Okay, so here's the deal. I was raised in a very strict and christian household. Now, i believe in God, dont get me wrong, but lets just say I'm not the purest christian out there....I could do much better. Now, I WAS very sheltered but in May of last year I moved out and into my sisters house. Since then I have slept with 6 guys....all of whom (except for 1) i have had sex with only once and then it wasnt even because i wanted to....it was because i COULD. I didnt have feelings for these people and I slept with them anyways and it wasnt even good sex! I had no pleasure whatsoever with any of these guys. I dont really know what happened....I was raised to respect my body, and by me just sleeping with someone for absolutely no reason....I dont feel as if I'm respecting myself. I'm scared that every guy that shows some sort of sexual interest in me, I'm going to give it up. Why cant i just say NO and mean it and stick to it? I feel almost like i HAVE to sleep with them (not that im being forced).
So I have made up my mind to keep celibate untill marraige. But how am I going to achieve this if I keep having sex with dudes im into? And i know that just because I like a guy doesnt mean i have to sleep with them but i do it anyways....
ugh.....i dont know what to do!
Hay Sarah, wish I could help you but you know what --- I have the same problem. I was raised in a very religious family. They had my life figured out, and when I didn’t turn out the way they hoped they just turned on me; I tend to use sex as a way of dealing with stress. Having meaningless sex helped me with the pain, but it also made me feel like a worthless whore, so whenever my mom or my brothers would say something to make me feel like shit, I would go and fuck some random guy.
It’s been more than a year since I’ve had sex, and I feel good. I decided to wait and find a guy who I really loved and see how sex with him would be like --- I think I found him, but we haven’t been down that road yet. So, yeah after this long ass response I guess I can’t really help you; all I can say is LOVE yourself….
I can kind of sympathize with you. I have been raised in a semi-religious family which very controlling. I also had a really rough childhood and I used sex and drugs as a way of dealing with things. Things very recently got completely out of hand, and I was endangering myself in many ways. Things haven't sorted themselves out quite yet, but I have stopped using sex as a way to deal with things. I also did it, because I thought it was the only way people would love me. Although I am not celibate, I have a steady boyfriend now, and only have sex with him. I can't really give you advice on how to stop doing this, other than you need to make yourself happy and put yourself in a good place, and like O0ziiomara0O said, love yourself.
thanks girl.....everyone that's posted seems to know where I'm coming from with this and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for all the advice and support
I'd really like to say something crass and obnoxious here, cause it seems like an easy opportunity to do so.
Instead, I'll echo what was said already about making yourself happy. Figure out what it is that makes you happy, and do that. And if the dudes don't like it, well fuck 'em... no...don't fuck them... you know what I mean. If they don't like that, they don't deserve you. The only dude who deserves you is the guy who cares more about what you want than what he wants.
Did you make the decision to stay celibate until marriage because you thought it was the right thing to do, or because you thought that's what your loved ones would want you to do?
You grew up guided by your parents morals, expectations and opinions. Now you're making your own way in the world and deciding for yourself what's right for you.
Respecting yourself doesn't have to mean abstaining from sex. Taking care of yourself by making sure you're always protected during sex, choosing who you want to sleep with and not being persuaded into it, and keeping yourself out of potentially dangerous situations, is respecting yourself. In my opinion, anyway!
This is my philosophy: It works for me. A guy has to capture a piece of my mind and heart, before my body is surrendered
Seriously consider some professional counciling you are going between extremes and what's best is probably in the middle somewhere.
Bunny12
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off! I was gonna offer advice, then I realised that I'm a guy and, since it's now accepted we are all part dog, anything I say will be twisted. Listen to Bunny12, that the best I can do.
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
I agree with Lisa here. Another point I'd like to add: A lot of guys really believe in that old "She's just playing hard to get" mystique. They figure that there will come a point where you'll say "No" strongly enough that they would have to you to get in your pants. If that point never comes, then they figure that you were "into it" and just "playing hard to get."
I lost out one time based on this logic. I took this chick to a concert, we went back to her place where she cooked me a nice midnight snack. We started kissing and petting, and we reached a point where she said she wasn't quite ready for that just then. I respected her wishes, and that was that. We never had a second date. She told me then that she just didn't want to seem "easy", and she expected me to just push on through and convince her to fuck right then and there. She figured that since I backed off, I must have not wanted it, and she then wrote me off as a dating/love interest. Above all else, be honest with yourself, and your partners, and figure out some way to let them know when "no" means "NO".
