“Aww shit, we’re out of mayo,” I moaned, rifling through the condiments in the fridge door.

Jeff grabbed his dick out of his shorts and held it out like a squirtgun. “I got your mayo right here.”

“Gross. You do not.”

On this particular Friday, my buddy Jeff and I were making dinner at his place. Just burgers, nothing fancy. 

We were more than buddies, actually, although we were certainly that: we hung out regularly, and did guy stuff together like play tennis, watch TV, and such.  

But we also did ... well, guy stuff: like giving each other blowjobs whenever the mood hit.  Not too long ago we had added anal sex, and even kissing, to our sexual repertoire.  It's not like we'd declared ourselves an exclusive couple or anything - we even still talked about women we'd like to get with - but the intensity level of our sex was on an upward trajectory.

Anyway, we hadn’t seen each other for a few days.  We were both just out of college and starting new careers that kept us busy during the week, so we didn't have as much time together as we had in the previous semen-soaked summer. 

As I was cooking the burgers, both of us sipping on beers, Jeff persisted with his little mayo joke: “hey, you love this stuff. What’s it matter if it’s on a burger? It’ll be a good substitute."  

He grinned ever more widely, continuing, "creamy, tangy, salty.  White.”

“Eew. That's nasty.”

“What? They’re really very similar. In fact, it’s entirely possible mayo is actually just factory workers’ jizz in a jar.“

“That is entirely possible," I agreed with a laugh. "But you won’t make enough.”

“Oh yes I will. I haven’t had time to jack off all week.”

“That's nice, but still don't want it on my burger. Why waste it like that?”

“What’s the big deal? I've cum inside your buns before,” he quipped.

"Well, that much is true.”

“Hey, instead of getting my cum all over your glutes, I’m going to get it all over your gluten. Hahaha.”

“Nuh-uh." I stood firm.  "No jizzburger."

It was my turn to crack a joke.  "So is this what people mean when they cook a nice meal for you and they say, ‘the magic ingredient is love?’” 

Jeff's face looked more serious.  “God I hope not. That’s what my uncle George says about his barbeque.”

“Red or Carolina style?”

Now it was his turn to say, “eew.”

“Honey mustard?”

“Okay, now that's just gross.”

“Ohhh, I get it," I mused, driving the punchline home.  "It's Alabama white, isn't it?”

He blanched fully at that one, holding up his hands as if to abandon the topic.

But before he could speak I snuck one more in. Laughing out loud, I added, "that's not horseradish, it's George-relish!"

"Okay,, okay. You’ve made your point. No jizzburgers. And I don't know if I can go to his cookouts ever again.“ 

The patties were done, so I scooped them off the pan and dropped them on their buns - without cum! - to cool. 

“How about a jizz dog, then? ” he asked, gripping his cock.  Through all this banter, he had never bothered to put that thing back in his shorts, leaving it hanging above the waistband, hardening in the open air.  It flailed around every time he laughed.  

Not that I minded.  Quite the opposite: I couldn't take my eyes off it, and finally decided dinner could wait a couple minutes, but I couldn't.

“You've got extra sauce in there tonight, huh?” I asked, getting on my knees. 

“Yeah. So a sausage is more up your alley?”

"It's only going in my mouth here. Nothing is going up my alley in the kitchen.”

I gave him a quickie blowjob right there in front of the stove, and he hadn’t been kidding. After less than a minute he filled my mouth with one of his biggest loads ever - and I swear he came for longer than that.  It might well have been enough to substitute for the missing mayo. Not that I could stomach the idea. 

Fortunately it all happened so quickly our burgers were still nice and warm as we sat down to eat them, along with a third beer each.

As we were dropping our dishes in the sink he gave me a playful look, grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup out of the cupboard, pulled down my shorts and squirted some on my cock. “Huh. Guess I want a banana split for dessert,” he said, getting on his knees to lick me clean. 

“Maybe I’m the one who wants a banana split,” I said, slapping myself on the butt.

Neither of us was clean, so once he’d licked the syrup off my rod and sucked the remainder of it out of my pubes, we ran to the shower and jumped in together. 

After we’d gotten the temperature right and starting washing each other, something we liked to do occasionally, I ventured, “Uh Sorry, all that beer is getting to me. I’ve gotta hop out and leak.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. There’s a drain right there.”

“What? You’re just saying that because you gotta go too and you don’t want to wait for me.”

