Arrrr, Lush Doubloons Up For Grabs [won]

Ahoy there, Lush mateys. Ye may have spotted that many of the mod team have pirate avatarrrs under orders from Quartermaster Danny.

We took to the high seas in The Wicked Wench toward the shores of Orgy Island for some well-earned Arrr and Arrr, but there be rumblin's of mutiny on board.

Who do ye think is the ringleader and we should make walk the plank, and why?

The landlubber who carves the best piratey argument here in under 200 words that makes me spit out me grog in laughter will win 30 shiny Lush coins from me plundered stash.

Mods may defend their honour to sway opinion and avoid the sharp end of the cutlass, so change yer mind as often as ye wish before we beach next weekend, March 11th.

Let's find us this varmint and show 'em overboard.

I’ve been mulling over the issue aboard the Wicked Wench. After some thought, it seems obvious to me that AvidlyCurious is the demanding little slut of a ringleader, simply because she loves rings and often leads with her tongue.

Only the other day, I caught her rimming one of the female crew members as they slapped their thighs in delight, despite one of the crew shouting, “she’s behind you.” Never a true word spoken in jest, as they say.

I’ve seen her hiding all the jewels that have been plundered up her ample backside and encouraging all the other female crew members to do the same, which is why she’s always smiling. She’s planning something.

Any WannabeWordsmith would be able to tell that she lies when questioned about her innocence.

As for walking the plank, she’d walk anyone’s plank until she’s satisfied and they’re exhausted. Confining her to Davy Jones’ locker won’t work – she’s immune to chastity belts, and Davy Jones wouldn’t stand a chance once she’s extracted a tit-swinging, cunt clenching orgasm from him. And as for that octopus, well, she’d just smile and invite all eight tentacles to fill every hole possible.

Yay, first entry, thank you. Great arguments, hehe. We'll let AC defend her innocence. Or not.

The black sea churns, mirroring the restless mood onboard. Mutiny rumors spread faster than ScarletKrystal's thighs. 

KimmiBeCrabby, a stowaway hoping to get caught and flogged, hunts for the ringleader. 

She watches DanielleDirtyLocks sashay by, saying, "Me wants a pair of swords to polish." 

Captain WannabeMcWinky and First Mate WobblyLegBuz feel their third leg straighten and follow her down below into a dingy cell.  

In the blink of her one eye, DanielleDirtyLocks shoves a key up WannabeMcWinky's ass, slams the iron door shut, and eyeballs WobblyLegBuz. "If you want out, go get the key." 

WobblyLegBuz glances at his captain then mumbles, "Blimey! Not touchin' that booty." For the first time in his life, Captain WannabeMcWinky's at a loss for words. 

Second Mate Plunderin'Henke's nowhere to be found because… well… he's busy plunderin' some pirate pussy. "Fire in the hole!" echoes from above.

KimmiBeCrabby walks in on SeaWolfSprite crowing an elongated, "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," while receiving a tongue lashing from HornsSwaggerJen. KimmiBeCrabby slowly backs outta the cabin. 

It isn't until KimmiBeCrabby overhears DronetteO'Fish huffing to BarnacleBabeCurious, "There's no time for Arrr and Arrr, there be stories to mod!" that she discovers the scallywag behind the mutiny — DronetteO'Fish! 

It's always the good wench… 

Mutiny on the Wicked Wench you say? Shiver me timbers!

All eyes are cast towards the comely pixie, known to be unafraid to stir the chum, but she is a dedicated crew member.

A search of the crew's quarters (hind, that is) in search of booty, reveals much glorious booty, but no clue.

I must rely on my experience as Captain of numerous shipwrecks and deduce that it is someone staid, quiet, working behind the scenes to stir the grog.

Someone experienced, intelligent, cunning, and possibly resistant to change, moving amongst the crew almost unseen. A siren of the deep, attempting to seduce and draw in the wayward and unsure crew members.