You said:
So I have made up my mind to keep celibate until marriage. But how am I going to achieve this if I keep having sex with dudes I’m into? And I know that just because I like a guy doesn’t mean i have to sleep with them but I do it anyways....
ugh.....i dont know what to do!
You are so contradictory here in what are your final words; just before your plea for help in the final line. I think you need to get your thoughts into accurate perspective here.
The only way to be celibate is to refrain from having sex, but that isn’t easy; I am not saying it isn’t possible and that many women achieve it, I am stating the simple truth in you circumstances. An alcoholic can only free him/herself by totally abstaining from alcohol; that too is not an easy task but yet again, it is not impossible … but do you see how the same positive attitude within an existing dilemma applies?
I could list a lot of stuff that you already know about yourself and how (more than anything else) it is NOT safe to sleep around; but you already know this … yes?
Decide what you want to achieve and go for it. But you can only go for what YOU want for yourself with an absolute positive attitude to start off with. From what I read and in how you write what you say … I don’t think you have reached that point yet, and here lies your present dilemma.
~F~
I could be way out of line here but it sounds like you're like a kid in a candy store. You were in a sheltered home where you couldn't have sex and suddenly you were at your sister's and could have all the sex you want. Give yourself a break. You did some crazy things but so have all of us at one time or another.
You've now made a new resolution to be celibate. This is a new start but if you should decide you want to go past that with a guy you care for, just use the proper precautions. Denying yourself sex completely, may just make you pop whenever a guy pays attention again. There is a difference between giving yourself to someone you care for and having sex with Tom, Dick and Harry.
There is nothing wrong with having sex as long as you are a willing participant. There are two types of sex, meaningful and emotional sex out of love and sex that is just a fun activity to enjoy each other and feel good. Just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean it has to mean anything, so you don't need to beat yourself up over it. Religion imposes archaic beliefs and "rules" on people that are no longer relevant in todays world.
Just make sure you are having sex because you want to, not because you think you owe it to someone and make sure you always have condoms with you. There is nothing wrong with having sex for nothing other than pleasure if you both are willing.
In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
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En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av. you have been sheltered. Please pardon my frankness here, but its sounds as if you dont know any better. someitmes sheltering children is good, but when taken to the extreme, it gets them into more trouble, like not knowing how to say no. Or not knowing and being able to express what you want. You are kinda immature still, and that is not bad, but its not good for where your at. If you feel a stronger need and want to be cellibate, do so!!! You arent even enjoying the sex, adn i can tell you as a girl whos been around, if you dont enjoy it your wasting it!! all your doing is being a cum dumpster for some jerk. I suggest you remove yourself fromt he temptation since you find you cant say no, and surround yourself with other cellibate people. And love yourself enough to get to know yourself better and better understand what you want for yourself, then go for it!!!! good luck sweets, take care!!
Bunny is right.
You know, I really wanna give advice, but i could only do it if you'll allow me to. I know I'm a guy and you'd probably think I may not see things the way you do. But we're the same being brought up in christian values and ways.
well maybe you'll feeling that way ;cause at the back of you're mind those stuffs that you've done is wrong as compared to how you're thought of or against to how you are brought up.
sometimes when you're in problems like that just pray. just like you're just talking to Him.
Hi Sarah, I knew somebody very internally for about 15 years, her problem was similar and she could not say no to any reasonable offer. She suffered from that dreadful condition of nymphomania, yes guys, its no joke. She could never have an orgasm with intercourse; it had always to be external.
She always thought the next guy would make it happen.
If you really believe that having sex with a variety of people is not in your best interest from either a religious or emotional propective then that is what you need to do. Since you say you are not enjoying the sex anyway. Your may need counseling to achieve your goal.
Since I have daughters your age, I could be your Mother. The lane you wish to travel is not the one I choose when I was about your age. I had many partners before and after marriage and have enjoyed the sex with most. I found a loving man how did not think that multiple partners was a big issue. We have had and still do have a happy and fulfilling life together.
I know the girls are sexually active and I only want to be safe and happy with what they choose in their sex life, as I would wish that for you also.
No one can direct to the path you should follow, but there are those who can help make the trip less stressful for you.
Sarah, give us a status update, since that was a year ago.
