X-posted
TL;DR - My boyfriend wants me to dominate him, but I'm more of a sub, and he's not into punishment / spanking / pain of any kind... What can I do to make it sexy for him?
Okay... So here's the longer version. Basically, I'm a fairly submissive person, and that's fine with my boyfriend and he's happy to dominate me... But he also wants me to move into the driving seat occasionlly - Which, I'm also fine with. I mean, I feel a bit awkward since I've only ever really tried to dominate one person and they were only too happy to "escape" half way through and take over.
What makes it even harder is unlike me, my man doesn't like being spanked, or punished, or humiliated or anything that I really enjoy when being dominated... So I'm thrown even futher off kilter by this. I'm not sure how to dominate someone without such easy tools to fall back on. Spanking him and telling him what a naughty boy he's been would be easy - but I can't do that since it won't turn him on, much if at all. I'm also not sure that trying to make him beg would work... Since I don't think he will... I'm not sure if he really wants to be dominated, or he just wants me to take the lead, which I do anyway...
So what can I do to both dominate my man, but make him feel sexy towards me... In rare occasions...?
dominating as in other words he just wants to lay back and let you do all the work? I find most men who want to be dominated mean just that.
or do you mean he wants you to tell him what to do to you?
If he isn't to all the spanking or punishment you could try teasing. Tell him he is not allowed to touch you and tease him by rubbing against him with your breast or other parts, touching, biting, licking and kissing him and soon he will be begging to be allowed to touch you!
I have to agree ... I think he wants you to do all the work.
So ....
- use him like a toy, (many men LOVE that!)
- get yourself off,
- tell him to wait,
- make him start over again, because you need another orgasm, and again (ooh!)
- then tell him when you have pleasured yourself enough, and it's his time to cum on you - you expect to watch him bring himself to orgasm.
Sounds like it could be a great story!! do let us know when you write out the fun you had!
Van
Tie him up whilst teasing him mercilessly then take your sweet time pleasuring yourself or even better! Straddle his face and make him do it! You may want to tease I mean reward him with a 'almost there blow job' then when you are good and ready you can untie him.
Try some spontaneous sex! In weird, wonderful and wacky locations.
Try being creative, he probably doesn't even want you to go the whole way he just wants you to show initiative.
great advice, our Wise-Sage Necho! (making notes for future reference!)
Van
x
TEASE HIM.
Make it last for hours, days if you can. Tie him up and force- like this will be a problem- him to watch you masturbate. Then clean your house naked and not let him touch you. Read him a story filled with details.
Tie him to the bed, and then tease him some more. Do not let him cum for as long as you want him not to.
Take him for dinner, in a restaurant you have not gone too. Slide your foot up his leg, lick your lips and tell him what you want to do to him. Be descriptive. Slide your finger down over your neck, over your collar bone, let it slip under your top/dress. Don't let him touch you. Play.. toy with him. Go to the bathroom. Remove your knickers, and hand them to him across the table.
There is a difference between dominating him, and controlling the situation. Try not to think of it as dominating him as you seem uncertain of it. Turn the table, and take control of the situation and tease him. It will take confidence on your part in yourself and your body. But; once you get into it, it is actually a lot of fun!!!
Be sure to come back and tell us what you did to him!!!
Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!
Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China. I think I know where he is coming from. Even though I tend to be very dominant, sometimes I like the woman to take control. And no, it doesn't mean that he just wants you to do all the work. Most women prefer to be submissive and are uncomfortable taking on a more dominant role.
A lot of people assume that the Dom/sub would always involve pain in some ways, but that is not always the case. I love rough, dominant sex, but I get no pleasure out of whipping anyone or being whipped/spanked myself. For me to gain pleasure from it, there has to be some kind of sexual act being performed.
Now I'm not sure what types of things you two usually do, but look at the stuff he enjoys doing...and then make him do those things in a forceful way. For example, if he likes going down on you, then handcuff him to the bed and sit on his face. A lot of women make the mistake of being too passive when it comes to being dominant. Trust me, he doesn't want you to tie him up and tickle him with a feather and then give him a blowjob. Its not about teasing. Grab his hair and grind your pussy into his mouth. (and don't use baby talk).
Don't call him a naughty boy. Call him a dirty fucking slut. Tell him what to do and make sure he does it or else force him to. If you like having your nipples sucked...then shove them into his mouth and make him suck. If you like having your ass licked...straddle his face and make him shove his tongue inyour ass.
Its also possible that he has some kinkier ideas in mind but is reluctant to tell them to you. A lot of men are ashamed to take on a submissive role and will be embarrassed to tell you the things that they actually want. If you have some way of finding out what type of porn he looks at when you're not around, then you will probably be able to get some ideas.
