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Coming out of the closet about having a Dom/me

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sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
So, looking for feedback, comments, advice, etc.

Here's the situation. I met someone in January and our relationship quickly grew into one of Domme and submissive. Here's the frustrating part. it is a huge part of my life and yet, i find it very difficult to talk about. these seem to be the issues, imo.

1. i have friends who are supportive but don't really get it and both parties feel a little awkward talking specifics.
2. i have never really felt a part of the 'lifestyle' group nor made friends in those circles.
3. i have friends who are unaware of that side of me and i'm unsure of how to come out of the closet or if i should/want to come out of the closet to something that they would feel was either weird or extreme or scary or whatever.
4. i don't want to bore people by talking about it constantly, cause frankly, i would as would anyone involved in a new and exciting relationship.

so yeah, just curious about other people's experiences, etc. thanks in advance.

ps. i got about 4 hours sleep last night and need a nap, so if this post isn't me at my most coherent or clearset, i blame lack of sleep. smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
HeraTeleia
Top Shot
Those friends who need to know, probably already know and are quite willing to be bored to tears with the details, and the friends/acquaintances/randoms who don't need to know, wouldn't be the sort to listen anyway.

Friends who are supportive won't allow their own personal feelings or a sense of not understanding wander into the way of listening to you talk specifics. For instance, I might ask reflective questions--questions framed around information already provided. I wouldn't ask "how" or "why" questions, because that's just not a thing one does. If you want to talk the "how" and "why" and "when" and "where" and "what", a good friend will listen and respond appropriately.

As to friends who are unaware of that "side of [you]", well, they're either your (and your partner's) friend, or they are not a friend. If I am your friend, then whatever you tell me is simply taken as part of what makes you, you. If you feel distressed over describing what amounts to just another domestic arrangement to someone you consider a friend, perhaps you should reconsider that friendship.

If it excites you to talk about it, as well it should (since when did anyone ever return from vacation with, say, an engagement ring on, and not talk about it?), then talk about it with the sort of friend I mentioned in the first line. The sort who is willing to be bored to tears with the details and still encourage you to tell more.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Guest
Lurker
First of all, whatever you do with your life is no one else’s business but your own, unless you choose to let them in, as you have done with this thread.

Secondly, someone once told me to not ever apologize for doing something that you know, you want or need to do, that makes you happy and helps you to enjoy life. Do not deny yourself that life experience and opportunity. I don’t sense you are apologizing, but I sense some guilt. I could be wrong. But, there is zero guilt to be felt. You have done nothing wrong. If, in fact, you are feeling any guilt.

Baby steps.

I’m not certain what you are wanting or hoping to gain from this thread; maybe it’s just some others’ perspectives. I don’t think there are any magic bullet answers.

If you truly want to share with a friend, some friends, and/or everyone, start small. Start with one or two people. Select them for their discretion and loyalty. Maybe that is all you need to do. Maybe not.

You don’t need to tell anyone, only if you want to.

Now, if you feel you are being dishonest or untruthful with your friends, you are not. There is disclosure, and then there is full disclosure. No one needs to know everything.

You may also find a confession of ‘kinkiness’, for lack of a better word or phrase, will make whomever you tell, feel like a voyeur into your personal life. People are nosy. People are curious. But people can be very cruel, as you know. You may or may not actually enjoy telling them.

I guess it comes down to that. Why do you want or feel the need to tell anyone? You don’t owe them anything, and it’s your own, private business.

I don’t tell people about my fear of balloon animals, nor do I feel the need to. Neither should you. BTW... fear of balloon animals is a metaphor. LOL. I’m actually very attracted to them.

I don’t know if any of my babbling helps, but I wish you a silent mind. Enjoy what you have.
monica3
Active Ink Slinger
My Mistress and I always kept the D/s side of our relationship to ourselves. Few understand and many think it a form of domestic abuse which those of us genuinely in the lifestyle (or longing to be again) know that abuse is never, ever involved in a genuine D/s relationship
Guest
Lurker
I tended not to talk about it, mainly the way I wouldn't talk about my sex life anyway, except perhaps to very close friends. When I lived as part of the 3some, people tended to ask me questions, which in a way I didn't want to answer, because as Monica3 says, people often think it is some kind of abuse, when it is the opposite. If you agree to share your life with someone in a way others regard as unusual, I found the last thing I needed was for them to exercise their curiosity on me.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Ping
First of all, whatever you do with your life is no one else’s business but your own, unless you choose to let them in, as you have done with this thread.