“Maybe,” Jeff said with his patented grin. 

“Okay, fine.  It’s your tub.  It’s gonna get on your feet, you know.”  He was standing at the drain end.

“So?”

“Maybe your legs, even,” I added, squirming a little and starting to hop from one foot to the other.  “Look, I gotta go bad I don’t know how much I’ll be able to control it.”

“It’ll wash off. Pee is sterile, right?” Though I wasn’t sure that was really true. 

“Okay, well I do kind of like watching you go. Never thought we'd do it in here. You really sure?”

He nodded.  

And so we both let flow, our dicks in our hands, both aiming our streams downward, but unavoidably hitting each other's feet a bit. 

His stream got on my ankles and lower legs too.

“Hey,” I exclaimed, aiming my own stream up a little, at his legs. 

He aimed his higher in response. I couldn’t let that go unanswered, and soon enough we were hosing each other’s thighs. 

Then, for a delicious second, we fired directly at each other's dicks. 

Energy was released when our streams intermittently met in the middle, but fortunately total protonic reversal did not occur.  It was kinda cool, but we only did it for a second because we each continued aiming higher.

At each other's bellies. 

Then chests. 

How high was he willing to go? We’d only been whizzing for a few seconds, and probably had a fair bit left in our tanks. 

Before long we we were hitting each other’s faces with pee.

He opened his lips and took in a mouthful.  To my amazement, he swirled it around, let some dribble down his chin and swallowed the rest.  With a smirk he said, "not bad."

Normally this might not have been something I'd be willing to try, but not having cum yet, and with a couple of beers in me, I was ready to do almost anything.  I opened my mouth.

Sure enough, it wasn't so bad.  His piss was a little tangy, but still mostly watery.  It even faintly tasted of malt from the beer. I swallowed some too.

He grabbed me and pulled me to him, our mouths and tongues meeting in a deep piss-flavored kiss, as down below both our streams continued to mingle, trapped between our bodies. 

Mine ran out first. I dropped to my knees and took his hose in my mouth, catching the last few drops of his man-water, and sucking his tangy hardness. 

A grin on his face, he directed me to face away from him, getting on his own knees and tonguing my back hole. He grabbed the lube, slathered it on himself and put himself in me without ceremony. 

After a few minutes of pleasurable plunging, he paused and said, “hey man I gotta go some more. Those beers are really going through me.”

“Go ahead.”

He pulled out, apparently about to go on the shower floor, when I said, “not like that. Put it back in.”

“But I didn’t go yet.”

“I know. Put it back in, and then go.”

His eyes widened.  “Are you sure? Is it safe?”

“I think so.”  As with the idea of the stuff being sterile I wasn't quite sure if this was a fact, but somehow it seemed okay.

He reentered me, the sensation of fullness resuming, then held steady for a moment as he tried to get his flow started.  Soon I felt an amazing warm, even more full sensation as I received my first enema ever. 

It felt great for me, and Jeff was absolutely moaning with pleasure. He started pumping again as he was peeing, causing some of the pale liquid to squirt back out of my ass and run down my legs. Thank God we were in the shower. 

Very soon after he stopped filling me with his yellow fluid, he tensed up and topped me off with his white fluid.

He embraced me and kissed me affectionately, saying “looks like I went up your alley and jizzed on your buns again,” mixing metaphors.

He knelt down in front of me, asking if I had anything in there for him. 

Of course I had more. The beverages were still finding their way to my bladder too. Being hard as a rock, it took a second, then let flow. He took me in his mouth, alternately swallowing mouthfuls and letting the remainder run down his chest.

He stood up and put my hand in his ass crack, pulling my penis closer, indicating he wanted to be fucked too.   Good.  I still hadn't cum and was going crazy with all this action.

I pushed him back against the steamy tile, kissing him and lifting one of his legs. Since he was taller than me I was able to slip my lubed rod in him while facing him, pumping with short, deliberate strokes. 

Once again, it was some of the most intense sex we’d had. He loved the fullness, and I was thrilling at his warm tightness. 

Soon we were both moaning in ecstasy, and a moment after he came in my hand, my pulsing pecker painted his inner walls white.

This made us both almost delirious with pleasure,. This was some of the most crazy, fantastic sex of my life, and having safely explored one of our dirtiest secret desires together really cemented our intimacy.  It seemed every time Jeff and I had taken things as far as I thought I'd been interested in going with a guy, we found a new level of enjoyment and closeness.