My mind was reeling. The images of Brian and Kerri on the beach, climbing the cliff, dancing, and then what happened at the chairs kept running through it like a movie. They were juxtaposed with so many memories of talking with Kerri about why she didn't want or just wasn't able to enjoy sex, how a feeling of dread would overcome her when someone touched her sexually.

I learned about this after the birth of our son, we had been living together for about three years. Before that, we had sex a few times a week. After the birth, she started to be reluctant. She always had explanations or reasons for not having passion or desiring me. I was too fat, my breathing was weird, I touched her tits or put my finger in her cunt too fast, I used the word tits and cunt instead of nipples and vagina, my past with my sister freaked her out, her parents had sabotaged her healthy view of sex, and many, many more. For her to become more sexually active has been a wish of mine for decades. We had talked and talked about it without any changes ever happening. We had stopped discussing it and mostly avoided the subject altogether.

When I asked her which type of sexual encounter had been the most exciting for her, it was when she was with a stranger, someone she had just met. In her early twenties, there were a few of them. I would be all right with her doing that or anything else to help her open up. When I told her that, she laughed. There was no desire for sex with anyone, not only me.

The one-night stands had been long ago. She was young and trying to free herself from her sexual inhibitions and affirm she was worthy of a man's attention and desire. She hoped that the novelty of someone new, someone she didn't know would help keep the dread away.

When she started to flirt, and they reciprocated, it was fun and exciting. The power to entice a man to focus on her felt great. Once the sex started, the feeling of dread would return. Even though it didn't feel good, she let them do as they wanted. Because she had given them such a strong signal that she wanted it, she felt she had to. Usually, it was a quick fuck in a missionary position. One asked for anal, after entering her and too many painful thrusts, she asked him to stop. That was the only time she asked anyone to do that. Once or twice there was sex on the beach or in the water with other people nearby. The feeling of dread never stopped happening, nothing she tried worked.

What I witnessed today was totally out of character for her. Usually, she would hang out with her friends at these gatherings. Every time I saw her today, she was with Brian. They were laughing, touching, dancing, or holding each other. For her to move his hand to her crotch and then massage her to orgasm was hard for me to believe. That image was on a continuous loop in my mind.

In the car, I was still not sure what to do, or where to go. Should I wait a while before I go home? As I came to the road, I could turn left or right. Left, there were beautiful ocean views, but it would be a longer drive. Going right would be a straight ride home. I turned left and told myself I was giving Kerri and Brian some 'alone time'. I knew what I needed to do was to figure out how to act when I got there. I wasn't prepared for my body's reactions to seeing Kerri be this way.

Driving home, I still couldn't get the images of her out of my head: running on the beach, carried up the cliff, in his arms in the waves, his hand between her legs. I wondered what would I see when I got home. What new images would be burned into my mind? I figured they were most likely in bed together. Naked under the covers having sex in the missionary position in one of the extra bedrooms.

She wasn't open to other positions. Sometimes she will get on top of me, lay out fully prone, and then rub her body up and down. Sometimes she squeezes herself against my thigh and moves herself slowly up and down. A few times she has sat up and ridden me cowgirl style, she even reversed it once. We would only do it in the bedroom. If I tried to have it in another room or outside, I would be told no very quickly. Strangely, she was very open to sex in hotels. It was a given that we would do it there.

It was a beautiful night. Many stars were shining brightly even though the moon was full. The ocean views were stunning. There were cars parked at some of the scenic lookouts. I had the thought, 'Is one of those cars Brian's?' Did they want to do it in the car? Should I stop to check to see if it was them? What was I, crazy? I could see myself peering into unknown cars at people I didn't know. If it was them, what was I going to say? 'Do you mind if I join you?'

Compose yourself, just drive home. Stop thinking all these crazy thoughts. 'Be in the moment!'

In this moment, the images of Kerri never stopped. Approaching our house, it was all lit up, every room had a light on, even the bedrooms. That didn't make sense. Kerri preferred the lights off during sex. There was an unfamiliar car in the driveway, I parked so it could easily get out.

I heard Miles Davis's 'All Blues' playing as I walked to the door. Kerri puts up with me listening to my music, sometimes, she even enjoys it, although she always asks me to turn it down. I could never play it this loud unless she's not home. I knew she liked this album, but I doubted she knew it was Miles or how to find it.

I opened the door. Kerri and Brian looked up at me from the living room floor. They were on the carpet, looking at the weaving that hung in our bedroom. They were fully dressed. Connie got up quickly. Brian stood up with one graceful movement and stood next to Kerri, their hands met and intertwined.

