Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
GiganticTager
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 38
0 miles · London
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
Hi sass 
want a nice cool drink? its been warm in the uk lately 
want a nice cool drink? its been warm in the uk lately 
Active Ink Slinger
Its been a while since I've been back to this forum, been a while since I've been to lush in the first place. A thread seeking information came to my attention via an email and I took a read and was puzzled by its objective. It seemed to be seeking information but the way the questions and post were structured screamed, to me at least, a condescending, inflammatory aspect to it but I'll try to attempt to answer at least one of the questions asked properly.
So the question was: When does a Master become a Master.
Like red has already said above me Masters and Mistress' can be trained at dungeons all over the world. These can usually be found within your local BDSM community and are usually welcoming of people willing to expand their sexual horizons with education. That said I want to twist the question slight.
So the revised question is this: What makes a Master/Mistress.
The two questions sounds similar but hold different connotations. With this question I want to focus on some of the different relationship types that can be found in BDSM. Most believe it takes a dominant personality to become a Dom/me but this isnt always the truth when you break down some of the types of relationships that can be found with in the many different realms that come under the, lets face it, very large umbrella that is BDSM. For most BDSM is a kink for them and their partner in bed that quite often involves some form of light bondage role play that rarely leaves the confines of their bedroom/house. In this kind of relationship its not really the act of Dom/me/sub but the feeling of being constricted that is the fetish. Here it is usually the one being tied up/down that is directing the flow of the encounter usually by telling their partner to tie them up.
Another type takes this light bondage a step further and role play the Dom/me and sub roles out with varying degrees of bondage usage from just tying down to the more extreme forms (pain, humiliation etc). This relationship is usually keep this private just like the first but the roles in the bedroom are clearer in their definition but these roles travel no further than that. Then there are those that take the roles out of the bedroom and live them through everyday life. These can range from their home being a fully fledged dungeon where they are geared up at home all the time and the sub is completely subservient in everything they do. Then there is the kind of relationship where there aren't many tools to be used but the sub trusts their Dom/me with all the decisions and lean on them for all of their emotional needs. Both of these relationships have a massive weight in terms of responsibility. They both have to support their sub whole heartedly in terms of emotional support with many providing routine and structure through mental discipline. There are also Sadists and masochists which form a slightly different relationship dynamic in which Sadists usually like to inflict pain to varying degrees, this can be both physical and mental and masochists usually like to be on the receiving end on. This type of relationship has many dynamics in its own right with some masochists only enjoying pain from their Dom/me and others not enjoying pain but enjoy being used by any one.
Now that wall of text is finished with (hope it provided a little insight in to the different types of relationships that BDSM covers) we can try to answer the question. What makes a Master/Mistress? In my opinion from watching all different kinds of relationships going on around me with friends I believe that any one can become dominant in their relationship but to become a Master/Mistress you would need not only the personality to command respect and be dominant in life but depending on where your relationship is you need to be willing to shoulder the responsibility of being solely responsible for your sub as they will look to you for guidance in every aspect in their life be it work, school. family or being able to function on a day to day basis. That is a Master/Mistress' responsibility.
Now with regard to this question. You need to be sure that both subs are mentally prepared to not be the sole recipient of your time love and affection. You need to be able to distribute yourself equally between them and they need to be able to understand each other and be happy with each other or it will fall apart and only cause pain to all three of you.
Your feelings are yours and yours alone. Never disregard them without confirming them first. My advice is to speak to your Dom/me about these feelings and find out if your fear is founded in reality. This sounds easier than it is I know but you will continue to fret over that fear unless you confront him about it.
So the question was: When does a Master become a Master.
Like red has already said above me Masters and Mistress' can be trained at dungeons all over the world. These can usually be found within your local BDSM community and are usually welcoming of people willing to expand their sexual horizons with education. That said I want to twist the question slight.
So the revised question is this: What makes a Master/Mistress.
The two questions sounds similar but hold different connotations. With this question I want to focus on some of the different relationship types that can be found in BDSM. Most believe it takes a dominant personality to become a Dom/me but this isnt always the truth when you break down some of the types of relationships that can be found with in the many different realms that come under the, lets face it, very large umbrella that is BDSM. For most BDSM is a kink for them and their partner in bed that quite often involves some form of light bondage role play that rarely leaves the confines of their bedroom/house. In this kind of relationship its not really the act of Dom/me/sub but the feeling of being constricted that is the fetish. Here it is usually the one being tied up/down that is directing the flow of the encounter usually by telling their partner to tie them up.
