He tells me how good I made him feel which in turn makes me feel good. I know he’s been aching to feel desired again. I mean isn’t that what we all want – to be desired? Wanting to return the favor, he instructs me to slide my shorts and panties down. Now, it’s my turn to listen. Of course, I had already played out some fantasies of him in my head. Would he match my fantasy? Yes, he does. Showing me his gifts in erotic romance, David makes my pussy explode with his words. Everything he says arouses me. How does he know what I need? How does he know? I feel such an intense connection with this man. Nothing can stop this speeding train now.

Our conversations progress to multiple chats a day. We discuss every aspect of our lives from kids to family to careers. We find we compliment each other. He is definitely more stern in business and parenting. I have an issue with a member of my work team that he coaches me through. I recommend some softer ways to handle an issue with his daughter. Goodness, I feel like I have a partner in life now.

Also, we dive deeply into our fantasies. It's surprising how closely his kinks mesh with mine. I haven't mentioned spanking yet though. One of my favorite things to do is send him mini-stories around his fantasies. He always responds with heartfelt appreciation and the stories send him straight to the shower to masturbate. In turn, my pussy drips thinking about him stroking himself to my words. I even published a story around a certain kink of his, which was well-received. I wanted to show him others understand. We have a very hot back-and-forth of pleasuring one another - takes some creativity to keep things spicy over cyberspace.

Honestly, it feels like we’re dating. His sweet messages kiss me awake every morning and he virtually fucks me to sleep each night. I almost forget he has a wife - almost. Admittedly, I lie to myself to relieve my guilt, telling myself she deserves this for not taking care of his needs. It isn't fair for her to solely decide they will not have sex in their lives. Is it? Later, I might curse myself for these thoughts.

I look forward to his traveling days when we can talk on the phone. Hearing his voice is so much better than messaging. I've struggled to put a word to how he makes me feel. "Twitterpated" comes to mind. Don't laugh, but I'm a huge Disney fan and Bambi is one of my all-time favorites. When a message pops up from him, I feel flighty and excited all over ... heart beats faster ... tummy flutters ... pussy tingles. Twitterpated! There's no escaping it once it hits you.

I'm excited he's on the road today. Trapped in his car for a two-hour ride, he's free to call me. I know he reads some of my stories but he surprises me when he says, “So hey, I listened to your audio to your spanking story fourteen times last night. It is the most erotic thing I have ever heard.”

“Fourteen times? Really? And you got it? I mean, you really understood my feelings about spanking?”

"Absolutely," he says with conviction.

"So ... are you into spanking?"

“I wasn’t, but I am now,” he laughs.

I giggle and respond, “It’s a pretty big fetish of mine. I didn’t think a man would ever understand and was shy about mentioning it to you.”

“Wait, so you haven’t actually been spanked? But, you described it so vividly.”

“Nope, just a fantasy I’ve had for a very long time.”

“Cassie … I would love to be the first man to spank you. I’m aching just thinking about it, baby.”

I’m suddenly flushed by his words - by the vision of what he’s suggesting.

“David, how would you do it?” I can't help but ask him.

“Hmmm. Well..." He's quiet for a few minutes then continues, "I sit on the bed and sternly command you to ‘Come here!’ I know you well enough to know when you need a spanking from me.”

“Mmmm.” I moan at the thought. "You are really turning me on, David! Like ... really arousing me with the thought of you summoning me for a spanking."

“My cock is so fucking hard right now." He takes a deep breath then continues, speaking in a lower tone, "I pull you in between my legs and slide down your panties and gently caress what I am about to spank.”

“Oh my goodness,” I squeak. He has me hot and bothered ... like, panties-getting-soaked excited.

“I assure you I am giving you what you need and then bend you over one of my legs. Your upper body will be on the bed alongside me, so you can grasp the covers when the pain and pleasure hit.”

“Oh, don't stop. God, you’re making me so … so … you know.”

“Say it.”

“Wet.”

"Damn! And you are making the seatbelt across my lap very uncomfortable. Go get your bullet vibe, sweetie."

"Should we do this? You won't wreck, will you?"

"Go...get...your...vibe," he repeats, not quite as gently. 

I love when he becomes dominant and yank the nightstand drawer open grabbing my vibrator. 

“I have it,” I respond, getting more aroused by the second.

“Turn it on, baby, and put it to your clit.”

“Oh, God!” I squeal, pulling my shorts and panties to the side. It sends a jolt as if I have been shocked.

“Now, you’re trembling, wondering what the first spank will feel like. I pause to add to your anticipation. Then, spank!”

I suck in my breath. “David…”

“Spank! Spank! You wiggle your gorgeous ass as the stinging starts. I gently stroke your reddening ass with my fingertips then dip them between your legs assessing your wetness. You're so wet, baby. So wet and naughty. Spank! Spank! Spank!”

I can feel his hand strike my bottom and it drives me crazy. That image paired with the pulsating vibe makes me shake. My tummy is tightening as I dangle on the edge.

"David, don't stop. Don't stop," I beg.

"I won't baby. Cum for me."

"So close," I pant.

"I spank you hard, quickening my strikes. You reach your hand back, trying to cover your ass and I grab it, holding it against your lower back. You fight me a little and I trap your legs down with my own."

"David! Oh, God!"

"Spank! Spank! Spank! My hands reach in between your legs to your cli-"

"Da...Da...Da...David!" I scream, cumming hard.