Lay out the plank, I have cast my net.

The sirens call for you, Dronette.

Quote by KimmiBeGood
Captain WannabeMcWinky

😂 Think he'd notice if I actually changed his username?

Quote by Jen

😂 Think he'd notice if I actually changed his username?

Dare you! 🤣

Captain Winky McWinkface! the scourge of the seven seas

Oh er Jim lad. Pass da rum owise ya/ye walky da blank. Aaaargh does ya/ye knows of da cheapy car insurance sins means expires sooon.

Sorry best I can do.

Quote by DarkSide

I’ve been mulling over the issue aboard the Wicked Wench. After some thought, it seems obvious to me that AvidlyCurious is the demanding little slut of a ringleader, simply because she loves rings and often leads with her tongue.

Only the other day, I caught her rimming one of the female crew members as they slapped their thighs in delight, despite one of the crew shouting, “she’s behind you.” Never a true word spoken in jest, as they say.

I’ve seen her hiding all the jewels that have been plundered up her ample backside and encouraging all the other female crew members to do the same, which is why she’s always smiling. She’s planning something.

Any WannabeWordsmith would be able to tell that she lies when questioned about her innocence.

As for walking the plank, she’d walk anyone’s plank until she’s satisfied and they’re exhausted. Confining her to Davy Jones’ locker won’t work – she’s immune to chastity belts, and Davy Jones wouldn’t stand a chance once she’s extracted a tit-swinging, cunt clenching orgasm from him. And as for that octopus, well, she’d just smile and invite all eight tentacles to fill every hole possible.

You ain't wrong, matey! You're so good that your death sentence almost sounded like a praise, so I'd gleefully go down

Hah, ha, ha, ha, and zut alors! When my husband 'as finished with Roger ze Cabin Boy, and Master Bates zees fit to take 'is hand out of 'is pantaloons. We 'ave come for ze Doubloons, and ze notorious pirate DanielleX should be made to walk ze plank. Why? Well, I am Capitano of ze good ship Innuendo. It is long, and hard and filled with seamen. But, enough about my husband, Seaman Staines.

Our plan was to meet with ze Wicked Wench, we 'ave big cannons, and almighty balls. We planned to make boom-boom with you all. And yet, zer is sabotage.

You zee, I caught her, frigging in ze rigging, and now it is all wet... and quite useless. And worse, we cannot erect our sails or anything. She 'as exhausted my crew, and myself, also.

So... Danielle X must swim with ze fishes. We ar' adrift from Orgy Island, too.

Also, can we get a tow? My own sailors ar' restless, and zer are too many for me... send nudez. Send anything.

(My friends, honestly, blame my husband. I am just here for ze sexy pirate costumes. 😉)

With apologies (lots of apologies) to Robert Lewis Stevenson:

Fifteen mods on the dead man's chest—

...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

Drink and the devil had done for the rest—

...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

Shiver me timbers; proper English’s derring-do—

...Yo-ho-ho, no more literary scum!

Blimey. Crushed ye barnacles on the story queue—

...Yo-ho-ho, no more literary scum!

Now for arrr and arrr, maties, plonked on our arrrse—

...Yo-ho-ho, slap the redhead’s bummm!

Scuppered, me hearties, that addition letters farrrce—

...Yo-ho-ho, slap the redhead’s bummm!

A seadog’s one eye for booty, that’s our coxswain—

...Yo-ho-ho, make each other cum!

All jolly rogerers: plundering pussies till cocks’ wane—

...Yo-ho-ho, make each other cum!

Pirate wenches and strumpets a moderator? —

...Yo-ho-ho, an all-girl three-sum!

Sink me; bilge-sucking’s a multiple orgasm creator—

...Yo-ho-ho, an all-girl three-sum!

Batten down the hatches, lovelies, we’ll write up a storm—

...Yo-ho-ho, coining-a-phrase income!