I turned to them closing the door. Kerri's nipples were stiffly poking into the fabric of her dress. She had taken off her bra or had he? She did not like her nipples showing like they were now. It made her look very sexy, she was uncomfortable looking like that.

"Oh, I didn't hear you come up the drive. How are you?" she said.

"I'm okay. It has been quite a day. I am still trying to understand everything."

I wanted to be calm and collected, but I didn't feel that way.

"Are you all right? Do you want me to stay? Should I leave?" I asked her.

"Of course I want you to stay. This is where we live together, our home."

"I thought that you wanted to be together alone with Brian. At least 'for a while'. Isn't that what you said? I was sure that you wanted to have sex with him as soon you got here. Have you already done that? Did you have an orgasm when he massaged you between your legs earlier?"

That was a stupid thing to say. I was not being calm and collected.

"Chris, I was hoping you would understand why I did what I did today. To answer your questions. No, we have not had sex here, not yet. Yes, I had an orgasm while Brian caressed me earlier. It felt good to be able to initiate that with him. There have always been such strong negative voices in my head if I would even think about doing something like that. When I did it tonight, I didn't hear them. I was open to the sensations of my body, ready to fully enjoy them. You have always told me I should do that. I thought it would make you happy."

She looked at Brian and let go of his hand.

"I have always wanted to feel good about sex, today I did. I wanted to explore that feeling – test its boundaries. To see what I could do and how it would make me feel. I knew you wanted me to do this, and that gave me strength to push the boundaries further. I wanted you to be a part of what I had found with Brian. To see me, be with me without my inhibitions. That's what I was doing."

"I need to pee," I said as I walked to the bathroom.

I wanted to try and collect myself. Calm my body's reactions down. The right words were not coming out of my mouth. I didn't need to pee, I tried, but it wouldn't come out. As I stood over the toilet, feelings of sexual excitement and anticipation were mixed with waves of jealousy. I was semi-hard, and that wasn't helping me pee.

Kerri's bra and panties were on the bathroom floor. I was sure she wasn't wearing a bra, but no panties, I would never have guessed that. Seeing them there made me harder. I gave up trying to pee. I flushed the toilet and splashed some water on my face. When I opened the door, I could hear them talking. From where I was I could hear them, but I couldn't make out enough words to make sense of the conversation. I did hear my name and the word sex said in both of their voices. When I entered the living room they turned and looked at me.

"Chris, do you want to talk about this now?" Kerri asked.

"Do you?"

"I do. I hope we can reach an understanding that will support each other with what is going to happen."

"It would be good to understand what is going to happen. I have been thinking about it. It doesn't make any sense to me what are you doing?"

"I'm not sure it does to me either. Let's sit down and talk."

"Do you want a drink? I am going to make myself one."

"No, thank you, I don't want one. Would you like one Brian? I am sure we have what you would like," Kerri replied.

"Do you have any tea?" Brian asked.

Connie has over twenty different kinds of teas.

"Yes, we do. Would you like an orange pekoe like a Lipton or Red Rose? I do have other types also."

"Do you have chamomile?"

"Yes, I'll go make it. I'll have a cup too."

I was at the bar making a strong rum with lime juice and a splash.

Brian sat down on the couch. I sat in a chair across from it and took a few sips of my drink.

"I want you to know, I am not angry with you or Kerri. This is an experience I have never been through before and I am probably acting weird. You might think I am not wanting you two to enjoy having sex tonight. I do, it would make me happy. I have never seen this side of her before, in over thirty years nothing close to this has ever happened. I am glad she is opening up. Being sexual with you is giving her so much joy. It is not making me feel the way I thought it would though."

"I do understand. You must be dealing with many emotions coming at you very quickly. I know, I am," Brian said.

"Yes, that is true. I'm also not sure how to act or what to do. I have wanted Kerri to be more open to sex with me, with anyone for a long time. I thought that we could try a threesome or foursome, or if she wanted to have sex with someone else without me, I would support that. I still feel that way."

"When I saw you two on the beach before the meal. I told myself that nothing sexual was happening. I know Kerri loves the beach and you had given her an opportunity to be there. When you caught her and then carried her up the cliff. I could tell how much fun you were both having, I experienced a pang of jealousy."

"Then when I saw you two slow dancing together. You lifted her off the floor. She hugged your shoulders, and I thought kissed you. Then I began to wonder, was something sexual going on?"

