Marital hall passes were something only ever mentioned in the movies, or jokingly brought up between couples while in an intoxicated state. The odds of a spouse being presented with the opportunity of a random intimate encounter with Chris Hemsworth or Sydney Sweeney had been so miniscule that it was typically just something passively agreed to in the spirit of avoiding a stupid argument. Paul’s entire life began to flash before his eyes as he and his wife, Candace, of twenty -five years, trailed in the chlorine-scented wake of the world-famous, Speedo-clad porn star leading them down the fourteenth floor corridor of Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas. The jeers of oncoming foot traffic became impossible to ignore as random passengers and housekeepers couldn’t help but take notice of the fully-erect eleven-inch monstrosity currently testing the structural integrity of its bright-yellow spandex wrapping. What was originally intended to be a leisurely family Spring Break getaway would soon turn into a marriage-altering experience neither Paul nor Candace could have ever prepared for.

Summer of 2023 had officially arrived as the Thomas family made their way to the cruise terminal, a short fifteen-minute drive from their home in Miami, FL. Paul and Candace were determined to make the most of what would likely be their last annual family cruise for the foreseeable future, with their daughter Melissa headed off to the University of Florida in a few short months for her freshman year. After parking, dropping their bags off, heading through airport-like security, and checking in, they eventually made their way to the gangway to board Royal Caribbeans Oasis of the Seas. They paused to take a pre-cruise family photo, a tradition that had become an annual Spring Break ritual. Though not particularly extravagant, Paul and Candace admitted to being somewhat spoiled by their proximity to one of the country’s most popular cruise ports; this would be their third cruise on the Oasis of the Seas.

Navigating up a zigzagging gangway ramp and onto the ship, they arrived at the shopping mall-like grand foyer, a hallmark of massive cruise ships like the Oasis of the Seas. Before long, they said their goodbyes to Melissa, who couldn’t have escaped her parents any faster to explore the ship on her own as a newly-minted eighteen-year-old. They decided they would take a quick stroll around the ship they had come to know well, giving the baggage handlers time to deliver their luggage to the room before eventually heading there to unpack. Tossing their suitcases on the bed and throwing on a quick change of clothes, it was officially time for Candace and Paul to kick off their vacation. They made their way to the fifteenth floor to join the traditional sail away party, already in full swing around the pool on the Lido deck.

An hour and a couple of drinks into the party, Candace and Paul were surprised to run into Melissa as the evening began to settle in. None of them felt like getting dressed up for dinner in the main dining room, so they collectively decided to grab a quick bite at the Windjammer Café, an informal self-serve buffet-style restaurant found on all Royal Caribbean ships. Finishing dinner around 8:00 PM, Melissa once again disappeared, while Paul and Candace decided to head to the Solarium, a favorite hangout area on every cruise they had previously been on. The Solarium was an adult-only area at the very front of the ship, spanning the fifteenth and sixteenth decks, featuring a bar, pool, and hot tubs. It was a chill spot to relax with a drink, away from the distraction of young children and loud noise. Arriving at the Solarium a few minutes after leaving the Windjammer Café, they sat down at one of the glass-top tables, quickly picking up where they had left off before dinner, with a couple of apple martinis, coming highly recommended by their bar waiter.

Candace and Paul were the rare classic high school sweethearts who had married right out of college, living what most would consider the perfect life as successful forty-six-year-old attorneys with a marriage spanning nearly twenty-five years. Physically, they couldn’t have been more opposite: Paul, standing at 5’4” and weighing 220 pounds, bore the look of a once-handsome man who had let himself go, his military-style haircut accentuating his borderline obesity. In contrast, Candace, a fitness enthusiast, bore an uncanny resemblance to actress Isla Fisher. She was petite at 4’11” and 105 pounds, with shoulder-length red hair, natural C-cup breasts that appeared even larger on her tiny frame, and a fair complexion that had the appearance of a tan made up of a myriad of connected freckles.

Despite a seemingly perfect relationship, it wasn’t without its share of issues. A once passionate marriage had plummeted into a state of sexlessness nearly in lockstep with Paul’s physical decline. Typically known for her unwavering loyalty and dedication as a mother, Candace gradually developed a hidden resentment toward Paul due to the neglect of his physical well-being. A marriage under an increasing strain would soon look to unconventional means for its survival.

Back in the Solarium, they enjoyed their third apple martini of the evening, completely unaware of the imminent events that would put their marriage to the test within the next hour. In the middle of a serious conversation about Melissa's upcoming move to Gainesville, Paul noticed Candace suddenly zoning out. Her attention diverted clearly to something occurring behind him.

