Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left them
My friends bakery burned down last night ...
Now her business is toast!
Have you heard the new rumor about butter?
Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it around
News flash. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van.
Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
My husband told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
Massive sink hole has appeared on the M1 motorway.
Police are looking into it.
Have you heard the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To hide their butt quacks
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? - A stick!
Life is not a rehearsal!! My dad told this one:
I was walking along a narrow path on a cliff when I met a beautiful blonde coming the other way. I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage.
Why do elephants wear red sneakers? To hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See, it works.
Why do elephants wear blue sneakers? Because their red ones are in the wash.
Why do elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of cherry trees.
What is the black stuff between elephants' toes? Slow pigmies.
How can you tell if there is an elephant living in your refrigerator? Footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there is a giraffe living in your refrigerator? The elephant has moved out.
How do you get four elephants in a Volkswagon? Two in the front and two in the back.
How do you get four giraffes in a Volkswagon? First, you take out the elephants.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with peanut butter? Either one of two things, peanut butter with a long memory or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
A guy walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!"
What do you call two nuts on a chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call two nuts on a wall?
Walnuts
What do you call two nuts on a chin?
A blowjob.
I took my girlfriend to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison
What kind of music scares balloons? ?
Pop Music
I am having a quiet chuckle at these .
My GF and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
My mom always told me. "When you grow up, you are going to have those days that you are apptobebad. Be careful, someone might like it."
Two men walked into a bar - you'd think one of them would have ducked.
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
That's almost enough to make me wish my mother-in-law was still around...