We’re cunning linguists who’re in such hornswaggle form—

...Yo-ho-ho, coining-a-phrase income!

Planking now easier than: one, two, three—

...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

No rhyme or reason, it has to be Kee—

...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

as you can plainly see by my avatar, i am not only not the ring leader, but in fact a victim of a baseless mutiny by the crew. if someone feels a burning desire to play Errol Flynn and free me from these villainous pirates i'd be ever so grateful, if you know what i mean ;)

Ah, yes, pirates. I remember last time they were a thing here, back in 2014... Take this, for example -

‘Tis a Pirate’s Life for Me | Lush Stories

Quote by naughtyannie

Ah, yes, pirates. I remember last time they were a thing here, back in 2014... Take this, for example -

‘Tis a Pirate’s Life for Me | Lush Stories

I love it! I had no idea I had inspired that poem 🤗

Rumpy Bill, Tetchygoddess, Skinnykimmi, Frowzy the Lion, and me – I mean I  – would have been a-layin' around the poop deck…

'Cept poop ain't allowed in these here waters! Avast and blast, and…stuff.

So we be a-layin' around the half-deck instead, but OTOH, we only had half our asses on it, so it be the quarter-deck.

Anyways, we be a-layin' there, a-waitin' for a moderating wind to blow us…home, when who ('scuse me – whom) should arrive, by gar, ‘arisin’ out the seafoam?

It be a sea-sprite, the SheSprite, the w-rach-ed Al-lass hersel', with wrath upon her forehead, and a steely glint in her beady eye – ‘tother one being covered with a black patch with a cute little white bunny on it.

She heaved her mass – all 120 pounds of it – out of the water, glaring, and hailed us, “Surrender the booty, or I be a-sinkin’ your stinkin’ shit – I mean, ship!”

Like the flasher I be, I quickly tossed Tetchy and Skinny over the side, hoping to appease the, um, short, petulant sea-goddess.

“No, you arsehole (pardon my English)! The gold doubloons, the filthy lucre, the gelt, the good stuff. The money, you blockhead!”

But I caught her eyeing Tetchy’s red muff and Skinny’s buff-muff (and pink bum-cheeks) notwithstanding – AND heretofore-and-aft!

Shivering me timber (which was embarrassingly pointing towards her), I grabbed da timber – no, I mean da chest – no, not that one, the one with the doubloons – and heaved it over the side.

The SheSprite Al-lass caught it handily in one…um, hand, improbably stretched her other around Tetchy and Skinny, licking her chops (and theirs), then sallied, “So long, suckers! And throaters, too!”

And with that, a randy, red whirlpool (at least, I think it were a whirlpool, although it looked an awful lot like an ars…never mind) expanded on the ocean, and the SheSprite, Tetchy, Skinny, and all our lovely doubloons vanished in a spurt of scummy foam.

At least I think it was foam…

So here we be – be-calmed, a-lying back on the poop…I mean, half-deck, smoking cigarettes and watchin' Cap'n Kangaroo, after having been screwed, blued – and left with this here tattoo!

Quote by sprite
as you can plainly see by my avatar, i am not only not the ring leader, but in fact a victim of a baseless mutiny by the crew

... or is it the classic double bluff? The 'helpless maiden', all trussed up, is the real mastermind and she'll spring from her bonds when everyone's guard is down and make off with the bounty and her co-conspirators.

Arrr, things not be lookin' so good for Dronette. What have ye to say for yerself, lassie? Are them accusations gonna fly? Or does ye have an ali-bi?

Also in me musket's crosshairs: Danny, sprite, Kee and AvidlyCurious.

Still plenty of time till we beach. And plenty of rum to be had. The crew need to be rid of the rotten egg so we can safely party hearty on the island.

Arrrrr, me hearties. Well, Arrrgon, the noble gas, masquerading as a pirate: more than one entry allowed?

Quote by CuriousAnnie
more than one entry allowed?

