A glorious spring day in the Pennine hills on the Lancashire / Yorkshire border saw me up early and on my way to a deep and densely wooded gorge with swathes of bluebells. Much as I love nature in all its glory, I had more in mind finding a spot secluded enough, but where I could see any walkers before they saw me, to have an open-air, sunny day wank. I parked and noted very few other cars, as I had hoped. I set off into...

The elegant Georgian theatre foyer in my genteel spa town in north Yorkshire was full of the well-heeled elite of the County in their finest outfits for a Gala performance of celebrated classical violinist and a renowned chamber orchestra. I looked around at the throng of largely middle-aged to somewhat older audience as they sipped G&Ts or champagne. A wave from across the room caught my eye; Marcie was beckoning me over...

I moved to the genteel spa town in the north of England to retire. No sooner had I got myself unpacked than my apartment doorbell rang and my new neighbour introduced herself. "Hello, hope you don't mind me calling to introduce ourselves? I'm Marcie and my other half is Greg. Do pop around when you're settled!" Marcie is an attractive and instantly engaging woman aged somewhere between mid 50s and mid 60s with lovely curl...