“Is anyone home?” Paul asked, waving his hand in front of Candace’s face while laughing.

“Don’t make it obvious, but look in the hot tub behind you,” Candace whispered.

Paul casually turned around while pretending to crack his back, immediately turning back toward Candace.

“What?” a confused Paul replied.

A few more seconds passed as Candace continued to stare past Paul.

“Doesn’t that guy look familiar to you?” Candace asked.

Candidly turning around to take another peek, Paul replied. “Not really.”

“Holy shit, it’s him. I just saw the tattoo,” Candace said in a loud whisper, continuing to stare past Paul.

Turning around for the third time with another fake stretch, Paul’s heart sank to his stomach. The sight of the “Chelsea” tattoo on the forearm of the man who had become the subject of nearly every orgasm that had escaped Candace over the past year sent a shiver down his spine. Despite the impact of multiple martinis, the situation became extremely uncomfortable. Candace made her best effort to turn her attention back towards Paul, but became undeniably fixated on the man she knew only as Danny D, sitting alone in the hot tub behind him.

As the gin-laced concoction began to take its toll on the tiny 105-pound frame of Candace, ten seconds of awkward silence was all it took for Paul to come to terms with the “oh shit” moment that had suddenly landed in his lap. As previously mentioned, although Paul and Candace were in a seemingly perfect marriage, the fact they had gradually become roommates in lieu of lovers began to take its toll on their relationship. Completely aware of the slippery slope their marriage was on, primarily based on his own doing, Paul would soon find himself contemplating the risky advice of a close confidant who had recently faced a similar marital crossroad, as a last-ditch effort of getting their marriage back on track.

Products of strict upbringings, Candace and Paul lived sheltered lives, solidifying the moral foundation of a monogamous relationship going all the way back to high school. Paul understood that the suggestion of introducing pornography into an orthodox marriage as a means of reviving a non-existent sex life was a risky proposition, specifically for Candace, who had been raised to view such a thing through a sinful lens. Eventually gathering his courage over a bottle of wine, Paul approached the topic with Candace, framing it as a benign way of reviving their intimacy while maintaining the sanctity of their marriage. To his shock, Candace responded eagerly, displaying an unexpected interest in the idea.

Within a week, streaming videos from Paul’s iPad to the bedroom television became a regular occurrence, immersing them into the once-taboo world of pornography. As they enthusiastically took turns selecting videos that intrigued them, instantly injecting new energy into a previously stagnant sex life, it wouldn’t be long before Paul’s seemingly solid plan encountered its first obstacle as unforeseen patterns began to emerge. Despite Paul’s preference for tan-lined Latina actresses, essentially the antithesis of his wife, it became impossible to ignore the nearly footlong kielbasa-sized cock that began appearing on the screen whenever it was Candace's turn to make a selection. For Candace, a monogamous relationship spanning the entirety of her adult life meant that Paul had been the only embodiment of masculinity she had ever known. However, that reality had suddenly shifted.

As Paul cultivated his own go-to collection of very specific Latina porn stars, Candace simultaneously began to develop what would quickly become an almost unhealthy infatuation with an enormously large British porn actor named Danny D. She had simply never seen anything like it, and at more than double the length and girth of Paul, Danny may as well have been a creature from another planet as far as Candace was concerned. The sexual DNA of a loyal wife, mother, and high-powered pantsuit-clad lawyer by day began to slowly mutate at the now daily sight of eleven-inches of picture-perfect flawlessness pulverizing the orifices of some of the most beautiful women on the planet in which Candace had suddenly envisioned swapping places with.

Despite the unconventional method of using porn star-induced orgasms to revitalize their once-faltering marriage, things were surprisingly looking up. Candace not only embraced the role of pornography in reigniting their sex life, but also began to assert her dominance in their relationship. She felt a subtle shift in power as her infatuation with Danny suddenly extended beyond the bedroom into private moments of self-pleasure in Paul’s absence. With Paul allowing himself to decline physically while she maintained her fitness model-like physique, Candace felt she held the upper hand. This newfound confidence would soon manifest itself into kinky post-sex pillow talk, ultimately broaching to the taboo topic of a hall pass.

Candace couldn’t shake the thought of whether Paul harbored similar fantasies about the Salma Hayek look-alike he seemed fixated on, much like her own desire of being on the receiving end of Danny’s eleven-inch kielbasa. She pondered if, given the opportunity and consent, he would indulge in those desires, knowing she would do the same. The mere notion of a hall pass injected an electrifying excitement into their already revitalized sexual dynamic. Both were instantly aroused by the fantasy of daring each other to entertain the seemingly-impossible notion of experiencing a real-life encounter with their porn star counterparts.

