CHAPTER 2 - Self-Examination.
Sex.
That was the problem.
Katherine wasn't naive, she knew what sex was. At least, the mechanics of it. She'd had 'The Talk' with her mother when she was little, she'd had the period assembly with all the other girls in her old school. She knew why bits of her went in and other bits of her bulged out.
But the idea of people actually doing it, actually being that intimate with each other, just seemed unreal to her.
It was like dinosaurs.
Katherine knew they existed. She'd learnt about them in school and she'd seen them in movies and museums. But the idea of, say, a brachiosaurus munching on the tall fern growing outside her bedroom window seemed inconceivable.
Sex was a completely different world to her.
But tonight she was determined to take her first step into that world and see just what it was all about.
"Okay..." she sighed softly to herself.
Katherine and her mother lived in a small apartment on the top floor of an old converted Edwardian house. It was tiny and simple, and it didn't really feel like home yet, but it did the job.
In Katherine's bedroom, either side of an old fireplace, were two large, built-in closets. And it was into one of the mirrored doors on those closets that she was now staring.
What do you see when you look at your reflection? Katherine asked herself. Not what others see, or what you think others see anyway, but what do YOU see?
Just a girl, just a naked young woman looking unsure what to do with herself. Apart from the long red hair (and the freckles and pale skin that came with it), just an ordinary person that nobody would look twice at.
She wondered what was just so different between her and the four girls she spent her lunch with earlier. They had all sorts of different body types, hair colours, skin colours, everything. And they were sexually active, so why wasn't she?
Okay, thought Katherine, not the right mindset. That way leads depression. Let's try this again. What would a lover see when they look at you?
This was an odd question. It wasn't that she hadn't seen herself without any clothes on before, it was tricky to have a shower without seeing at least something. But she'd never looked at her body sexually before.
With nervous, shaking fingers, Katherine raised her hands to her breasts, giving a small squeak of shock as her cold palms touched her warm skin. She felt the tension in her flesh as her nipples started to harden and she smiled softly to herself. Even in her lowest moods, when her self-esteem was at its lowest, she'd always been proud of her bosom.
Call them 'tits', Katherine. she scolded herself. Call 'em 'boobs' or 'knockers' or something. You're not in an old-fashioned romance novel, after all.
Fine. Katherine's tits weren't small but they weren't so large she faced a future with back problems either. They were just the right size and shape for her body. And just the right size for her to cup with her hands as she did now. She laughed quietly under her breath at the sight of her mirror-self almost, but not quite, hiding her nipples beneath her fingers. They were almost painfully erect, standing out proud from the pale areolas.
Funny how I can never pronounce that word properly. Even now, I still get embarrassed when buying aioli in the supermarket.
Distracted by the memory, she absentmindedly closed her fingers together, squeezing both nipples between them. A thrill like electric fire shot through her, leaving her skin tingling and her pulse frantic.
Quickly Katherine pinched her nipples again, pulling them at the same time, and found the sensations were so intense she couldn't stand up straight. Not just pleasure, it was something more, something so overwhelming her mind couldn't cope with it.
Was this something the other girls felt? Did they touch each other like this? Did they squeeze each other's firm boobs, pinch each other's aching nipples, and make each other moan in agony at the sheer intensity of it all?
Oh, thought Katherine, they must do more than that. If they actually did have sex, if they actually did fuck, then there must be at least one other body part they played with. She reluctantly released her grip and, pausing only to marvel at the red marks she'd left on her breasts, she slowly slid her fingers down her body. Down over her ribcage and over her stomach. Slowly, but inevitably, towards her womanhood. Down towards her, now very, wet and desperate sex.
Katherine felt as if her body was on fire. Her heart was pounding hard against her sternum and her mind was racing as fast as her breathing. Was this how sexual people felt all the time? What else had she been missing out on?
And then her fingers made contact.
The feelings Katherine had experienced earlier, that sheer physical wall of pleasure, had been but a mere echo of the sensation she felt now. As the little, ring and middle fingers of both her hands slipped across her warm and moist outer labia, her index fingers found themselves brushing against her straining clitoris.
She couldn't help it. Just that slight touch, just the most minute mote of pressure, made her cry out in ecstasy.
