Beth Taylor, a fresh-faced twenty-two-year-old, semi-attached lesbian sat in her spartan apartment glancing through travel brochures. Since graduating from THE Ohio State University in the Spring she was determined to do more traveling than a clumsy NBA guard. Her options were even better now, in 2044.
,
Like most her age she was conceived during the pandemic of 2020, the most cursed year of all. Her generation even had a name: quaranteens.
One positive to emerge from the lockdown was scientists had ample free time to invent and create based on the works of H.G. Wells and Doc Brown. This led to time travel which explains the brochures our hero perused.
A company called 'Time Share, Inc.' had cornered the market in safe, affordable time travel. Like Beth's brother, time went both ways which were her dilemma.
She could go into the future to discover mankind's progress or go backward to experience first-hand what she had only read about in history class or seen in old movies and TV. She couldn't decide which direction to go. All for the low price of one-thousand Biden Bucks.
She finally decided on the past since she was more familiar with those times. It was like going on vacation to a country that speaks English. One less obstacle to overcome.
She settled on America in the 1950s because she had practically memorized 'Happy Days', 'American Graffiti,' and 'Grease.' Billy Joel's 'We didn't Start the Fire' also provided a blueprint for the decade. She wished her current girlfriend, Lenore, would accompany her, but she was terrified of running into Lenny or Squigy.
Beth had time travel fears as well, but at least hers were more realistic. She feared the hideous Morlocks from the George Pal movie, 'The Time Machine'. For the uninitiated, a Morlock is a subterranean beast resembling a cross between Phyllis Diller and Rosie O'Donnell.
First, she had period clothes to buy along with old currency. Although time travel was perfectly legal, it was preferable to blend in with your destination because of something called 'Futurephobia.'
After shopping at the Salvation Army Superstore she took the train to Time Share, Inc. headquarters to buy her ticket. While there she also read a pamphlet on the 50s which described the decade as very conservative politically and sexually.
That ruled out her original plan of walking down the 50's thoroughfare yelling, "Me so horny!" like a Vietnamese hooker.
She was already suffering separation anxiety about leaving her girlfriend of three weeks. Which is why she scheduled their rendezvous at Five Guys Burgers to savor the sweet Lenore and a bagful of freshly-cooked Cajun fries. (Possibly not in that order.)
In their booth, they both promised to be faithful while apart with both fighting to keep a straight face. Beth even felt her nipples grow longer from this little white lie.
Lenore immediately observed the elongated nips and suggested grabbing their grease-dripping bag of fries and returning home for more pressing dietary needs.
Lenore was different than other women who caught Beth's eye and/or pussy. She normally gravitated toward fem lesbians, but Lenore, while attractive, was more like lesbians found in exploitation movies about women in prison.
Her close-cropped brown hair made her look like a new recruit in 'Full Metal Jacket.' But for Beth, her girl surpassed any need she ever had in bed. Her fingers were as dexterous as a safecracker along with having the endurance of a kindergartener at recess. Plus she rated a solid eleven on the important 'kink' scale.
No sooner than they returned home, Lenore inserted her favorite XXX DVD. It was 'Spankenstein' informing the salivating Beth what lay ahead.
With her skirt now over her back and panties around her ankles, she lifted on tiptoes, assumed the position and wiggled her bare bottom as an invitation.
Lenore quickly accepted the invite with a quick slap on each cheek. Pink skin was her RSVP. She then switched to a fly swatter and began thwacking firmly. Beth felt like Jeff Goldblum in 'The Fly.'
Lenore had an expert touch with the red, plastic implement. Her swats were not too hard. They were not too light. They were just right. Beth could now relate to how Goldilocks felt at a Three Bears porridge tasting.
With her bare bottom stinging deliciously Beth was gyrating all over the kitchen table, twisting-and-turning like a Hogwarts staircase. She was momentarily saddened when Lenore stepped back admiring her handiwork.
Beth's mood quickly improved when she noticed her girlfriend donning her favorite, well-used toy. The flesh-colored contraption had more straps than the luggage rack of the Griswald's Family Truckster.
When she saw the eight-inch girlcock being lubed liberally she knew what her future held. Beth whimpered but didn't resist. She couldn't refuse since she had taken Lenore like this on their first date; if you call selling plasma together a date?
Beth reached back spreading her cheeks, awaiting the uncomfortable stretching of her rose. She didn't have to wait long.
Lenore thrust her hips forward like Tina Turner trying to avoid a swift kick from a drunken Ike. After non-stop pounding Beth rubbed her clit on the corner of the table. Her climax hit like a steampunk calculator.
She then climbed off the table and kissed Lenore on her unpainted lips before tearing up. "I'm so sorry I can't repay your kindness but I really must get to Time Share or I might be left behind."
An understanding Lenore replied, "That's alright, Beth. When you return you'll be all mine. Be careful out there and watch out for those fuckers, Lenny and Squigy. Oh, by the way, what size collar do you wear?" Beth giggled, pretending not to hear and left quickly.
In the hallway, she breathlessly leaned against the wall and whispered, "Medium." Then on weak, trembling legs, she left for her great adventure.
At Time Share she was first required to suffer through a four-hour PowerPoint presentation. Time seemed to stand still. Next, she was required to surrender her cell phone since there was no service where she was headed, obviously. Still, this didn't sit well with a horde of teens who were giving up their phones while sobbing uncontrollably and chanting, "Privileged teen lives matter."