Another type takes this light bondage a step further and role play the Dom/me and sub roles out with varying degrees of bondage usage from just tying down to the more extreme forms (pain, humiliation etc). This relationship is usually keep this private just like the first but the roles in the bedroom are clearer in their definition but these roles travel no further than that. Then there are those that take the roles out of the bedroom and live them through everyday life. These can range from their home being a fully fledged dungeon where they are geared up at home all the time and the sub is completely subservient in everything they do. Then there is the kind of relationship where there aren't many tools to be used but the sub trusts their Dom/me with all the decisions and lean on them for all of their emotional needs. Both of these relationships have a massive weight in terms of responsibility. They both have to support their sub whole heartedly in terms of emotional support with many providing routine and structure through mental discipline. There are also Sadists and masochists which form a slightly different relationship dynamic in which Sadists usually like to inflict pain to varying degrees, this can be both physical and mental and masochists usually like to be on the receiving end on. This type of relationship has many dynamics in its own right with some masochists only enjoying pain from their Dom/me and others not enjoying pain but enjoy being used by any one.
Now that wall of text is finished with (hope it provided a little insight in to the different types of relationships that BDSM covers) we can try to answer the question. What makes a Master/Mistress? In my opinion from watching all different kinds of relationships going on around me with friends I believe that any one can become dominant in their relationship but to become a Master/Mistress you would need not only the personality to command respect and be dominant in life but depending on where your relationship is you need to be willing to shoulder the responsibility of being solely responsible for your sub as they will look to you for guidance in every aspect in their life be it work, school. family or being able to function on a day to day basis. That is a Master/Mistress' responsibility.
Quote by MullinsTiger
what is the accepted protocol with alpha and beta subs? I am a Dom and have been for 2 years but i haven't considered the possibility of taking on more than one sub until recently when my current told me she is bicurious
Now with regard to this question. You need to be sure that both subs are mentally prepared to not be the sole recipient of your time love and affection. You need to be able to distribute yourself equally between them and they need to be able to understand each other and be happy with each other or it will fall apart and only cause pain to all three of you.
Quote by sunshinehigh
What I am wandering from submissives is how to navigate feeling lost with your Master/Mistress. Since me and this person had a previous relationship where he didn't tell me that he was a Master I now sometimes feel lost...I do love him but I guess sometimes I feel he only loves me as a pet...
I know that these feelings are probably just part of my reluctance but I am wandering if anyone else goes through the same thing where they just feel lost in being a sub and feel detached from themeselves.
anway any advice is appreciated as I am just navigating my way through this whole thing.
Your feelings are yours and yours alone. Never disregard them without confirming them first. My advice is to speak to your Dom/me about these feelings and find out if your fear is founded in reality. This sounds easier than it is I know but you will continue to fret over that fear unless you confront him about it.
Active Ink Slinger
The term bitch is defined in an offensive manner as 'A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing'. By this definition the OP is not bitching. I would also then put a question to Olivia who seems to think that this behaviour is harmless and just part of 'competitiveness'. What happens when a child is bullied at school or a person is tormented at work with wild rumours from people they don't know or have no social contact with is this an act of 'competitiveness'? Personally? i don't find this in any way shape or form competitive as it is a way of people socially trying to ostracise someone from a group which I am sure many would consider to be spiteful being true to the definition of the term 'bitch'. This is also true of your 'typical male' example. If a man acts out his friends and peers will normally tell him he is being an ass. Only case in point with that line is when he has surrounded himself with like minded people.
To winky. Some women will talk shit simply because it affects them in their social circles to do so e.g high school and certain affluent lifestyles. This can be translated down through social classes where people dont follow the idiom i was always taught by my parents, do as I say and not as I do. People are inherently social and will do a lot to fit in to their desired 'cliques' this includes social outcasting of anything they feel does not fit their archetype models.
To winky. Some women will talk shit simply because it affects them in their social circles to do so e.g high school and certain affluent lifestyles. This can be translated down through social classes where people dont follow the idiom i was always taught by my parents, do as I say and not as I do. People are inherently social and will do a lot to fit in to their desired 'cliques' this includes social outcasting of anything they feel does not fit their archetype models.