Absolutely. The more the merriarrr.

I'm surprised there aren't more entries. I'm tempted to single somebody out for Krystalization... eeny, meeny, miney...

Quote by krystalg
I'm surprised there aren't more entries

I'm surprised nobody has nominated you. Ye certainly has the ass-ets to lead both sexes astray and spearhead a mutiny 😜

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

I'm surprised nobody has nominated you. Ye certainly has the ass-ets to lead both sexes astray and spearhead a mutiny 😜

Lily-livered landlubbers, the lot

We be landin' on the shores of Orgy Island tomorrer. So any of ye who wanna have a go at outing the snake in our midst, get scribblin' now to be in with a chance of scoopin' the loot.

And if any mods be wantin' to defend their honour, that be grand too.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

And if any mods be wantin' to defend their honour, that be grand too.

That ship's sailed ages ago, Cap.

Come what may ☠️

It were Krystal clear whodunnit.

I had all the pirates lined up, pantless…and pantiless…shame-faced and hung-dog.

I walked back and forth, pegleg a-pegging them what even glanced at me wooden leg named Smith.

"Avast ye scury knaves – and knavettes! Which one of ye lubbers done let that she-bitch aboard?"

It were Heavin' Jake what raised a shakey hand. I scowled at him, then nodded.

"Uh, Cap'n, it's 'which one of you lubbers let…'"

"Odds bods hammer and tongs!" I bellowed. "It be bad enough that I have to put up wit' ye a-fixing me stories! I'll not be having ye critic-ing me rousing piratical speeches as well!

Just then, Misfit Molly raised a hand, "Cap'n?"

"WHAT, ye lily-livered…"

"Critic-ing isn't a word, sir. Not a proper one, at any rate."

"Enough! You'll all waltz the plank…"

I withdrew me cut-lass, and prepared to cut me a lass – or two! – when sudden-like, someone fucked…I mean, plucked me cutlass right from me hand. Aghast and agog, I swiveled on me peg…and found meself facing the red-headed witch hersel'

She wore a mocking smile on her lips – and naught else. Not a stitch!

"Ye were saying…Captain?"

I were struck stone speechless, and several other S-words, me mouth a-hangin' wide…

"I thought not," said the She-witch to the be-witched, being moi, mesel'.

She plucked me Capn't tricorn from me head, seated it handily on her own bonce.

"I'll consider you one of my crew…members: Long Dong Silverlocks, if ye would be so kind as to drop your drawers and join the line…"

She looked at me through her lashes…

And before I knew what I were a-doin', I'd dropped me britches, and shuffled back to me place in line…hopeful.

"I thought so," the She-witch opined, then sauntered to the front of the line, her shapely ass a sight fit for a long spyglass!

"And now, me hearties…your pay!"

She dropped to her knees in front of the first pirate in line, slurping his member deep inside her hot mouth, causing his eyes to turn up in his head…and his wee willie to spurt wildly.

She wiped her mouth…raised an eyebrow, and calmly said the words that captured me heart 'for all time, til I meet with Davy Jones…or Micky Dolenz…

"Next?"

Haha. Almost worth extending the 200 word limit for that imaginative entry 🙂

This was fun, Captain WannabeMcWinky!😉

I still think Dronette is ye varmint, but she's too busy modding stories to defend herself. 😀

Avast, me mutiny is only the beginning, for I am the reason Roger is Jolly, and my reign of WHORE-er has just begun. The Sea-witch not only looks good in a hat, but the crew of buccaneers makes her buck as they sing the praises of their true captain Krystal the Red, the SEA-witch!
"Fifteen men Jizz on Krystal's chest. she's a ho-ho-ho and covered in cum!"

Now hoist the main sail, pay the Devil, batten the hatches, and set course to the seven seas. second star on the right and straight on 'til morning. For to a'glean enough crew to sate the Rad Captain's lust, we're going to need a bigger boat.