This was hard for me to say.

"Later when I saw you hold, well, embrace her in the water. You stayed there for quite a while after the wave receded before you carried her up to dry sand. I was sure something sexual was happening. I had no idea what it was or where it was going."

Kerri came into the room with two mugs of tea. She handed one to Brian and then sat down next to him.

"Are you two getting to know one another?" she asked.

"Not really," I said. "I have been trying to let Brian know that I am not angry or mad at either of you"

"Oh, he knew that already."

She laughed as she said that.

"I told him that you had been pestering me for years to have sex with another man. That he shouldn't worry about you being jealous or upset. You would be happy if I did. I've heard you say that to me for over twenty years."

"Yes, I have said that. It was to let you know, whatever you wanted or needed to enjoy sex I would support it. Since we do not do it very often. I thought, could it be me you didn't want to have sex with? Did you want to have it with another man, or a woman? After today I think maybe I was right."

That didn't come out the way I had planned.

She brought her mug up to her mouth with both hands and put her face into it. She took a few sips as she looked at me over the rim. Brian and I looked at each other, he seemed to be sizing me up.

"What has happened today is something none of us had planned for. Even though Chris said he wanted you to have sex with another man. It doesn't mean he could handle it," he said.

He took a sip of his tea.

"I do want you to know. When we met, I had no idea that Kerri was married."

He put his mug down on the coffee table.

"We talked about weaving with such intensity and fervor. I didn't notice her ring. If I saw it, it didn't register as a wedding ring. Being with her started filling me with joy right away. Her beauty is so spiritual and natural. I enjoyed her energy, her laughter, and her warm lovely smile. I wanted to be with her in every way a man could be with a woman."

Kerri had put her mug down and was caressing his arm.

"On the beach, first, I just focused on the waves. Did we need to run up the beach so we didn't get wet? How far can we follow it down? Was a new wave coming in? We hardly talked then, we just smiled and laughed. It seemed that we had just begun when Kerri said she thought that it was time to get back to the wedding, the meal was probably being served."

"I had so much fun being with her. When she fell and I was carrying her. Her hand was holding onto my chest. That is when I noticed the ring, and I realized it was a wedding ring. Then I met you, I thought, holy shit, what have I been doing."

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Kerri blurted out.

I hadn't heard Brian talk for more than a few words until he said that. I was glad he was finally saying something about what he had been doing today. I did not like the 'It doesn't mean he can handle it' comment.

"I didn't say I did Kerri, It was a new fact I had to comprehend. I thought about it a lot during the meal. It was unnerving to me that I had been touching, playing with, well desiring another man's wife."

"I hardly talked to anyone at my table during the meal. A few times I was asked a question, I didn't even hear it. The person next to me would hit my arm, ask me the question making sure I heard it. The rest of the table would laugh. I gave short answers and I didn't initiate any conversations with anyone. I couldn't get Kerri out of my mind." I just kept thinking about her. Should I avoid her for the rest of the day? When she said 'I hope to see you later on' I was thrilled. If we got together again, I knew that it would be complicated, may even cause someone pain."

They had both picked up their mugs and buried their faces into them. They would take a sip, look at each other, then at me. Just like two monks sipping tea in a temple. I was wondering. Where was all the sexual energy I witnessed earlier? Has it disappeared? Was it because of me? Am I messing something up that I have been wanting as Kerri said 'for years'? She had her hand resting on his arm but was no longer caressing it.

"Later I saw Kerri was on the dance floor with some of her friends. I went to dance alone. What I really wanted to do was to dance with her. I wanted to hold her. Touch her. Hear her laugh. I was still not sure what I was going to do. I kept my eye on her and moved in closer to her now and then. When I caught her eye. She leaned into me and asked if we could go to the beach, I kept on dancing. When she asked again, I shook my head yes. We kept on dancing alone but got closer more often. I loved the way she danced and moved. Her friends had left a few songs ago and when the next song ended I asked her if we could talk before we headed to the beach."

"We went out and sat to catch our breaths. I then told her I was so happy that we had danced together. I told her all I could do was think about her since we met. How being with her had created such a strong sexual desire in me. I had never had such a strong feeling for anyone else before. When we were on the beach together, the freedom, the joy of being with her on the sand next to the ocean made me want to touch her."

"Then I let her know. I was not aware she was married until just before she introduced us. I hadn't seen her ring until I was carrying her up the cliff. When she introduced us, it affected me very much. I wasn't sure what I should do. I felt I was sure she had been touching me in a sexual way. I thought she was letting me know she was, well available. After meeting you I wasn't sure if I was getting those signals right."

