(Gerald)
As I gave my speech at the Maritime Archaeology conference, I stared at pretty Emily in the fourth row. She was wearing a tight white blouse and the shape of her black bra could be seen through it slightly. I also liked that she had her shoulder-length blonde hair in pigtails, making her look even younger and cuter.
“…and the French gunnery was so poor that instead of firing a warning shot, they actually hit the bow of the Spanish ship. The unlucky cannonball struck a cask of gunpowder which set off several more. It obliterated the forward section of the ship and caused it to sink in the time taken by ten breaths, according to the only written account.”
Emily beamed with affection and pride for me, until I reached a pivotal moment of my story.
“Explorers and salvers searched over 300 years but couldn’t find the wreck. The only clue to the location was a damaged note written by a French priest who witnessed the explosion and died of disease shortly after. My brilliant wife determined the note had been translated incorrectly. Instead of the south side of the island, the battle had been on the sunny side. Since it happened in the morning, that meant east.
After our salvage team recovered more than eight tons of silver and a few thousand gold coins, I asked if I could keep the medicine bottles and medical tools that had belonged to the ship’s doctor. I intended to set them up as a museum exhibit. The other team leaders were happy to agree. I returned home and stashed the finds in a few crates in my basement. We were quite happy with the historical value of our discovery, and even happier the gold and silver earned each of us a few years’ pay.
About a year later my wife reminded me to move my ‘old junk’ out of the basement. I started sorting and evaluating the items. I noticed that the largest medicine bottle didn’t have any liquid in it. I was astounded to find it was full of emeralds! Nearly forty million dollars worth of emeralds! Apparently, their sawbones was a jewel thief, too.” I paused as the crowd reacted, then continued, “I’m a fair and reasonable man, so of course I gave half the gems to the rest of the salvage team. I donated five percent each to the university where I taught and the museum where I currently volunteer.”
I jokingly added, “I’m alive and intact, so I obviously gave the rest to my wife.”
I paused for a lot of laughter and concluded my talk. “Attention to detail can make all the difference. Check and re-check even the smallest things. It might lead you to a great discovery or save one from being lost. Thank you for your time.”
As Emily and I walked from the auditorium, she had a pained look on her face. She quietly said, “You talked about your wife a lot.”
“You weren’t involved with the salvage, and I couldn’t really mention my secret girlfriend if I want her to stay a secret.”
She sighed and nodded. I held her hand as we waited for a taxi. On the way, she said, “Let’s go see the sights and chat about US the rest of the day. We should get some condoms on the way to the hotel, too.” She smiled and kissed my lips.
-
(Rochelle)
My son Jonathan was staying at a friend’s house over the weekend and would return home after school Monday. As we ate supper on Saturday evening, I informed Chloe of the situation. “Since you failed to win Gerald over, he’s in San Francisco cheating with some other woman. I'm so scared that I’m going to lose him!”
She looked alarmed and told me, “I tried hard! I really did! I’m so sorry!”
I felt tears on my cheeks and remembered a quote from an old friend, “When the goin’ gets tough, the non-tough go drinkin’” She’d usually say it while handing me a glass of something strong.
I smiled and told Chloe, “I’m not going to be sad and cry all weekend. I won’t do it!” I took the most expensive bottle from the wine rack and searched half the kitchen for the corkscrew. I held it up triumphantly and said, “Turn on some music. Let’s dance the sad away!”
Later we were halfway through a second bottle of wine. Chloe was sitting next to me, singing very loudly with somebody who was even more out of tune. I guess that must have been me.
