Back in the summer of 1980, I was a restless young man. I was a 19-year-old with a natural curiosity and a cocky attitude. The summer of 1980 was also the last summer I had before going off to college. I had taken a year off after high school and felt I needed to make the most of my time off. That meant work hard and play even harder. I had taken a job as a carnival worker, or carnie as they are known, in order to get a chance to travel and see the country. I had taken the summer off and on a visit to the Flemington Fair in New Jersey to visit with my former co-workers, I had met a very pretty girl named Cindy. Cindy became the best thing that ever happened to this young man and I wanted to make the most of my time with her that summer. Come fall, we would both be heading off to college.
Cindy and I were practically inseparable that summer. We did everything together. I had never before become so attached to one girl. But Cindy was different. She had that certain something that words just cannot describe. By the end of the summer, I was completely taken with her. Everything about her I enjoyed thoroughly. I can’t say I was ever really in love before, but now I was. I was enjoying every minute of it.
Not only was I completely taken with her every move and word, but she seemed to feel the same about me. Actually having someone who is as completely obsessed by your very being as you are with them was a new and wondrous experience. That is why it was so hard for us to go our separate ways at the end of the summer. It was the hardest emotional experience this 19-year-old had ever been through. I really hated to see her go.
Going off to college was a difficult time of adjustment for me. It was not the being away from home part that was hard. I had been on my own for some time now, having a job as a carnie made me prepared for just about anything. The amount of schoolwork that college entailed was a new experience for me, but I easily adjusted. What I did have trouble adjusting to, however, was my absence from Cindy.
The first few weeks of school kept me knee deep in books and paperwork. I had little time for socializing or anything else for that matter. My communication with Cindy was limited to phone calls every other week and letter writing on a fairly frequent basis. This was long before the days of personal computers and cell phones. Because I was at Lehigh in Pennsylvania and she was up in Massachusetts, our phone calls were limited by the expense of long distance. I was, after all, a young student on a budget. I really began to look forward to her letters, which she did write on a fairly frequent basis. I gladly returned the favor.
Our letters to each other initially consisted of how much we missed each other and how much school work we had to deal with. The severe workload left me little time to dwell on how much every fiber of my being longed to be with this young woman. As the weeks went on however, it became almost painfully apparent how much I truly yearned for this girl. I had never felt such strong feelings for one girl before. I was surrounded by beautiful young college girls, but none of them were Cindy.
One day in class, I was struck by the beauty of one of my classmates. She had long, black hair and big brown eyes. Just like Cindy. I started scribbling words in the edge of my notebook, next to my notes.
I sit here surrounded by all these books,
Truly missing all your looks,
Other girls they pass my way,
But I don’t give them the time of day,
For you alone bring me joy,
The best thing that happened to this young boy.
I knew it wasn’t Lord Byron, but I thought it was cute. When I was back in my dorm room that night, writing a letter to Cindy, I included it as sort of a joke. I figured she would get a kick at my first attempt at poetry.
When I got a reply from her back a few days later, I was pleasantly surprised at just how amused by my rhyme she really was. Not only did she seem quite taken by my efforts, but she responded with a rhyme of her own.
As I sit here in my lonely dorm,
Wishing I had you to keep me warm,
Wishing you could hold me tight,
Help me make it through the night,
Surrounded by others, yet all alone,
Can’t wait to hear you on the phone.
That weekend was our weekend for our bi-weekly phone calls. We talked for hours, the time passing so quickly it was surreal. We shared our thoughts on how lonely we each seemed, even though we were surrounded by people all the time. We talked about how others seemed to remind us of each other, how the moves and glances of others could bring strong emotions to our minds. Mostly, we just talked about how much we truly missed each other. Mostly, it was just how much we yearned to be in each other’s arms.
A couple of days later, I was sitting in a lecture hall half-listening to some boring professor go on about some boring subject that just was not getting my attention. I started to scribble in the edge of my notebook once again.
On my mind all the time,
Is a girl that looks so fine,
Cindy is her pretty name,
My life will never be the same,
You have captured my very mind,
By being so caring and so kind,
It is with you I long to be,
Your pretty face I long to see.
I knew it wasn’t Shakespeare, but I figured Cindy would find it amusing. I made sure I included it in my next letter, which I wrote that night.