Little did they know, an otherwise unremarkable June summer evening would morph into a date of infamy, poised to play a pivotal role in a potential alimony battle down the road. Amidst the consumption of multiple bottles of wine and a deepening discussion about hall passes, the situation grew increasingly precarious for two Ivy League graduates with too much leisurely time on their hands. Having both already previously admitted to their willingness of taking advantage of a hypothetical hall pass situation if ever granted the opportunity, Candace decided to have a little fun as she put down what had been her third glass of wine to grab her iPad from the end table next to her. Paul continued to sip his drink as he pondered what a now close to fully intoxicated Candace could have possibly been doing as she remained heads down on her pad.

Pouring the last of the wine into his glass, Paul was interrupted by a sudden ding from his phone. Glancing at the screen briefly, he returned his gaze with a nervous smile, unsure about the email he had received from DocuSign on behalf of Candace. Clicking the link to a service he knew intimately from work; his heart sank as he began to read the document.

BEGIN CONTRACT

This contract is made this 9th day of June, 2022, by and between Paul John Thomas (herein collectively called “Paul”) and Candace Mary Thomas (herein collectively called “Candace”).

If Candace is presented with the opportunity of an intimate encounter with an adult actor referred to as Danny D, whose real life identity shall be agreed upon by contracting parties, Paul hereby grants full consent to Candace to pursue sexual intercourse at her own discretion and agrees to be present during the encounter.

If Paul is presented with the opportunity of an intimate encounter with an adult actress referred to as Sandra Romain, whose real life identity shall be agreed upon by contracting parties, Candace hereby grants full consent to Paul to pursue sexual intercourse at his own discretion and agrees to be present during the encounter.

Pursuant to Florida Statute, Section 83.49, contracting parties hereby attest to this binding contract.

END CONTRACT

In that moment, Candace managed to elevate foreplay to a whole new level, merging their worlds of career and fantasy in a way that excited Paul. Despite the impossible likelihood of ever meeting their porn star counterparts, Paul couldn’t resist the temptation of the moment and decided to go along with it. Smiling, he began to digitally sign what would ultimately become the death warrant of his twenty-five-year marriage.

Snapping back into reality at the Solarium Bar, Paul didn’t need to be reminded of the contract he and Candace signed during a drunken foreplay session barely a year ago. Grappling with deep-seated insecurities, Paul found himself caught off guard by Candace’s martini-induced eagerness and determination to meet Danny. Despite grasping the potential repercussions of reneging on a contract he once shrugged off as a joke, he made a concerted effort to conceal his doubts. Paul was able to push through the moment by convincing himself that Candace’s enthusiasm was merely a harmless hormone driven gesture, finding solace in the implausibility of a random porn star on a cruise ship showing interest in a stranger, let alone engaging in intimacy.

As the last traces of green liquid vanished from their martini glasses, Candace nervously glanced at Paul before slowly rising from her seat. Despite the palpable tension enveloping them, Paul clung to a fragile hope that Candace was merely joking. Yet, that hope was swiftly dashed as Candace’s actions confirmed otherwise.

“Here we go,” said Candace with a nervous laughter.

With a deep breath and a brief pause to steady her nerves, Candace, now extraordinarily nervous, began the ten-second walk to the edge of the hot tub. Paul, visibly hesitant, trailed a few feet behind, his own apprehension evident.

“Hey lads, how’s it going?” Danny asked.

An unexpected greeting from the real-life embodiment of Danny, whose voice had previously only ever graced their television screen, caught both Candace and Paul off guard, leaving Candace almost star-struck.

“Hey there,” Candace nervously replied.

In that moment, Danny likely assumed they were merely random passengers seeking to join him in the Solarium hot tub, before Candace, now a blend of nerves, hormones, and intoxication, impulsively blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

“We hadn’t planned on getting in, but I just wanted to say hello and let you know I am a huge fan,” Candace enthusiastically uttered with a huge grin on her face.

Paul’s face flushed with embarrassment as he was taken aback by his wife’s intoxicated bluntness. He stood frozen, silently hoping Danny would be deterred by the unexpected encounter and repelled by Candace’s forthrightness. However, to Paul’s dismay, the outcome was quite the opposite.

“Oh, really? That’s great to hear. Nice to meet you both,” Danny replied.