Active Ink Slinger
A lot of military wives/girlfriends take pride in the fact their significant other fight for their country the same also goes for the male counter parts whose female counter parts are with the military. In BDSM a sub will usually never call their Dom/me by their first name unless given permission. Thus the use of the terms Dom/me, Master or mistress. This is part of the rules that are given to a sub when they agree to this type of relationship and is by no means materialistic on insincere, if you speak to near enough any sub they will tell you that use of those terms is from love and respect.
Active Ink Slinger
I would say its hard to interview someone to your sub or Dom/me. You have to understand that this relationship takes alot of trust. Most people I know have taken time to get to know their partner just like any other relationship before sitting down to discuss what their boundaries are (for the sub) and the rules of the relationship. Just getting to know prospective partners is the right step and take it from their.
Active Ink Slinger
Im going to make a point as there seems to be a misconception for those that haven't properly educated themselves in to BDSM yet. The topic is What Is A Sub.
A sub is someone who, in my personal experience, desire structure and control to their life. They are not a modern day slave with no rights or opinions. They are equal to any other person on the planet and should only ever be disciplined, chastised or educated by their Dom/me unless you have gained the approval from them, which any Dom/me who loves their sub will never do.
*Edit* Further to this I heard a statement today that both mystified and annoyed me. The statement was: He is not my sub he is my equal, I like to be with someone who gives and doesn't just take. This is a myth that subs aren't equal and that Dom/mes just take from subs. As Sprite has said here. A sub has power, they choose their Dom/me, they lay out the ground rules for their limits. Dom/mes give up a lot of time and effort to give a sub discipline, control and structure to their lives and in return a sub wil usually love their Dom/me unconditionally.
A sub is someone who, in my personal experience, desire structure and control to their life. They are not a modern day slave with no rights or opinions. They are equal to any other person on the planet and should only ever be disciplined, chastised or educated by their Dom/me unless you have gained the approval from them, which any Dom/me who loves their sub will never do.
*Edit* Further to this I heard a statement today that both mystified and annoyed me. The statement was: He is not my sub he is my equal, I like to be with someone who gives and doesn't just take. This is a myth that subs aren't equal and that Dom/mes just take from subs. As Sprite has said here. A sub has power, they choose their Dom/me, they lay out the ground rules for their limits. Dom/mes give up a lot of time and effort to give a sub discipline, control and structure to their lives and in return a sub wil usually love their Dom/me unconditionally.
Active Ink Slinger
Im going to post a question that was put to me today. If your sub is told by another Dom/me that they are not giving them the respect they deserve what would you do. This was my answer
A Dom/me has no right to tell someone elses sub what kind of repsect they need to give, the same way another Dom/me has no right to discipline another's sub with out express permission from the subs Dom/me. A sub need only follow the rules set out by THEIR Dom/me. If the Dom/me feels they have been affronted then they should speak with the subs Dom/me and let them handle the situation. Now if I feel that my sub is in the wrong I will let them know why and discipline them accordingly and have them apologise. If I feel it is just the masters hurt pride then I will tell the Dom/me so.
A Dom/me has no right to tell someone elses sub what kind of repsect they need to give, the same way another Dom/me has no right to discipline another's sub with out express permission from the subs Dom/me. A sub need only follow the rules set out by THEIR Dom/me. If the Dom/me feels they have been affronted then they should speak with the subs Dom/me and let them handle the situation. Now if I feel that my sub is in the wrong I will let them know why and discipline them accordingly and have them apologise. If I feel it is just the masters hurt pride then I will tell the Dom/me so.
Active Ink Slinger
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....hahaha..haha.ha. man this was some funny stuff. Either you are a male escort with poor business sense or you are a cheapskate either way i got a laugh, P.S In before the lock
Active Ink Slinger
Just to add something to MistressS's post. I find that there is one other thing I find that some Dom/mes i've encountered dont do and that is praise their sub. This in itself can be a small reward, especially if the sub has performed part of his/her training well. Personally i like to praise a sub if they have had to endure a harsh punishment and neither complained nor whimpered. To me it still shows that i love them and that it hurt me just as much to administer it.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by OliviaQuote by secretsandlies
Olivia offered a female perspective in her repsonse.