"She told me she had experienced the same feelings for me when we were together, especially on the beach. The signals that I received from her were sexual and coming from deep within her. I told her of my worries about you. How would you feel if we continued to act on our desires? What about her friends and others who saw us today? Did she care what they would think of her?

"I shouldn't worry about you being jealous, you would be happy if she had sex with another man. You had even said that to her right after meeting me. All she knew was she wanted to go to the beach with me now. She wasn't worried about you or her friends. Her fear was she would pass up an opportunity to experience the feelings she had found with me. She wanted to go back to the beach and explore those feelings, and let them grow. To let ourselves be free, joyous, and passionate."

"The sun was setting, it was a beautiful day, so I gladly got up to head to the trail. We didn't need to discuss it any further. As we reached the trailhead. I heard the band start up a beautiful slow song. What I wanted to do right then was take Kerri in my arms and dance together. When I had that thought she put her arm on my shoulder. I turned to her and we danced, then I took her hand and led her back to the tent onto the dance floor."

"I wanted to dance with you, next to the ocean on top of the cliff. It was so beautiful. The sun was setting. The ocean was glistening but you led me to the dance floor. Why?"

"I wanted to let Chris, well everyone know we were having fun together, that we had nothing to hide."

"I wanted our relationship to begin as something we could show to everyone. I didn't want to hide it, like it was bad. After you had said your fear was missing an opportunity to explore the feelings we had found. I wanted us to be able it to be open and honest with everyone about what we were doing. I wanted my memory to be positive and happy not sleazy and dark."

"When you lifted me, I almost had an orgasm. It felt like an electric shock going through my body emanating from my sacral chakra. After that happened I didn't care what anyone saw or thought," Kerri said.

"It had been too beautiful of a day and we had shared so much already. It felt good to dance there, it helped me to keep going. When the song ended. I told her I wanted to get something from my car before we went down to the beach."

"I thought you were going to get a condom. I was happy you were thinking we would have sex on the beach."

Brian laughed, "I must have surprised you when I gave you the cloth I had woven to give to my cousin. I knew I had to give it to you."

"I love it so much, thank you. It's much better than a condom."

We all laughed when she said that.

That was the first time the three of us were happy and laughing together. Brian went on.

"Being on the beach again made me so happy. Watching her run, her hair blowing in the wind, her dress lifting, her muscular legs moving. I would reach out take her hand and she would almost fly away from the waves. She kept getting closer and closer to them when they receded, tempting them to catch her. As she followed a wave that had receded very far, I followed her. I had seen a big wave coming. When it broke I lifted her above the water. She kissed me on the lips, and we held each other very tight. Then she started to shake."

"I had an orgasm."

"Sounds like you were having them often today," I said.

"I have had four orgasms today. Well, maybe three. the one on the dance floor was more of a warm feeling flowing from my vagina, I didn't climax then. This was a definite climax, It started when he was holding me as the wave raced past us, when it came back is when I came, the feeling lasted until he let me down."

Wait a minute, I thought. She never wants to do anything further once she has climaxed. She tells me she just can't. Second, I counted only three orgasms, even if the one while dancing was one of them.

"I thought you told me you had an orgasm on the dance floor, maybe not a total one. Another one on the beach when he held you above the wave The third one I witnessed as we sat together. When did the fourth one happen?

"When we got in the car and started to drive away, I decided to take the short route home. My voice was quivering when I told Brian which way to turn out of the field and my body started shaking. Negative thoughts started running through my mind. What I am doing? Did I just make Chris drive home alone without me? I should have gone with him to discuss what happened today and what might happen with Brian tonight. Was I one of those easy women that I hear about and hate? I told Brian I was having second thoughts, I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing."

"He pulled over and stopped the car. He opened his door, got out, and came around to open mine. I stepped out and he held me tight. This is one of the happiest days of my life, I have never before felt such happiness, and it was because of me. He didn't know how he would handle leaving for California tomorrow, he didn't care. What he wanted to do was to hold onto this moment. Enjoy my beauty, and explore the gift we have been given this afternoon. Most of all, do what we want. Then He kissed me and I kissed him back as passionately as I could. I knew then, we were doing the right thing."

She took a sip of her tea and then said, "I thanked him so much for stopping, I was so glad he had heard me and understood what I was going through. I told him I wanted him to be with me too. I want us to do what brings us joy and happiness. I won't hesitate anymore, I'm sorry I got scared."