"I'm with you, baby. Keep cumming. I'm holding you. Kissing you."

"Thank you, David," I whisper, relishing in the aftershocks, rolling around on my bed.

"Damn, baby. You are so fucking hot! Damn, I want to be there, holding you, spanking you, fucking you, all of it!"

I try to catch my breath, the waves settling. "You are so good at making me cum."

"I want to make you cum. Again and again and again. I love how expressive you are too - telling me how I make you feel and all. Damn."

"Are you okay? Wanna pull over and I can make you cum?"

"Damn, I would love to cum. You don't know how my cock and balls ache. You always do this to me. But, baby, I don't have the time to spare. How about we resume this tonight after my customer call?"

"It's a date, baby! David, I think we would be great in bed together. You'd be the best I've had."

"I think you'd be the best I've had. I love how expressive you are. Don't ever be embarrassed to express yourself with me. I want to know what you like and want. You should have told me before about the spanking. Okay?"

"Okay. Oh my goodness, I can't stop smiling, David."

"I'm smiling too, Cassie."

~~~

A month passes and we get into a long, intimate conversation one night that leads to us both crying to each other afterward. It’s frustrating to feel so attracted and connected, yet not be able to follow the natural progression of dating.

“What are you thinking?” he asks. I had grown quiet on a phone call with him.

“This is so unfair. I finally find someone I feel really drawn to on all levels and he isn’t free to love. Selfish me wants to do something for me for once. Something that feels good to me. Do you understand?”

“Of course, I do. You know I do. I want to feel good too. It seems more often than not, my doing right by others, means my needs aren’t met. And no one could call you selfish, Cassie.”

“David, I’ve fallen for you. I am so mad at myself that I let this happen. I promised myself I wouldn’t have an online relationship on Lush.”

“You want to know something? I thought about three words last night after we got off the phone. The words, ‘I love you.’ I have only been in love twice before, this makes the third time. Cassie, I don’t know what to do.”

I cry again. "I can't believe a great man like you loves me. You don't know how long I have waited for these feelings."

"I do know. I love you, baby."

“I love you, too, David. You know, I loved my husband, still do as the father of my son. But, it never felt like this. And my love was never equally returned. I have never had a man as responsive to me as you … as tuned in to me as you … connected to the real, whole me, like you. But, I am starting to hurt now when we aren’t talking and you are with your wife.”

“I understand and am so sorry, Cassie. I never wanted to hurt you … ever. I wish things were different. Tell me - are you still on dating sites?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I am cursed with being monogamous. Cursed, I say! I can’t actively search for an in-person mate with these feelings for you. I just can’t. So, I deleted my profiles.”

“I don’t want to hurt your efforts to find a mate.”

"And I don't want to hurt your marriage." Guilt has found its way back inside me. I continue, "When we started talking you clearly said you weren't on Lush to find a cyber romance and I clearly said I wasn't either. Now, look at us. How did this happen?"

“We felt a spark. We instantly connected and we were both lonely and looking for something missing in our lives. So, hey, can I tell you something? This might not help matters, but-"

"Tell me anyway, David."

"I have mapped the route to your house and memorized to the minute how long it will take me to get to you. I know it would be hard, but I can’t help thinking about leaving and joining you to see if we could build a life together.”

“Sigh. That sounds so good. But, you have a good life – a life many would kill for. You would regret it later and resent me.”

“I don’t think so. The way I feel now, I don’t think so.”

"David, I can't stop thinking about you. I look forward to your messages and calls so much."

"I feel the same way, sneaking off to sign into Lush a million times each day."

"I don't know what to do with you. I know I deserve more than just being your online lover, but I can't let you go. David, I'm hurting now when we aren't in touch, knowing you are with her. But, another part of me wants your marriage to improve, because you first told me you wanted it to improve. You love her."

"I do love her, but I'm not happy. It kills me to know you're hurting. I know we're in different circumstances. I understand I'm not alone when not talking to you and you are. You do deserve more, Cassie. You do. I don't want you missing out because of me, but I can't give you up either."  

“Maybe we should meet. Maybe seeing each other in person, would add some realism to this exciting fantasy of each other we have going. We are filling in the gaps about each other with our imaginations, you know. You are talking about life with me when you have no idea if we would be really compatible in person. Maybe you wouldn't even find me attractive.”

“I have no doubt I would find you attractive. I have seen your pictures, but more than that it's how you treat me. You understand me. Listen to me. And what would happen when we meet? I’m not sure I could keep things under control, Cassie. You don’t know how many fantasies I have played out in my head about being with you, baby.”

“Okay. Say things got out of control – we made love. Would it kind of be like a longing was fulfilled and you could return to your wife happier, maybe?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I wouldn’t be able to kiss her ever again … for thoughts of you. Do you really think we could make love and then just leave, returning to our lives as if nothing happened?”

"Probably not," I reply.

"And baby, my dreams of our meeting are about passionate kissing leading to me spanking your ass and giving you orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. I envision gentle lovemaking but also some very dirty fucks. I want to try it all with you - every position."

My heartbeat quickens and my nerve-endings fire between my legs at the scene he paints. I want to have sex with him - so badly.

We go back and forth and back and forth weighing all the scenarios of our meeting. Should we? Should we not? It would be easy if we didn’t care how our actions affected others, but we do. I worry about the effects on him. He worries about the effects on me. We want each other but can’t live with the thought of possibly hurting the other. Should I follow my head or my heart?

(To be continued…)