Katherine froze. She stared in horror at her reflection as she tried to hear anything past her bedroom door.
Her mother was home, in the lounge down the hall, watching TV after a long shift at the hospital. The television wasn't that loud, was it? Not loud enough to cover that noise, surely?
As she listened with all her might, she reexamined her reflection more closely. Just a few minutes ago she'd seen a shy, nervous girl who'd rather be wearing sweatpants and a comfy t-shirt. Now she saw a young woman wanton with her desire for sexual pleasure.
Since her mother appeared not to have noticed anything, Katherine felt it was only right she gave her reflection what she was asking for.
She had a small office chair, the sort with armrests, and she wheeled it over to the closet mirror, pausing only to check her bedroom door was actually locked after all. What she was about to do was something her mother would definitely not be happy about.
Katherine had watched porn. Not a lot, though. It wasn't something she particularly enjoyed - the sight of people enjoying each other's company was far too triggering for a girl with no friends. But she'd seen enough to give her a rough idea of what to do next.
She sat in the chair and wriggled around until her bottom was on the front edge, her legs were parted and in the air, and her pussy (she thrilled at thinking the word) was in full view in the mirror. From Katherine's angle, she could see directly into herself. She could see how engorged she was, how red with anticipation and desire she was, and how wet she had become.
Katherine had never seen her pussy like that before, but she marvelled at how beautiful the sight was.
Wobbling a little as she held her legs up with one hand, she reached down and, as she intently watched her reflection doing the same, she gently pressed a single fingertip to the swollen nub of her clit.
Even that, just a little touch, was enough to make her shudder but she stayed quiet and didn't make a sound.
It wasn't long before she was using two fingers to rub herself, stopping every so finger to dip those same fingers inside her for lubrication. Every time she did she saw the girl in the mirror doing the same and pulling the fingers out shiny with juice and white with cream.
It was like exquisite torture. Everything Katherine did to herself made her body sing with passion. She felt every single millimeter of her fingers slide into her opening, every slow delicious inch stretching her tight pussy open.
And it was all she could do not to make any noise so her mother didn't hear. Even every squish and squelch of a virgin pussy yearning for release sounded unbearably loud. Yet she couldn't. She just couldn't.
Vague, half-formed, fantasises filled Katherine's head as she masturbated for the first time in her young life. She pictured bodies around her, on her, inside her. With every depraved thought her fingers grew faster until they were a blur.
In desperation, she reached for the nearest thing available and, finding her discarded panties on the floor, scooped them up and stuffed them in her mouth. But even with the material now absorbing her uncontrollable moans and cries, even with the scent of her crotch igniting her nostrils, she just could not get herself to that point of no return.
Katherine's body was shaking. Sweat was pouring down her sides, her legs were starting to ache, pussy juice was practically pouring out of her onto the chair seat, and the pressure inside her was unbearable. If she actually had forgotten to lock her bedroom door and her mother walked in right now, she couldn't possibly stop. It felt too good.
And she desperately, desperately, needed to cum.
She had never done it before, had no idea what it felt like, but she knew it was close. She and her reflection were so nearly there.
"Baby? How are you doing in there?"
What? Who?
"Katherine?"
NononononoNONO!!
Katherine ripped her underwear out of her mouth and hurriedly called out. "I'm good, Mum! Sorry, I had my headphones on!"
"No problem, baby," came the reply from the other side of the door. "I'm going to bed now. Make sure you do too soon, kay?"
"Will do, Mum." Katherine tried to get her heart rate to settle by sheer willpower so she sounded at least partially normal.
"Love you."
"Love you too. G'nite."
As she heard her mothers bedroom door close through the adjoining wall, Katherine looked again at her reflection. The moment had been lost. There was no way she could continue tonight. Her legs were shaking from being in an unaccustomed position for so long and both her wrist and vagina were tender.
But she didn't mind. The whole thing had felt incredible. She was just sorry she hadn't discovered it before.
But Katherine did wonder, at the very back of her mind, why she didn't reach orgasm. It wasn't her mother's fault. Even before that point Katherine had been struggling to get herself over that hump in the road.
Maybe, she thought as she put on a nightdress and went to the apartment's solitary bathroom to clean up, maybe her body just wasn't meant to have orgasms?
Little did she realise just how wrong she was.