Taking the lead while introducing both she and Paul, Candace was taken aback by Danny’s unexpectedly kind demeanor, which turned her initial nervousness into a sense of comfort. What was meant to be a brief greeting had quickly evolved into a casual conversation with one of the most famous porn stars on the planet, leaving Paul completely stunned and motionless behind her. Though Candace had recognized Danny by solely by his alias, she soon discovered that while he was comfortable being addressed as Danny, his true name had actually been Matt Hughes.

Delving deeper than Paul had ever anticipated, they uncovered that Danny had been sailing alone, killing a few days before a shoot in their home city of Miami, which they had recently learned was a mecca of the porn industry. Chatting as if they were lifelong friends, Candace, who had coincidentally done a lot of law firm business in UK where Danny was from, got drawn into what felt like an endless discussion of all things British. Meanwhile, Paul stood there with his hands in his pockets, feeling invisible as his wife of twenty-five years carried on a casual conversation with the real-life embodiment of the man who had been the subject of nearly every one of her orgasms over the past year.

As the conversation gradually began to taper off, Paul’s optimism surged with the assumption that farewell pleasantries would soon be exchanged. He imagined he and Candace going on their merry way, with a new memory to bring back to the bedroom a few short days from then. However, reality had other plans in store.

“How’s that bar?” Danny asked Candace, looking toward the bar they had both just come from.

“Oh, it’s great! That bartender makes an incredible apple martini.”, Candace replied.

“Well, I feel like I am about to turn into a prune in here and am fancying a cocktail. Would you guys care to join?” asked Danny.

In that moment, Paul’s significance waned, overshadowed by the surge of hormones that had reduced Candace, an Ivy League-educated, high-powered lawyer, to the state of an air-headed, infatuated teenager. Blatantly ignoring Paul, she was consumed by her infatuation with Danny, leaving him feeling utterly disregarded and invisible.

“Sure, sounds great!” Candace replied while not even looking toward Paul for his agreement.

Neither Paul nor Candace had been mentally prepared for what “grabbing a drink” with Danny D, exiting a hot tub, would ultimately entail. Danny leaned on the tub’s edge, his “Chelsea” tattoo now prominently displayed, each letter adorned with beads of water cascading off them. This tattoo, Danny’s second most defining feature, served as a stark reminder of his presence. As he rose from the water, time seemed to slow, their focus swiftly diverted from the tattoo to the world famous eleven-inch salami currently lying dormant in a bright-yellow pair of Speedos, emitting a pungent chlorine scent. As Danny finished getting out of the hot tub and began descending the steps, the imposing fifteen-inch discrepancy in height between he and Candace served as a striking reminder of Paul’s shifting reality.

In a drunken stupor, Candace led Danny and a hesitant Paul back to their original table, where they had first spotted him in the hot tub just ten minutes prior. They were promptly greeted by an overly eager bar waiter seemingly relieved to finally have customers in one of the cruise ship’s most secluded bars. Candace, far exceeding her typical alcohol consumption, ordered what was likely their fifth martini of the evening for herself and Paul, with Danny deciding on the same. As small talk about Danny’s home country of the United Kingdom ensued, he suddenly slammed his hand down on the bar table, startling both Candace and Ben.

“Wedding Crashers!” Danny yelled out, his youthful immaturity on full display.

Candace and Paul looked on in confusion at Danny’s sudden outburst.

“Sorry, I couldn’t put my finger on it before, but you look like that lassie from Wedding Crashers!” Danny giddily exclaimed.

“Isla Fisher, I get that all the time,” Candace replied, with a laugh.

“That’s it! That was driving me crazy. I absolutely love that movie!”, Danny enthusiastically replied.

As their drinks made it to the table, discussion about the United Kingdom swiftly gave way to a startling transformation in Candace. She dove into playful role-playing from “Wedding Crashers” with Danny, their flirtatious laughter filling the solarium. Meanwhile, her gaze casually drifted downward through the glass table, fixating on the outline of Danny’s kielbasa, which even in its flaccid state, exceeded a fully-erect Paul on his best day. While Danny may not have grasped the full situation at that moment, he wasn’t blind to the fact that a married woman seeking out a porn star on a cruise ship for mere pleasantries, while her husband hovered in the background, hadn’t been a random coincidence. Despite her intoxication, Candace, though conscious of Paul’s presence, made the decision to disregard him entirely as she leaned in toward Danny, spending the next twenty seconds whispering something into his ear, her grin never once fading.

“Wow, seriously?” Danny replied, with a surprised laugh.

