now, our look is so 'top-end escort girl'. Businessmen are staring.
I walk back to our table, we raise our glasses to our lips. Our eyes meet. The non-verbal agreement is thus made. We both lean in and kiss.