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Really bad Jokes that your parents used to tell (Dad Jokes)- do your worst

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What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?




Dubai dont like the Flinstone's, but Abu Dhabi do.....




Edit: Thread title changed. 'Dad jokes' is an English saying for crap jokes that your parents used to tell.
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left them
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To get to the other side?

Q. No, to get his old age pension. Do you get it?

A. No.

Q. Neither did he. He wasn't 65.
Why does a milking stool only have three legs?


Because the cow has the udder...
My friends bakery burned down last night ...

Now her business is toast!
Have you heard the new rumor about butter?


Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it around
Quote by MyWildfire
Have you heard the new rumor about butter?


Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it around


ha ha. They are bad



One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
News flash. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx

My husband told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.

22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx

Massive sink hole has appeared on the M1 motorway.

Police are looking into it.
Have you heard the joke about the roof?


Never mind, it's over your head.
Quote by naughtyannie
News flash. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.


They've been caught and are now doing hard time...
Why do ducks have feathers?


To hide their butt quacks
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
Quote by apptobebad


ha ha. They are bad



One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"



Good one! That's almost enough to make me wish my mother-in-law was still around...
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? - A stick!


Life is not a rehearsal!!
Quote by MyWildfire
Why do ducks have feathers?


To hide their butt quacks


Neither true nor funny


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Why do elephants wear red sneakers? To hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See, it works.

Why do elephants wear blue sneakers? Because their red ones are in the wash.

Why do elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of cherry trees.

What is the black stuff between elephants' toes? Slow pigmies.

How can you tell if there is an elephant living in your refrigerator? Footprints in the butter.

How can you tell if there is a giraffe living in your refrigerator? The elephant has moved out.

How do you get four elephants in a Volkswagon? Two in the front and two in the back.

How do you get four giraffes in a Volkswagon? First, you take out the elephants.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with peanut butter? Either one of two things, peanut butter with a long memory or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Looks like we're in for a nasty spell of wether.

Gracie Goes To Hollywood's - True

The Night They Tried to Close RUMPLATIONS Bar (with JamesLlewellyn)



Life is not a rehearsal!!
A guy walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!"


What do you call two nuts on a chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call two nuts on a wall?
Walnuts
What do you call two nuts on a chin?
A blowjob.
Quote by noll


Neither true nor funny

Aww did I wuffle your wittle feathers

What time do ducks wake up?


At the quack of dawn
Quote by MyWildfire

Aww did I wuffle your wittle feathers

What time do ducks wake up?


At the quack of dawn


Despicable!


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Quote by noll

Quote by MyWildfire

Aww did I wuffle your wittle feathers

What time do ducks wake up?


At the quack of dawn



Despicable!



.
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
I took my girlfriend to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?


Bison
What kind of music scares balloons? ?


Pop Music
I am having a quiet chuckle at these .

My GF and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
Two men walked into a bar - you'd think one of them would have ducked.

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"