Paul’s worst nightmare began to unfold as Danny’s attention abruptly shifted to Candace, his eyes scanning her up and down as if looking at her through a sexual lens for the very first time. Despite her casual attire of black shorts and a form-fitting blue tank top, more suitable for yard work than a night out, Candace’s chiseled physique, enormous tits, and striking resemblance to a movie star Danny had likely fantasized about at some point, were unmistakable. Had she anticipated this turn of events for the evening, Candace might have chosen a different outfit. Yet, Danny’s sudden and intense interest in her persisted, undeterred by her scrappy attire.

“Sorry, I just told him,” Candace said with an awkward laugh while glancing toward Paul.

Paul’s sense of masculinity began to crumble as he felt like a mere spectator in his own life, trapped in a Twilight Zone episode. He watched with a blank stare as Danny sought clarification on the concept of a hall pass, comparing his British interpretation to Candace’s description. With each passing moment, Candace and Danny grew increasingly flirtatious, their banter becoming more intimate by the second. They joked about the origin of the hall pass, with Candace casually mentioning Danny’s unwitting role in their sexual escapades over the past year. To Paul’s dismay, Candace proceeded to pull out her phone, eager to showcase the contract they had signed, all but solidifying their forthcoming encounter. As he witnessed their interaction, Paul was struck by the realization that the Candace he had known since high school was gone forever, replaced by an unrecognizable stranger with whom he felt increasingly disconnected.

Undoubtedly intrigued by the recent turn of events, including Candace’s blunt curiosity about the inner workings of the porn industry, Danny became enthusiastic. It was as if no one had ever shown personal interest in him outside of the porn industry. Typically, a man in complete control within the confines of a studio environment, Danny couldn’t contain his excitement at the prospect of being someone’s real-life hall pass. Candace’s gaze was immediately drawn back through the glass table to the eleven-inch monster she had studied over the past year, now gradually taking its world-famous shape within the yellow spandex of his chlorine-soaked Speedo. Seeing it in person was surreal, making everything she had watched on screen feel surprisingly real. It was simply massive, and witnessing its sheer size firsthand left her feeling overwhelmed by its imposing presence.

As the evening, which suddenly felt meticulously choreographed, drew to its inevitable conclusion with no question about where things were headed, logistics quickly took priority. Danny’s attention finally shifted to Paul, almost as if it were an inconvenience. It was hard to pinpoint, but there was an air of casual disregard in Danny’s demeanor, hinting at a lack of respect for Paul since their initial interaction by the hot tub.

“Are you a cuck, mate?” Danny blatantly asked Paul.

While Candace remained fixated on the now fully erect eleven-inch sausage, testing the structural integrity of its banana-colored wrapping paper, Paul immediately froze up. He suddenly came to the realization of having been officially relegated to a cuckold, a derogatory term he had only ever heard about on the internet until that moment.

“Are you okay, mate?” Danny asked, looking toward a shellshocked Paul.

Paul’s unease had been palpable to Danny since their introduction. Despite his continued blank stare through Candace and the realization that his opinion held absolutely zero sway over the evening’s outcome, he mustered any remaining shreds of pride. Resigned to the impending nightmare that lay ahead, he soon nodded his head up and down to Danny’s careless inquiry about his well-being.

Typically known for her unwavering compassion, an intoxicated Candace couldn’t summon even the slightest semblance of empathy for a now visibly fragile Paul, her attention firmly fixed on Danny.

“Fuck it, I’m down. Let’s go have some fun!” Danny said with a giant grin on his face.

Before Paul could even process what had hit him, Danny promptly offered his porn industry-comped fourteenth-floor stateroom as the venue for the evening’s festivities, located just a deck below the Solarium Bar they currently occupied. With the logistics of the evening quickly decided, the three of them finished the remnants of the green potion in their martini glasses. Danny then rose, cocky and with a smirk, and began to slowly lead the way out of the Solarium, with Candace and a hesitant Paul trailing behind.

Fortunately, even in her intoxicated state, Candace’s maternal instincts remained sharp. She and Paul maintained a cautious distance behind Danny, who hadn’t even bothered to bring a towel or shorts to cover himself. His gargantuan Speedo was on full display as they began to navigate through the 70’s disco bash in full swing on the Lido deck. Amidst the vibrant party atmosphere, onlookers couldn’t help but gawk at Danny, confidently striding through the crowd, his overstuffed Speedo resembling a yellow balloon about to burst. Among the crowd, Melissa danced with the carefree exuberance of a teenager caught up in the moment, quickly averting her gaze from her parents, visibly embarrassed by their presence. Upon reaching the foyer on the fifteenth floor, Danny led the way down the stairs, with Paul and Candace following behind. As they reached the fourteenth floor, Danny guided them toward the port side of the ship, eventually arriving at the hallway where his stateroom resided.

TO BE CONTINUED...