Once again, when I got a reply a few days later, Cindy had answered with another rhyme. Her words were beautiful to me. I cherished every letter as I read them off the scented paper with the colorful flowered border.
As I think of you, I know it is love,
For you were sent from up above,
To fill my very empty space,
To share with me that special place,
God sent you to be with me,
It is with you I want to always be.
Her words were so touching to me. I wrote them in the border of my notebook and looked at them often. The very fact that she had mentioned love sent chills down my spine. It was clear she felt the same about me as I did for her.
The next day I was relaxing on an old sofa in one of the college’s many student lounges. I had my notebook in front of me in a feeble attempt to study. Although I had exams coming up, my mind was a million miles away. I started staring at a large fish tank against a wall. I stared mindlessly at the fish swimming back and forth in the large tank as the air bubbles rose to the surface. That night, in my next letter to Cindy, I included these words.
Love Can.
Love can be like water to a fish,
Love can grant your every wish.
Love can be like a bird in flight,
Love can turn darkness into light.
Love can drive away your fear,
Love can always keep me near.
Love can make you want to live,
Love can make you want to give.
I look at you and our fingers touch,
I know it is you I love so much.
It is my love for you that I feel,
My love for you is so very real.
My love has no beginning, it has no end,
On my love you can always depend.
Of my true love there can be no doubt,
For you my dear, I can’t live without.
The words just seemed to flow through me onto the paper. It seemed almost as though the words came straight from my heart and to my hand. My mind seemed to have little to do with the whole process.
I looked at the words on the paper and realized what an effect this girl had on my young life. A few short months ago, I was hanging out drinking beer with my carnie friends bragging about the last girl I slept with. Now, I was sitting at a desk writing love poems to a girl I had genuine feelings for.
Cindy’s next letter was truly touching. Besides the usual words about how much she missed me and how wonderful it was to hear my voice on the phone, it contained this rhyme.
I have never met anyone quite like you,
Every day with you is so alive and new,
I savor every minute together we spend,
Hoping these moments will never end,
Just wanting to feel your gentle touch,
I love you dear so very much.
It was short and sweet, but so touching. I read it over and over as I savored the delicate scent of the perfumed stationary she wrote it on. Never have so few words had such a huge effect on my very heart and soul. I was really quite moved. Once again, I wrote the words in the border of my notebook. I referred to them often during the day. As I mindlessly listened to the professor at the front of the room, my hand again began to write. Once again, I included these words in my letter to Cindy that night.
Precious.
Precious are the moments that we share,
Gentle is the touch that shows you care,
Precious are the days we spend hand in hand,
You always there to listen and understand,
Precious are the nights with you by my side,
Making all my fears go run and hide,
Precious are the minutes, hours and days,
For you are the one I will love always,
Precious are the glances you cast my way,
Reminding me that, it is here I will stay.
The time we spend is so precious to me,
There is no other place I’d rather be,
Having you to hug and to hold,
Always together, as we grow old,
Our lives together, so intertwined,
We walk together, your hand in mine,
Every waking moment, I think of you,
Our time together, seems so new,
We’ll always be together and never part,
For precious is the one who stole my heart.
As I carefully folded the paper and placed it in the envelope, I again reflected on how much this one girl occupied my thoughts. Every waking hour seemed to be focused on her memory. Every girl reminded me of her, yet none were. I sealed the envelope and quietly reflected on how much I missed her. I placed a stamp on the envelope and literally sealed it with a kiss.
Our next phone call was quite emotional. Weeks had passed since we both started school. Tears welled up in my eyes as we discussed plans to actually see each other. It was only a few weeks away from Christmas break and each of us was so looking forward to it. I have never looked forward to anything more in my life.
When our phone call ended, I was feeling quite giddy. As I walked through the halls of that old college building, my feet never touched the ground. I was experiencing a natural high I never wanted to end.
I got a letter from Cindy a couple of days later. As had by now become a custom between us, she included a rhyme. It went like this.
My Dearest.
My Dearest, you are the reason I breath,
It is in your goodness I truly believe,
I think of only you when I awake,
I think of the love we can make,
I want to hold you so very tight,
It is with you I want to spend the night,
It is with you I want to spend the day,
It is from you I will never stray,
It is with you I want to spend my life,
To be with you and be your wife.
It was so touching to see those words on paper.