I agree with most of the replys. I too am a very submissive person, i want my lover to take me, im not the taker. my new lover who i love very much, he was fine with that, but, well, after a year, he wasnt, he said i got to take over sometimes. its really hard for me. I thrive on someone coming to me and taking me, telling me what they want. I almost cannot operate as the dominate one, i lose my sex drive and everything. but because i do love him adn i want hiom happy i started working on it. and just because he said he wants me to take over does not mean he wants me to beat him or whip him or anything. he simply wants me to come to him and let him know i want him. he wants me to lick him all over and push him back and suck his dick like im worshipping it. he wants me to use him, so i do, i ride him til i cum over and over, and he doesnt. and usually, as already mentioned, he ends up taking over in the end. he usually ends up breaking out my toys while im on top and using them on me while i suck him. or when i bring him to the point of cumming and dont let him a few times, he usually ends up flipping me over and fucking the shit out of me. so take your time, worship him, make him feel like he's your world.......go with the flow and have fun. Tip: sometimes i'll read some hott stories on here or look at erotica, then when he gets home, i'm hot and ready and i gonna get it whether he likes it or not. the other day, he was in a bad mood and cranky, well i had been reading a few stories on here and my imagination was running and so was my sex drive, so he layed in the bed (his mistake) and i went to him with the yaya, whatever, im taking it anyway. needless to say, he wasnt cranky when we were done and i was satisfied. If you find something that makes you feel sexy, you'll be more confident in taking the reins....i usually try a nightie, that shows just the bottom of my ass. ia gree with the teasing him all day too, i do that, bend over in front of him, wear a slutty shirt, kiss him sensually, rub up and down his back, slap his ass as i walk by, swing my hips while i wash dishes.....it all builds up to make him unable to resist and its fun for you!!!! good luck, enjoy!!! let us know what you do!!! much love,
cremey
I must make many decisions of much import all week long. I wish to submit my dominance more often when I leave my orifice.
I know how you feel Hannah, I am a very submissive person too, but my husband loves to be dominated, he says this way he knows what I want. Although I am submissive, I do sometimes love to be spoiled, and have him be my little boy toy. There are times we just let the other take control, it seems to work for us, of course he is kinda new to all this Dom and Sub stuff. He has lived a sheltered life when it comes to all this.
There are those times when I want my wife on top, not because I'm lazy but because it feels so damn good!!!
Then there are those times where I want to be tied to the bed blindfolded and have her do whatever she wants. It could be anything from ice cubes, light tickling, vibrator play (without the insertion)...as I always say "Surprise me" (and usually she does). There's just something to be said about teasing and building up to a terrific orgasm. There have been times when the pre-cum was just oozing out of my cock in anticipation. Am I lazy? NO...because eventually I DO want to return the ;) And then the game is on.
Take charge from the minute your man walks in the door. Set the stage. Leave him no room for doubt who is in charge. Keep him guessing. Pull out everything from toys, to blindfolds. Make him your sex toy. Punish him. Tie him up.. take him almost to the edge of a mind blowing orgasm and then walk away.. leave him panting and begging for you to come back... Trust me.. it works. He will always remember that night. You will always remember it as well and be thinking up more sexy nights to follow.
Sounds as if he's looking for you to jump him. I believe that women get hit on and/or ogled so regularly they'd rather get less. We men don't have the same experience. Read "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent (general advice there to further your understanding of gender roles). She relates her experience approaching women (dressed very convincingly as a man) in a bar and talks about the surprising callousness and visciousness of women towards men. I think that women are used to having supplicants and always get the validation that come along with it. Men are on the other end. We make eye contact, buy drinks, do everything we can, and still get shot down. Even in a relationship, we are the ones who intiate and take the risk of being turned down., we may not get turned down often, but the risk is always there. If I'm reading it right, what he wants is for you to show that you WANT him. To grab him, grope him, make him know you NEED him sexually, that he's the sexiest thing on two legs. If you dress for it, intiate it, take him to the bedroom, strip him down like he's irresistable, then jump aboard and take him, that'll go a long way.
It's powerful stuff, being wanted like that.
If he wants 'real' domination, there's a whole 'nother set of advice, but it sounds like all he needs is to have you jump him.
Your mileage may vary.
From a dude that is 'all man' during the week... I am a long haul truck driver and work my ass off daily. When I get home form 5 to 14 days on the road the last thing I wanna do is make more effort (bad choice of words that I'll hear about later no doubt) and put the moves on my wife. I have made a thousand plus decisions a day any of each could have killed you or your loved one and I am damn tired of thinking.
I love it when my wife takes the initiative and puts the moves on me and makes me feel wanted. I do like to be dominated and/or humiliated during sex. But then again we are both into her having multiple partners while I watch. That being said, would it kill you to take an active and dominant role during sex sessions once in a while?
either come out and ask him what he wants when you dominate or just don't do it
![http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]](https://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]){kind=link}