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ByronLord
2 months ago
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ByronLord
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Quote by blazestcyr
i am not catholic

and until the truth comes out please dont spread gossip

i think he is sick


He was also the guy who had to run the curia for almost ten years during John Paul II's declining years which might be why he would like to avoid bequeathing the same situation to his successor.

Quote by blazestcyr

not all catholics are pedophiles


No, but Ratzinger was the chief ringleader of the coverup.
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Quote by Magical_felix



......what are the other genders?


I could tell you but I would have to fuck you afterwards.
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ByronLord
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Not wanted to after the experience of a friend of mine's boss.

He was in the UK diplomatic corps, was drinking in the bar of a hotel in Shanghai. Got talking to a couple of girls (twins) in the hotel bar. After a while (and presumably a financial agreement) they went to his room.

The resulting video (all hotel rooms let to foreigners have hidden cameras) cost him his job and his marriage.

The double honeytrap is a staple of the Chinese PLA. There is a reference in Austin Powers and one of the Bond movies.
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Quote by JohnC

Thanks for the response.

I fully understand what you were saying. And I appreciate it. But I can say that many Lesbian women send similar things to straight women here on Lush (and I am sure they say the same in the real world as well), so I don't buy that as an excuse to have a chip on the shoulder. In fact I have been told that the Lesbian women here seem to think it is some kind of challenge to "get the straight woman". Now granted, I am sure that is not the case with ALL of the Lesbian woman here..... but... just showing that this type of behavior is not exclusive to straight men toward Lesbian women.


Some of the men here would like the lesbian girls to get the straight chick. It is part of our DNA, see 'Plan 23C':

1) Find girl who is into you, is she bi? if so go to step 3
2) Set up girl with lesbian girl to get her made bi
3) Get now bi GF to find another GF
4) Is new GF Bi? if not go back to 3
5) Get Bi GF and her Bi GF to do a MFF threesome
6) Gupping fishes time!

Needless to say if GF works this out and leaves at any point then go back to step 1. Alternatively, the guys would be quite happy to just watch.

More recreational than procreational, I am not at all sure why it is there. All I can say is that thank goodness I am a civilized cultured male who would never consider surrendering to such base instincts if there was anyone watching.
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Quote by blazestcyr

as for play toys.......

i want a remote one that is waterproof!!


Yep, been looking at that problem. I am currently looking at adding in an energizer power pack with a built in wireless recharger (designed for a Wii remote) into a vibrator.

We have a group at a local makerspace that makes sex toys.
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Quote by blazestcyr

as for play toys.......

i want a remote one that is waterproof!!


Yep, been looking at that problem. I am currently looking at adding in an energizer power pack with a built in wireless recharger (designed for a Wii remote) into a vibrator.

We have a group at a local makerspace that makes sex toys.
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ByronLord
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Quote by nicola

You needn't worry about that, I take the top 20-30 stories in each competition, put them all in a spreadsheet without their scores, and read the lot. 10-15 then get sent on to our judges.


Well I am not so much complaining about the result as the gracelessness of the folk who think that this is going to be helping them any. Its like cheating to win a hide and seek competition. If they lose then they are an even bigger loser because they couldn't even win by cheating and if they do win it then they know it doesn't count.

Do people really feel that the fame and adulation of the lush reader community is worth selling their soul for?

Quote by nicola
Your story was there or thereabouts this time. It was well written, but a little on the short side, if I recall correctly.


Cool, was it sufficiently obvious that it was what would have happened in the Dr Strangelove bunker after they set of the doomsday device? Or is that reference now obscure in this post cold war age?
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ByronLord
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Quote by silverfox55
Is it a love of the female form, or a repulsion of masculinity(or possibly bad experiences with men in the past)?(feel free to shoot me down here, I'm here to learn.)


I think that a large part of the reason many bi-women don't date men is that most are complete jerks. Now it probably doesn't help that many women find the 'complete bastard' alpha male type attractive.

What I find rather more puzzling is why any women find men attractive or want to put up with them. I find the female form far more attractive.
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Quote by Tranquil
Hubby "lets see. its cricket season....no wait is rugby season....oh wait i have a wife?"

Its not always the woman doing the turning down.


Lazy husbands seem to be a recurring theme here. Though the more common form is the 'only interested in his satisfaction' variety.

That reminds me of a complaint I got from a woman who is into the poly thing, 'I'm poly because I tried monogamy and I suck at it.' Her husband knew that when they got married and was OK with her dating other men. Then one of the dates became a regular boyfriend and hubby was OK with that. They drank beer together. Then they watched sports together. Then they spent time in the workshop together. Then... you can see where this is going.
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Quote by Dancing_Doll
I didn't even know that people outside of the porn industry used pumps to be honest.

I don't know how they work exactly, but I think it would suck to have to break momentum to do something like this before sex.

Are pumps supposed to feel good for the user or is it purely for size/aesthetics?