Next, it was time to inspect her time machine: a 1962 re-fitted Chevrolet Corvair. Its Flux capacitor already humming.
The vehicle didn't run on gasoline but on magic. Kinda. The propulsion was provided by a powerful mix of Harry Potter's butterbeer and Hermione's vaginal juices. Beth looked forward to siphoning.
To jump time the only requirement was to get the Corvair over fifteen MPH, but that was no small feat considering its speedometer only registered seven. It was the automotive equivalent of the cartoon mouse, Slowpoke Rodriguez.
The Stones song 'Time is on My Side' blared, providing ambiance. The travelers were then told to enter the cramped quarters.
Inside an excited Beth found more pamphlets; the most prominent being a list of time travel 'do's and don'ts.' First, do not assassinate Hitler. His family was tired of the daily funeral expenses.
Also, it was not recommended to buy Apple stock at bargain prices then sell them at today's prices. This fiscal tomfoolery had caused the stock market crash of 2037.
The plummeting stocks turned billionaires into paupers overnight. Even Donald Trump fell prey. His family was forced to move into a tent which The Donald named 'Trump Teepee.'
He told Fox News he had built the greatest teepee in history, better than any Indian. (Or as he said, "Injun.")
These rules didn't impair Beth's plans. She wasn't in this for fame or fortune. She only wanted a simple life away from the rat race. An innocent time like attending a Sunday band concert in Mayberry.
No more concern over masks or social-distancing. No fatal car accidents because fools were texting and driving. Beth just wasn't made for these times.
The pamphlet also suggested one of the common myths regarding time travel, the space-time continuum, was a hoax. If one steps on a slug while traveling in the past, future civilizations won't crumble. But since this hypothesis was gleaned from Wikipedia, Beth planned to still avoid slugs.
Finally, it was departure time.
With the pit crew pushing the cheap-ass car down a steep incline to gather the necessary speed, the riders cheered like going down the first drop on a Cedar Point rollercoaster. Careening wildly, knocking mountain goats flying off the precipice who then landed in a plume of black smoke at the bottom of a ravine, Wile Coyote-esque.
Bells and whistles began their deafening roar meaning time travel had begun. Bright, multi-colored lights raced across the cracked windshield with Strauss's powerful 'Thus Sprach Zarathustra" pumping up the travelers. Kubrick would be proud. Traveling at the speed of light their trip was over almost instantly.
Parking outside Hill Valley, Beth, and her fellow travelers walked into their past. Strangers in a strange time.
Beth quickly checked into her reserved motel and changed into her poodle skirt to go unnoticed. Glancing in the mirror Beth realized the origin of a poodle skirt because she looked like a dog in it. Back on Main Street she quickly found signs she had, indeed, gone back in time.
The first thing she noticed was a newspaper with the headline 'Korean War Escalates'. This surprised Beth because she had never heard of such a war.
It wasn't the strange headline that stunned her. It was the newspaper itself. In 2044 newspapers were as rare as getting the correct order at a Wendy's drive-thru.
An Elvis song coming from inside the local soda shoppe lured her inside where she immediately searched for Betty and Veronica. Sitting at the counter, Beth was amazed at the variety of hairstyles: ducktail, ponytail, bouffant, and pompadour. At least there were no mullets. On the counter she noticed a flyer for a sock hop later at the 'Jerry Lee Lewis Center for Promiscuous Cousins. No age limit.'
Since she had been practicing dances like the jitterbug and stroll with Lenore she felt prepared to wow the locals with her Ginger Rogers-like moves. But she still had time to kill before tripping the light fantastic so decided to see more of Hill Valley. Stepping into the sunshine she was surprised at the number of people smoking. Even kids were puffing.
She later discovered in the 50s a child's growth was measured by its first word, first step, and first Marlboro. It seemed like every business had a radio playing the latest hit tunes. But for every Elvis, Roy Orbison, or Chuck Berry song there would be ten by Doris Day or Pat 'fucking' Boone.
Beth silently wondered why she didn't visit the 60s to experience first-hand the British Invasion and the greatest album of all-time, 'Pet Sounds' by the Beach Boys.
On the Ben Franklin Dime Store window, she noticed a sale on English Leather which sounded like riding crop material thus the perfect souvenir for Lenore. Disappointment quickly followed.
After venturing inside the cluttered store Beth realized English Leather was a man's cologne. A malodorous one at that.
With her sinuses and eyes burning she stumbled again outside and discovered she was next to a single-screen movie theater. Something she never knew existed. It was showing the classic giant ant movie, 'Them' along with 'Creature From the Black Lagoon' (in 3-D no less.) Beth almost came when she bought a fifty-cent ticket that let her see both flicks.
There on the silver screen, trailers for next week's double-feature, 'Rashomon' and 'Seven Samurai,' sprang to life in beautiful black-and-white. Beth realized she didn't go to the past, she went to Heaven. When a Bugs Bunny cartoon played after the trailers she was certain the rapture was here.
After watching both films and guzzling three incredibly sweet old-school Cokes, the now-diabetic Beth walked outside, blinded by the light. Squinting, she observed huge cars barreling down Broadway.