Secondly, someone once told me to not ever apologize for doing something that you know, you want or need to do, that makes you happy and helps you to enjoy life. Do not deny yourself that life experience and opportunity. I don’t sense you are apologizing, but I sense some guilt. I could be wrong. But, there is zero guilt to be felt. You have done nothing wrong. If, in fact, you are feeling any guilt.

Baby steps.

I’m not certain what you are wanting or hoping to gain from this thread; maybe it’s just some others’ perspectives. I don’t think there are any magic bullet answers.

If you truly want to share with a friend, some friends, and/or everyone, start small. Start with one or two people. Select them for their discretion and loyalty. Maybe that is all you need to do. Maybe not.

You don’t need to tell anyone, only if you want to.

Now, if you feel you are being dishonest or untruthful with your friends, you are not. There is disclosure, and then there is full disclosure. No one needs to know everything.

You may also find a confession of ‘kinkiness’, for lack of a better word or phrase, will make whomever you tell, feel like a voyeur into your personal life. People are nosy. People are curious. But people can be very cruel, as you know. You may or may not actually enjoy telling them.

I guess it comes down to that. Why do you want or feel the need to tell anyone? You don’t owe them anything, and it’s your own, private business.

I don’t tell people about my fear of balloon animals, nor do I feel the need to. Neither should you. BTW... fear of balloon animals is a metaphor. LOL. I’m actually very attracted to them.

I don’t know if any of my babbling helps, but I wish you a silent mind. Enjoy what you have.



yes. mostly i just was looking for perspectives and experiences.

thing is, it's something i do want to feel comfortable sharing. i think most people who know me a little know that i tend to overshare a bit - i have always talked freely about the 'big things' going on in my life and suddenly, i find it difficult and something that i'm incredibly insecure about. there is always that worry that i'll push the envelope a little too far and suddenly find people i like having in my life stepping back a little. even here, a site based around sex, i know the bdsm is a little strange to some looking in.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Unknown User
Quote by sprite
So, looking for feedback, comments, advice, etc.

Here's the situation. I met someone in January and our relationship quickly grew into one of Domme and submissive. Here's the frustrating part. it is a huge part of my life and yet, i find it very difficult to talk about. these seem to be the issues, imo.

1. i have friends who are supportive but don't really get it and both parties feel a little awkward talking specifics.
2. i have never really felt a part of the 'lifestyle' group nor made friends in those circles.
3. i have friends who are unaware of that side of me and i'm unsure of how to come out of the closet or if i should/want to come out of the closet to something that they would feel was either weird or extreme or scary or whatever.
4. i don't want to bore people by talking about it constantly, cause frankly, i would as would anyone involved in a new and exciting relationship.

so yeah, just curious about other people's experiences, etc. thanks in advance.

ps. i got about 4 hours sleep last night and need a nap, so if this post isn't me at my most coherent or clearset, i blame lack of sleep. smile



Has this chat taken place yet?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by IMPÜRETHOUGHTS





Has this chat taken place yet?




work in progress. smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
LYFBUZ
Troublemaker
Taking a slightly different angle, in a more vanilla relationship how much would a person share? I might share more detail on Lush given the overall vibe here and a generally more open acceptance of various types of relationships. As far a real life goes I don't share that much and likely wouldn't be describing my relationship in detail to anyone but I'm a pretty private person. In a way perhaps the dilemma is no different than one we all feel at times wondering how accepting our friends will be, will people pass judgement, will people be understanding? Not sure any of that matters. Does it make you happy? If yes then fuck 'em. We all filter our messages according to audience. My suggestion would be to filter accordingly and if you lose a few friends they were probably no great loss. Your heart has the answer.
Guest
Lurker
All of my friends knew I had a Mistress and used to visit Wendy (Celticwitch) in person almost every month when she lived in England before she got the cancer and moved to Scotland to be with her family.

Those who not know me? I not care much what they think regarding that
because I not know them. They aren't important to my day.

Come out of the closet, tell my mum and daddy?......
I not think so...smile

Regarding advice to anyone else?...well...
Your real friends should understand always and not quickly judge.
Your family may not understand, you know them better than anyone else.
It isn't the business of your work and occasional friendships.
As for here at Lush?...
Except for the stories, the second most important to the rest of the crowd is that it's a fantasy sex site,
so unless you're planning to meet someone from here in person, like I have a 3 times,
then it's irrelevant, and not matter.

Anyone can be who they wish here without judgement from others, especially regarding cybersex.
Most here want their privacy anyway, so if a guy wants to pretend he has a 12 inch cock when he plays with me? Fine, I not mind them bigger, or a girl wants to play something she wouldn't really do in real life,
of course I will help her for that special time when we play together, as long as they are not one of the LBAGC, he or she is nice to me, and their wordplay has a devil tongue...smile