This guy seems to like them:
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ByronLord
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Not on Lush. But is has happened on OKCupid.

Somewhat amusingly she was looking at the site for much the same reason I was: scoping it out to see whether it actually worked any better.
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Quote by blazestcyr
you forgot penis/breast size...lmao...now that is THE most asked question there is....


After I wrote it I thought I should have added the following:

Q: Does my bum look big in this?

A: This is a trick question to which there is NO right answer.
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Quote by Dancing_Doll
Lelo products aren't battery powered.


Yes they are, there is a battery inside the vibrator, it is just a rechargeable one rather than a disposable. One of the reasons Lelo are better than most of their competitors is they use lithium ion batteries rather than cheaper NiCad or NiMh batteries.
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Quote by MLogan
My boyfriend is a lot younger than me, and I would like to know what you guys think..
what age difference do you think would be too much?


Judging by your profile... 22 years.

Judging by your pic rather less.
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Quote by nicola
A rather startling statistic is that 50% of marriages end in divorce.


Which means that 50% of marriages end in death DEATH!

Between divorce or death, I know which I would prefer.

Just saying.
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ByronLord
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So I am at the toymaker group at a convention and we are discussing various new toys we are working on.

The panel moderator suddenly looks round and says 'I just noticed everyone on the panel is a top, we should fix that are there any subs who would like to get equally involved?'

Voice from the back of the room, 'no of course not!'
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ByronLord
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Well yes, of course. I am a guy and I have this thing called a penis attached to me. When I was younger he used to interrupt my thoughts every five minutes to suggest we go fuck someone. These days it only interrupts every six minutes and waits a whole ten minutes after I have just fucked someone. This is what we scientists call progress.

Actually asking a guy who is likely 6" taller and 50-150 lb heavier than the girl whether they would risk an in person meetup rather overlooks some rather fundamental biological and safety issues.

Now if you excuse me, my penis has just interrupted to point out that this thread might reveal the names of some women willing to engage in his favorite hobby. It seems he needs some amusement. Again.
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Quote by Tranquil


Russian orthodox....don't know too much about it...


I was referring to this situation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pussy_Riot

Back when the Soviet Union was still a going concern the cost of keeping the orthodox church going was that the priests were recruited from the KGB. Basically a KGB officer who couldn't hack it was put out to pasture in the church. The result is that the church is now completely under Putin's thumb.

Victor Sheymov, an ex KGB defector wrote about this in his book: http://www.amazon.com/Tower-Secrets-Real-Life-Thriller/dp/1557507643

The Pussy Riot girls went and staged a protest in the Cathedral of Christ our Savior that resulted in two year prison sentences for three of the girls. One has since been released on the technicality that since she was arrested before the protest she never participated in it.

The Pussy Riot girls are cute and hot and are going to be a major success on the international music scene. They will do even better if they learn how to write stuff thats not crap (they do slightly suck unfortunately). Madona's folk are working with them on that I hear.
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Quote by Tranquil


way to kill a dream...Oh well then it would be on the alter of a very prominate catholic church.... its the pagan in me wanting to break out


Hey sorry. Just wanted to share some of my experience.

I don't know if you have ever been to stonehenge but it is bitterly cold pretty much 365 days of the year.

Would you swap catholic church for Russian orthodox? I am still pretty peeved by Putin's persecution of Pussy Riot. Though having written on the Magdalene Laundries scandal yesterday, Catholic sounds good.

For your pagan fix, could do burning man. 'Just' need some sort of stonehenge installation to set the mood. Would not need to be a full course of 20 ton stones. Could have something more symbolic. Add some fellow celebrants in appropriate robes with candles...
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Quote by GingerKitty


But isn't that the definition of oaral sex? it might oarsome


Reminds me of a joke about a rowing club which has to be read aloud to get the joke properly.

So there is a wedding of the rowing club captain and all the crew are standing outside with their oars making the traditional tunnel of oars salute to the happy couple. A young boy is walking by and calls out to his mother 'look at all them oars'. The mother is visibly shocked and says to her son, 'Them's not whores, there bridesmaids'.
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Quote by GingerKitty


But isn't that the definition of oaral sex? it might oarsome


Reminds me of a joke about a rowing club which has to be read aloud to get the joke properly.

So there is a wedding of the rowing club captain and all the crew are standing outside with their oars making the traditional tunnel of oars salute to the happy couple. A young boy is walking by and calls out to his mother 'look at all them oars'. The mother is visibly shocked and says to her son, 'Them's not whores, there bridesmaids'.
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Quote by Tranquil
in my teens, there was no way... guys would play it cool and you would never know if they liked you enough to get the courage up.


Hey, what do you think it is like for guys?
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Yeah, yeah, its a joke people. I am not quite that self absorbed but I can pretend to be. It was an ironic reference to certain threads that appear to have a thinly disguised ulterior motive. It...