"That's when Brian slowly lowered himself to his knees, kissing each of my breasts on the way down. Then he lifted my dress and buried his face between my legs. He rubbed and licked me with his tongue through my panties." I couldn't believe how good it felt. Soon, I had to hold onto him, my knees were weak, and my whole body was shaking. As I came hard against his face."

"After I stopped shaking, I wanted to give him a blowjob. On the side of the road, with the chance we might be seen. I offered, but he refused. He wanted to go see my weavings. We got back into the car and came here. That was the fourth time."

"That was the first time I initiated sex between us. I wanted to show you how much I wanted you," Brian said. "I was aware of the energy that I felt, but I wasn't sure how you were feeling about everything. While holding each other in the waves I was sure I would do anything to make you happy. I was fulfilling that promise to myself and I felt great doing it."

Now I know why her panties looked wet. She never liked wearing bras, and she must not have cared if he saw her nipples. I mean he had been munching on her clit a few minutes earlier.

"I showed him all my weavings. as soon as we got here. He loved the one in our bedroom, it's on the carpet, I've given it to him. He noticed your music collection when I showed him the one in that room. He asked if he could play an album. He saw the nude photo of me that you took when I was pregnant in my sewing room and he loved it. For the first time, I did not feel self-conscious when someone other than you saw it."

"I was wondering who had picked out that record, I should go turn it over. Do you still want to listen to it?" I asked.

So she has been in almost every room of the house with him, that's why all of the lights are on.

"I would love to hear the other side, it's one of my favorite releases," Brian replied.

"Do you want me to turn it over Kerri?"

"Yes, please"

I got up and headed towards the stairs to take care of the record. On the way back I finished up my drink, then I made a new one Then I headed back to the living room, the music was softer now. They were drinking their teas. They smiled at me as I sat down in the chair. Kerri put down her mug.

"I am going to have sex with Brian soon. Do you want to be part of it? Do you want to watch us? Do you want to leave the house, maybe go somewhere else? Please let me know if you have anything else you want to do."

"What do you want me to do? What do you want?" I asked her.

"I am not sure. I want to make sure that you are all right with what I am doing," she said.

As she said this, Brian put his mug down and placed his hand on Connie's thigh. She moved her hand to his and rested it there.

'What do you want me to do, Brian?"

"That is not for me to decide, you have to do that. She wants you to be comfortable with what we do and wants you to be a part of it. She has made that clear to me and I must accept that or she doesn't want to do it. What do you want?"

My initial thought was, I'll have sex with Kerri and Brian can watch. Maybe he could join us after I got her aroused and ready. I'm glad I didn't say that. Who was I kidding, she was already aroused and ready. And it was obvious, and I could see she wanted him. I kept thinking, trying to figure out what to say. What did I want? I knew I wanted to make Kerri happy. But would that make me happy?

"I would like to watch you two. Is that all right?

"It's all right with me," Kerri said.

"It's all right with me too," said Brian.

"If I want to join in later, Is that okay?"

"It depends on how things are going. If you do join us, I ask that you respect our wishes. We will all respect each other. Is that all right with you?"

"Yes, it is."

"One thing I ask of you is don't ask me to stop doing what I am doing with Brian. no matter what it is. Once this starts I am not stopping"

"Yes, I will respect your wishes, you can do as you want, and I will not ask you to stop. No matter what, I will give you the space you need to enjoy yourselves. If I am being a bother, let me know. I will stop whatever I am doing or leave the room or the house."

"You won't have to do that unless you want to, I want you to be here."

Kerri took her hand off Brian's. Moved it to his thigh and started rubbing close to his crotch. I could see a bulge becoming bigger. She leaned over and kissed him. Their lips did not separate for a long time, their tongues were wrestling. Brian's hand was on her breast gently caressing it and lightly playing with her nipple. She raised her leg onto the couch, put it behind him, and then pulled him towards her as she reclined back.

"Chris, would you mind shutting off some of the lights? Keep this room's lights on and the one in our bedroom too. You can leave them all on if you don't want to do it, I know you want to watch us. We might be able to wait if you want"

"No, no, I'll shut them off. I will take care of the stereo too and I want to roll a joint to smoke while I watch. Don't stop what you are doing, please. I'm thinking there will be more than enough to watch tonight."

I went around shutting the lights off. Then I went downstairs to shut the stereo off and roll a joint. I was in for a very incredible night, one that I have always wanted but never expected.