Which was generic and missed the point entirely, here is a male perspective, JUST ASK HER....problem solved...
Oh and I have numerous and specific examples of times when the female of the species changed her mind... plus several examples of men NOT interpreting "flirting" as that means she wants to suck my dick!
Show me a lady who hasn't swelled at the persistence of a guy and I'll show you a fibber?
So friend of olivia, be straight and ask her directly, then you'll know.
Then you can move on..and if you're still unsure after a direct question, then follow Olivia's advice to the letter..or for quicker results - try LadyX's advice..
Dear Secretsandlies,
If you read the original question carefully you will notice that he says "and she knows I like her". My advice is that after you have already put yourself out there and this 'friend' is aware of your feelings and has not responded (ie. you have been rejected either directly or she is avoiding the subject) to gather yourself together, be a man, and move on.
Actually the person says he does not know what she feels there fore she hasn't out right rejected or accepted his feelings. Your advice is based on conjecture that she doesn't feel the same because she hasn't responded. The first piece of advice should have been 'Ask her'. To your anonymous friend it is as simple as that. If she can not give you a definite answer either way step back and carry on with the friendship. That's not to say drop all hope. But don't pin them all on her.
Active Ink Slinger
The perfect pussy is.......wait for it..............a pussy. Dont worry to much on what i looks like or how pink it is. as long as it is clean and healthy a man will love it all the advice posted is just visual or you are going into the porn business.
all the advice posted is just visual or you are going into the porn business.
Active Ink Slinger
I would but i think it would be more fun o take her to dinner first
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by OliviaQuote by GiganticTager
Unfortunately your post insinuates that there is factual basis to your 'top ten'. If you intended this as advice then perhaps you shouldn't have chosen a women's magazine style do's and don't's fact sheet lay out and just given out your advice normally.This is not to flame your post or your actual advice as some of it can be taken on board just pointing out how it can be misinterpreted in such a way
Actually I meant it as a fun Top Ten list of Do's and Don'ts. When I said "here are my top ten lists of mistakes" I'm uncertain as to how you felt this was insinuating that it was 'factual'. The layout was chosen purely for entertainment purposes, as most Top Ten social commentaries are intended to be.
The simple fact that you state this as a 'top ten' means you have done some form of research into the field there fore making them factual. If these are based off of your own generalised opinion. Most top ten social commentaries follow this rule of research so if you haven't then you shouldn't be posting in this format anyway seeing as it would be misrepresenting the 'advice' you are attempting to give as 'information'. Do you feel that people should not do anything your list says? Or are these supposed to be 'guidelines'?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by OliviaQuote by GiganticTager
Im just wondering where you got this 'Insightful' information from as these are just baseless facts.
Unfortunately advice doesn't come in the form of facts, nor is it a one-size-fits-all concept.
Thank you for contributing your own advice on the topic.
People are free to agree or disagree.
Quote by Olivia
So you’ve just taken that big step from dating to actually moving in together. Congratulations! Maybe you recently got married, or maybe you’ve just decided to live in sin. The pitfalls to avoid are the same. Here are my Top Ten lists of mistakes that women and men make when they decide to move in together. Feel free to post your own suggestions in this thread or comment on the ones made!
Unfortunately your post insinuates that there is factual basis to your 'top ten'. If you intended this as advice then perhaps you shouldn't have chosen a women's magazine style do's and don't's fact sheet lay out and just given out your advice normally.This is not to flame your post or your actual advice as some of it can be taken on board just pointing out how it can be misinterpreted in such a way
Active Ink Slinger
Im just wondering where you got this 'Insightful' information from as these are just baseless facts. If you have decided to move in together or got married then you knew what you were getting into regardless. If you didnt then you are a dumb ass for not getting to know your partner properly simple as that. There are no dos or donts to living with the one you love. Just love and believe in them and things should work out. And for future reference any man or woman that expects their partner to have sex with them when they are angry with them is a fool. *edit* This person is not a new mate unless you move in with someone the first day you meet them you should have known them for a year maybe more before moving in or marrying
Active Ink Slinger
its ok one day someone apart from racking will want to fuck me
one day someone apart from racking will want to fuck me
Active Ink Slinger
complex deflating and pass on the basis that she doesnt want me
Active Ink Slinger
hmmm would have to ask her about that have you hear her nick name for her ass?