Oh hang on, this last PM looks like it might be genuine and she is in driving distance. Talk later.
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Feel free to add to the list but I am pretty sure we can call many of these.

Q: What are the best sex toys?

A: Plug in vibrator: Hitachi Magic Wand with variable speed control
A: Battery powered vibrator: Lelo
A: Butt plugs: Njoy pure plug, also magic wand
A: Sex Machine: Sybian

A: Mens? Other than butt plugs still nothing half as good for men as there is for women.

Q: Do women enjoy anal?

A; Some do, a lot. The anus is on the same wire as the vagina in the nervous system and stimulating the anus during orgasm can have a very powerful effect. It does not need to be a penis to have an effect, fingers also work.

Why did my story get a lower score than someone else's?

A: Either more people liked the other author's story or more guys want to sleep with her. If you are a woman you can choose which answer is less bruising to your ego.

Does Anal sex hurt?

A: Oh yes, it most certainly does if you get rammed by a guy who has no idea what they are doing. The point is that anal sex should not hurt at all and if it does hurt you need to STOP RIGHT NOW!

How do you do anal sex right?

A: Lots of prep and lots of lube. Start off with some gentle teasing without penetration, then work up to a finger or a small plug. Build up your confidence with larger toys/more finger and eventually you will be able to take a cock. One important caveat: don't use anything in your ass that could get lost. Those tales of strange objects found in emergency rooms are completely true and completely avoidable.

Which is better, trimmed or fully shaved?

A: Going down on someone and getting a mouthful of pubic hair is not a turn on for most people. Beyond that it is a matter of aesthetic taste.

What is Saddlebacking? Is it real?

A: Saddlebacking, otherwise known as 'technical virginity' is preserving your virginity by only having anal sex. Named after Saddleback church which once put out an unfortunately worded pamphlet on abstinence only education. It is a very real and has been around for centuries, as in the old verse, 'Be a virgin in front and a martyr behind'.

You sound quite experienced in anal?

A: Yes

Know anyone who could help a girl pop her anal cherry?

A: Leave me a message
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Quote by GingerKitty
Though not a woman, I do have a backside, so I might put my oar in


NOOOO!

OWw!

Like seriously dude, ow ow ow. An oar is much too big.
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Quote by Tranquil


i would love sex on the alter at Stonehenge...


You might find that a little impractical. The altar stone originally stood 2meters high. It has fallen over since which makes sex on it a little more practical but it has also had another stone fall on top.

Perhaps the penis of the Cerne Abbas Giant would be an acceptable substitute?



Not quite the same, I agree. We really need someone to make a decent (or indecent) replica.
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Quote by Dancing_Doll
Prep often seems way more complicated than it really is

Honestly, if you're thorough in the shower, you can use warm water and fingers to get reasonably clean. Or just get a basic anal douche and re-use the same device using warm water whenever you think anal/rimming will be on the menu. It's quick and easy and portable enough to throw into an overnight bag.


There is prep for hygiene purposes. Which is pretty straightforward. You should probably not be doing anal if you have a compromised immune system (AIDS, transplant, etc.). But at the end of the day your whole intestinal tract is filled with the e-coli which are the main issue in feces.

Prep for purposes of making sure you can accept a cock *is* important aka anal training. But really the main thing there is not to rush or allow yourself to be rushed. Most women who have tried anal and not liked it have been with a partner who was incompetent at it.

I have some stories that are about anal training that give the basic advice. Or you can just buy Tristan Taormino's book or DVD how to guide. She really is America's anal expert.
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Quote by overmykneenow
I hope writing all that out proved cathartic in some way. You say you're in desperate need of advice but I think it's more likely that you're in desperate need of someone to listen to you.

You have to remember where you are. Essentially, Lush is a masturbatory aid. We may try to delude ourselves and each other with discussions about art, politics and creative writing but basically we're a bunch of wankers. This is just to give you an understanding of any advice you get here. You also have to be aware that there's quite a lot of brainwrong going on around here already.

I've already given you some advice on another thread but i'll repeat it here - go to the doctor - I'd also suggest asking him about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What issues you have with women could also be amplified by anxiety about leaving the army.

If you're looking for a website to help with your problems, Lush isn't the best place. However this one might be:

http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/

Good luck


To set out your original argument in logical form:

1) Your original post strongly suggests you should not be taking advice from assholes
2) I am a complete asshole
3) I am in this forum
1,2,3 => Therefore you should not take advice from this forum.

I think that is an example of an OMKN tautology. OK so it has Russel's paradox embedded inside it but I think Bertie would agree completely with the conclusion.
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Quote by Magical_felix


To be fair, sometimes stories are just shite.


As Katie points out, the type of scores that make me suspicious are 5,5,5,5,5,5,5, 1 or 2,5,5,5,5,5,5

Another interesting little phenomena is that stories that a story often gets a low score right as it is about to get ranked in the 'top stories' for a section.
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